I just resigned from Child Protective Services and can answer questions

Please feel free to ask any questions regarding CPS and how and why we do things.  I was there 12 years and can possibly help anyone here pregnant or anyone interested.  Do not be afraid of me, only here to give advise and answer questions.


Princess 2000

[kim715]

I will keep that in mind,thats good to know.Lots of people here who have questions from time to time who can benefit from your experience.Thank you...Kim

[princess2000]

You are very welcome and I am more than happy to help anyone in need!!!


********Princess2000***********

[mommy2be25]

What happens if a baby is born with drugs in it's system? I know that has been asked quite a few times and I don't think any of us ever got a clear answer. I'm mainly asking about pain medication, but your answer could include other things also for everyone's benefit.

[princess2000]

What kind of drugs are you referring to?  If the mother and baby are suspected of drug usage, they will call in CPS to investigate.  This means testing the mother and baby.  If drugs are found, they do remove in my state, which is Texas,.  I am sure othr states work about the same way.  They test the babys first bowel movement, as this shows everything the baby recieved.,  I hope this helps you to understand,  You then have a very long time to get your baby back.  Also if other children are in the home, they would also remove them.  If there are suitable relatives, they look for placement there first, and then foster homes from that point.  (some never get their children back, if they do not complete the service plan they are given in time, plus parenting, rehab, acota, and several other things.  

*****Princess2000*****

[macksabratt]

I live in New York (near Buffalo not NYC) and we do not have enough foster care parents here so they work with the mothers here,to a point.

[mommy2be25]

Ok.. for instance I was addicted to Lortab's. I just stopped taking them almost 3 weeks ago. I'm due in Feb. so I still have a few months to go... Do I need to be concerned? Do they test all baby's or just ones they suspect the mother is actively addicted to drugs? Oh.. I don't want to have a problem when he is born. I'm trying to do good and I quit but I'm still afraid of losing him anyway.

[mommy2be25]

Is there a way to find out what the norm is for my state?

[worried878]

in alabama it is not an issue as this state down south has so much of this the system would be overloaded///law or now law//there are tons who have babies at my hospital for the "check" so it is not strictly enforced as it is unfeasible to find placement for all these babies..they send them home with the mom who doesnt even name the baby!..this is the deep south tho and lots of welfare and babies who r not wanted...women here have babies for money from our govt...check ur state..alot here depends on other things as well.....be safe and check ur laws

[mommy2be25]

I'm trying. I'm just never knew they checked their first bowel. I figured as long as I had quit my worry was over. But... if they can see everything the baby has had they will know that I was abusing Lortab's. I did tell my dr so at least he is aware of it, I just don't want any issues at the hospital. I am hoping for a wonderful day that I will want to remember.

[avisg]

mommy,dont worry yourself sick hun it will be OK and you have done the right thing and talked to your doctor .

[avisg]

somewhere I have a list of the different states and there policies I will try to find it and post it

[worried878]

i agree with avisg..u have quit doing nacrcotics..many people become pregmant while on them..u quit..ur baby will be fine..i feel it in my bones

[princess2000]

What state are you from?  They would only test if they suspect something going on.  If the baby has withdrawls or if someone reports you.  I realy think you are ok.  They do not test all the babies and mothers here in Texas, only if something is fishy. Take care, I am sure you will be ok.  Do you have any history with CPS in the past?  If so, the hospitals are red flagged by your name.  Texas takes it very very serious!  Let me know if I can be of assistance.

Princess2000

[mommy2be25]

I'm from Georgia, and the only history I have with CPS is that I was in their care because my parents abused me and I ended up in DEFACS for like a year. I hope you are all right because I don't want to lose this baby. I have wanted him for so long and I am trying to do the right thing and be a good mom. I just want my past behind me and to move forward with my new son and my husband without any trouble.

[coconuts27]

I lost my kids 5 months ago because I was using drugs. I wasnt abusing or negelecting my kids, in fact, I had already given temporary custody to my mom. It seems like things have been even worse since my kids were taken, and sometimes I feel like I have no reason to stay clean, which is why I'm back here again. The workers on my case wont tell me how long I need to be clean before the kids come home, they havent event sent me a report stating that I am indicated. What are the norms for a situation like this? I think that I would be much more motivated if I knew what to expect. All I know is that it doesnt matter if I use drugs or not because it wont get my kids back.

[kim715]

I know you addressed your post to princess,but I just wanted to tell you it does matter if you use drugs or not.Use getting your kids back as your motivation to get and stay clean.If you keep using chances are you won't get to raise them,but if you stop theres a real good possibility that you will get them back.You have to do whatever they ask of you,.parenting classes,drug classes,whatever it takes for as long as it takes.My step daughter has 4 children and because of her drug addiction the paternal grandparents raise the 2 older boys,and have been for 7 years,and my husband and I had to take over raising the girls over a year ago.She has since lost custody of the boys and my husband and I are filing for custody of the girls at the end of this week.She started to go to the mandatory drug and parenting classes for about a month,so she could get to see the kids and build a relationship with them again,but she was arrested just 2 days ago on drug and prostitution charges again.I see how this hurts my grandchildren.The girls are just 5 and 3,and we love them more then anything in this world and we try to give them everything that they need and want,but the one thing we can never give them,and the one thing we can never replace is their mom.Your children need their mother,no one can take your place in their life,no one can fill that void when they don't have their mother their to read them that story or tuck them into bed at night.My grandsons are older and they have gone so long without being raised by their mother that they choose not to even have any contact with her anymore.No matter what we do for our grandchildren they will suffer to some extent and have to deal with the pain of not having their mother their to raise them.Everyday that passes is a day that neither them or my step daughter will ever be able to get back.Please do whatever it is that you have to do in order to get your children back.It does matter and it matters most of all to your children.....Kim

