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I hate withdrawal
Getting the runs, don't feel motivated, don't want to eat but feel hungry, got a creepy feeling in my skin especially legs, feel period pain type feeling, yawn, sneezing  n suicidal thoughts. Oh n tossed n turned most of the night feeling as restless as anything.
And this is sticking to the 15 x 4 taper. God know what this would be like with Zno Codeine.

On the up side i phoned the prescribed medications support service n they said they wont take my child they just want to help me, that i need to be open n honest n they'll ask the lady whos seeing me to call me this morning sometime.

Evey x
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Someone did mention meth n i said ffs no way!!!!
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480448 tn?1426952138
Methadone and Suboxone, while different meds, are used in the same way, and are both historically tough to come off of.

I DO understand the want and need to be "normal" while you work your recovery, we're just trying to tell you that you're turning to a drug that is compartively much stronger and harder to w/d from.  Unless you take it forever, you will have to get off of it at some point.
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I know you want to do the subs and the routine thing.  Believe me I went every single day to a done clinic for 8 years and it is comfort. But it's a never ever ending cycle and that's what everyone is trying to get across.
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3060903 tn?1398568723
You are grieving the loss of codeine, before you've quit it. You're thinking too much, and need to stop the brain drain honey. I've been clean for fourteen years, and what helped me get through the week or so delay on my life, was thinking about the time before the drugs. For me ,it was difficult because i started when I was 12 after a ****** childhood, so I didn't have alot to look back on. But maybe you do? Can you remember how good life was before you became addicted? Hold on very tight to how nice it is to not have to be a drone to your drug (be it methadone, or subtex) . If you really want it, you CAN BE FREE OF ALL OF THIS IN A WEEK OR TWO. Of course, you must do certain things, to do it. And, it's not as easy as taking a pill, but it's well worth it. Walking long distances helped me. Being kind to yourself in every way but rewarding yourself with a drug, will do it. But the best thing that i ever did was to say NO TO ALL DRUGS. And it wasn't too long before I was a free and functioning member of society. My biggest beef was being too fearful for too long, and wasting the best years of my life, and my son's life with me. Say no to all drugs, and your child will be the love of your life, as it should be. That's just my opinion. I wish you the very best whatever way you go, just remember , there is no easier softer way to quit drugs. Quitting drugs is quitting drugs. Changing drugs, is......changing drugs. You got to ask yourself, as a mother, what you should be committing to. I know there's a lot of drama involved before making the decision to finally quit. That's the drugs working their evil magic. In the end though, after you do quit for enough days, (not months or years) you will see the drama for what it is. Another side effect that you can do without. Good luck to you. Can't wait to hear you chocking up your clean and sober days. I've got 5, 045 now, just taking one day at a time, it only hurt for the first couple of weeks. and I've been totally free from the drama for fourteen years. One day, you'll look back and you're only question will be, why didn't i do it earlier. Withdrawal wasn't that bad.
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As the above poster stated. Think about the times before all this started. Find a good collection of music that you grew up on or loved before you started. When I can't sleep t night my headphones are the first thing that I put in.  Also I will listen to songs taking about its okay.

For instance, and I know this may sound lame but the new diddy song home. The chorus talks about the kingdom awaits and they have forgiven my mistakes. Those words have spoke volumes to me.

Look for things like that and it will help. Just make sure not to get caught up in the fear or "paralysis of analysis" of your situation. You can and will do this if you can just trust the support you have here and much more yourself that you do have the strength to do it!!
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Just had a though if i stick to my parents taper n not go to any pharmacies, get over codeine n on with my life like nothings happened then I'm not an addict right????? I was over reacting n not an addict????
Head is spinning cant concentrate n im snapping at everyone.

Tuesday needs to come n it needs to come now!!!!!!!!!

Im not an addict after all !!!!

Im ok.

Im was over reacting n being a drama queen.

Can i really forget codeine????

