I have to be honest..........

[SWArkansas]

I have to confess....I took a hydro this morning. Yesterday i used....i took one 10/325 hydrocodone for a headache. It was for a legitimate pain. My headache went away.....I had my last refill, refilled. This is my last bottle. The funny thing is...I don't want to take them...like I did before.
I feel so ashamed.

[SWArkansas]

Thank you all for your comments. Still fighting the good fight!

[pillfree21]

I liken recovery to a process of locking yourself up away from opiates.  The tricky thing is the fact that not only are we the prisoner, but we are also the jailer (and have the keys) which creates a serious inner struggle and often times makes the issue even more tempting.  There has been some great advice put out and is fairly clear to see the inner struggle you are engaged in.  I wish strength to the side that knows what is right and is fighting, that would the jailer side.  If you give the prisoner side time enough to realize the truth that you can live without opiates, then there will eventually be no need for a jailer, the prisoner will realize that they are free and do not need to go back the "opiate jail".

I am in the process of learning the morale to this story as well.  I am a few days clean from a recent relapse myself, so I am not preaching, just sharing.

[wendy111]

I had an accident in september and took 2 percs in the er and was fine after that but the prescription they gave me kept calling me and I relasped after almost 40 days clean.  I should never of let my husband fill that script and went on a fifteen day binge on drugs.  I am now on day15 clean and doing better.  

I want to get better and feel better, This time around there are no drugs in the house.  i threww them away and cried.
be very careful.  I could not handle any in the house

[dominosarah]

The biggest discovery i had after i cleaned up was that OTC meds really work.  Be very VERY careful with those pills as they will call your name at some point......the beast knows they are there.       sara

[bmdad]

I sure hope you don't think we are judging you. We've just seen it on this forum a million times how someone takes one for a legitimate reason and it "stirs the beast". We are not trying to make you feel bad, just want to make sure you don't make the same mistake so many others have made, including myself. Taking that one may not get you taking them everyday again but for 99% of us one is all it takes. Everything I said I said out of kindness and trying to help based on some of the past decisions I have made. It can be all too easy to get wrapped back up into active addiction and I don't want to see that happen to you or anyone else.
It does sound as if you have a good grasp on all of this and I commend you for that. I suffer from chronic pain but no longer take any narcotic pain meds and never will. But in the past when I had not yet decided to be completely done with them if I was considering taking just one due to pain I would make a list of all the pros and cons of the effects that one pill could have.There was always one positive but many negatives. Most of the time it would keep me from taking it. The times I made excuses to take one I went right back to using everyday. That's just me though and although we may have a lot in common we are not exactly alike.
Don't feel ashamed that you took that one pill. As long as it didn't "stir the beast" this time you are more than likely in the clear. But remember that next time you may not be so lucky.
Keep up the good fight Arkansas. I'm pulling for ya!

Brian

[SWArkansas]

vicki- yes i did "uncancel it"

But...like I said before the "want to take them is just not there like it was before"

I know now what this stuff can do to me and taking it to make me feel good is not an option anymore.

Brian...what you said about the acetimonphen makes sense, never thought of that before.

mzholly...I did tell my dr. that i thought i was becoming dependent on the painkillers and she refused to give me anymore refills. I had this one left from my last visit with her.
And yes, that was the hardest thing i think i have ever had to do .

Looking back now yes....otc pain med would have been better......i let the temptation of getting the one last refill filled. Insurance was paying for it. It was just sitting there.But like I said once I got them I took one.. and it actually kinda of made me nauseaus......not what i remembered at least.

[MzHolly]