[coconuts27]

I hear what youre saying Kim, and I appreciate the feedback. I was clean for three months and that didnt make one bit of difference in my case. Actually, I feel like they lied to me and they really dont care about my kids. I went away, got clean, got a great job, and they did nothing to help me get my kids back. They want me to do the parenting classes, anger management, drug rehab and mental help, but I dont need all of that. I will agree to rehab, but thats all I really need. I feel like theyre putting too much on me and that my case should be handles on an individual basis. Im not like everyone else. Everyone doesnt mistreat their kids because they use drugs. And I never mistreated them. I love my kids. Thats why I was trying to quit in the first place, before I lost them. By reaching out for help, and letting people in my business, I lost my kids. Now I regret ever trying. Sometimes I feel like life is easier to deal with on drugs, and if I cant have my kids theres no reason to quit. DCFS doesnt do their job, they dont give me any hope, so that makes it even harder for me to stay focused. If I knew what to expect, how long it would take, or it didnt seem so unfair, I might be able to do it.

[princess2000]

Well the one thing you do not want to do is to give up!!!!!!. I am sure they gave you a service plan to complete.  Even though you do not feel you need all of what is required, it is a must that you complete it and stay clean also.  They will do random drug tests on you, and everytime you fail, thats another strike against you. Make the effort, complete your plan (in the time frame they gave you)  Usually, it takes up to a year to get them back.  Once they have been removed, its hard, but worth it in the end resort, which would be getting your kids back.  I kmow I would do whatever they asked of me, if it were my chlldren!!!!!  Good Luck, It can be done, I have seen it lots of times!!!  I have also seen them not go backhome, due to the parent not doing what is asked of them.
  You may even learn alot, by attending all those classes.  Hope that helps you!!


Princess

[coconuts27]

Well, I cant see me doing everything they ask. And I havent failed a drug test in five months, but that dont seem to matter. I have hired a lawyer and I will fight that service plan til the end. I dont need parenting classes. Im a great parent. A better parent than many clean parents. I dont need anger management. I have more patience for kids than I do for adults. And Ive never been in any other trouble. If I dont get my kids back, then we have a really messed up system. I dont believe they can keep my kids forever. I am going to school and working and doing my best to stay clean. I feel like if I can deal with my problems without the help of ************** programs or psychiatric help, then my problems were never that bad to begin with. After I get done with school and stay clean for a while and can provide for my kids, cant they re-evaluate my case? Or do they really treat everyone the same? Hopefully, it will work out. If not, I dont know, maybe parents really dont have rights.

[drmwvrjean]

oh, coconuts, i am so very, very sorry for this happening to you, but i have to agree with princess...do WHATEVER it takes to get your kids back!!  if they ask you to dress up like a clown and twirl plates on your toes, do it!!

my best friend had a similar experience as you do.  she was and is a great mom...like you said, better than most "clean" parents.  she also had a pill addiction and asked for help, well to make a long story short, CPS ended up in the whole mess and removed her 2 kids.  her parents scrambled and were certified as foster parents.  it took her a little over a year to get her kids back.  in that time she was not allowed to see her parents, grandparents, etc. due to the fact that her kids lived and went to those places.  she had NO ONE  (i lived out of state at the time) they made her do all of the classes too....parenting classes, anger management, NA meetings, the whole nine yards.  my best friend is as gentle and soft spoken as anyone can get and so very loving and a wonderful role model!!  (i strive to be the kind of mom she is)  but she did all of those classes, no matter how much she disagreed, to get her kids back.  it wasn't easy, but she made it through and did what she had to do so the kids could be raised by their mom.  coconuts, i know you are angry and that they are asking a lot of you, but the more you put it off and don't do what they are asking of you, the more time your kids are kept away from you and you away from them.  you sound like a wonderful mother and one that loves her kids very, very much....just don't look back, what is done is done....you need to be looking to the future~ a future with your children!!  i wish you the best of luck and my best wishes and prayers are going out to you and your kids!!!  God bless!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

[princess2000]

I realy hate to give you bad news, but it is a FACT, attorney or not, they will terminate your rights if you do not comply.  Just do it and get it beind you.  They are not so bad, but the point here is, your children depend on it.  I do not want to seem mean, but you sound like you could be in denial about not needing the classes.  You would be surprized on how much you would learn and what you thought you already knew.  There must be a reason behind them requiring anger mamagement.  We do not require that on everyone, only the ones that have anger issues.  Please do the plan in a timley manner, and you will end up with your little angels, providing you stay clean, have a job to support them, housing, ect.  You will also need to have a plan on daycare for them while you are working, and or going to school.  This looks very good to the worker and the judge!!!!  Good Luck, time flies by faster than you know!!!  Let me know if you need anything else.  God Bless You and your babies.  Did I ask you what state you were from?

