Getting the runs, don't feel motivated, don't want to eat but feel hungry, got a creepy feeling in my skin especially legs, feel period pain type feeling, yawn, sneezing n suicidal thoughts. Oh n tossed n turned most of the night feeling as restless as anything.
And this is sticking to the 15 x 4 taper. God know what this would be like with Zno Codeine.
On the up side i phoned the prescribed medications support service n they said they wont take my child they just want to help me, that i need to be open n honest n they'll ask the lady whos seeing me to call me this morning sometime.
that is good, evey... try some immodium for the runs, take a hot bath and your muscles will thank you... eat lots of bananas, they are rich on potassium and it helps, and maybe a mineral supplement magnesium+calcium.... if weather is good, go for a walk with your daughter when you feel suicidal, keep busy, don't let your mind plays games on you... you will pull through all this !!
Great job on the call.See how you start to take action when you stop getting high? That's all you can do when you stop getting high is try to improve your life situation.It usually does wonders for you and always improves things.
Don't do it. You have obviously got alot of people who are trying to help here.
Think about this....... You probably have more comments on one of your posts than I or many others have ever gotten in all of our posts combined.There must be some reason for this and I think it may be that You are special and have a purpose that does not involve being a codeine addict.
I can already see your thinking changes when you are not high.Alot of people say you have to want to get clean and then you do it but for me and most humans it is quite the opposite as motivation generally follows some type of action and not the other way around. Have you ever put off cleaning or some other project and then when you finally started doing it you could not stop until you were finished cleaning everything. That may be how this works for you.Get clean first then you can analyze and reassess everything with a clear mind. Don't go to the pharmacy!
I can already see your thinking changes when you are not high
I agree VERY much with ricart's comment above. LOOK at the progress you've made in just a day! You've admitted you have a problem and need help, you're sticking to the taper, and you took it upon yourself to call the people who are going to help you!!!! WAY TO GO!!!!! That's great! That's HUGE progress hon!
Using more codeine is NOT the answer, as much as you may want to. That's the addiction talking to you. Especially when you feel lousy with the w/ds, you will be vulnerable. Honestly, in a few days, the physical symptoms will start to ease up. After a week, you'll feel much better, not perfect, but better...so just stick to the taper. And because you didn't quit cold turkey, you probably will be feeling better even faster than most. Your body just needs a couple days to adjust to the massive drop in dose. That's a shock to the system.
Look up the Thomas recipe here and have someone get you the things you need...Immodium, gatorade, motrin for any aches and pains. Take lots of hot baths, and although you may not feel like it, go for a walk, it will make you feel better. Keep yourself hydrated, and try to eat small light meals. You will probably struggle with your sleep a bit too. I would recommend spacing out your 4 dosesd throughout the day versus taking it all at once (if you haven't already). If you take one in the am, one at lunch, one at dinner, and one at bedtime, it may make you feel better.
USING IS NOT AN OPTION! Say it aloud, write it on your mirror, whatever you have to do. You will feel SO prooud of yourself when you hit the 24 hr mark of adhering to the taper. You CAN do this. Just keep talking to us. You have ONE reason to use...which is caving to your sneaky addiction...and a million reasons NOT to use.
You've got a HUGE number of people here cheering you on. I too don't ever recall seeing one person get so many replies. You're a tough cookie Evey, but everyone here wants to see you succeed in the worst way!!!
Thanks - i love this forum. Everyone is so lovely.
The first forum i went on was very triggering. They would go into detail on what they were using, how they obtained it etc. i ended up getting most of my ideas from there.
This site is very supportive. Thank you.
My first instincts were never to touch it you know. I was really careful at first trying not to use them then the doc gave me the 30s n i took two n tbh I think I was psychologically hooked from that moment. It reminded me of when i was giving birth n was given a drug called diamorphine.
Just looked round house for some even though I know I know there isn't any here apart from the daily amount my mam is giving me.
Just goes to show we have instincts for a reason - not to ignore them. I still love codeine but I'm trying x
HI Eve! I have been reading all of your posts for the past week and have not commented. I didn't feel like anything I could say would help you. I am so proud that you are seeking help and getting serious about this. None of us willingly got hooked on our doc. You are making such a huge step by admitting there is a problem. Just know that you are doing good and that you are not alone. We are here for you! Please stay strong girl!