Arrrrrrggggggggggggg

Are these thiughts normal? Wth is going on with me????
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Your talking about having to give up your comfort blanket. Yes if you stick to a taper and don't go with any other options you will be done before you know it. The trick is I heard you say not an addict anymore. Your always in recovery and the second you say I'm okay I am not a recovering addict is when you will run into trouble.

Your not having thoughts that any of the other of us have had. It isn't easy. Just a decision you have to make that you don't want it anymore. The control that it has, the everyday trips to get your stuff. All rhat
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Though I am biased about methadone, I think a fast taper on subs may help you. Taking methadone or subs for codeine is like quiting beer by drinking whiskey. I have a friend who kicked Oxy's with a low dose of methadone for. Week. The thing is, you really have to want to quit. I used methadone for years. I thought it would help me get off opiates, but I wasn't really ready. Several years later, I started having respiratory arrests. I'm Lucky to be alive. Doctors are often more than happy to sell you opiate maintenance drugs. You won't be a huge threat to society , and they still get your cash. Tell yourself, and everyone else, that you have a bad flu. Detox will last about the same amount of time. Try not to dwell on how you feel. Focus on the kind of person you want to be. Mother, daughter, friend, worker, and all those things that will bring you joy in sobriety. Addiction is a form of insanity, hands down. You ask what is wrong with you? Well, a moment of sanity hit you, you asked for help, now the insanity has returned. Accept the help you asked for, have faith that your moment of clarity was real and will return. You are so fortunate to be learning about this now. It can get so much worse. It may sound hard to believe, but you have been chatting with people who let it get real bad, life threatening bad. You can do it, and you will stop craving and feeling out of control. Keep searching and you WILL find what you seek.
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And to top it off a cold is coming nose running, feel bunged up, tired ugh just great!
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4522800 tn?1470329434
Hi..Now we have been working with you for weeks on..If wondering if your a Addict or not is the issue..Then STOP!! Don't go there..It is only a Word!!  You just have to Face the Fact that you have NO Control over this pill you take..We are just trying to tell you that it ends up digging a deeper and deeper hole to where you can not get out!!!l..Have you read Any of the Information we gave You??Have you gone into any of the Websites we mentioned?? You need to get in the Saddle and Ride that Horse into the Mountains..When you reach the Top and Start your way down you will see that there is Life on the Other Side..I sure hope you do this soon..Look up some of the information we gave you..It will help you understand what your Brain is doing..
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The idea of never having codeine again terrifies me i can't live without codeine it's just so unfair. Life is boring. The days are longggggggg. Life sux. Withdrawals *****. My mam isn't speaking to me proper even though i'm doing the right thing.
And niw i can feel guilt.
I know i shouldnt but ive had some wine f**** it all no one understands how hard this is my mind is tormenting me with all these thoughts now ive got this b**** cold where my nose wont stop running.
Having to get these pills off my family is stressing me.
I just want codeine, to get absolutef intoxicated by it n leave all this bad stuff behind. I don't lije this sober crap

:(:(:(:(:(:(
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You don't really know if you like sober life or not. You feel bad now because of codeine. It's not the cure, it is the cause of all you feel right now. Insane, isn't it? You crave the thing that makes you feel so horrible. Wake up and recognize the real problem and solution. Think about it, accept it. Addiction is insanity, and you seem to be losing your mind. Call it what you want, but recognize the facts. Codeine stopped being so great, you asked for help, now you regret it. You have a romance with codeine, and are focusing on the falling in love phase. The relationship isn't working out the way you had hoped. Your love for opiates will fade with time, but I think you know it is time to break it off with the pills. Love for your family and yourself will fill the hole that codeine has left in your heart. When I say accept the situation, I don't mean with other people, but your lack of control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You will feel totally different after a mere 2 weeks without drugs. Give it a chance, see if you like being sober. A couple days off opiates is not a sober life
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480448 tn?1426952138
Weaver is right...you aren't even sober yet.

