I know its harming me but im not sure i really want to stop

I am in recovery for alcaholism (alcoholism) and have also been taking 500 paracetamol/30 codeine tabs for about 12 months. Since giving up drink i have been replacing it with 12-15 tabs a day. I realise it is probably harming me but i get great comfort and an ability to feel happiness from this, well thats when im not worried about getting found out or killing myself with liver disease. the problem is i cant imagine be content in myself without using a substance of one sort or another. Reading these post have made me realise im in a downward spiral. any advice would be really helpful.

[overopiates]

U have to be really ready to quit or there's no point.I understand as most of us do that its hard to imagine living life w/o something to be happy.Im29been doing something since15&daily for at least10years+.U don't have a clue what its like to be sober.I'm100days clean and its great.Having energy,smiling just because,most important is remembering everything clearly.Ur right ur ravaging ur liver.STOP.Trust me when I say I comepletely understand what ir saying but come over to my side.Its pretty great.

[nz2130]

Thanks for a quick reply, Conrats on 100 days thats amazing!  I really do appreciate what your saying, I have been going to AA meetings for 2 months and its amazing the serenity some of the people there have achieved Im just not getting it yet. I guess the  that addictive personality we have just trys to replace 1 thing with another. I so want to be sober and balanced and gratefull for life and i hope that i can satisfaction in "NORMAL" life

[gnarly_1]

hi welcome to the forum.....first off you got to want it bad.....real bad the desire to stay clean has to exceed the desire to use or this wont work what has happened to you is you have became cross/addicted went from the booze to the pills still getting your buzz just from something else as addicts a buzz is a buzz is a buzz and we cant aford one for this to work the very way you think and reason has to change its not impossible going to A/A will help get you there get a sponsor and work the steps it takes more then meetings to get the full impact of the program we will help support you here look up the thomas resipe its to the lower right of the screen under the health pages also read some of the othe posts you have been on the pills long enough that yout going to have to go threw a detox to get off of them this will take about a week of flu like symptoms but the sooner your off the ez it will be this problem will not just go away on its own you have to do something about it where here to helpkeep posting good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  

[overopiates]

Gnarly speaks the truth.U haven't gotten it yet n meetings.U have been taking pills everyday of course ur not gonna get the serenity.U need to be sober100%.U can do it.believe in urself

[Oxy480Jim]

You do realize that you are just replacing one crutch for another.

Have you ever TRIED AA?  I think for you that is your second step. The first is admitting that you are an alcoholic, so you seem to have done that. I think you just seem to think that being an alcoholic involves only alcohol; It certainly does not!  You really need to start going to those meetings, and understand what alcoholism really is. Drugs, boose, it's all the same. it's a disease, not a habit that when you stop your drug of choice, goes away. You have this disease every day of your life, even if you have been sober for the last 30 years.
Somewhere, way back in time is a memory where you were just happy waking up in the morning and going out to play with your friends.  You know it's there.

Then something changed somehow and you began using a crutch of one kind or another.  It could have been something as simple as growing up, and learning the world wasn't how you saw it as a young little child. Or worse things, abusive parents, alcoholic parents, or whatever. Something triggered it, or you inherited it.   What ever it is, you can't make it go away with the crutch. You have to deal with it and learn that you CAN be happy and feel good without anything.

It takes a long time to get sober,and for you to feel good and be happy. Just quitting your crutch and getting over the withdrawals isn't the end of it. That's just the beginning. The next step is healing, It takes a LONG time for your body and brain to reset and work the way it's supposed to; opioid receptors and nero-transmitters  that produce the natural endorphins, dopamine etc need to grow back and produce these chemicals at the levels they were prior to being destroyed. Those early memories when you felt happy just living are when the chemistry in your brain and body were nice and balanced.
Until you stay sober and clean long enough, and it can take years, not  just a few months for that to happen.
AA and NA are  places were you learn how to identify these things as you are healing, This is what we call around here "aftercare" and you will probably not be sucessful without it. You need that support group, and you will need all the good friends that you will make there to help restore that balance. You WILL learn how to be happy and feel good again, BUT you have to take that step first, and stick with it.


You pointed it out to yourself  when you said that you need the drugs to feel happyness.
That's because you haven't been sober enough  long enough to really get clean, and learn that you can be happy without anything at all!

[ImDONENoMore]

I'm curious oxy - how long did it take after you quit to finally feel like you did before the pills?

[Innerstrength67]

I can totally relate. I have been addicted tp one thing or another since I was 12. I'm almost 44. I don't know why but some people are addicts, trying to escape from life and ourselves. I'm sure it's a combination of brain chemistry and upbringing. Life seems boring without a high but I know that's the addict talking. There is no magical cure, except taking one day at a time and making a conscious choice to nurture ourselves.
Just wanted to say, I get it!!'

[donewitis]

It's all been said above. Only thing to contribute: Be honest with yourself, get honest at the meetings you've been going to.
Wish you well.