I keep crying. When i puck my little girl upi kept thinking 'go to the pharmacy, go to the pharmancy' n i looked in my purse n i had £7 which is how much nurofen plus costs n i nearly went there but i didn't. And i cant stop crying. Some girl wanted to play with my little girl n i shouted at my child no :(
Am i ever going to be able to have codeine again because right now it seemed the end of the world n i must be such a horrible person crying when my daughters here :(
Come on GIRL....I am Cheering for you right along with the Whole World out Here..Just think of how proud you will be about Yourself..and your Daughter and Mom & Dad..You need to be # 1 Right Now..But we ALL will Light the Candle on that Cake when you get some clean time behind you..Come on you can do it..Stay Strong..Stronger then them cravings..Go! Go! Ya! Ya!
All that I can offer you is it does get easier. You will come to a point where you notice you don't crave it as much. It's very hard going thru withdrawls and knowing that a pill will help. Just fight it and stay away from the pharmacy! You are doing good Eve.
Your emotions are going to be all over the place for a while. We don't really and truly feel when we are medicating ourselves. Just be tough and fight thru it. It will get better after a while. Maybe see about getting into counseling so that you can talk about and explore some of these feelings?
One day at a time, eve, one moment at a time if you have to. You're going to feel emotions you've been numbing all this time. You need to try to distract yourself as much as you can, try to stop thinking about it, and overanalyzing everything. You need to get out of your head a little. That's been your biggest downfall.
NO, you'll never be able to be use codeine again. Once an addict always an addict. THAT'S not important though right now...just focus on getting through the next couple of days. Along with the physical w/ds there are emotional/mental ones as well. EVERYTHING you're feeling (including the sense of loss and grief) is TOTALY normal. When you want to cry, cry...cry all day long, it's okay! If you feel mad, scream into a pillow! Try not to take your anger out on your little girl. She's probably scared as it is, kids are very observant, I'm sure she's noticed that something has been going on. If you need to, take her to your parents. If your parents don't understand w/d, tell them to read about it, that you WILL be sick for a few days and will need some extra help. Just tell them you need their support, not their judgement. If they say the wrong things, go easy on them, they don't understand all of this and they're scared. You said you have a brother, can tou lean on him for support also? Any friends you could confide in to help you through this process? The more support you have, the better.
Try to convuince yourself that you're sick with the flu. If you were sick with the flu, you would be taking it easy, trying to feel better. That's all you need to do. Getting more codeine will ONLY prolong this, and put off the inevitible. You KNOW you can't keep using, so taking more is only putting off your progress. You've already got almost a day into your taper, you don't want to undo that.
Keep looking at your daughter...you're doing this for the BOTH of you, she deserves a Mom who is sober and the best she can be. You want that too. EVERYTHING you're feeling is only temporary. You WILL feel better, and when you do, you can start working through all of these feelings, and working to learn how to handle the cravings. They're so strong right now because of the w/ds and because of the emotional hold the codeine has on you. Every time you don't give into a craving, you're getting s little bit stronger, and sending a message to your brain that you DONT need it, because your mind is trying to trick you into thinking you DO!
Keep going eve..you can do this! I'm SOOO proud of you!!
Don't think about that now, eve. Think about TODAY, right now. You have the rest of your life to learn about this and understand WHY. You'll get there. Get yourself through the w/ds first, then you can start doing more and more.
Today is a good day to start reading all of the links we've given you, to learn more about addiction. Just read a little at a time. The things that really hit home and make an impact, print them out, and start yourself a little folder of papers you can refer to.
Get a notebook out and journal your thoughts, all of them, good and bad. If you do that every day, soon you'll be able to go back and read and see how far you've come. The thinking that goes along with addiction doesn't go away overnight. Just be patient with yourself.
hi instead of dreading the withdrawal embrace it as the beggining to the end and the start to a new life drug free you can do this just give it time to run it course you will feel much better in a few days time to hit a N/A meeting you will be welcome with a hug keep pushing forward and know it is all for the good of your well beeing you got this
I kinda messed up bought more codeine (nurofen plus).
Went to drug n alcohol service n self referred. They're having a meeting Tuesday to see whether they can give me support.
I hope they put me on subutex as cant stand another minute of this.
Had big argument with my Dad who basically said if i do this again im on my own n i told him they are controlling me.
Never felt so trapped, control n alone in my life.
Please no one judge me or have a go I'm feeling anxious n emotional as it is. The doctor thinks I did a good thing in going for help n says addiction doesn't go away overnight.
So at mo I'm on 110 mg codeine. It was nice in the drug n alcohol service as they seem really understanding.
Make sure you think long and hard about the suboxone..it's not a way around w/ds....you will have them eventually, whether it's now coming off the codeine, or later, coming off the subs, and comparitively, because suboxone is a partial agonist opiate versus a full agonist opiate like codene, it's actually harder to w/d off for the vast majority of people. Honestly, you would probably have an easier time tapering off the codeine, the problem is, you have to stick to the taper, which you haven't been able to do. The last few times, you barely lasted an hour or two. That's pretty significant. Unless you made some big changes, you would be in the same boat with the sub when it was time to taper. Plus, it really wouldn't be indicated as you state you haven't been in active addiction for a year yet...that's a common criteria for subs...depends on the doctor.
