I let down a friend who needed more..........

[janet19]

This has been a sad and lonely day for me. I have a friend I had been emailing and I found out that my friend had relapsed. I did not have a good night last, or today. I am really sad about my friend, My friend was fighting so hard and I truly thought it would happen for this friend (46 days). Just makes me feel like I failed them in someway. Was it something I said or something I did not say? That is the question I keep asking myself. Could I have done something different or could I have said things different? This friend deserves to be here with us fighting. Should I try to talk to my friend again or should I just let go and see what happens? I am really afraid I will make things worse if I keep trying to get involved or get to pushy.

I know people come and go, I see in at NA and I see it here. Where do these people go after this attempt failed? As I watch all these people come and go it leaves me wondering if they will ever come back and I am sure some do. But how many of these people end up jail, institutions, or death from an overdose. I only know my friend from email, but I feel like I have known them for a very long time.

I am sure that many of you have been in a similar situation and I would like to know what you did about it, if anything.

[gnarly_1]

HI Janet....working with addicts is tuff to do.....the nature of the deseise means people will relapse its just part of it.....for me I have made many close friends off this forum I have watched many succeed and many struggle ....but I never give up on a friend if they fall
I just keep encouraging them to get back up and fight again...I have learned that it takes time for some to come back around....the only ones that fail are the ones that give up
and I have also known some to give up for a wile but the later on to come to there seances and begin the fight again...only God knows what its going to take for someone to make it
prayer works...pray for them...when they cant pray for them self ...Im a bit old fashion when it comes to friendships it comes from my biker roots when I was a young man and thats friends dont give up on friends where in it for better or worst and by just telling them that your in it for the long haul you will give them the only ray of hope they may have....stick with them walk it out they may struggle a wile but when the finely do make it you will get a lot of satisfaction and be blessed 6 fold for holding there hand wile they went threw it...thats how its worked for me....I wish you the best of luck with this..its not your fault so dont take it on..but real friends are hard to come by when your an addcit
you have a heart of gold thats a gift from God use it.......Gnarly      

[feohmoon]

I am sorry to hear about that, I do understand you feeling sad and wishing you could do more, but there is only so much anyone can do - the rest is up to the individual.  Although I know that you know that, it does not make it any easier.  It is frustrating to see people heading in the wrong direction, especially people that you care about - whether you know them through email or they live next door.
So many people living in my area are going downhill and it is so disheartening that many of them are people that my fiance and I tried to warn about opiate addiction but they did not listen.  
You seem like such a caring person - please do not beat yourself up, there is nothing you could have done to prevent your friend from making these choices.  I am certain that I have frustrated people in the past who have tried to help me...I just was not ready so there is nothing anyone could have said or done to change my mind.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, I do not want you to be sad...all you can do is pray for this person.  It is hard to know which route to take with addicts...but I know you did your best and had your friends best interests at heart.  Maybe you can check in with them periodically just to let them know that you still care and want to help without seeming too pushy.
Again, good luck and please Janet, do not hold yourself accountable dear.  I hope you have a better night.
Peace

[dominosarah]

Janet, we are not responsible for someone else's recovery.  We are not that powerful.  All we can do is take care of our own recovery and be supportive of those who are struggling.  This is tough, i know.  One of my friends here relapsed awhile back, had been clean longer than i had and she went in head first.  I am happy to report now she is back on track and finally getting herself together again.  We cant save anyone except ourself.  I told my friend that her relapse made me more determined to stay in my recovery and to never let my guard down.  All you can do now is hope she/he comes around again and reaches out.          sara