Aa
I just can not quit, feel like it is taking over my life
I have been addicted to oxys for a few years, I have tried to quit a few times, cold turkey, through detox, even tried lowering my dosage, I feel like this is taking overmy life and job, I don't know what to do, It gets worst each and every day, my tolerance is up to 10 80's a day, I do not want methadone, as I beleive it is swapping one drug for another, nothing against methadone sounds great but just not for me, I need suggestions or advice on how i can get this done, I do want to quit, just have run out of ideas
Touched down, checked in, and took 2, I felt like garbage, no meetings till tomorrow, So today is mine, I will see if I can see the sights keep me busy and without an opportunity to use. See if I can get my consumption down a little today just by staying busy, as it is not my normal routine,
I did less yesterday ,by quite a few, not sure how but I did, I was stuck in a meeting all afternoon and did not get out of there till around 7:00pm, Today I fly out to Houston TX for Corporate meetings, I got a letter from the Pharmacist that says I need to travel with my "Pain Meds" as last time I flew out of Canada I had a problem with them. I am not sure if to take 15 a day with me or limit myself to 10 a day, I definitely cannot show sickness at Corporate Office. I love the night life in TX, a lot of good pubs, and I just love the city, I am in a great mood for those two reasons, I still need to get help with my addiction, and mentioned to my boss that I may take some time off for a holiday, I can leave as soon as I wrap up these meetings over the next two days, and the report due by Friday. I found two great places to do a detox and rehab, one in Canada in Ontario, and the other in the States that was given to me by someone on here, but I am going to do it, see if I can get my life back or if the old me is even around any longer. I just hope that when I do this, that I can stay off of them, and that I can find the old me, or original me, if he still exists. I will be on again after I touch down and check into the hotel, today is my day except for an hour, tomorrow is a different story, will be in meetings almost all day.So will have to make sure I do enough to last till we get the breaks.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You have a very serious situation going on here. Please reach out to your doctor or some other professional and get some help with this. Your days are numbered if you dont. Put your pride aside and reach out. Your "dealer" is not your friend. All you are is money in his pocket and he doesnt give a rats behind about your health and well being. Doctor shopping is a felony and not recommended. Recovery is all about being honest with yourself and others. You dont have to live this way but you have to be the one who makes the first move. Make you the No1 priority cuz without this you will have nothing~~~~sara
IBKleen is right on this one. You need professional help not just a friend who has access to more drugs. Do you have anyone who knows about your addiction? Someone who might be able to help with the taper a little bit. Obviously you tried it and still take more than you want so someone to hold the pills, or like Gnarly always says put them in an envelope and seal them up. You know what I mean? I Hope that you can work something out soon!!!
Me again. I read through your posts again. I can't tell you how much I support your efforts to kick this!!
I do have to agree with the person that posted that your supplier is not your friend. While it may seem that way, and he does you these favors, her most likely is not medically trained. Substituting other drugs without help can be very, very, very dangerous.
I hear what you are saying about not wanting others to know. I won't even attempt to talk you out of that - I understand it completely.
However, you do have some options. If you don't feel you can go to your own doctor and tell him what's going on and ask for a supervised plan, have you thought about going somewhere else?
You could make an appointment with a different doctor or even in a different city. You could go to an urgent care. You can tell them you do not have insurance and pay cash for the visit. You can opt to use insurance or pay cash for what they may prescribe you. How do I know this?? Well......... I used to a pro at doctor shopping when I needed more pills, so I KNOW you could do it for recovery. Then, you don't have to worry about it coming up on your insurance, etc.
Given your route of ingestion and your dose, I think it would be really great if you could see a doctor to help. If this is absolutely not an option for you, I think it's important to let someone (OTHER THAN YOUR SUPPLIER) know what you are doing, and when, and have them check in on you. This is very serious stuff for all the reasons you've already identified. I really do think you can be successful at this, but I also think it's important to be well armed and well prepared.
I do have to agree with the person that posted that your supplier is not your friend. While it may seem that way, and he does you these favors, her most likely is not medically trained. Substituting other drugs without help can be very, very, very dangerous.