[princess2000]

I was wondering if you do not mind, telling me how this happened, if your parents had temporary custudy.  Are you allowed visits with them?  Does your parents supervise the visits?  One more thing, are your parents supporative of you and do you get along with them?  I am sorry I have so many questions, but I am trying to get the entire picture here.
In my state of Texas, if the mom tests positive, in some counties, that means NO VISITS until they come up with a clean hair strand test.  I am just trying to give you advise that I am extremley experienced with.

Princess2000  

[coconuts27]

Im sorry to sound so mean too, Im usually not like that. I am just so angry at the system and at the world. I am from Illinois. I have been addicted to pain pills for a few years. For the first two and a half years, I kept my habit pretty much under control at about 2-3 pills per day. Last spring I broke up with my bf and started goin crazy. I started taking a lot more pills and using cocaine. I put myself on the psych unit a couple times to try to get help, detox couldnt get me in for a month. That was when I gave custody to my mom. I had been planning to move away so I could get clean and get my head together. I found a great job and an the perfect apartment. I would leave the two older kids with my mom until they finished school and take my youngest along. That was the plan. Me and my mom never got along, she smoked crack most of my life, but was clean at the time so I thought I was doing the right thing. We got into a huge arguement about the kids, I told her I would take them all ,and she called dcfs on me. The next thing I knew, I was being drug tested and questioned and the kids were saying things that werent true. I told dcfs about my plans, and they said my case could be transferred. After I got there, they didnt lift a finger to transfer my case. My youngest was having a hard time dealing with everything and started hurting herself, so I came home. I was clean for a few weeks before I left and a few weeks after I got back. Its been off and on with the pills since then, but they dont know. I havent touched cocaine since June. My drops have been clean. They want anger management because I hate my mom and couldnt get along with her in the beginning. When I realized that I would have to get along with her for the kids, I started to tolerate her. We havent argued in months. They say that they require almost everyone to do parenting and anger management classes, and I think thats so unfair. I would try to do the things they ask, but I think its important for me to work and go to school. How else do I provide for my kids. I get supervised visits once a week. My kids are starting to tell the truth about the lies they told. My mom told them they would help me by doing what they did. I want a trial and a judgement, but they havent even sent me the report so I could appeal the decision. The only thing I ever did to my kids was give them to my mom, and that was to protect them until I got better, not so I could do drugs.  I know what drugs could do, and I was trying to get help. I didnt want the kids to know. Now the kids know everything. Things will never be the same and theyll never look at me the same. Thats not fair for me or my kids. Their minds have been poisoned by the system and my drug addicted, mentally ill mother. I feel like they could cut me a little slack, especially since the kids are starting to tell the truth now.
As far as the requirements, I can only do so much. I still have to work and go to school. Theres only so many hours in the day. I have been cleared from the psych stuff and we're negotiating on the parenting and anger management classes. If they can make me some promises, I would even be willing to do the **************. I am hesitant, because they have yet to keep their word and hold up their end.
After I finish school, I plan to advocate for mothers in my situation. I want to challenge the system and dig up cases of mothers who have been wrongfully accused and treated unfairly because of incomplete investigations. How many kids lives are turned upside down because of lazy caseworkers and cookie cutter service plans. Eventually my kids will come home. Maybe I am in denial, but I know what kind of parent I am. I know why my kids said what they said, and I know what I have done so far. They said I needed meds, a doctor disagreed. They say I need parenting classes, but if they talked to old daycare clients, they would also disagree. They say anger management, but they could talk to friends, family, employers and other kids, and find thats also unnecessary. The only thing I need is **************, maybe. All I really need is to stay clean. ************** wont guarantee that I will stay clean. Drops are going to provide the most proof. Whats the difference?
Theres the story, hopefully that sums it up for you. I appreciate your feedback.

[princess2000]

I am sorry your life is where it is at this time.  I still say, cooperate with your worker and things run much more faster and smoother.  I would also have to agree you need all of those classes to better educate yourself on certain issues.  Most parents think the way you are thinking.  The bottom line is Do the service plan.  As for your mother, I am not sure that is the best place for your kids, if she is also an addict and mental.  You could get your worker to give her a drug test.  Is there anyone else in your family suitable and willing to take them, while you work on things?  What about the father?  Is he suitable and in their lives?  How old are your kids?  How do your visits go?  Do they interact with you and are they happy to see you?  Some employers will work with you, so you are able to complete your plan.  If you want this bad enough, you can be sucessful.  I wish you all the luck in the world and will pray for you to finish so you can have your kids and get on with your lives!  Do you have any other CPS history that they can use against you?  I am glad you have an attorney, I hope he or she is good, and knows what to do  Who supervises your visits?  I am assuming it is a worker and not your mom.

sending prayer your way,

***Princess2000***

[princess2000]

How ae things going?  I have not heard from you in a few days.  I have been praying for you and your children.  I just wanted to let you know that I CARE!!!!  

