I let my guard down!

Well guys…..I was closing in on 1yr 8months clean. However today I made a BIG mistake…..I took Heroin. Yep…I failed. I took it once…..and I do NOT plan on taking it again….it was a stupid mistake that I am going to regret now……604days clean, ruined for one small high!
All it has done, is make me feel bad, guilty and disgusted with myself and disgusted that I let this happen. Whats hurting the most now…is that I  know my very good friends on here are gonna be very hurt/disappointed with me doing this……that is sooooo heartbreaking. I am so Sorry Guys.

I know this addiction is going to be with me for the rest of my life and i MUST keep my guard up….but I obviously let mine slip down.

I have had some major issues with my mother, she gets a buzz outta seeing me hurt bad. If she see’s a small amount of happiness shining through…she does everything in her power to bring me crashing straight back to the ground. I can usually get back up and keep going, its hard but I usually manage, but this time….I struggled so hard to lift my spirits. I know this may sound harsh….but my mother hates me (because I look and remind her of my father….and because I was the ‘odd one out’ in 9 children, I have no idea what she means by the ‘odd one out’). She truly hates me….yet I thrive for her attention….all I want is for my Mum to tell me she loves me….maybe I sound like a big baby by wanting that……but I would give anything just to hear her say those 3 little words! She tells my 8 siblings she loves them, but has never once said it to me….not once given me a hug…..not given me a b/day card or Christmas pressie since I was 8.….maybe I am at fault….maybe I am the odd one out! Who knows?
Maybe I should cut her off….no matter how hard its gonna be for me….maybe that is the only option I have now….I CAN NOT keep living like this!

Anyhow, I am not trying to make it sound like my Mothers actions upon me made me take that s**t…..I know it was all my decision…my choice…..I let my guard down and fell like a ton of bricks.
I cant go to NA meetings….this is the only after care I have….you guys are the only people that know about my addiction, so please don’t beat me down….I have done enough of that myself…… I just wanted to let people know how easy it is to slip if we don’t keep our guards up!

Once again…I’m so sorry guys…..so deeply sorry!

I would like to say one more thing…..….before posting this I spoke to a good friend on here and told her what I had done, I apologised for my actions and thought she would be so mad with me…instead we spoke for ages and she helped me gain the courage to post this and tried to help me stop beating myself up about what I had done, THANK YOU Lesa……this forum is a God send and I thank the Angels for people like Lesa and everyone else on this forum……I’m just so sorry for doing this!

[JENZ_N_RECOVERY]

just remember tommorow is another day! and dont beat yourself up about it! it only makes things worse! now, just remember how easy it is to make that mistake! im so sorry to hear about your realtionship with your mother, i dont no how that must feel, i have an awesome mother who is a member of this forum also...cathy5841...and im willing to share! :) just keep your head up and remeber NOT to let your gaurd down! love ya lots JENZ

[cathy5841]

i am so sorry...dont feel like you let us down...we are here to support you.  you did the right thing posting.  like jen said tomorrow is another day.  you are back on track now.  thats what counts.  stay strong.  i have missed you here.

[10356]

You have done the right thing Sheree on posting I'm very proud of you.. As Jen said don't beat yourself up anymore then you already have.. Tomorrow is a new day we all make mistakes what is important is that you caught yours after one time and that means everything... Love you girl you are a wonderful and supportive member of this community and even now your contribution means a lot to the many that can identify with what you are going through.. again me Lass I'm very proud of you. Big hug ..............still hugging............ tight squeeze  xx-oo. lesa

[liscamdave]

Hello???? Did you see what you said in your post?? You said all it did was make you feel bad and guilty.

I saw good for you. I mean, not that its good to relapse, but good that you now have the foundation of knowing what having clean time can do. So when you do mess up, instead of going back down that road and chasing that high over and over,  you are now chasing getting back to clean....I think its been a lessoned learned.

Don't ever be embarressed to come here and saw the truth. No one here is better then anyone else. No one here's time is more perfect then anyone else. We are all addicts together. We help each other....and are here for each other.

