Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

I just simply need a little support

I am a first time Dad of twins, 51 years old, with both of my shoulders having full rotator cup tears. Approx. 5 months ago I went to a pain clinic with MRI's in hand and was given a script for hydrocodone 10/325 - 6 per day. Well as time went by I found myself taking more and more until I ran out last weekend. My last pill was Saturday. I have been getting a few from a neighbor to hold me over however this time he was out. So I am on day 3 now and last night with some help from Melatonin I got some sleep. My wife works as a full time nurse and I stay at home with the little angels. I am suppose to go to the clinic on Thursday but considering the hell I have been going through I don't want to take them anymore. I want to be the best Dad I can be. I do have a past (9 years ago) cocaine addiction that I was able to stop via a 60 day treatment program. I don't want to be these pills anymore, I want to be free and clean from the daily schedule of living my life around a pill. I was probably taking between 7-9 10's per day. My head feels cloudy, I feel anxious, my shoulder pain is tolerable. I am taking Imodium for the runs and that seems to be helping me, along with some magnesium and potassium for the RLS's. I guess my question is....how long knowing that I have been on these pills for 5 months now will it take for me to begin to feel like a normal human being. I will not go back to the clinic. I want to be the best Daddy I can be to my little babies. I love them sooooooo much, and they give me the strength to stop taking them.
31 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Thanks everybody for all the kind words. I am no preacher man by any means, just a good ole boy who is learning to be a real man for the first time in my life! With the understanding that we are all spinning around on a ball held up by air, trying to figure out who got it there in the first place, is a power I WANT to be close to. If God works for me, that's what works for me. If whatever works for you, give it your best and I promise, man do I promise, the power will reach deep, deep into your soul and that power will take you to an euphoric high that no other drug can take you. Back to cleaning and re-organizing our entire little place in the mountains so the kids can laugh and play like the blessings they are. They bring tears to my eyes, I cry like a baby when I look into their precious eyes...I am such a lucky man. Oh yea, I made my personal "To Do" list for the next three days while the wife is out working her tail off. First time I have ever done that...even typed the thing and printed it. Already crossed off the first thing on my list, that is 1) Love my babies more today than I did yesterday! That one will always be at the top of all future list of things to do. Ya wanna know why? Because now, without Opiates....I CAN!!!
Helpful - 0
2083449 tn?1381354708
Hey TwinsDaddy! You sound wonderful! That, is a great thing to read and hear. Keep doing what you are doing, cause certainly you are doing the right things! Stay strong, and keep moving forward. We all need to hear this right now! Best wishes!
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
Darn phone.
Meetings, back into your men's bible study and into church.
HE can fill and satisfy you.
You are doing awesome.
Congrats in your 5 clean days.
Keep the faith,
Keep on keepin on,
Debbie
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened.
HE hears and HE answers.
Keep on trusting.
You are doing great.
Get into those celebrate recovery meet
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
Well this is a WAHOO Day 5 post for sure!!!!  Good for you!!!!!

I couldn't be happier to read that your pain levels have improved so much....opiate induced pain is SO REAL...we just don't KNOW that until we get off the dad gum things!  You have an amazing attitude....you are so willing to take suggestions, cut off your sources and ASK for help.  
It's in the "asking" that our hearts are changed....we finally get to "the end of ourselves"....and that's when the true miracles begin.