Princess2000

[coconuts27]

Princess, my kids are 11, 10 and 5. The worker supervises my visits and they always go well. The kids are always excited to see me and they miss me very much. They have asked lots of times for more visits or over night stays, but the worker tells them no. As for my mom, shae has been tested, and she is clean. Her mental issues or criminal background doesnt seem to matter to them. My family doesnt want to get involved. Their father is not involved with them. My only alternative is foster care, and I cant do that to my kids. I dont have any other dcfs involvement or criminal cases that they can use against me. This is my first time in trouble. Like I said, the kids are starting to regret the lies they told to make this happen. They know they were better off at home. The worker can see how much I love my kids and how much they love me. She knows that I dont need everything they say. I could go to the classes and I may learn a lot, but they will only be helpful if I believe what they tell me and apply it to my life. I believe in my ways of raising children. I dont think that theres very much I would change.

[kim715]

As a mother of 3 grown children and a grandmother of 5,2 of which I have helped raise,it can never hurt to learn something new when it comes to parenting.What it all boils down too is that attending the classes is the way to get your children back.Not doing what they ask of you is not going to help you achieve that goal.All parents make mistakes,and I'm sure a lot of us regret the way we handled some things when it came to our children.I regret all the time lost to my addiction.Time I should have spent just enjoying my children.My husband and I always worked hard when my kids were coming up and we always had a nice home and the kids had nice things and for the majority of their lives I wasn't an addict,but for those few years that I was I was not the best mom that I could be.I wasn't abusing my kids or neglecting their material needs,but I wasn't clean.Theres memories that were made that I can't fully remember ,because I was high.The time I spent making phone calls and going on runs to get my pills was time taken away from my children,time I should have been spending watching a movie with them,or just talking with them.I regret all of that.I know for myself ,being a mom who became an addict is something I'd give anything to change.All we can do now though is learn from our mistakes and try to be the best parent that we know how to be,and it never hurts to get a little help in that area.

[dominosarah]

I am worried about something you keep mentioning.......you say the kids are regretting their lies now.  What made them lie in the first place??  Is there someone who is talking with your children at this time too??  Counselors i mean??  This has to be hard on them and if they did lie that is alot for them to take on with the way the situation is.  They may feel like it is their fault.

[princess2000]

Good to hear from you.  Just stick with it and work hard!!!  Just remember your big reward is getting your children back.  If your mom is as bad as you say, that should even make you want it even more.  In my state, there is no way we would place children in a home with criminal background.  We do a complete background check, to ensure the children are safe.  I know you do not want your kids in a foster home, and I can understand that.  There are good foster homes, but then again, some are just in it for the money.  I feel for your children, as they are at the ages where they know what is going on and unfortunatley, they will never forget it.  I wish you good luck again, and I cant express enough to just bite your tongue and get it all done.  Your kids are waiting.

******Princess********

[coconuts27]

I hear what you guys are saying, and Im trying to bring myself to cooperate. My kids need me and I need them. I think they do feel guilty. My mom told them to say things that werent true, I think she made them think that the situation was worse and that they would help me. I have told them not to think its their fault. That I made bad decisions and thats why all this has happened. I have decided to go to rehab, but I will continue to fight the rest. All they have against me is a positive drug screen, thats it. So I guess thats all they really need to close the case. After that, if they dont close the case, Im gonna take it to a judge. If a judge tells me that I have to do the classes, then I will. I dont think that the people handling my case are doing the right thing. And I understand that I could learn a lot from classes, but I really dont feel I need them. Anyone who knows me would tell you that Im great with kids, they would all trust me with theirs. All of my friends couldnt believe what happened. And yeah, I would have been an even better parent if Id never used drugs, but thats why I need rehab, not everything else. Like I said, I'll do the rehab, but I want a judge to order the rest. What I would really like is for the agency to give me some kind of word that as I complete certain steps, that gets me closer to my kids. Ive been giving clean drops for five months and gotten nothing. I couldnt even see the kids on their birthdays. So if I go to all these classes, wasting time and effort, taking off work, putting everything else on hold, how do I know that it will be for anything. I have a hard time doing everything they say because they havent kept their word on a single thing since day one.

[kim715]

I know it differs from state to state.I live in Pennsylvania,and we got CYF involved in our grandchildrens situation,as a way to protect them.I'm going to be honest I don't care for the ways they do a lot of things.I think they should be more strict with their policies here.I do know that here CYF is the agency that dictates to the courts what steps they feel the parents will need to take in order to get their children back.Meaning most likely the judge is going to listen and stand behind whatever your case worker has requested you to do,including complete any and all classes.Not doing so in a timely fashion will most likely not be in your favor when you go in front of the judge.That judge is going to want to see that you have done anything and everything in your power to do what was asked of you in order to get your children back.Not attending the classes will most likely be a big strike against you.

