I had the most awful cravings today!

[LeaAnn807]

Hey everybody!  I had the most debilitating cravings today.  They seemed to go on forever!  I have not had any this bad since I got clean in March.  It was absolutely miserable.  I have had cravings before, lots of times, but they are usually over in about 30 minutes, and I am able to fight them off.  Not today.  It took everything I had in me to not use.  I don't really even know why it happened????  I have a lot going on but nothing that should have caused that.  THEN.....my internet went down and was out most of the day.  I was ready to be shot at that point!!!!! : )  

I went to a meeting, but I really didn't even want to do that.  I think all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself and try to figure out why it was happening??? I don't know what good I thought that would do.  I'm just not used to feeling that kind of weakness.  I'm usually a tough one, but today I felt weak all over!  It lasted so long that now I can't even go to sleep and feel exhausted from it.  Like....it took a lot out of me physically and emotionally?  Does that make sense?  

So, if you guys can, please send some prayers up for me or good vibes or positive energy or whatever helps!!!  If today is any indication of what tomorrow will be like, I'm in serious trouble!!!!!

Thanks!  I'm so proud of all of you for fighting so hard with me to beat this!!! : )  

[Cissy373]

Saying a prayer for you already and hope your feeling much better. This battle is a tough one.................

Lots of prayers for you,
Cissy

[ang_811]

thank u. maybe once i can get my mind turned off and actually be able to sleep, i feel better n the morning with the cravings. thanks again

[LeaAnn807]

OH....yeah, yesterday was a bad, bad day!  I hope yours isn't as bad as that. You're right about being draining.  I am wiped out!!!  

I hope your day gets better!

[ang_811]

it sounds like u were having a day like i am today. gald to see u made it thru. im experincing the same kind of emotions of guilt and like i had done something wrong. this day is very emotionally draing, so i know where ur coming from.

[LeaAnn807]

Hey guys!  Thanks!

The thing is.....I felt guilty when I had that feeling.  Like I had already done something!??  And I hadn't.  Still haven't but the weird thing is that I didn't crave tramadol.  I'm not sure I am capable of craving it at this point.  I almost vomit thinking about it.  BUT.....I craved relief from the craving???  Not a high...just relief??  From stress or life or something?  Now I really sound nuts!!  But that is kind of the feeling I had.  Just needed a break maybe.  I have a super whole lot going on, and that is NOT helping.  I feel overwhelmed at times.  I should probably get some junk off my plate.

It seems to have mostly passed!  I'm doing ok so far today!  I appreciate everyone's kind, encouraging words!  

PS....Thanks for the blankie, Bob!  : )  

[jstntime]

Sorry I missed this yesterday!!!!

You've been a big help to me at a time(s)  when I had little confidence in what I was doing Tram.  You never gave up, only encouraged.

If I could only send a mere fraction of some of strength I have received from your typed words you would be well.  So I'll package some up for you.

You hang in there Tram......getting a craving is not in your control....what you do about it IS, and you are doing all the right things.

Some fuzzy blanket warmth and some peace to you I send,

bob

[dominosarah]

I am glad you arent by yourself.  Keep reaching out today until you are back to feeling like yourself.  Sometimes we have to take a couple steps back to see the progress we have made and to be grateful again for what we have.  I know it is a rotten thing to have to go thru to see all the good but this is addiction.  Be proud of yourself for getting thru this.  Get rid of those impending doom feelings.  Focus on the positive!!  I am really proud of you tram as you worked thru this and are continuing on your road of recovery.  You are in control of you now, not your addiction........sara

[LeaAnn807]

Ok.....well, it doesn't seem as bad this morning, but I have that feeling of impending doom.  This is just so not me!!!  I HATE IT!  I honestly don't know how anyone stands this all the time!  I'd go crazy.  I have read posts on here and even tried to help people with cravings, but I don't really think I "got it" until yesterday!  But....I DO now.  I was awake until about 4 this morning, just in disbelief!  It hit me hard, I guess!  I think I was also shocked that I got through it.  I still don't have much confidence in myself about recovery.  That is something I need to work on.  It's just that I have never been able to stay clean, and I want to so bad.