Get back on that horse....nuff said.............

[GoingToMakeIt]

How lucky you are to find this out after one slip up! We are still here to support you. Sorry this happened but tomorrow is a new day.

[enemy48]

I don't think she needs to go back to day one, huh guys?  It's not like she has to detox all over again.

Can she still be on day 604?

[10356]

I say yes nobody can take the clean time away this is one day and that is all.. I say it is 604 -1 so 603 days clean....

[liscamdave]

I totally know that say is spelled with a Y and not a W. I see that twice I did that....lololol....

You see lost, your making me have typo's....lol..

[liscamdave]

I saY yes too.....It would be different if she went back into full blown addiction and have to detox again...one day is nothing....

[cathy5841]

oh yes she can stay on day 604....it was a bump in the road...not a relapse....how crazy to give up those 604 days.  nope no need to do that....if you want you can deduct one for the day you used as a reminder...lol  but girl you earned the right to every one of those days...you cant even take them away from yourself...you lived them and they are behind you!!!!!!!  just keep moving forward.....dont look back....EVER

[ochooked]

Does the saying  "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone"   ring a  bell???    I don't think anyone on this site will step up to throw rocks at you.   Take heart and get up and go again - -  you will make it.

[lostdreams]

Oh my Goodness....
Thank you guys....thank you so much!

I am lost for words.......your support is awesome...i dont know what i would do without you guys......love ya all.

So 604 days is staying right? Well...minus 1......

[10356]

Minus 1 as Cathy said a reminder :)

[mimi1313]

Sher,

You know you can never disappoint anyone. You are, without a doubt, one of the kindest sweetest people I know. You care so much for others and put yourself last. (I think you need to work on that by the way! You are important and you need to take care of YOU!)

You are always so strong and you are strong to come here and say this. You still have 604 days clean. A few hours does not erase that.

If to be happy you need to not have contact with your mother, than that is what you have to do. Please put yourself first. I know you want her to love you and I'm sure she does in a twisted way. She feels strongly about you or else she wouldn't put the effort into tormenting you. If she was indifferent, she would just let you be and not care. I'm sure she has her own problems but that is not your problem. You have many people that care about you and love you. Let us get you through this.

Hugs!!
Melissa

[GoingToMakeIt]

Well since 'horse' at least used to be "H" get back on the wagon. LOL

[gizzy32]

i honestly got shivers reading this, cold, cold shivers. first of all you know you didn't let us down, you did let yourself down. i still have so much respect for you. bottom line is that you will not pick that **** up again, you can't and i know you won't. im sorry for how you have been feeling, but you are a good person that has helped a lot here. posting this is one of the best things you could have done. after my relapse it took me 40 min to press post, but it helped me get back up. if you can't go to meetings, then i think we need to see more of you on here again, you have been MIA lately:(. this is just a bump in the road and you have come to far to throw it all away so get back up, don't let the guilt get to you, that's what addiction wants to do. take care of yourself lostdreams.

this is only a little bump.

[joann1975]

Sweetie...I would never judge you, be disappointed in you or be mad at you! You are such a good friend and I love you dearly. I vote on the keep your days. It was merely a bump...I mean you had 1y 8ms! That is something to be proud of. I understand the Mom issues totally.

I will always be here for you sweetie! No matter what...please never feel ashamed or scared to tell any of use anthing!

Love you,
JoAnn

[lostdreams]

Thank you guys....i love ya'll.

I dont know what i would do without you guys....you are all my family! And boy its the best family anyone could ever ask for.

I promise i will never go back to that life....never!

Gizzy is right...i do need to be here more often again....and i WILL be!

Thank you all so much.