I would personally recommend a more intensive inpatient program, to help you taper off the codeine and really start learning about your addiction. The second is the most important part. Your doctor is right, addiction doesn't go away overnight...actually it doesn't "go away" at all...but it CAN be managed and you can stay sober with the right kind of help.
It's great that you have reached out for help. You need to really take this seriously...as the consequences (like what your dad said) are starting to sneak up on you quickly. You cannot worry for one more minute about "control". You don't HAVE it...which is why you're getting help. You need to let that go. You've taken a big step by admitting you're an addict...addicts are not in control when they're using...so that's important to accept. You've tried to be in control time and time again, and were unsuccessful.
Keep us updated when you have your appt. Hope you get on a clear recovery program soon. Good luck! Praying for you!
In this country if you go on subs they give it to you at the pharmacist once a day. It would be better because i could be free for the rest of the day rather than having to go to my parents so many times a day for my codeine.
Besides lots of people in the UK have been prescribed subs for codeine addiction n it worked for them as a lot have told me so.
Plus if it blocks affects then if i bought codeine it wouldn't work. Think i need something like as i don't think i can stop myself buying it.
They might not give it me though as im not committing any crimes well they send illicit when i told them i was buying 60mg tabs off the net.
Hey Sweetie...It seems like your now seeing the effects these drugs have on us. I really think that inpatient might be the best thing for you since you are unable to taper . At some point you will have to be off all of it and you will want to be off all the dang meds. Facing a wd is not that bad, four or five tough days and the sun comes up and u get stronger day by day. The mental is the hardest part for all of us. If I had to go to a pharmacy everyday I would not be able to do anything else but focus on the next trip there. That is NOT living Dear. A least try going cold turkey and face it because one day you will have to do that to be free from all of this. Thoughts and prayers going your way.
On eggshells n feeling anxious.
My parents are giving me my codeine
15 x 4 codeine n 12.8 n+ n i cant seem to do anything right.
I know ive lied a few times n they've been in my house when i wasn't here n taken my codeine but i cannot live like that.
When i text or go there for my codeine I'm worried they're thinking I'm using them or lying.
Yesterday i had
2 n+ am
2 codeine phoshate lunch
2 n+ tea 5 pm
2 codeine phos 7:30 pm
Thats equalling to 8.
So i thought that was going to be the same today as my Dad gave me 2 n+ am, so lunch I said 'can i have 2 codeine phos please? N my mam said you know you're meant to have codeine a day n 4 of n+ n that i was basically lying.
I can't live like this im really wondering what is the point in life anymore feeling anxious n on eggshells.
Feel trapped but i try telling them how i feel n they just get hurt n shout at me.
Now you know why i want subs because i cant keep doing this. Im anxious, im snappy, im on edge.
Tuesday cant come fast enough when the drug n alcohol service decide whether i can have support off them n if so, what they're going to do with me.
Has anyone else gone through this who can PLEASE talk to me n give me advice.
Evey, I know what you're going through is hard, but there have been hundreds of posts here from people who have gone through the same thing and given you advice. Please go back and read what others have posted to you in all your threads.
Personally, I found tapering very difficult---in some ways it's easier to just quit altogether because at least it takes away the "oh, do I take two more today, or was it four, can I sneak more" issues. Go through a few days of withdrawal and get the support you need from professionals (and I don't mean more drugs) to deal with the mental cravings. You've taken positive steps in that direction---follow through. We alI know that's easier said than done but like tiredintempe wrote, it's the only way you'll be free of this. Once you quit altogether and get some sober time under your belt, YOU have all the control. No rationing out pills from your parents, and no living waiting for your next dose of codeine.
Hi Eve, I'm new to this forum just joined last night:) I've been reading your posts and know how u feel. I was on street drugs for a long time abd ended up losing my daughter. Please don't let that happen because u will NEVER FORGIVE YOURSELF!! It's hard enough w/all the temptations and WD's, do not give yourself another reason to keep using, and believe me if u lose ur kid u will want to use. I hope u didn't go to the pharmacy:) But if u did, forget about it and start over!
Only you can make the decision about subs, but you need to educate yourself about it before you decide.
Sub can be a great TOOL in recovery, but you must understand it is not a "cure" and it won't fix the addiction. You would still need to do a lot of work, which would involve things like therapy, meetings, etc. That's called "aftercare" and it's where you learn all about addiction, explore the reasons why you became an addict, learn what triggers you, and learn all about relapse, and what you can do to prevent it.