[princess2000]

You seem like a very loving mother, however you seem to be missing the point.  CPS has control right now and what they say for you to do, is pretty much what you better do!!  You have to give in and cooperate.  If you continue like this, unfortunatley they will never give them back. They will terminate your rights and you will not be able to see them until they are18.  I know you do not want that.  Talk to your caseworker and stay in close contact with her.  Its true that the judge will be on there side and want you to complete your service plan,  It is as simple as that.  You want to be able and go in front of the judge with some things completed.  This does impress them and then maybe even increase your visitations and even to full weekends.  That how we do things here.  Please listen to me, I know what I am talking about.  Ask your worker when you can expect to have extended visits.  You really need to have a good relstionship with her.  They are not going to do the work for you.  Please understand I am on your side, and I can help you get through this if you listen to me.  Talkto you soon.  


Princess

[coconuts27]

Just to let you guys know, I decided to do what they say. Im not happy about it, but they keep screwing me and Im tired of it. Ive decided that the only way Im ever going to get my kids back is to do whatever they want. I guess it doesnt really matter if Im clean or what Im doing. Work isnt important and school doesnt matter, the only way Im fit to be a parent is if I say I need help. I thought that this was a free country and people are allowed to make their own decisions, I thought that I could better myself on my own, but I guess the people at dcfs are geniuses and they know everything. I start treatment on monday, and I cant wait til its all over. After all of this I dont know if I will ever trust the system again, I dont know if Ill ever have faith in my country. Makes me feel like I am being forced and I have no rights. I think I would have had a better chance if I had committed a crime and went to jail. At least then Id be able to defend myself.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. It helped me make a decision. I dont agree with the way it works, but maybe someday (after I graduate), Ill be able to stand up for the rights of parents and make a difference.

[princess2000]

I am glad to hear you are going to do as they ask.  It will not be a forever thing, just get it done and it will be the best thing you could do for you and for your children.  You can trust me, and I am sorry your system has screwed you around,  Let me know from time to time how you are doing.  I am pulling for you!!!!  I am here if you need any advise.  

Prayers for you,


Princess2000

[jt808]

i do not no what u r going thru but i can understand that u feel that dcfs isnt doing its job and i c that first hand at my job i live in illinois to and we know how screwed the politics are u seem like u werent a bad mother just in lil over ur head but now ur not if u could see the homes that i go into every freakn day with like 13 kids cramped in one room so dirty and disgusting u cant see the floor and bugs crawlin around and stinks and theres drugs being sold out the hose by the parents and the older kids its absoutly disgusting the way these kids are raised in the south side of chicago i couldnt even tell u how bad dcfs id around here i dont thnk alot of u would understand they take away the kids of parents who dont mistreat there kids in cocunuts case but yet u go in the ghetto neighborhoods and c what these kids are raised like and in and they dont do **** to the parents of them but yet they will do that to u i find it absoutly amazing how a s s   backwards this state and city is............. sorry for ur situation hope u get em back and stay clean for them and for u.

[nikki1975]

I am very compasionate about you situation coconuts but as i am reading replies from you all that i see a problem with is that you just have been wasting time by saying you don't need anger managment or parenting classes...I have never heard anyone be so resistent to learn especially after loosing their kids...I have a Phd in my field and i would anytime be open minded to learn more even about the things I THINK i know all about...
Good luck and you will have to let some if not all of the resentment and i am the only victim of the system attitude go. let it go or learn how to. Anger managment will help some.
Because if you hold all of this resentment and anger (toward anyone) you may get back to using again. Sobriety its  a lifelong process and they can't possibly teach you everything in Rehab. rehab will be done quickly. Then you go home.
Your kids are the victims and please do what you can to help them.
Good luck again and i am saying all of this bc i hope you never have to deal with this again.

[Jacqui805]

I hear and feel the anger you have that you are not with your children right now...You love your children very much and resent having things assumed about you by CFS.  I hear you man..While it IS frustrating to you that you can't have them now, those are the rules, and you have lost the control here.....I want to put it to you this way.....While you resent the time you are losing with them now....Do you want to be years down the road and have one of your children say to you, "Mom, you mean you could have gotten custody of us if you did what they asked?"...and you answer yes, and cry.  

I really really don't mean to BE mean or to sound harsh..I'm trying to look at this objectively.  I have been angered to the point of obsession at times, and cut my nose off to spite my face.  EVERYTIME, I regretted it later.  I'm trying to say that to you.  I can see how much you love your children...don't let your anger at the consequences for your drug use cause you to miss more time with your babies than need be ok?  

Sometimes, ya just gotta play ball....I understand the fight though coconuts, I really do.   I wish you strength, patience, and serenity in doing what you need to do

[princess2000]

I am still available to answer any questions concerning Child Services.  I had a request to post again to refresh everyones memory.  Please feel free to PM me anytime, for help. advise, or just to answer your questions.  

Princess2000***************

[wannabefree330]

Thank you for being willing to share your information with us.  I am a single mother of 3 children.  13, 17, 18 are their ages.  My 17 yr old stays at his fathers during the week, and my place on the weekends.  My 18 yr old still lives with me.  My 13 yr old i'm having major issues with.  She does have major anxiety issues and after 2 years of trying to help her work through her anxiety, we finally had to put her on low dose medicaiton.....which has helped immensely.  To this day she still won't have sleepovers at friends homes because she worries herself sick.  Not surprisingly, the peak of her issues was during my divorce from her father.