[SANDIANZ]

Your dreams are not lost!!!  Yes, you broke your sobriety, that is a fact. and yes in a program, you would be at day 1 again.  but even still,  i would come to yoju in a heartbeat for hellp.  the wealth of knowledge you have earned being clean for over 600 days is mindblowingl  i have never been clean for that amount of time in my 52 yrs.  so, y9u are gonna be fine.,  i lok up to your strength to come and postl   we are as sick as our secrets.  another program ism.  LOL  they do help- get through today and yest not matter how many days y years,  we honestly trulll lALL OF US only have today,  so keep the faith stay clean .  do not forget the past or wish to shut the door on it. but learn from it.  look at all yoou figured out in hyuor painl  be grateful to be here and happy to be clean today.   love and hugs    

ssandy

[cruisin]

Hey there,
Quit being so hard on yourself! So, you screwed up! Don't let it get the better of you. Get right back up there, because YOUR WORTH IT!
        I was addicted to heroin 6 years ago. I felt like I lived in a very, very small room with nobody but me.It is one of the worst things to go through.(the addiction) I'm sure you remember the REAL lows of the addiction, and you don't want or need to go back there. There's too much real living out there. I found that out myself. Heroin is a real bad thing to go back to. Too many people dying from quiting and starting back up again.So now you did it, your not going to go through withdrawal from that. You can admit you screwed up, but now get on with the real living. Remember, stay away from those triggers!
    You need to stay away from negative people right now, because it's not going to make you feel better about yourself.
    GOOD LUCK I know you can do it!

[Brrrrad]

I don`t know maybe in some way that slip made you stronger! You said you really never want to do that or go back to that lifestyle again. Like a thorn in the side when ever you get tempted again.
I think it is awesome you owned it and are now moving on to the brighter future!!!!!!!!
You have helped so many,just kick this to the curb. Stay Strong.................

[lonewolf07]

I already sent you a PM.  You made a mistake.  You had a setback.  Now it's finished.  It's ffffttttttt .... It's behind you and now you can go forward or backward or sideways or whatever direction you want and be clean.  That word sounds so judgemental, like a person is dirty if they have setbacks.  You can be drug-free is what I mean.

Like Brrrrad said, "just kick this to the curb" along with "mother".  My mother hated me too.

BIGHUGS

Auntie Elvis

[lisa650]

It took me many trys to finally get it right and even now, i might fall, i have been close to it these few last  days.   If i was to relapse I on the other hand would count that as day 1,  But i follow a program.  I guess on here they give u free passes and make their own rules. i'm not judging anyone, i have learned through my 44 yrs not to judge anyone lest i be judged. Maybe  your situation is like my friend who had 13 months clean and took a pain pill for severe cramps her sponsor told her she shouldnt change her clean date because she had a legit reason, it really comes down to how the person feels i guess.  If you can live with that...congrats on your 604minus 1.  On the other hand, purchasing, heroin, getting a needle and everything that goes along with it , is going right back to our addictive behavior, but i guess thats just for people that follow a program???!  The good thing is you did stop after 1 time.  Wow i could never do that especially with heroin which i love but has robbed me of many things, the most important being my dignity and integrity.  You are a bigger woman than me cause i never would have stopped after doing it once.

[gator145]

Hey Baby,

I wish I was here for you when you needed me....I was in work , with no end in sight......... Just got home and read your email......
Don't let that witch grab you again Baby.....You are just way to beautiful for her......She will take you strip you of your dignity and spit you in the dust and look for another soul.....You cannot succede until you fail.....That way you know the pain of both sides......The hurt of what the evil mistress has in store for you and the savage pain of failure.........

You tasted  liberty and it was so sweet for you ...... Go back and get it again Sweetheart ....You can do it.... It is all within your reach..... It is yours for the taking....Don't let her have you again...I don't want to share you......  I love you and it's going to be OK....I promise We'll do it again....You will be you......Love Gator

[gator145]

You may have lost a day.....   To sweet to give up too.... You will never lose me Sheree......I know  your struggle first hand......Listen to what people are saying ..... Don't let your mom drag you to a spot where she can kick you around anytime she wishes.....I've said it and people here are saying it you have to cut your ties to that woman...If she wants you she will come and get you.....Lord knows you have tried to get her....These people are in a world of their own...... When they abandon their children they are abandoning themselves not the child.....You will never be abandoned by me ....You have been the blessing I always wanted and you still are.....Hold your head up high for who you are not who another wants you to be....Love Gator

[wanttobeclean]

Everyone has said what I wanted to...so I'll just agree. 603 days clean sounds great to me!  I think if using made you feel so bad, you are already getting back on that wagon.  Gizzy is right too...keep posting!!!