Unless you take sub for the rest of your life (which some people do), you WILL eventually have to taper off that as well, just like you've tried to do with the codeine. There will be w/ds involved. Unfortunately, sub w/ds are usually more severe and last longer too. This is why people are telling you to try to get off the codeine again, in the long run, it will be the lesser of two evils.
Inpatient treatment would offer you ALL of the things you really need. A controlled environment to help you safely detox off the codeine, and a jumpstart on the counselling aspect of addiction treatment. You have made some progress, but there is still so much about addiction that you either don't understand, or aren't yet willing to accept. Without that understanding, you will likely go right back to using again. You still have the mindset that once you stop taking the codeine, you won't be an addict anymore. That thinking process will stop you from recovering. You would benefit SO much from an inpatient program.
I'm glad you're taking steps, I'm proud of you for that...as this has been a rough road, but I really hope you listen to what everyone is telling you and give this a LOT of thought. I've seen lots of people do very well in recovery with subs, but I've also seen a whole lot of people who think it's just a way around w/ds. Those people always struggled the most and usually didn't stay sober.
Thank you everyone for your support it means a lot.
I will see what they say Tuesday but i do hope they give me subs because 1 id only need to go once to the pharmacy per day rather than lots of pills throughout the so could have my life back while going to counselling etc.
currently I'm clock watching n that's not fair on me or my child.
I never clock watched before with codeine because i took it whenever, wherever n as much as i possibly could have.
It would be nice to have 'something' while i deal with the 'grief' n hold codeine has on me n while i deal with why that has happened time n time again - not with drugs but the internet, ex-bfs, n other obsessions. I get attached to things n grieve for them n i need to acknowledge why this happens so it never happens again.
"It would be nice to have 'something' while i deal with the 'grief' n hold codeine has on me n while i deal with why that has happened time n time again - not with drugs but the internet, ex-bfs, n other obsessions. I get attached to things n grieve for them n i need to acknowledge why this happens so it never happens again. ."
Okay, well, what's to keep this from happening with the sub? That's my concern, you're looking at the purpose of sub...you're looking for a direct replacement, which isn't good.
"so could have my life back while going to counselling etc. "
THIS is more the kind of thinking that's best to have with sub. I'm very fearful you will end up "attached" to the subs in the same way you did with the codeine.
The counseling and meetings and treatment is what will help you with the cravings and the "grief".
I can tell you that having gone through sub, codine, oxy, and methadone w/d that codine is the lesser of all of those evils. It isnt going to be fun at all, but like my boy Gnarly1 on here said "You just have to be okay with not being okay", just for a while. In the grand scheme of life and what it will dictate in your everyday behavior having to be on something, having to w/d for approx 5 days isnt a horrible way to go.
I just reclaimed my life back from Methadone from it taking it away from me for 10 years. I would not want to see you have to go through anything similar.
But it will not replace it though. In the UK you have to take subs ONCE a day at the pharmacy n theres no way of me buying more unlike codeine. So from a psychological point it is not just about the withdrawals its about how ive been using it on a day to day basis n associating everything i do with 'taking codeine,' like tidying up etc (I always did agood job while on codeine).
I'm rambling again but what i mean is it's the grief from the day to day associations with codeines, feelings whilst being on codeine. Am i making sense?
Having a replacement would psychologically help me deal with losing codeine via counselling etc.
Methadone and Suboxone, while different meds, are used in the same way, and are both historically tough to come off of.
I DO understand the want and need to be "normal" while you work your recovery, we're just trying to tell you that you're turning to a drug that is compartively much stronger and harder to w/d from. Unless you take it forever, you will have to get off of it at some point.
I know you want to do the subs and the routine thing. Believe me I went every single day to a done clinic for 8 years and it is comfort. But it's a never ever ending cycle and that's what everyone is trying to get across.