I hear what you are saying about not wanting others to know. I won't even attempt to talk you out of that - I understand it completely.
However, you do have some options. If you don't feel you can go to your own doctor and tell him what's going on and ask for a supervised plan, have you thought about going somewhere else?
You could make an appointment with a different doctor or even in a different city. You could go to an urgent care. You can tell them you do not have insurance and pay cash for the visit. You can opt to use insurance or pay cash for what they may prescribe you. How do I know this?? Well......... I used to a pro at doctor shopping when I needed more pills, so I KNOW you could do it for recovery. Then, you don't have to worry about it coming up on your insurance, etc.
Given your route of ingestion and your dose, I think it would be really great if you could see a doctor to help. If this is absolutely not an option for you, I think it's important to let someone (OTHER THAN YOUR SUPPLIER) know what you are doing, and when, and have them check in on you. This is very serious stuff for all the reasons you've already identified. I really do think you can be successful at this, but I also think it's important to be well armed and well prepared.
IBKleen: I don't care really, I don't know any other addicts and I know what a taper is, but it sounds like you have had this person before on someone else's post?
so Onandoffuser, it is reducing the amount you take daily, weekly, monthly, yearly,,,,,
so Onandoffuser, it is reducing the amount you take daily, weekly, monthly, yearly,,,,,
Hi, divorced! 1st - I'm really glad you found this site.
I don't post often here, and I'm just newly clean. However, I am a medical professional and what many have said here are great things to consider.
- You mentioned stopping cold turkey as an option. While this is indeed and option, as many have pointed out, detox can be very rigorous, especially from the dosages you identified. 5 tabs a day is still quite a big dose.
- IF you can taper, this is similar to some of the protocols we use in the hospital. I know that I can't post taper schedules, but a quick google search will give you some ideas. Protocols range all over the place, from 10% reductions every 3 days to 50% reductions every week.
- From my personal experience, a taper helped tremendously. They are very hard to stick to without help. I also did NOT have help. Considering my job, NO ONE was aware of my problem. This includes my husband. What ended up working for me was basically not using until my w/d symptoms were unbearable, then taking the smallest dose possible to keep the symptoms tolerable. Note I said tolerable, not non-existent. I had slight w/d symptoms the entire time I was tapering. My drug of choice could be easily split in half or even quarters. When it was all said and done, I was able to keep cutting by about 50% each week. It also helped for me to take very small doses frequently instead of larger doses less frequently. This prevented me from getting a buzz, but kept the w/d symptoms tolerable.
- The scariest day for me was the 1st day with nothing. The w/d symptoms spiked, but I think it was mostly mental. I had creepy crawlies under my skin that were just miserable. But I made it. Almost 10 days before I relapsed and popped a pill. I won't make excuses - it was a relapse, but it was only 1 dose, and I flushed everything else I had. So I'm back to day 5 without anything in my system. The physical symptoms are better, except that I'm still not sleeping great. But I can function again.
My very best to you. I just can't make myself put a rosy spin on it - I think you're in for a battle. I think AT LEAST a week off work is great idea. I'd plan for 5-6 days of just getting through it without relapsing - and you're in for the symptoms you can find in any of the posts here. You're likely to feel awful, and then you'll see subtle improvement. If you can afford to take the 2nd week off, you may want to do that. My experience has been that's where the mental part really kicks in. I have to stay busy to keep from backsliding.
You CAN do this. So many success stories here to prove it. Get your plan together, use this site, add friends to help you stay strong.
Best of luck.
I don't post often here, and I'm just newly clean. However, I am a medical professional and what many have said here are great things to consider.
- You mentioned stopping cold turkey as an option. While this is indeed and option, as many have pointed out, detox can be very rigorous, especially from the dosages you identified. 5 tabs a day is still quite a big dose.
- IF you can taper, this is similar to some of the protocols we use in the hospital. I know that I can't post taper schedules, but a quick google search will give you some ideas. Protocols range all over the place, from 10% reductions every 3 days to 50% reductions every week.