Evey, like it or not, you are not overreacting, you ARE an addict and always will be one.  You're trying to go back to the denial phase, and you can't.

You won't always feel this bad, but it takes TIME.  You've been making yourself artifically happy for a while now..it takes a while for your body to remember how to make those "feel good" chemicals on its own again.  You've actually altered the chemicals in your brain.  You aren't even totally clean yet...you haven't started your recovery program yet, and you're already trying to find a way you don't have to be addicted to codeine anymore.  You can't...you are.  You cannot change that fact...but you can move forward and STOP dwelling on this.  You will miss codeine, but codeine is destroying your life and will eventually land you in jail or beneath the ground.  It's like missing an abusive partner.  Good riddance!
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I dont want to stop though :(im being made to stop. They keep coming in my house taking my codeine n have said to me next time im on my own :( why they being so mean?
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But i resent them so very much for controlling me n cant wait for them no longer around so i can have codeine again. I know that sounds horrible but i dont want their control n ultamatums. I want codeine :(
They always take things i love away with me.
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495284 tn?1333897642
"why they being so mean"

Cuz you are out of control.  They arent even close to being mean but you dont want to see that.  One minute you want to get your life back and the next you are drinking wine again and want to get messed up.  We have all tried really hard to be encouraging but all you want is to take your codeine and drink yourself into a coma.  I hope you figure this out before you lose everything in your life.  All the best~
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495284 tn?1333897642
When you sober up i hope you realize what you just said about your parents being gone....Some of us here have NO PARENTS anymore.  Please get in touch with a mental health place.  
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What do you mean aint close to being mean????
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480448 tn?1426952138
Wow.

Yes, you are an adult, and can do what you want, but not as a parent...you don't have the right to be an addict when you are responsible for a minor child.  Guess you have some choosing to do.  Either your daughter or your codeiene...can't have both.

And if you're telling sarah she's lucky because she doesn't have her parents anymore, shame on you...that's about as low and hurtful as you could go.

There's nothing more we can say that we haven't already said, this really is pointless.  Hope you wake up before it's too late and you wake up with only your codeine.  That would be an awfully sad way to live.

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1235186 tn?1339127464
Everyone has been talking to you , offering suggestions, trying to get you to understand the error of your ways, tell you that yea yard are an addict yes even when you stop the pills., that your parents love you and are only trying to help you, that if you don't stop yes you could possibly lose your child.

You are immature, telling Sarah she is lucky her mom is dead is disrespectful and very childish. You have been acting like a brat. You need to apoligize to her. This forum is for people who want to get clean not for people to complain and have constant temper tantrums because their parents took their drugs.
Grow up.
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480448 tn?1426952138
They need to be controlling, becaue you are out of control, and you have a child.  People who are out of control often need others to step in to help that person from harming themselves and others.  And no, I won't stop bringing your child into this...where is HER voice in this?  She's the real victim here.

For you to tell sarah she's lucky to not have her parents was heartless and mean.  She's still grieving the loss of her Mom.  Your mind is really messed up, the way you think.  If you want to think your parents are controlling, so be it...we've all tried until we're blue in the face to explain why you are out of control...when people are out of control, other people usually need to step in.

Whoever your talking to has a messed up way of thinking also, if they're telling you your parents are controlling you.  You made such progress, and with one or two posts, you are right back to the same skewed thinking you had before.  It's so frustrating it's not even funny.

I just hope you can recognize just how hurtful what you said to sarah is.  That's just awful.  YOU may wish you didn't have your parents around (which is also awful)...but don't tell people who would give ANYTHING to have theirs back that they are "lucky".

I have to walk away from this...I really hope you get intensive help.  Things will never improve for you if you don't see the light and start changing the way you think about this.  
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480448 tn?1426952138
Amen Debbie...well said.
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You tell someone she should be happy her parents are dead and you say WE'RE being nasty? Sorry, but being an addict is no excuse for being obnoxious and rude.