You are grieving the loss of codeine, before you've quit it. You're thinking too much, and need to stop the brain drain honey. I've been clean for fourteen years, and what helped me get through the week or so delay on my life, was thinking about the time before the drugs. For me ,it was difficult because i started when I was 12 after a ****** childhood, so I didn't have alot to look back on. But maybe you do? Can you remember how good life was before you became addicted? Hold on very tight to how nice it is to not have to be a drone to your drug (be it methadone, or subtex) . If you really want it, you CAN BE FREE OF ALL OF THIS IN A WEEK OR TWO. Of course, you must do certain things, to do it. And, it's not as easy as taking a pill, but it's well worth it. Walking long distances helped me. Being kind to yourself in every way but rewarding yourself with a drug, will do it. But the best thing that i ever did was to say NO TO ALL DRUGS. And it wasn't too long before I was a free and functioning member of society. My biggest beef was being too fearful for too long, and wasting the best years of my life, and my son's life with me. Say no to all drugs, and your child will be the love of your life, as it should be. That's just my opinion. I wish you the very best whatever way you go, just remember , there is no easier softer way to quit drugs. Quitting drugs is quitting drugs. Changing drugs, is......changing drugs. You got to ask yourself, as a mother, what you should be committing to. I know there's a lot of drama involved before making the decision to finally quit. That's the drugs working their evil magic. In the end though, after you do quit for enough days, (not months or years) you will see the drama for what it is. Another side effect that you can do without. Good luck to you. Can't wait to hear you chocking up your clean and sober days. I've got 5, 045 now, just taking one day at a time, it only hurt for the first couple of weeks. and I've been totally free from the drama for fourteen years. One day, you'll look back and you're only question will be, why didn't i do it earlier. Withdrawal wasn't that bad.
As the above poster stated. Think about the times before all this started. Find a good collection of music that you grew up on or loved before you started. When I can't sleep t night my headphones are the first thing that I put in. Also I will listen to songs taking about its okay.
For instance, and I know this may sound lame but the new diddy song home. The chorus talks about the kingdom awaits and they have forgiven my mistakes. Those words have spoke volumes to me.
Look for things like that and it will help. Just make sure not to get caught up in the fear or "paralysis of analysis" of your situation. You can and will do this if you can just trust the support you have here and much more yourself that you do have the strength to do it!!
Just had a though if i stick to my parents taper n not go to any pharmacies, get over codeine n on with my life like nothings happened then I'm not an addict right????? I was over reacting n not an addict????
Head is spinning cant concentrate n im snapping at everyone.
Tuesday needs to come n it needs to come now!!!!!!!!!
Im not an addict after all !!!!
Im was over reacting n being a drama queen.
Can i really forget codeine????
Are these thiughts normal? Wth is going on with me????
Your talking about having to give up your comfort blanket. Yes if you stick to a taper and don't go with any other options you will be done before you know it. The trick is I heard you say not an addict anymore. Your always in recovery and the second you say I'm okay I am not a recovering addict is when you will run into trouble.
Your not having thoughts that any of the other of us have had. It isn't easy. Just a decision you have to make that you don't want it anymore. The control that it has, the everyday trips to get your stuff. All rhat
Though I am biased about methadone, I think a fast taper on subs may help you. Taking methadone or subs for codeine is like quiting beer by drinking whiskey. I have a friend who kicked Oxy's with a low dose of methadone for. Week. The thing is, you really have to want to quit. I used methadone for years. I thought it would help me get off opiates, but I wasn't really ready. Several years later, I started having respiratory arrests. I'm Lucky to be alive. Doctors are often more than happy to sell you opiate maintenance drugs. You won't be a huge threat to society , and they still get your cash. Tell yourself, and everyone else, that you have a bad flu. Detox will last about the same amount of time. Try not to dwell on how you feel. Focus on the kind of person you want to be. Mother, daughter, friend, worker, and all those things that will bring you joy in sobriety. Addiction is a form of insanity, hands down. You ask what is wrong with you? Well, a moment of sanity hit you, you asked for help, now the insanity has returned. Accept the help you asked for, have faith that your moment of clarity was real and will return. You are so fortunate to be learning about this now. It can get so much worse. It may sound hard to believe, but you have been chatting with people who let it get real bad, life threatening bad. You can do it, and you will stop craving and feeling out of control. Keep searching and you WILL find what you seek.
Hi..Now we have been working with you for weeks on..If wondering if your a Addict or not is the issue..Then STOP!! Don't go there..It is only a Word!! You just have to Face the Fact that you have NO Control over this pill you take..We are just trying to tell you that it ends up digging a deeper and deeper hole to where you can not get out!!!l..Have you read Any of the Information we gave You??Have you gone into any of the Websites we mentioned?? You need to get in the Saddle and Ride that Horse into the Mountains..When you reach the Top and Start your way down you will see that there is Life on the Other Side..I sure hope you do this soon..Look up some of the information we gave you..It will help you understand what your Brain is doing..
The idea of never having codeine again terrifies me i can't live without codeine it's just so unfair. Life is boring. The days are longggggggg. Life sux. Withdrawals *****. My mam isn't speaking to me proper even though i'm doing the right thing.
And niw i can feel guilt.