- From my personal experience, a taper helped tremendously. They are very hard to stick to without help. I also did NOT have help. Considering my job, NO ONE was aware of my problem. This includes my husband. What ended up working for me was basically not using until my w/d symptoms were unbearable, then taking the smallest dose possible to keep the symptoms tolerable. Note I said tolerable, not non-existent. I had slight w/d symptoms the entire time I was tapering. My drug of choice could be easily split in half or even quarters. When it was all said and done, I was able to keep cutting by about 50% each week. It also helped for me to take very small doses frequently instead of larger doses less frequently. This prevented me from getting a buzz, but kept the w/d symptoms tolerable.
- The scariest day for me was the 1st day with nothing. The w/d symptoms spiked, but I think it was mostly mental. I had creepy crawlies under my skin that were just miserable. But I made it. Almost 10 days before I relapsed and popped a pill. I won't make excuses - it was a relapse, but it was only 1 dose, and I flushed everything else I had. So I'm back to day 5 without anything in my system. The physical symptoms are better, except that I'm still not sleeping great. But I can function again.
My very best to you. I just can't make myself put a rosy spin on it - I think you're in for a battle. I think AT LEAST a week off work is great idea. I'd plan for 5-6 days of just getting through it without relapsing - and you're in for the symptoms you can find in any of the posts here. You're likely to feel awful, and then you'll see subtle improvement. If you can afford to take the 2nd week off, you may want to do that. My experience has been that's where the mental part really kicks in. I have to stay busy to keep from backsliding.
You CAN do this. So many success stories here to prove it. Get your plan together, use this site, add friends to help you stay strong.
Best of luck.
By help I meant professional help at a treatment center. NOT help from your dealer who is not a professional. All you would be doing again is self-medicating and truthfully, if you knew how to do it, you would not have let it get this far. Also, I don't know anyone who has slept through detox short of a comma. At the rate you are at right now, there is not enough tranquilizers to keep you sleeping and you once again risk killing yourself by taking matters into your own hands.
Are you willing to take the 3 weeks off that you have coming to you and go into a supervised medical detox?
Are you willing to take the 3 weeks off that you have coming to you and go into a supervised medical detox?
IBKleen: I have hidden it from the company for 4 years, on retreats, business trips, 12 hour days, I am not worried really about them finding out, I am more worried that I won't be able to quit and it will kill me, or the depression associated with them some days will be my demise. I'll be honest I worry for myself also, my sickness in the morning without the ones I have before I get out of bed is terrible, gagging, eyes sweating, sweats, I tried 1 this morning made it to the kitchen for the morning coffee and had to do another, I was sweating again before I could even get it scraped. I want help, I have spoke to the one I get them from and he can give me a bunch of other things like tranqualizers, flexeral, 600-800mg Ibprofin, Valuim/Diazapam and clonidine, when I am ready to go cold turkey, he will give me all I need to go for a week. I am scared to do it, he assures me he can make it where I sleep through the 4-5 days they say it takes to withdraw, the only thing he can't give me is suboxin or methadone. I really would like to get my old life back, that would be so much better than the sneaking around and hidding things, or avoiding relationships so that it can't be held over me. Yes I am a little paranoid I worry someone will know who I am and blackmail me, I know sounds ridiculous but it's how I think.
You scare me. For years, and years I tried to do it on my own and never could. It is not a matter of being strong willed or whatever you think it is. If it were that easy I would not have used drugs for most of my life, this forum wouldn't be here and drug abuse would not be a near epidemic in this country.
It wasn't until I realized I needed help, and asked for it, was able to start the recovery process. And recovery is not just about putting the pills down.
You are all worried about people finding out and your boss knowing, etc. How long do you honestly think you can go on like this before you lose everything, maybe even your life?
It's not going to get better hun and I don't believe you can do this alone. I sincerely hope you get the help you need. I will pray for you.
It wasn't until I realized I needed help, and asked for it, was able to start the recovery process. And recovery is not just about putting the pills down.
You are all worried about people finding out and your boss knowing, etc. How long do you honestly think you can go on like this before you lose everything, maybe even your life?