People are bringing your child into it because you continue to drink and abuse drugs while caring for your child, and continue to say that all you want to do is overdose on codeine. You cannot parent properly in that condition, and eventually your child will be taken from you one way or the other. You say you are afraid your child will be taken from you yet continue to act in ways that will lead to that happening. Also, many of us either were raised by addict parents or are addicts ourselves, and know the hell of being a child in that situation.

You're on a recovery site posting about your love of codeine and posting while drinking---AGAIN. Have the times you've done this in the past and people have taken offense meant nothing to you? Honesty is one thing but not understanding who you are talking to and why is another. There are plenty of sites you can boast of your love for drugs but this isn't one of them.
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Yes you'll grieve like someone died for a few days but then you'll feel better. It's worth it. Get off the junk, Lady. Run like hell from it. Hugs across the globe to you.
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Ok well i posted again without reading the entire thread..on an android.

It's obvious you are not here to get sober. You won't find support for willfully hurting others on here. After what you said to Sarah I'm pretty disgusted.

It took us a while, but now we see why your family is at their wits' end with you.

Get a grip. Give your child or children up and get into treatment. Your behavior is just awful.
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I have apologized to Sarah i was out of order.
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Sarah will get over it, she's working her recovery. Will you? How many sources of guilt and shame do you want to unravel? If you lose your manners with strangers trying to help, how often is your family the victim of your lack of self-control? Self-centeredness is a symptom of addiction, often not seen by the addict. Who do you want to take the codeine for? Does it help your kid, parents, work, or who? Do you think it's okay to help yourself at other's expense? Doubt you will respond to this, but I hope you think about it.
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Im trying you know. You're all right. Im an immature self centred b***.
I'm truly sorry for the disrespectful things I've said. They're having a meeting 2moro to discuss whether i can have their service or not n if so, what treatment. Of course i don't want to lose my parents - just want them to back off a bit but when i try saying this they get hurt, shout or don't speak to me.
Yea i feel shame n guilt over all of this.

All ive thought about today was codeine, how to get it, where to get it n its tormenting me.

Evey x
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What do you mean help others at my expense? Its me taking it not them n i am sticking to the taper so why are you all annoyed at me? I'm doing what I'm meant to do x
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617347 tn?1331296681
for once i agree with you , eve..

now, try to keep yourself busy, the more you think about the doc, the harder ....i know it is not easy at all but what's your alternative? tormenting yourself ? break these thoughts by trying to keep busy and good luck tomorrow !!
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Your three posts that got everyone "annoyed" at you were all deleted, thankfully. Perhaps you can think about what you said in those posts and realize why the people who tried to help you were "annoyed"? Perhaps your posting while drinking wine and doing codeine is part of the problem as well (do you really consider that "sticking to your taper")?

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617347 tn?1331296681
she has  realized that she is an immature self centred b**** ( her words) which i agreed with her and  this is a first step to start making changes...
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Thanks laurel x
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Ok. Yea you're right there. When i had a drink i should not have mentioned it but I'm not addicted to alcohol so I didn't see there being an issue?
I'm so very sorry I never meant to hurt, upset or annoy any of you.
You're all such ace, caring, giving, thoughtful, honest people who have given their time. I really appreciate all of this n I mean that.
You've all been there for me n honest not just telling me what I want to hear.
This is the best, most loveliest forum I've been on.
Hugs,
Evey xxxxx
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617347 tn?1331296681
addiction destroys our souls too, Evey.. i am glad that you have apologized to Sarah... i have known her since day 1 here ( almost 4 years ago) i know she is made of what i can only aspire to be... she is made of one piece, i have the utmost respect for her, i have cried reading her words, feeling her pain for not having both her parents with her, i still talk to my father every night and i miss him every day just like her...i know her pain and how those words have hurt her because her love for them is infinite....