I know i shouldnt but ive had some wine f**** it all no one understands how hard this is my mind is tormenting me with all these thoughts now ive got this b**** cold where my nose wont stop running.
Having to get these pills off my family is stressing me.
I just want codeine, to get absolutef intoxicated by it n leave all this bad stuff behind. I don't lije this sober crap
You don't really know if you like sober life or not. You feel bad now because of codeine. It's not the cure, it is the cause of all you feel right now. Insane, isn't it? You crave the thing that makes you feel so horrible. Wake up and recognize the real problem and solution. Think about it, accept it. Addiction is insanity, and you seem to be losing your mind. Call it what you want, but recognize the facts. Codeine stopped being so great, you asked for help, now you regret it. You have a romance with codeine, and are focusing on the falling in love phase. The relationship isn't working out the way you had hoped. Your love for opiates will fade with time, but I think you know it is time to break it off with the pills. Love for your family and yourself will fill the hole that codeine has left in your heart. When I say accept the situation, I don't mean with other people, but your lack of control over your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You will feel totally different after a mere 2 weeks without drugs. Give it a chance, see if you like being sober. A couple days off opiates is not a sober life
Evey, like it or not, you are not overreacting, you ARE an addict and always will be one. You're trying to go back to the denial phase, and you can't.
You won't always feel this bad, but it takes TIME. You've been making yourself artifically happy for a while now..it takes a while for your body to remember how to make those "feel good" chemicals on its own again. You've actually altered the chemicals in your brain. You aren't even totally clean yet...you haven't started your recovery program yet, and you're already trying to find a way you don't have to be addicted to codeine anymore. You can't...you are. You cannot change that fact...but you can move forward and STOP dwelling on this. You will miss codeine, but codeine is destroying your life and will eventually land you in jail or beneath the ground. It's like missing an abusive partner. Good riddance!
But i resent them so very much for controlling me n cant wait for them no longer around so i can have codeine again. I know that sounds horrible but i dont want their control n ultamatums. I want codeine :(
They always take things i love away with me.
Cuz you are out of control. They arent even close to being mean but you dont want to see that. One minute you want to get your life back and the next you are drinking wine again and want to get messed up. We have all tried really hard to be encouraging but all you want is to take your codeine and drink yourself into a coma. I hope you figure this out before you lose everything in your life. All the best~
Yes, you are an adult, and can do what you want, but not as a parent...you don't have the right to be an addict when you are responsible for a minor child. Guess you have some choosing to do. Either your daughter or your codeiene...can't have both.
And if you're telling sarah she's lucky because she doesn't have her parents anymore, shame on you...that's about as low and hurtful as you could go.
There's nothing more we can say that we haven't already said, this really is pointless. Hope you wake up before it's too late and you wake up with only your codeine. That would be an awfully sad way to live.
Everyone has been talking to you , offering suggestions, trying to get you to understand the error of your ways, tell you that yea yard are an addict yes even when you stop the pills., that your parents love you and are only trying to help you, that if you don't stop yes you could possibly lose your child.
You are immature, telling Sarah she is lucky her mom is dead is disrespectful and very childish. You have been acting like a brat. You need to apoligize to her. This forum is for people who want to get clean not for people to complain and have constant temper tantrums because their parents took their drugs.
They need to be controlling, becaue you are out of control, and you have a child. People who are out of control often need others to step in to help that person from harming themselves and others. And no, I won't stop bringing your child into this...where is HER voice in this? She's the real victim here.
For you to tell sarah she's lucky to not have her parents was heartless and mean. She's still grieving the loss of her Mom. Your mind is really messed up, the way you think. If you want to think your parents are controlling, so be it...we've all tried until we're blue in the face to explain why you are out of control...when people are out of control, other people usually need to step in.
Whoever your talking to has a messed up way of thinking also, if they're telling you your parents are controlling you. You made such progress, and with one or two posts, you are right back to the same skewed thinking you had before. It's so frustrating it's not even funny.
I just hope you can recognize just how hurtful what you said to sarah is. That's just awful. YOU may wish you didn't have your parents around (which is also awful)...but don't tell people who would give ANYTHING to have theirs back that they are "lucky".
I have to walk away from this...I really hope you get intensive help. Things will never improve for you if you don't see the light and start changing the way you think about this.
You tell someone she should be happy her parents are dead and you say WE'RE being nasty? Sorry, but being an addict is no excuse for being obnoxious and rude.
People are bringing your child into it because you continue to drink and abuse drugs while caring for your child, and continue to say that all you want to do is overdose on codeine. You cannot parent properly in that condition, and eventually your child will be taken from you one way or the other. You say you are afraid your child will be taken from you yet continue to act in ways that will lead to that happening. Also, many of us either were raised by addict parents or are addicts ourselves, and know the hell of being a child in that situation.