You are a beautiful person and don't let your mom make you feel otherwise.  I know it hurts and I'm so sorry...you deserve her love and admiration.  I'm so sorry you don't get that.

Hugs

[broknbck]

well you know what the trigger was- mom.

so you may have to come to grips on how you really feel about her. and not just try to be mr. nice guy. tell her exactly what you think of her and how she makes you feel. and be done with it.

i don't know either of you but i do not like her one bit and think that she is a terrrible mother and to all of her kids for the example she is showing. just my opinion. and you are not terrible, just hurting. hope you are feeling better now!!

[worried878]

u know i have felt the way you feel towards my mom before  i have gone a whole year without speaking to her...i was my fathers favorite as she is spanish and he is irish and out of 5 kids i am the only blonde/blue eyed child that looks like him...she would say "look what your daughter did" like i wasnt her daughter.....i love my parents but i keep a distance as she is so negative and it is hard to stay positive around her...but i love her....she is a good person....family is family and these feelings hurt but we go on...get back on track...let all that go...i just distance without not visiting..i just let things go in one ear and out the other!  LOL

[dominosarah]

See you havent let anyone down here.  You need to get on here again and start talking to us.  Look at all the support you have.  We will never leave you or abandon you.  As for your mom she will never be the mom you want her to be.  It is time to get on with your life and let her sit in her own sh!t.  Put that pretty head in the air,stand tall and take a stand.  No more hell from her.  You DONT deserve it.

Sending ginormous hugs and a kiss on your cheek Minnesota style!!
sara

[marcatj]

sweetheart - it's not ruined.  just get back up, and keep going.  

you may want to at some point get into some counseling to deal with this stuff with your mom tho...

that's heavy, heavy stuff.

and just because she gave birth to you, doesn't make her a "mother." anyone can give birth...

all i'm saying is with some work (therapy) we actually lessen the load of that kind of really toxic stuff... it plays a big part in all of this.

and in my opinion, with that behavior - you owe her nothing.

just remember feeling won't destroy you.  they're just feelings...

keep going buddy.  just brush off, and keep going..

warmly,
mj

[lonewolf07]

My mother was Native American and hated me for having light skin.  Like I can control genetics.  But this thread is for LostDreams .... I hope she hasn't forgotten about going howlin' at the moon and then - Sarah's post always reminds me - ICE CREAM.  Gator's paying  = )

Hugs ....

[marcatj]

and i think you ARE YES AT 604!!! just minus one lil one....

i bet it's your only "1"!!!

[dominosarah]

You keep those clean days minus 1.

Ice cream!!!!!!  Lostdreams we have a big bowl of ice cream with your name on it!!!!  sara

[lonewolf07]

Not anymore.  I ate it  = (

[Rose703]

Oh honey I'm so sorry to hear about how your mother is treating you. I remember all the years that I tried in vein to get my mother's approval and the shocking ending is that I really never needed it as much as I thought. Her anger towards me was because I was a strong spirit and she had never been that in her life.

I hope you will post more and I vote for you to keep your 603 days!! You earned every single one of those days and one tiny bump shouldn't take away all that time! Anyways I don't think you will try it again since you hated it so much while doing it this time.:-)

I'm here for you just as you been here for me on so many occassions!!

((((((BIG HUG))))))

[gator145]

The pain of twisted dreams

So she grabbed you…Wrapped her loving arms around you….. Took you down to her den of dreams……..All was ok or so it seemed…..