our words can be swords, evey.. an addiction can leave us with the cruelest soul and words like swords. Please, do take this seriously, it is indeed your worst enemy, it will destroy you before you notice it.... fight it, don't look back, work  and live for your future, your daughter, your parents... clean your soul, your mind and focus on what is important: your recovery. Don't take it lightly, it is serious...Again, good luck tomorrow, ask for help tomorrow, don't play to them like it is not serious yet because it is codeine, it is serious  .
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Something needs sorting. Im in uni for 3 whole days next week. Doing my masters. Weight management n so this module will be behaviour modification in weight management. Haven't been since September. Each module is £650 so  chose September was the obesity epidemic, May n June will be doing exercise n weight Management.
Last year i spent 3 weeks getting the personal starement right to be accepted on to it. Last year i was also almost ripped, doing exercise programmes like insanity n p90x, eating clean, drinking lots of water to 'flush out any toxins, getting in some vitamin D, walking, talking to like-minded people.

What a different a year makes, eh.

Evey xxx
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I read somewhere that parents go through a grieving process when they find out their offspring is an addict. Why?
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617347 tn?1331296681
humm... have you always been a whiny immature self centred ***** ? I hope not !!!  there you have it... your parents had a daughter with a personality and now they have a different one...and the change is never for the better... not to say the suffering they go through and just by looking at the precipice her/his addict daughter or son is every day...it is a loss of the person they knew not knowing when and where and how he/she will end.... i guess because i am not the mother of an addict.
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1235186 tn?1339127464
your parents also need healing. they need to learn how to deal with your addiction. please suggest alanon to them.
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Deal with my addiction?
:( do i have to call it that, my addiction. Really don't like it :(
How should they deal with it?
I think that they think they can get rid of it n all will be ok again. They've always sorted my messes out by controlling things. They're not bad people in any way n have been very supportive n helpful with me n little one

Evey x
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If your daughter told she was addicted to codeine and couldn't stop taking it, that it was all she cared about, more than even her own child, would you not feel sad? Would you not hurt inside ? That's what your parents are going through.

As far as the controlling, for the millionth time, you asked your parents to help you and regulate your codeine. Sure, it would be nice if you could quit on your own, but you have repeatedly posted that you don't want to do so. Whatever their flaws, they're trying to help you as best they can. Al-Anon would no doubt be a benefit to them, or perhaps some other sort of counseling to deal with what they are going through.
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I think alanon / nar anon would be beneficial too but they are proud people n I really can't see them going to something like that.
My mam thinks that my Dad is an alcoholicn has nevee been to thrm but knows of them.

If my daughter was an addict I would stand by her. I would NEVER disown her ever. She grew inside me for 9 months i've been to hell n back to keep her due to ex'behaviour i will always protect her as she's my little angel.

I wouldn't take her stash as I would it makes a person worse. And if she need weaning down slowly I'd respect her.

You've gotta understand we do things differently here in the UK. I'm not trying to be mean but we have the NHS here n a lot of free support services (the downside is waiting lists). They offer maintenance programmes, counselling etc.

Also, over here they do not go taking children from addicts. They support them to get better n stay as a family i did not  want her to be know this or I'd have accepted help sooner.

I really hope she never becomes an addict as I want her to be happy n it isn't happy being an addict :( i really hate that word :(