You're on a recovery site posting about your love of codeine and posting while drinking---AGAIN. Have the times you've done this in the past and people have taken offense meant nothing to you? Honesty is one thing but not understanding who you are talking to and why is another. There are plenty of sites you can boast of your love for drugs but this isn't one of them.
Sarah will get over it, she's working her recovery. Will you? How many sources of guilt and shame do you want to unravel? If you lose your manners with strangers trying to help, how often is your family the victim of your lack of self-control? Self-centeredness is a symptom of addiction, often not seen by the addict. Who do you want to take the codeine for? Does it help your kid, parents, work, or who? Do you think it's okay to help yourself at other's expense? Doubt you will respond to this, but I hope you think about it.
Im trying you know. You're all right. Im an immature self centred b***.
I'm truly sorry for the disrespectful things I've said. They're having a meeting 2moro to discuss whether i can have their service or not n if so, what treatment. Of course i don't want to lose my parents - just want them to back off a bit but when i try saying this they get hurt, shout or don't speak to me.
Yea i feel shame n guilt over all of this.
All ive thought about today was codeine, how to get it, where to get it n its tormenting me.
now, try to keep yourself busy, the more you think about the doc, the harder ....i know it is not easy at all but what's your alternative? tormenting yourself ? break these thoughts by trying to keep busy and good luck tomorrow !!
Your three posts that got everyone "annoyed" at you were all deleted, thankfully. Perhaps you can think about what you said in those posts and realize why the people who tried to help you were "annoyed"? Perhaps your posting while drinking wine and doing codeine is part of the problem as well (do you really consider that "sticking to your taper")?
Ok. Yea you're right there. When i had a drink i should not have mentioned it but I'm not addicted to alcohol so I didn't see there being an issue?
I'm so very sorry I never meant to hurt, upset or annoy any of you.
You're all such ace, caring, giving, thoughtful, honest people who have given their time. I really appreciate all of this n I mean that.
You've all been there for me n honest not just telling me what I want to hear.
This is the best, most loveliest forum I've been on.
addiction destroys our souls too, Evey.. i am glad that you have apologized to Sarah... i have known her since day 1 here ( almost 4 years ago) i know she is made of what i can only aspire to be... she is made of one piece, i have the utmost respect for her, i have cried reading her words, feeling her pain for not having both her parents with her, i still talk to my father every night and i miss him every day just like her...i know her pain and how those words have hurt her because her love for them is infinite....
our words can be swords, evey.. an addiction can leave us with the cruelest soul and words like swords. Please, do take this seriously, it is indeed your worst enemy, it will destroy you before you notice it.... fight it, don't look back, work and live for your future, your daughter, your parents... clean your soul, your mind and focus on what is important: your recovery. Don't take it lightly, it is serious...Again, good luck tomorrow, ask for help tomorrow, don't play to them like it is not serious yet because it is codeine, it is serious .
Something needs sorting. Im in uni for 3 whole days next week. Doing my masters. Weight management n so this module will be behaviour modification in weight management. Haven't been since September. Each module is £650 so chose September was the obesity epidemic, May n June will be doing exercise n weight Management.
Last year i spent 3 weeks getting the personal starement right to be accepted on to it. Last year i was also almost ripped, doing exercise programmes like insanity n p90x, eating clean, drinking lots of water to 'flush out any toxins, getting in some vitamin D, walking, talking to like-minded people.
humm... have you always been a whiny immature self centred ***** ? I hope not !!! there you have it... your parents had a daughter with a personality and now they have a different one...and the change is never for the better... not to say the suffering they go through and just by looking at the precipice her/his addict daughter or son is every day...it is a loss of the person they knew not knowing when and where and how he/she will end.... i guess because i am not the mother of an addict.
Deal with my addiction?
:( do i have to call it that, my addiction. Really don't like it :(
How should they deal with it?
I think that they think they can get rid of it n all will be ok again. They've always sorted my messes out by controlling things. They're not bad people in any way n have been very supportive n helpful with me n little one
If your daughter told she was addicted to codeine and couldn't stop taking it, that it was all she cared about, more than even her own child, would you not feel sad? Would you not hurt inside ? That's what your parents are going through.
As far as the controlling, for the millionth time, you asked your parents to help you and regulate your codeine. Sure, it would be nice if you could quit on your own, but you have repeatedly posted that you don't want to do so. Whatever their flaws, they're trying to help you as best they can. Al-Anon would no doubt be a benefit to them, or perhaps some other sort of counseling to deal with what they are going through.