i get tension headaches, before i was on opiates my dr prescribed me motrin 800 and explained with headaces narcotics can cause rebound headaches that throb and feel much worse. I found out later he was very right. I'm on opiates for a back problem, but as my quit date approaches (took my last full dose today, C/T tomorrow) I'm confident non-narcotic meds and treatments will help my pain. Don't be ashamed, there are plenty of us who have slips and relapses (althogh i wouldn't really call 1 a relapse) before we get clean for good. You seem truly want to get clean for good, do you? If you do, you need to flush those pills. I denied my next script and to keep me from temptation, I'm telling my dr I'm an addict so I can't get anymore. Could you maybe do that? It took a lot out of me to admit to my dr I was an alcoholic, but it's part of how I got the help I needed for my drinking, unfortunantly, I quickly got addicted to the norcos (10/660) I was given a few months ago for my back pain.
I'm not trying to be judgmental but do want to ask you an honest question, it's up to you if you want to answer it: did you REALLY feel the headache was so bad a tylenol or another otc pain med wouldn't have helped? I ask this because I found myself making a lot of excuses on why I needed the pills and wasn't ready to quit. I'm not saying you did, that's just what I've done. Yea I have legitimate pain, but I'm also an addict and need to stop before it gets any worse. I know I'm not one to give advice as I just took my last pills a few hours ago, but I felt a need to talk to you as I've been in this place before, and I'm there now. Don't beat yourself up, keep going forward. Good luck!

[quitinoxys]

SW I agree with IB & vicki you should flush the pills. Why tempt yourself, I know that the pain is driving your use but why start all over again. It has actually been proven via research that opiates can cause headaches. If I can find the paper I read I will post it here for ya. Hang in there the pain will pass.

[vicki595]

Hey~  You told us you had cancelled that last refill by calling the pharmacy.  So,what did you do?  "Un-cancel" it?

Headaches are common to most of us for one reason or another. You really need to try to find alternative treatments. You,also,need to get honest;mostly with yourself.

Flush the pills and get yourself some support for your addiction.  

Good luck!

[bmdad]

I was prescribed hydrocodone in the past for back and sciatic pain. A few years ago I went through a stint of headaches for a month or two and started taking the hydro for not only back pain but also for headaches. When I talked to my pain management doctor I was told  that it wasn't the hydrocodone that was helping the headache but the acetaminophen that was in the vicodin that was helping my headaches. At first I thought he was full of it but I tested his theory by taking a couple tylenol the next time I got a headache and he was spot on.
The way it sounds you did take the hydrocodone for the right reason. You came on here and and posted so you could be accountable to someone. That's great! I'm not really sure about your story with the pills but you have to be very careful. Most of the time all it takes is just one pill to get us right back to where we started. One pill gets our brains all out of whack again. We end up justifying reasons why we need a pill. Once we get into that mindset it's hard to catch until we are back to using everyday.
Like I said, I don't really know your story but just wanted to make you aware about how easy it is to get right back into active addiction. Most of the time all it takes is that one pill. The best thing to do is get rid of all narcotic pain meds and also cut off all ties with them. That mean calling your doctor and telling him/her that you are done taking them for good. If we have them in our possession it's only a matter of time before we come up with another reason to take one.
I wish you the best of luck!

Brian

[IBKleen]

Did you really need them for a headache? Or is the prescription from the accident that you had?

I have chronic and legitimate pain everyday. That is how I got here. But what I know for me is 1 is too many and 1,000 is never enough.

Get as honest as you can with yourself about your use. I wish you the best.

[vicki595]

SW~This will help you feel less ashamed:

Pick up that bottle of pills. Walk into the bathroom. Take the top off the bottle. Pour all the pills into the toilet. Flush quickly.

You'll feel better!!

[el_em_en_oh]

Don't get down on yourself.

a) You've come here and been honest about it... A+
b) You took it for legitimate pain... A+
c) You didn't get high or abuse... A+
d) You're not lying or hiding... A+

I would hesitate to call this a relapse, if that's what you're thinking. Some might disagree with me, but in my personal experience, "relapse" is a very personal thing and only YOU can define it (trust me, you'll know it if it happens).

Besides which... None of us was meant to suffer. If you have pain, take a pill and don't abuse. Be accountable to someone. Talk about it. Don't lie or hide.

I'm proud of you for coming clean!

LMNO

[DayToTry]

I understand what you are saying.  My arm and back are really hurting today and I'd like to take one to make the pain go away but as far as calling it a craving ... it doesn't feel like a craving like "Oh I want it pill".  I feel like you said.  I just don't want them anymore.

I don't even want to take one though because ... I just don't want to.  I don't know what's up with my arm today, but I'm really hating it.  

I really think you shouldn't take any more.  If you have a headache just try Tylenol, or Ibuprofen or something.  I'm glad you don't feel like taking them.