During the summer, there was an incident where my daughter and some of her friends were caught toilet papering someone in the neighborhood, and they also egged the persons car.  We received a visit from local police and that's when I found out what had happened.  She was punished (sent to clean the mess, verbally apologize, and priveliges taken away for 2 weeks.).  A week later, someone from DCFS came to my door.  Said there had been a complaint that my daughter was left home alone most the time, and unsupervised.  At the time, I worked at an E.R. and my shifts would sometimes not finish till 11pm (I would work 3 - twelve hour shifts a week).  The DCFS worker was polite, asked me questions, asked the kids questions, if they felt safe etc.  My 18 yr old daughter was always here if I wasn't, but my 13 yr old rarely listens to her.  Needless to say, the case was dropped d/t being unsubstatiated.  

FFwd 6 months:  Now my 13 yr old is playing the I'm sick game in the mornings.  I quit my ER job so I could be home consistently at night and now work at a surgical center where I have to leave home before she even gets out of bed.  I set 2 alarms for her, and even call to make sure she wakes up.  She is now at the point she has missed so much school (because she falls back to sleep or uses her anxiety as an excuse to need to stay home) she has received a Truancy violation.  She will have to go to truancy school, then if she still has issues with attendance, she'll be sent before a judge.  Since she is a minor, I could be charged with a class B misdemeanor!!  I can't drive home (30miles) every day to get her to school?  I must work?  I guess my question is if the situation doesn't get better, will DCFS get involved, and will they re open the earlier complaint and use that against me too?  God knows I try to be here for my kids, but Its impossible to pay all the bills working between school hours (8am-2;45).  I also have a hx of drug addiction and recently went to detox......will they bring that up?

[princess2000]

I am sorry you are having this problem.  Unfortunatley, you are the parent and are responsible for your minor children.  You will be held accountable for her not going to school.  The Judge will not care that your job starts early, he only wants to be sure the minor child is in school.  Is there a family member that could help get her up and see that she gets to school,  They can also get you for too many tardies.  Bottom line here is your child does not need to be left alone to fend for herself and get to school by herself and when she chooses to go.  She needs a responsible person to see that she gets there.  Maybe a babysitter, just to get her there.  I know that sounds kinda dumb for a 13 year old, but she is bringing it on her self and needs supervision.  CPS could get involved if another complaint is made by someone, even the school, could for excessive absences.  They will look to see if you have any CPS history and read what it was about.  That one is closed and can not be reopened, but a new one could be opened.  As far as your drug re-hab, they can find out about that too.  If you are clean, you have nothing to worry about as far as that goes.  They may want to drug test you, and even your minor child, to see if there is anything in her system.  What state are you in?  I am in Texas, but most states work about the same.  They even could work out a safety plan with you, and this would ensure the child would be supervise by a responsible person while you are gone in the mornings.  If you follow that, they would leave her in the home.  If it is violated, the child could be removed by your state and placed in a foster home, or a suitable realative.  I am sorry, this is not what you wanted to hear, I understand you are trying to work and provide a living, but the child needs an adult to supervise her.  13 is a very delicate age.  Good Luck


*****************************Princess2000*************************

[wannabefree330]

thanks for your reply.  It is so frustrating to me.  I know there are rules and guidelines set in place for reasons.  But, I am not one who sits at home leaching off the system expecting society to pay my way through life as well as my kids' way through.  I have asked her father to come by and make sure she is up so we'll see if that makes a difference.

[wannabefree330]

Now another question.......
I am a nurse who works at a surgical center.  We do outpatient dental surgeries on children.  Some of these children's teeth are sooo bad it just breaks my heart.  Many of the kids' teeth are rotted clear down to the gums and the gums are inflammed and often infected.  It frustrates me so badly to see the children come in like that, and see the parents with their cell phones, designer shoes, handbags and fake nails.  Almost all of the children we see are medicaid funded.  Now, I know that I can't really report the parents for neglect if they follow through with treatment once they have been INFORMED the treatment needs to be done right?

We have one family in particular who's child was too sick the day of surgery to be worked on.  The family has cancelled/ rescheduled 5 times since then with the last time being last thursday.  They just didn't show for their appt and when we called, the mom said "oh, well I woke up not feeling well so we're not coming".  In this case, is it appropriate to call DCFS and report neglect?  referring to refusing to provide medical care to your child if you know he needs it?  Its not a money issue because the child has medicaid?

[lady67]

Hasn't the world changed alot?  I remember when I was 13 years old, I was constantly babysitting younger kids in my neighborhood.  I mean that was my summer job.  Now they want to take our kids away for leaving them?  

I am a former social worker and now teach high school.  There isn't a class I teach that a student doesn't either have a baby or the student is currently pregnant.  I even overheard one say the other day, "I am just like my momma, I love 'em when deys babies, but once they start walkin' I want another one." She said that her mother had nine.  This was a ninth grade student who has a 15 month old.  