It's not going to get better hun and I don't believe you can do this alone. I sincerely hope you get the help you need. I will pray for you.
IBKleen: I was not able to drop my consumption at all, I actually came to realize I do more than 10 a day, Saturday was 12 and Sunday was 16, Yes I do snort them, and I do not know how to change this now, as I tried this morning to do just 1 before exiting my bed and couldn't, I made it to the kitchen and had to do another one right away, I am at work now and have done two since arriving, I have come to realize what I thought my consumption was in fact is much more. I am going to try the taper through the day today if possible. If this does not work, I have no idea what I am going to do, or how to do it, all I know is I cannot go on like this, I despise my personal life (the pills) and after the rude awakening over the weekend I have very low self esteem.
Gutsnglitter: I was not worried about anything, I do not move in with the usual drug addicts, the only addict I know is me, Good luck on your move, I hope it goes smoothly for you and you can complete what it is you are hoping to accomplish with moving, I wish you the best.
Gutsnglitter: I was not worried about anything, I do not move in with the usual drug addicts, the only addict I know is me, Good luck on your move, I hope it goes smoothly for you and you can complete what it is you are hoping to accomplish with moving, I wish you the best.
You take 5 80 mgs in the morning before leaving for work? If that is right, then what I said to you last week still stands. You are on dangerous ground...medically. And you snort them as well? I am sure you know that snorting them bypasses the time release and spikes your dose, giving you more at once. It is going to be real hard to taper if you continue to snort them.
Over your 3 day weekend were you able to drop at all? What is your next plan?
Over your 3 day weekend were you able to drop at all? What is your next plan?
Gutsnglitter: Oh okay, I get it now, I apologize, I was in a foul mood this morning, and may have misinterpeted it. I thought this as one other site I have been to was mostly people talking about getting high and where to get what and meeting each other. I would not date anyone from a site such as this also, the wrong type of person I would want, no offence meant though.
I atempted to do just one before getting out of bed, it did not work, I needed to do another one as soon as I got to the kitchen. I will try to do just 3 more before I leave for work in 2 1/2 hours. I will try to find a way to do less while at work. Tgtiffany: I understand that but jeeze he really is annoying with all that positive energy, however I probably shouldn't have been rude to him so I apologize Wantsnormalagain, Gutsnglitter: I appreciate I am your first post, however I got the smack on the *** if I screwed up, I didn't get speaches, got a smack and then it was forgotten, and why *wink* at me, If that is flirting, sorry that is not why I came here, and I will be as good as my addiction allows me to be, I work all day so I have to put the mask on as my subordinates have no clue, and my superiors do not know either, and I plan on keeping it that way no matter what. If I seem a little anal, sorry, just not having a good morning, I could not even drop one in the morning, I don't know how I am going to do this but I have to, I need my life back, the original me.
Well I just learned my consumption is a lot higher than I ever thought, I had myself at 10 a day, today by the time I go to bed will be 16. I am starting my Taper Monday instead just 1 a day, and each week reduce again, once I am at 2 or 3 I am going to go for it, I will try Cold Turkey with Meds I will be receiving from a friend (same guy who gives me my oxy's) I cannot continue this any further, I do not know where it all went wrong, or how I got to so many. I have them stashed in several places in my Apt just in case I have company and need to get away. I am still stunned my consumption is that much. Wantnormalagain, It will take more than just saying I CAN DO IT, it is nice of you to offer those words of "wisdom" however I beleive it will take more than that, but thank-you anyways. I will listen to others from this site as well as my friend as he is in a position to know what will work for sure, I came here for mental support and some advice on dealing with my reduction of Oxycontin.I understand that it is not allowed for others to offer advice on the taper, so I have made my own and will keep a journal of it, if nothing more, if I fail, then maybe I can look back and see how or why, and make a correction if needed, same as others can read my journal and offer any ideas and support. I am sorry Wantnormalagain, I did not mean to be so harsh, I am a little disappointed with myself right now and I don't think those words alone will help, if they did for you then great but realistically I believe it took more than that, like a few tranqualizers and muscle relaxers. If I have seemed rude, then I take back some of what I said, I am a little disappointed in myself with my consumption.
