Aa
I know you say you don't judge.....
I've lied. Again. It's a vicious cycle. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. I went 21 days and broke down. Called the dr for the script and that was history. Took 120 hydros in 11 days. I honestly thought I had it nipped in the bud this last time. I honestly thought that was it. I feel like such a failure. Now, I get to look forward to my dreaded withdrawals that I KNOW are coming! I know I have to want it enough... At times I do. Then something happens and I feel I need the pills. I need for it to end once and for all! I said it last time too. But I'm truly wanting to stop this cycle!!! I just took the last one and now it's time for hell to begin. Please God don't lecture. I've kicked myself enough!!!!!
Need to add this. I have a low pain threshold. Had to go get dental surgery and i red flagged him n the assistant asked me if i needed pain meds (u know what i really wanted. I was a good little girl No I dont need any. She went n called my Psych' about!!! I got po'd! I said " i told u NO" now he will think i asked!!!!! Anyway I did fine giving it was six teeth cut out.
I agree with everyone above. You have to try to stay distracted as much as possible to get out of your head a little. The more you ruminate about detox and how you feel, the worse you will feel. Like others have said, attitude really DOES make a HUGE difference. You'll feel worlds better if you can try to adopt a positive, optimistic attitude.
Today is the day you reclaim your life. Go in and be completely honest with your doc. Like rosy (and others) said, no beating around the bush, don't minimize it. Tell him the whole truth, that you're an addict and have been abusing the meds for quite a long time, then ask for his help. You've taken a step in the right direction, but from what you said, it sounds like you struggled with coming right out and just telling it like it is. Today is your chance to do just that.
You KNOW from your history that taper plans don't work for you, plus you're doing so well already going on 2 days clean, so don't let him talk you into a taper (imo). Ask for NON narcotic help for the w/ds, like clonidine, zofran, etc.
You can do this! You will feel SUCH a weight lifted when you do. This really could be a huge turning point for you. You've not cut your sources until now, and haven't "come clean" with the doc, which I believe has been one of the biggest things that allowed you to relapse over and over. You changing that will move you in the right direction. You can do this! We're all here pulling for you!
I agree with rosy about starting a new thread too, as this one is getting pretty long. Maybe start a new one after the doc appt, so you can tell us how it went!
Fingers, toes, even eyes crossed for you that it goes smoothly. Today is your independence day!!
Today is the day you reclaim your life. Go in and be completely honest with your doc. Like rosy (and others) said, no beating around the bush, don't minimize it. Tell him the whole truth, that you're an addict and have been abusing the meds for quite a long time, then ask for his help. You've taken a step in the right direction, but from what you said, it sounds like you struggled with coming right out and just telling it like it is. Today is your chance to do just that.
You KNOW from your history that taper plans don't work for you, plus you're doing so well already going on 2 days clean, so don't let him talk you into a taper (imo). Ask for NON narcotic help for the w/ds, like clonidine, zofran, etc.
You can do this! You will feel SUCH a weight lifted when you do. This really could be a huge turning point for you. You've not cut your sources until now, and haven't "come clean" with the doc, which I believe has been one of the biggest things that allowed you to relapse over and over. You changing that will move you in the right direction. You can do this! We're all here pulling for you!
I agree with rosy about starting a new thread too, as this one is getting pretty long. Maybe start a new one after the doc appt, so you can tell us how it went!
Fingers, toes, even eyes crossed for you that it goes smoothly. Today is your independence day!!
You DID tell them your an addict right? NO BEATING AROUND THE BUSH! Seriously! This is your life we are talking about here sweetie. Believe it or not I care about you, pray for you and worry about you... Please PLEASE let us know how it goes at the doctor ok so we aren't sitting around worried and wondering.. You are going to get through this and we are here for you every step of the way!
p.s could you start a new thread maybe? I definitely want to keep up with you throughout the day but its hard from cell phones when the threads vet really long.
Also, what are your plans for the doctor today??
p.s could you start a new thread maybe? I definitely want to keep up with you throughout the day but its hard from cell phones when the threads vet really long.
Also, what are your plans for the doctor today??
I took massive amounts of percocet 10/325 for over 4 years to escape the emotional pain of being wrongly fired from a job I loved for 23 years, a mom who developed wet brain and a hubby who is a bully and a narcissist. I had tons of "reasons" to numb my pain. But once I quit, I found out that my perception of these issues was a lot darker than the actual reality. What I'm trying to say is just like when you take for physical pain and stop, you find out the pain is not as bad as you thought. It can be managed. Do it mama, do it today!
Good morning mama. Today can be the best day of your life! Be strong,be HONEST and do the right thing once and for all. Put on your big girl panties and let's get this done! I pray that the Holy Spirit comes to fill you up with courage and grace. I will pray for you all day today. Taking pills is not the answer to any emotional problem. Stop running away!
You can do it. Just remember you can't take the pills to heaven so you have to quit sometime, why not now? With the Lords help and this site who can't right? God Bless
Not sure if this will help or not but instead of worrying about the withdrawals, think of them as the work as something that needs to be done to bring you to a place that you will receive the most wonderful gift and that every ache or symptom is bringing you closer to that gift of sobriety. Someone once told me that with regard to my fear of labor and delivery. Years later I still use that to get through difficult times or circumstances.
Thank you!!! The anxiety is KILLING me this morning. I'm thinking about calling in sick today at work. I don't know.... I can only work half the day Bc today is when I go to the dr. I just wanna stay home in bed.
I read posts here every night and fall asleep praying for my fellow addicts. Mama tonight I am praying for you. Isn't it funny how lying becomes so ingrained in us that we actually begin to believe that lies are an adequate substitute for getting well? It's like, if I say that I'm sober then that's good enough for now and I'll actually Do something about it tomorrow. We know ourselves (and therefore each other) all too well. This is no place to lie and think for a minute you are fooling anyone. It's time Mama. The alarm has sounded. It's hard but not impossible. Stay strong. I'm praying for you.
hi mama amw, you are showing some real courage and perseverance! I think your doing great!
keep counting those hours! Everyone is a step away from the pills. So darned proud of you for calling the dr. office!
Thank you. I know I shouldn't be counting but I just hit the 30 hour mark! The more hours, the more I pat myself.
IF you told her that you ARE and addict, then that is a very important first step. Don't say that you have a problem with the amount, etc. An addict has a problem with any amount, so that's not the issue.
I asked my doc to red flag me. I also told my dentist and pharmacy.
You have to put up the road blocks now; if you don't, well, you already know what will happen. It's very hard to do; your head will come up with all sorts of excuses, and you will find ways of avoiding what has to be said to assure no meds in the future. Good luck; be proud of what you did.
K
I asked my doc to red flag me. I also told my dentist and pharmacy.
You have to put up the road blocks now; if you don't, well, you already know what will happen. It's very hard to do; your head will come up with all sorts of excuses, and you will find ways of avoiding what has to be said to assure no meds in the future. Good luck; be proud of what you did.
K
I know, when it rains it pours. This will all make you stronger. It doesn't seem like it, but it will. Look forward, not back. Hang in there and dig deep.
I probably wouldn't feel so sorry for myself if I had not had a wreck to avoid a deer this morning.
You can either change your attitude, or continue to wallow in your misery. I know how hard this is, I went through it several times. When I finally changed my attitude, and started thinking positively, it got much better. Remember why you are doing this. Your life was out of control. Now you are in control. I promise that things will get better, and you will enjoy your life and being in control. Make a list of the reasons why you decided to make this change. Start making some future plans. You will get through it, and it will be easier when you change your attitude. Remember, you can not go back, only forward. Forward is a positive place to be.
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