Happy Day 5 TwinDaddy!!!  I'm loving following your journey:)
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
That's incredible! I have some serious chronic pain issues and it took me at least a couple of months to get to the point where I could even tolerate the pain after I quit. I'm at almost 9 months clean and still have pain daily, but it's usually bearable. I can tell you it's a lot more bearable than it was while on opiates. Isn't that amazing how that works? I am so happy for you!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Oh thank you for that post !!! We all need t be uplifted, God Bless
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Man I've got to tell you what....I have both shoulders with full thickness tears and my pain on a scale to 1-10, 10 being the worst is about a 1. It's amazing what happened to my pain. I have no more!! "Thank you Lord for understanding that I was so sincere when I reached out to you and asked for help. Not only did You get me off these terrible pills, You seemed to have reduced my pain to nothing".
Helpful - 0
5347058 tn?1381188426
Great job on 6 days clean!! That is amazing that you are sleeping good. Treasure it, because you are very lucky. How is your pain doing without the opiates?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Day 5..Great night! No problems falling asleep. Moving on into the 6th day with no hydros. Thanks for the support, it really helps.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks so much! I will not be taking anything other than Advil. More than likely I will have my shoulders injected with Cortisone for the pain. I am never going to take another prescription pill of any kind.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Do not let them give you tramadol. It's harder and takes longer to get off of. They will tell you it's not additive but look it up. People on here have had a awful time coming off it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Well it was a good 4th day coming off 7-8 hydros per day for the past 5 months. My wife and I took the kids to the indoor pool down the mountain..had a great day. However I really had another hard night getting to sleep:( It just that I can't get comfortable, my skin feels really really dry and my legs continue to be very restless. Does anyone know how much longer this will be the case? Also, I just called my pain specialist and told them that I would no longer be coming to there office for my script. I am 100% DONE with opiates!!!!
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
Good on ya!   So HAPPY to hear you aren't going!

On a sorta sorry/sad/yep I'm really an addict kinda note...too bad I new what an M357 was, huh?  LOL

And maybe that has some unique Wisdom in it...having an imodum in one hand and a narcotic pill in the other....the power of choice for life, eh?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No way will I be going to that appointment tomorrow!!!! Funny how I had in one hand the Imodium and the other this M357. Thanks for the support guys!!!
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
GOOD JOB!!!  I too forumulated an "ahead of time plan" just in case I found a pill or two.  I decided that NO MATTER WHAT, I would walk directly to the garbage disposal and grind the little s*cker up!  If I "delayed" in any way, shape or form....it would have been down my throat at sonic speed.
So glad you did what you did....and if I understand the last part of your comment....you AREN'T going to get your refill tomorrow right?  

Congrats on DAY 4, btw!!!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You've got to be so proud of yourself. Be sure to thank the Lord for the strength to do so. Hang in there. God Bless
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
A comment to myself...Day 4 and last night was tough, did get some sleep though. Today I was doing some laundry and in one of my jeans pocket I must of had a 10mg hydro. I was actually heading to the kitchen to take some Imodium and there right on the floor was this little white pill. Picked it up and sure enough M357. I wanted to take that thing so bad and tomorrow is my appointment to get 180 more pills. I handed that pill to my wife and asked her to flush it down the toilet. Man I am so happy that I didn't take it, I don't know that I would have the strength to not go tomorrow. Talk about a real test!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks Kansas,,,yes I understand what opiate induced hyperalgesia is all about however I feel in my case it was simply a tolerance issue. "For those that have never heard o,i,h. here is a simple explanation. If an individual is taking opioids for a chronic non-cancer pain condition, and cannot achieve effective pain relief despite increases in dose, they may be experiencing opioid-induced hyperalgesia. In this case, they may benefit from complete withdrawal from opioid therapy. Many individuals report reduced pain levels when opioids are withdrawn". With that said, when we first experience pain the "go to" solution from most Doctors is a narcotic pain solution, thus was the case for me. Hey those little pills did take the pain away, now without hydrocodone my pain is only at night. I will eventually have my shoulders surgically fixed however I can't at this time dedicate the 2-3 months of physical therapy that is required from a rotator cup surgery. I am going in a week to have cortisone injected in them.

Thanks again for the words of encouragement.
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
Good for YOU!!!!!  You are DOIN IT!!!  Having twin babies at 51 yrs old is a miracle in my book!

You may have read about opiate induced hyperalgesia...and you may know that initially....our pain is worse.....rebound pain.

