I know I'm screwed

I don't know if I can ever get my **** together. It has been six years of nothing but addiction and chaos now. I once went to college and earned a B.A. I once was a writer at a paper, I once worked at a TV news station, I had a license, my own apartment, you name it. I think my head is so messed up I will never be the same. Basically detox even on a taper (I'm addicted to Adderall (adderrall) and Ativan) will be painful and maybe not even realistic. I may have to detox with phenobarbital at a detox place. Adderall (adderrall) withdrawal you can really do nothing about. Live with the depression. It's just HARD to quit BOTH at the same time when they both can cause depression and anxiety when the stuff leaves your system completely and your mind and body have no clue how to function. Benzo withdrawals to me are the worst thing I have ever been through. I did cold turkey twice, only to turn back to them after three weeks of hell. But on the other hand, I can't moderate my Adderall (adderrall) use and the long-term effect of binges with it cause cravings eventually.

[gizzy32]

Can you talk to your dr and have him help you with this? It does seem impossible just before we quit using, but it can be done. If your wanting to stop, then quitting one at a time might be your best bet and do not c/t the benzo's, that can be dangerous. Adderall (adderrall) increases the dopamine in the brain and from what I have heard it does act a bit like cocaine and the crash is horrible with the depression and terrible anxiety.

One thing I have learned is that most of us do heal. During use, our brains are so messed up and rewire themselves, but once we stop, we slowy get better. You sound like a smart girl with a lot to look forward to, so come of with a plan on how to do this and you should talk to your dr first.  Were you put on adderall (adderrall) for ADHD or something else?

[ZJILLIAN]

I support everything that gizzy said above! Of course you can do this, but with supervision and support and a concrete plan. You cannot do this alone, it is terribly difficult and dangerous. Come up with a reasonable plan with a doctor; put it on paper.

But I think the best way might be to treat this the same way you have treated challenges in the past. You do know how to take on big things and that intelligence and courage will get you through this. This is like going to war. Do not listen to your emotions use your brains. Come up with a good strategy. Talk to a doctor and keep posting and reading posts and reaching out to people here.

You CAN get better.  You Can do this.

[dominosarah]

You really need to involve a good doctor with this who will give you a taper plan.  You can do this and get off these meds.   Get yourself into some type of aftercare.  That will also help a ton.  Think positive!!!  We are here for support.........sara

[bigdog649]

hello you sound like i feel just posted today entitled looking for help or maybe help dont remember you have some real issues but you should read my post it might cheer you up