Oh well, now I know!!! : )  I'll be ok.  I'm not by myself, so that will be a good thing.  I'm trying not to dwell on it, but DANG!  It was rough!

Thanks for checking on me everybody!! : )  

[worried878]

cravings really suk!
Part of mental wd i guess...but can make things tough 4 sure
I used to try the 3 Ms...Medhelp...Meetings...and Moving

Posting here helps..there is also a great article in the health pages on cravings...

Get up and walk, clean out a drawer, just Move...most cravings pass in 15 min or less if we do not dwell on them

Meetings...always help..aftercare is the most important part of staying clean for most...and addicts to to avoid it like the plague

good luck to u

[gizzy32]

How are you today trama? Hope those cravings passed. Your strong and you did great by posting and reaching out. Congrats on your clean time:)

[vicki595]

Hey!!  Get up!!    How are you feeling??    I was writing this long message to you last night when POOF! no MH !!    

I've got work to do here (so I'm up so early) and will be around at your beck and call.

xo

[NoMore81410]

Hey Hon! Today is a new day and I am praying for you! My cravings hit me on Friday's and sometimes do not leave until Sunday Morning because that's when I would kick my pills up a notch. I have been struggling with that for the past 2 weeks but Thank God I have not used! The demons in our heads know our weakness and they will prey on it until you defeat them or cave in. I know what you mean about stress and even though we think we can handle it our body plainly shows we can't. We have to keep our armor on daily and make sure we suit up every morning.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing!

[10356]

sending good vibes and prayers.. hopefully you will not be feeling this in the morning. sometimes we get very stressed and do not even realize how much.. this can bring on monster cravings.. having the internet go down when you were in need of it I'm sure did not help.. Hopefully you will wake in the morning and today will just be a bad memory.. sending up good thoughts for you tram as you are a good person ad even good people get blindsided.. I will look forward to hearing how your day is tomorrow.. warm hugs lesa

[narla]

Hi Tramahater,just got on and saw the struggle you have had today,sending all my positive vibes across the ocean to you,I'm glad so many people are here to help when we become vulnerable,Keep that guard up and keep posting let us know how you are going.Prayers are also coming your way

Take Care

Denise

[dominosarah]

Make sure you let us know how you are doing in the morning......or in laurels world, night time!!

[laurel453]

i see america is full of people awake at nights, instead of the coffee i am drinking i would suggest you  all a glass of hot milk before you all go to sleep :)

Tram, don't be dissapointed on yourself... why ? this is a no-no, there is nothing to be dissapointed , it is part of our illness, you don't get mad at some one for having a headache or having pain...be proud that you are working on your recovery and pulling through  :)

[LeaAnn807]

: ) Thank you!  I'm going to try to sleep.  Humor helps to de-stress me a little bit I think!  It always seems to help anyway.  I am going to rest and watch TV even if I can't sleep.  

Wheewwww.....this was a rough one folks!  I can't imagine going through this everyday without support.  I would have been TOAST without help, so thank you all.  Not just for your help and support tonight but for making me consider aftercare several months ago, eventhough I resisted and didn't really want it!

Yes Sara, this is a good reason why preaching aftercare is important!  It would have been too late to think about it today.  It has to be in place when something like today happens!!!  

Guard up, right? : )

[Dav125]

You girls are too funny sometimes :)..Hang in there Tram..

[FassFeat]

Tram, you have helped me so much in my recovery. I will say a  prayer for you tonight. I can't add to the experts. Just wanted you to know I am cheering for you.

[laurel453]

i am on my way to the office now ... here it is 8.16 pm :)

so while you all sleep , i am not the bat but a morning bird

[dominosarah]

I was just telling gnarly that this is a classic example of why we stress aftercare so much.  You have taken the tools you have learned and applied them today and made it thru, CLEAN!!  I am so proud of you.  You are working your way thru this in a healthy way.....

[LeaAnn807]

I'm glad ALL of you are here!  Thank you so much.  

[dominosarah]

It is quite the visual isnt it!!!!

Glad you are here tonight laurel~~~~

[laurel453]

i can not imagine marypoppins displaying bat wings but... evrything is possible  :)