[wannabefree330]

So sad!  It frustrates me that I work 2 jobs to support my kids....that I have to be away from them to pay the bills.  Frustrates me that my medications, even with insurance that I have to pay an arm and a leg for, are so expensive.  I make too much to qualify for any type of assistance but I struggle every month to make ends meet.  I get angry with people who continue to be unemployed having children just to get more money from public assistance.  Their medical care paid for, their dental care paid for, housing and financial assistance.  They can afford cell phones and other items?

Some months I have to go without certain medications so I can make sure my daughter has lunch money for school.  Its getting to the point where you must be dirt poor and without a job, or make over 100G a year to make it.  Maybe I'm just jealous?  I dont know.  I know that all people on P.A. are not like this.  But far too many take it for granted and spoil the entire batch.

I had my first child at 19.  I went to college, got a degree and work damnn hard to provide. I don't knock anyone for using public assistance.  It is there to help people get on their feet, become established and move forward in their lives. however, the majority of patients I see, the parents purposefully do not work so they can get free aid.  Nothing is monitored, where after so many years they are booted off the program.  I am working hard, paying taxes so THEIR children can receive care that I can't even afford for my own kids!!  This is what makes me angry. They should be required to work like the rest of us.  I would think after 2-3 years of assistance it has been enough time to become a functioning member of society and give back what was given.  I have to wake at 430am to get to the gym for 30min, then to work by 6.  Calling, setting alarms, anything I can to ensure she is awake for school. Arrange for someone to pick her up from school, and hurry home to make dinner and spend 1 1/2 hours w/her doing homework.  I am in surgery all day and cannot leave to drag her butt out of bed.  I'd love to quit my job, live off welfare and be here to wake her up and get her to school every day.  The principal says she needs to be the responsible one, but I am the one who is held accountable.  Frustrating that the middle class doesn't have abetter chance.

[princess2000]

I left you a message, just making sure you got it, my lap top is acting weird today!!!

*********Princess2000***************

[macksabratt]

I agree 100 % wannabefree!!!!!

[kim715]

I totally agree with wannabefree too.I was 16 when I had my son,married the first time at 17 to his father,had my daughter at 18,divorced a year after that.I have never collected any type of public assistance.I worked 2 jobs most of my kids lives.Thank goodness I had my mother and my sister to help me with babysitting.I do understand why some people need some help and I don't begrudge them that help,but where does the line get drawn?I know so many people collecting some type of state aid and are not required to do anything to remain eligible,and so many that continue to have more children while they're still on it.That makes me so angry.

[princess2000]

If you ever even suspect neglect or abuse, you can call the hotline number in your state, and even remain unnamed.  They will go out and investigate the situation and make sure the child is safe and being cared for.  It is very unfair how the system works, I totally agree.  But in the case you are referring to about the mother always canceling, you certainly can call it in, if you feel there is something going there.  Good Luck with your daughter.  Another poster wanted to know the legal age to be able to leave a child alone.  It honestly depends on the maturity of the child, but in most cases I would say 13.  Now, like I said, that is not for everyone, I know some 16 year olds that are not mature enough to take the responsibilty of caring for other children!!!!!!!!!  But then again, you have to use your best judgement and be able to depend on the child you are leaving in charge,  Myself, I would be very very careful and check them out, including references.  Now I am referring to babysitters.  Even if you think you know them, Check them out, after all, you are leaving them with your children..  They should be trained in CPR also.  This is just my opinion and I think its very important to know who is caring for your child !!  I have seen lots of incidents involving babysitters that have ended up in tragic situations and sorry to say but even death of an infant, by shaking her to death.  You just can not ever be too careful.  Another incident that comes to my mind, a 12 year old left in charge, put the 2 year old in the dryer and left that child with severe head injuries and some brain damage.  I do not mean to scare anyone, just opening your eyes.

Princess2000

[harley6940]

i have a question i had a prior poss of meth charge 6 years ago completed probation fine my daughter had a baby a family member called dcfs while this was going on police came and arrested me to arrest my daughter charges on me were NEVER filed but when police came dcfs took baby from me we were moving out of the home that day we were staying in that i was arrested at the family member that called is the foster mom dcfs wont let me have the baby they say i tested positive for drugs when i was taking diet pills and was taking meds for bronchitis the foster mom has let me keep the baby for 6 months straight dcfs doesnt know she only wants the baby for the check i have supported the baby from day one and take excellent care i want to have guardianship of her or adopt her the mom isnt doing whats needed to get the baby back i dont want the check or anything from the state but the baby the worker wont let me drug test until i get my poss charge expunged the final court date is in 3 weeks what do i do i want the baby

[CATUF]

you are most unlikely to get a response from P2000, she hasn't posted to this forum in over two years.

i don't know a thing about your topic, but maybe others do

[mommy2sth]

My son was given a black eye from his step mom when he dialed 911 for help because she had hit him 10 to 15 times in 20 min, period and she said the reason was the cops would have a reason to show up.  I did'nt find out for 12 days and when I seen my son you could still see the black eye I took him to cps and they opened a case and did not take pics , by the time someone came to the house to see him the black eye was gone so they said it was unfounded, now they are saying sorry we forgot to take a pic and so did the sheriffs dept. And the case is closed but call me back directly if there is another inc, not to mention 10 years prior when he was 2 he received a cig, burn on his cheek and also burned with an iron.  Damn when will my son get a break this is so unfair to him , it seems like cps screws with the ones who don't need it and then the ones who do just get overlooked, what can I do?