I think alanon / nar anon would be beneficial too but they are proud people n I really can't see them going to something like that.
My mam thinks that my Dad is an alcoholicn has nevee been to thrm but knows of them.
If my daughter was an addict I would stand by her. I would NEVER disown her ever. She grew inside me for 9 months i've been to hell n back to keep her due to ex'behaviour i will always protect her as she's my little angel.
I wouldn't take her stash as I would it makes a person worse. And if she need weaning down slowly I'd respect her.
You've gotta understand we do things differently here in the UK. I'm not trying to be mean but we have the NHS here n a lot of free support services (the downside is waiting lists). They offer maintenance programmes, counselling etc.
Also, over here they do not go taking children from addicts. They support them to get better n stay as a family i did not want her to be know this or I'd have accepted help sooner.
I really hope she never becomes an addict as I want her to be happy n it isn't happy being an addict :( i really hate that word :(
Admitting you have an addiction, recognizing that you are an addict, is the first most important part of changing your life, and being in control of your life. It shows strength and fortitude to admit to drug addiction and make a decision to do something about it.
If ceasing to take the problematic substances, be it alcohol, codeine,puts you into a state of withdrawal (which you have stated you are feeling), then you have a habit and an addiction.
Withdrawal is uncomfortable, but no one has ever died from withdrawals.
The physical discomfort (can be very unpleasant) can be alleviated. It lasts for 3-4 days to 3 weeks at tops.
It is very distressing for children, family and friends to see someone in pain from addiction, and then withdrawals. It can affect people for ever.
You, however, have weakened in your moment of withdrawal from the original conviction to give up. Nearly everyone does question why we ever wanted to give up when we begin withdrawals, when we really know the answer still.
You were unhappy with your life, and want to gain control of it again. to be the person you know you can be, not the out of control drug addict you sometimes are.
Two things spring to mind.
Firstly, the health issues with burdening your body with so much codeine. (I am here for cirrhosis of the liver from years of polydrug use), and secondly, I know that after physical withdrawals from drugs, there is then the longer lasting issue of psychological support.
Drinking alcohol lowers one's inhibitions, encourages reckless behaviour, aggression, self pity etc, feelings of euphoria are rare at these times when you drink.
Be brave. Do this for your child, yourself. Just take each day at a time and wean yourself off. The long term ramifications of addiction can be horrible.
I am currently on a very harsh treatment for my liver, and I am houseridden. Have been for 3 months, with another 4 months to go. The treatment has left me lethargic, sleepless, covered in rashes, diarhhoea, nausea, hair falling out, edema, stretchy legs, mouth ulcers, bleeding gums, spontaneous blood noses, bruising, insatiable thirst, swollen stomach, muscle pain, dizziness, and more I need not mention.
I am just trying to let you know that addiction leads to irepairable damage, to families and ones' long term health, both body and mind.
I wish I had been patient all those years ago, and gone through withdrawals and really tackled my addictions, etc.
I wish I knew then what I know now.
Evey, you continue to twist everything we write into excuses for you to stay on the path you're on. If you loved your daughter you'd let her wean down slowly? C'mon. As far as things being "different in the UK", you've posted many times about fears that your child will be taken from you, but now they "let addicts raise their kids there", even if it's unsafe? C'mon.
They do, Castaway. I have neighbours; a couple the mam is a drug addict n the Dadis an alcoholic n they still have their children.
Yes i was scared of my child being taken but now I realise they won't do that.
I'm not twisting things you're saying, Castaway.
As for my daughter well I'd help her anyway I can. I'm her mam n that's my job.
You know what, castaway? I like our talks. You say it how it is n do not *****-foot around. I remember when you first posted on my thread - created a stir hehe. Anyway thank you. I hope you are doing ok n taking care of yourself
You better believe there are agencies in place to protect children. Do they automatically remove the child from the home? No, but if an investigation is intiated and that's the decision, then it could happen. Don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise.
You fixated on the word "twist". The whole phrase was "twist everything into excuses to stay on the path you're on". And that's what you do, in every post. Is the new idea that your kid won't be taken from you so can do codeine? Yesterday it was that your parents will be gone someday so you can do codeine. It's more of the same, and it's not "recovery".
You said you like our conversations. I find them maddening. Unfortunately, I got sucked into this never-ending drama. That's something I need to work on. However, I'm tired of debating whether or not you're an addict, or how and why you said something offensive, or if your parents are controlling you even though you asked them to control you, or if you're drinking wine with your pills or not today, or exactly how in danger your daughter is.
Nursegirl's great posts alone have given you a ton of blunt, realistic, intelligent advice. Many, many others have done the same. After that, it's just a broken record.
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