Evey x
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4950316 tn?1394188185
Admitting you have an addiction, recognizing that you are an addict, is the first most important part of changing your life, and being in control of your life. It shows strength and fortitude to admit to drug addiction and make a decision to do something about it.
If ceasing to take the problematic substances, be it alcohol, codeine,puts you into a state of withdrawal (which you have stated you are feeling), then you have a habit and an addiction.
Withdrawal is uncomfortable, but no one has ever died from withdrawals.
The physical discomfort (can be very unpleasant) can be alleviated. It lasts for 3-4 days to 3 weeks at tops.
It is very distressing for children, family and friends to see someone in pain from addiction, and then withdrawals. It can affect people for ever.
You, however, have weakened in your moment of withdrawal from the original conviction to give up. Nearly everyone does question why we ever wanted to give up when we begin withdrawals, when we really know the answer still.
You were unhappy with your life, and want to gain control of it again. to be the person you know you can be, not the out of control drug addict you sometimes are.
Two things spring to mind.
Firstly, the health issues with burdening your body with so much codeine. (I am here for cirrhosis of the liver from years of polydrug use), and secondly, I know that after physical withdrawals from drugs, there is then the longer lasting issue of psychological support.
Drinking alcohol lowers one's inhibitions, encourages reckless behaviour, aggression, self pity etc, feelings of euphoria are rare at these times when you drink.
Be brave. Do this for your child, yourself. Just take each day at a time and wean yourself off. The long term ramifications of addiction can be horrible.
I am currently on a very harsh treatment for my liver, and I am houseridden. Have been for 3 months, with another 4 months to go. The treatment has left me lethargic, sleepless, covered in rashes, diarhhoea, nausea, hair falling out, edema, stretchy legs, mouth ulcers, bleeding gums, spontaneous blood noses, bruising, insatiable thirst, swollen stomach, muscle pain, dizziness, and more I need not mention.
I am just trying to let you know that addiction leads to irepairable damage, to families and ones' long term health, both body and mind.
I wish I had been patient all those years ago, and gone through withdrawals and really tackled my addictions, etc.
I wish I knew then what I know now.

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4950316 tn?1394188185
Just need to correct something. I have been on treatment for cirrhosis of the liver for 3 months, with another 9 months to go.
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Evey, you continue to twist everything we write into excuses for you to stay on the path you're on. If you loved your daughter you'd let her wean down slowly? C'mon. As far as things being "different in the UK", you've posted many times about fears that your child will be taken from you, but now they "let addicts raise their kids there", even if it's unsafe? C'mon.

I'm done.
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They do, Castaway. I have neighbours; a couple the mam is a drug addict n the Dadis an alcoholic n they still have their children.
Yes i was scared of my child being taken but now I realise they won't do that.
I'm not twisting things you're saying, Castaway.
As for my daughter well I'd help her anyway I can. I'm her mam n that's my job.
You know what, castaway? I like our talks. You say it how it is n do not *****-foot around. I remember when you first posted on my thread - created a stir hehe. Anyway thank you. I hope you are doing ok n taking care of yourself
Evey xxx
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480448 tn?1426952138
I think perhaps you may want to do your homework about the child protection services where you are.  Everything I've read indicates it's just like what we have here:

http://www.dhsspsni.gov.uk/standards_for_child_protection_services.pdf

Pay special attention to page 23, starting with #4..."protecting children in vulnerable circumstances."  Then on page 24, you will see the following criteria:

"Children whose parents/carers misuse drugs/alcohol"


You better believe there are agencies in place to protect children.  Do they automatically remove the child from the home?  No, but if an investigation is intiated and that's the decision, then it could happen.  Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
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You fixated on the word "twist". The whole phrase was "twist everything into excuses to stay on the path you're on". And that's what you do, in every post. Is the new idea that your kid won't be taken from you so can do codeine? Yesterday it was that your parents will be gone someday so you can do codeine. It's more of the same, and it's not "recovery".

You said you like our conversations. I find them maddening. Unfortunately, I got sucked into this never-ending drama. That's something I need to work on. However, I'm tired of debating whether or not you're an addict, or how and why you said something offensive, or if your parents are controlling you even though you asked them to control you, or if you're drinking wine with your pills or not today, or exactly how in danger your daughter is.

Nursegirl's great posts alone have given you a ton of blunt, realistic, intelligent advice. Many, many others have done the same. After that, it's just a broken record.

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THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE..GET HELP!!!!!!
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****************** THIS THREAD IS CLOSED *******************
NO MORE POSTS, PLEASE.
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