[whitaker4]

My grandchildren were taken by CPS  for neglect and abuse on the youngest child by the father. The father admitted that when he had his son and he would not stop crying he would become frustrated and rough handle him.(the father is not a part of our family,and if we had been aware of any abuse we would have intervevned!) My oldest grandson lived with me and received a healthy baby checkup. He never witnessed abuse. Cps said they had to take him because i did not have legal custody. They put in court documents that he might have witnessed abuse ,then that he may have suffered severe mental abuse by witnessing abuse on younger child. They knew that he lived with me. Why would they put something like that in a court document knowing its not true? Also i asked them how i could get the kids placed with me and she said it was a process and i would have to be patient. I called everyday and left mess. but never got a returned call. I went and got my own background and FBI check done and took it there.In court documents they stated that family was cosidered but placed them in foster care. They never talked to any family members although many family members came forward.They didnot honor kinship care rights nor did they maintain family bond so that the children didnt feel rejected  by family. They put my oldest granchild at age 19 months in anger management classes and said he could not have visitation until he finished classes. They did this because the foster parent said that he threw fits. He is my first grandchild,i adored him and yes he was spoiled and had everything a kid could want or need and more love than a child could receive in a lifetime. He had never been with anyone but me,so im sure he was scared and may have cried and threw fits for me. No reason for anger amanagement classes! They also put in court documents that he didnt know how to play with toys and barely talked. He not only had a bedroom at my house he had a playroom full of toys! He was very smart and could even play computer games and had a bigger vocabulary than most 3 year olds. We learned a new word everyday. He went to Sunday school sang in childrens chior,he was a very happy little boy! Could it be that he was depressed and mourning the loss of his granmother and family?? And this was why he was crying and throwing fits?? I just want to hold him and his brother and tell them i love them and everything will be okay. He has got to be so scared and he proabably thinks i sent him away. It kills me that he has never knew anything but unconditional love and now he has been traumitized. They said that the family failed my other grandson because we didnot know of the abuse?? There trying to adopt the children out to strangers instead of family. What do we need to do to get children placed with family if CPS wont communicate with the family? Thankyou Angie

[laurel453]

i would not like you post to get overlooked... it is so important that you get some kind of information, help... Please,click the "post a question " ( orange sign at the top of the screen ) and  copy/paste your post ... this way members can see easily your post...

All the best, Angie !!:)

[lynnalb15]

Mommytobe.. As long as you have stopped and your dr knows about your use you will be fine. I promise. I went thru the same thing and have a happy healthy baby and never had to deal with cps. Just make sure you come clean with your ob they will write it in your paperwork and everything will be okay!

[lynnalb15]

Wow old post lol sorry

[mommyinneed11]

i have a question, i lost my 4 kids about 2 years ago i got them back last year right befor xmas, i had a addiction to suboxone and i had perafaneila in my house and i was totally honest with the workers and the cops, i did the probation period and weve been left alone until now, i have messed up a few times and used but my kids were never with me and it was never in my home, my mom stopped by today and gave me a drug test and is threating to call cps on me for failing, can cps take my babies away again for suboxone being in my system?  i cant lose my kids again i wont be able to live with them gone i barley made it the first time.

[kristylew74]

Is there a time limit on when DCFS can come knocking on my door in the middle of the night? I live in CA and have a 2 year old and a new born. They are supposed to be doing random in home checks. I was worried the first few nights I may not hear them from the back of my house. If they come and I don't hear them what happens? And if my newborn has just fallen asleep during the middle of the night and they come do I have to answer??

[ohio36]

I live in canton ohio I have 2 kids my kids are in foster care my kids been in foster care since 2008 the worker that was on my case told a lot of lies I had a public defender on my case he did not do nothing he did not file nothing my kids are still suffering in foster we have to all come together in all states we need all parents / families to come out of hiding we can not be scared to fight for our children I would like for everyone to know my landlord is helping me & many other parents / families in out fight for our children / grandchildren we are trying to start a organization the organization would to be able to help parents / families that have had there children or grandchildren wrongful taken or put up for wrongful adoption / sale we have to stop cps we need a lot of help / support I would like for anyone to e-mail me my e-mail is ***@****

[Melody726]

My friend just had a baby this past week.  CPS called me Thursday morning saying she had given my info as a possible placement. CPS worker thinks I have a pretty good chance on getting the baby depending on how daddy checks out.  My friend said he is out on bond now and they are offering tdc time.  So I doubt he checks out. What I'm wondering is if he has family, would they be more likely to give the baby to a family friend of moms( friends for 25 yrs) or to a possible Aunt of the daddy. My friend is willing to do whatever they ask of her to keep her son.  She doesn't want to lose him to anyone, especially the dad or his family. Let me know what I can do to help please.