But after a bit, your REAL pain levels will reveal themselves and you can decide what you want to do about your shoulders.  

I'm so glad you are ABOARD the RECOVERY TRAIN!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I do understand about the children. If it wasn't for God blessing me with these 11 month old twins, I really don't know how I would of survived. I have a story that is important to me much the same way that everyone has their own which is important to them. I knew my drug and alcohol problem when I was 15 years old but I was able to hide behind my mask of athletics. It got me a full ride to college and a degree which enabled me to get a decent paying job for my entire life. After getting out of treatment for my cocaine addiction, I built a place in Tennessee to help others learn how to live a drug free life, so I do know a thing or two about addiction. I started building this place in 2007 and got burnt out and capital poor so we are now making it a home for our children. Lot's of work and the pain I was having in my shoulders while my wife was on bed rest was pretty tough. I was doing construction jobs here and there to pay the bills.  

So as I said in my post, 5 months ago I had a couple of MRI's on each shoulder where I learned that both have full thickness tears. I figured hydrocodone would help. But here is the deal for me...I look at my babies and they have their mom and dad, plain and simple. I would much rather deal with the pain then have a distorted brain that the narcotic tricks into thinking the stuff that isn't even true. I will, for the first time in my life be the man and now father that I know I can be. These withdrawals simply suck but I am not going to give in. Tomorrow will be 4 days and I'm already feeling better. Here is what I did the last 4 days...1) Finished the last pill on Saturday at 3 PM, 2) Played with my kids and when they went to bed I went outside and asked God (and I meant it) to give me the strength to get through this. That night as usual because I had the dope in my system, I slept great. 3) Sunday morning my wife (and by the way she knows what's going on with my DESIRE to quit) went to store and picked up the following: Imodium for the soft craps, Magnesium and Potassium for the legs flopping around like fish out of water when I tried to sleep, Melatonin for sleep. During the day on Sunday I felt terrible but I forced my *** to go outside and walk (not too tough), I have a hot tub on my deck so after my walk I sat in that thing with a gallon of water and sweated in 106 degree water for 50 minutes. Sunday night I went to bed...oh my was that a horrible night. It was like peeling my skin off, legs going everywhere, nothing that I took seemed to work, however I finally found a slot on my pillow and continued to repeat my babies names on every breath, BAM I fell asleep until 7:30 am. Not good sleep by all means but I was sleeping. On Monday, I did the same thing but the legs weren't as crazy, fell asleep  last night around 1 AM and slept okay till the babies woke me up at 6am. Today I pushed myself hard, I hiked through these mountains for a good hour, another solid hot tub deal, and I'm feeling better. I bet I will sleep better tonight. Keeping on keeping on...no way will I ever do another hydro. My kids need me and I need them.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No I have not. I just joined this group because I want to. I haven't even tried   I had my surgery oct 1, 2012 and been on them pills since.  I'm beyond ready to do it but I'm affraid of living with the pain and worried about future surgeries.  I have 2 children 11 and 7 and they are the main reason to wanting to get off them.   I always wonder am I going to be worse off being off them? I know mentally I will be better off but am I going to be able to deal with the pain to be able to be active with my children
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Have you gotten off the Oxy's?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
After reading a lot in this forum, I realized that everyone is different and as well as their addiction.  I was prescribed Percocet 5 then 7.5 for close to 10years which I never became addicted to.  I thought I was one of those people who never was going or could get addicted. "I didnt have an addicted personality"    I would take my whole rx within a week or 2 because I would have to take 7 to 10 for it to help my pain since I was on them for so long then the rest of the month I would just have to go without.  Then I decided to have back surgery to fix my problem and not have to worry about taking pills    Boy was I wrong, I was given oxycodone 15mg after my surgery and that's when I became addicted.    Best wishes
Helpful - 0
2
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
phoenix, AZ
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.