Hi, I have never posted to anyone before but i read yours and can sense the depression, you CAN beat this really even at 10 a day, which is alot, I cant give alot of advise as i havent been clean very long, but i tapered down and it worked for me as for the depression i went through it prior, during and after, but you can hold it together, comming here is the first step, i will admitt that this site is what saved me and the people here are great, there are a fe that have already contacted you and some yet to, they all give great advise and wont steer ya wrong, just keep saying I CAN DO IT, I CAN DO IT, i know sounds redundant but it worked for me, like i said i havent been clean long but i did it, and the people here were a big help, listen to them and take thier advise, they have great remedies to get rid of some of the symtoms of the withdrawls, anyways Have a great day, and remeber you CAN do it
Hey! Hope that you are doing well today, I read that you want to taper down then do CT? I think that's what I would do if I were at a dosage that high! It's too dangerous to just quit CT from that high. First things first, use that link that they posted above also on the bottom right of the screen there's a link for the Thomas Recipe, also has some good stuff on it. There are lots of people here to support and help you along the process. Start changing the way that you think and you will get far. The title to your post says "I can not do this..." Yes you CAN and you WILL do this.!!!! Keep your head up and smile ;)
I do not get these meds (oxys) from a doctor, and the meds I am being given do not come by a perscription, or from a doctor, I have a friend who has a position that allows him to do me favours like this, or to give me the oxy's I need. As for winning her back, this is NOT an option, I posted earlier that she is getting remarried and that we are done, just stayed friends, as the only problem was my drug consumption, she just couldn't watch me destroy myself any longer, thats it. but thank-you for the support
That is amazing motivation in itself. I say take the three weeks, start the process and don't look back. You sound smart and that you can really do this. However, I would do it under your physicians care, you sound like you don't want to go to your doctor because he may dismiss you as a patient, therefore not prescribe you the meds no longer....that is what you want, a doctor that WON'T give you these meds. Good luck, and start the process!! Win her back!!
That is amazing motivation in itself. I say take the three weeks, start the process and don't look back. You sound smart and that you can really do this. However, I would do it under your physicians care, you sound like you don't want to go to your doctor because he may dismiss you as a patient, therefore not prescribe you the meds no longer....that is what you want, a doctor that WON'T give you these meds. Good luck, and start the process!! Win her back!!
I checked into a rehab, they are 3 months or more, I can do a detox but from what I was told when I called I can do the same here, They recomend some of the stuff my friend is going to give me to do it, but don't allow a couple of the items into the detox as they don't beleive they should be used. I have looked at all the options, the only one for me is to do my detox at home after I get down to a much lower dose. I am not sure myself regarding the coma detox, some people swear by it some people say it killed family members, so I don't think I will do that option. It will take me time just to get my dose down to a safer level to detox from. Someone said that I could try from 5 80's but that is still a lot and my detox would be horrible.So i think I will wait till I am down to 2-3 a day, seems impossible sometimes when I think about it, but as I said this I want more than anything in this world, and if I can't do it, I don't know what I will do honestly
i wouldnt do a coma induced detox, i always thought that was a myth, and even tho your not awake it can still be very harmful to your body. id be scarred to do that.
what about a rehab? i wish i could go to one but cant but if you can aford the coma thing why dont you do rehab?
what about a rehab? i wish i could go to one but cant but if you can aford the coma thing why dont you do rehab?
I received the private message and did respond to it, as for my wife, I do not have the option of getting her back. I am doing this for myself and only myself, I am tired of my life and what I am doing daily,I feel real low some days at what I have done and am doing to myself,For gutsnglitter, I know the feeling of it not being able to get any worse, I feel I am at bottom, I don't think I can get any lower in my thoughts of myself, and thank-you for your wishes, I hope I can do it also, if not I don't know what I am going to do. I checked a little further on the coma induced coma for detox, and it is expensive but not just that there have been deaths associated with it and not very successful, so I do not have any options left besides this.
For some reason my message didnt post but I went u a private message so hopefully I can help
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