The Jasmine drifted through the air……You floated around without a care……. Trading places with yourself for a while……But you couldn’t even manage a smile….. The room was what it used to be……And there you found you couldn’t be free….. Wanting more than what anyone could give…..Now you know that’s no way to live….. Think of yourself for a while….Buried deep within the pain is a smile…..Come with me I’ll show you the way…..If it takes forever and a day…… I’m gonna stay right here so take my hand….. I gave it to you , remember the plan? You can do it ,you’ve done it before…….Just go through the open door….On the other side is all your friends…… They all have outstretched their hands…. They know what you’ve been through …..They traveled this same road too…. Why don’t you just reach out and touch a few……. They are all just waiting for you…….

There are those that want you to fail……… That’s because they hide behind a veil…… Of false happiness and love for themselves….. What you must think of is yourself….. Don’t be concerned with the things you cannot change……Sometimes relationships are really strange…..When the love we give is never returned….There’s a lesson from this to be learned……Look away and you will see the love….You are you that’s something to be proud of……… Let us all be what your looking to find ………So you can have back you peace of mind……. We just wish you would look and see ……We are mother sister FAMILY….

Gator

[Ricksma]

This poem, did you write it? It's beautiful. If you don't mind I would like to share it with my son. I am new to this site and have read all these wonderful supporting words for Lost. I don't know any of you, but I am so happy to have found this place. My son is also a heroin addict, I love him and support him. I feel sorry for you Lost for your mothers "loss", no child (adult or not) should be without a mothers love. You must be a very special person though, because you are very loved by the people in this group.
My son is supposed to be coming to my house in the next few days to detox from methadone. I will have hime come to this website, I know he will find the support he needs.
Lost, I'm not an addict and I can't share what you know or how you feel. But I am a person of love and care, I have watched what drugs (heroin/methadone) have done to my son and I know from that stand point that it is devistating. You have come so far and from what is sounds you have loved yourself for being sober. Life is so long, not short like people say. One day of your life is but a speck on your entire existance. This little set back was just a little speck from the entire time of your success.
Good luck to you.

[DaisyDo]

Like someone else posted you are STILL clean 604 days just take away one!  Dont be hard on yourself as that will fuel the fire.  I am not an addict myself but am watching my brother do Oxy, Meth, Crack - anything he can get his hands on! So im sorry i dont understand your pain only understand it from the other side.  I understand a parent not loving you as you feel they should - all i can say is its NOT you, you have to stop chasing that dream because you will be chasing it forever and you get to the finish line and you life has slipped by and still they dont see what a lovely person you are or give what is rightfully yours.  Take love wheverever you can get it, cherish it and dont ever look back!  Well Done xx I wish my brother were half as strong as you xx God Bless

[lostdreams]

What can I say….the support you guys have shown here is outstanding! I love you guys to pieces. You guys are the best….I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart…….THANK YOU…….I have no idea where I would be without ya’ll. Well….I do…..I’d be in that nihilistic world of modern hell. Some place I never want to go again! EVER! Thank you all so much, you all mean the world to me…….My Family!

I know I have disappointed myself by doing what I did….I totally regret it. I understand my Mother was the trigger in all this and I know what must be done to prevent this from happening again….I know if I keep letting her hurt me the way she does…I will be ruined. That I do not want. I know it could be so much easier if I cut her out of my life…….but I find it so hard….I really do. I know I need to try harder because I am tired of being hurt….I can honestly say that if this happens again….I don’t think I could get through the ‘other’ side…….

So…..I made that terrible decision yesterday….regret it so much…..but cant turn back the clock…therefore I have to live with that!
I started back at work today……boy that was hard….I woke this morning feeling horrible…..not a nice feeling at all. All day I have been thinking about what happened and the more the day has gone on the more I regret it….BUT…..my mind is now playing games with me……I don’t want to take again…but my head keeps saying ‘one more will be ok’….ya know? Even though I know it WONT be ok……. So now I am trying to keep my mind occupied with other stuff……

Anyway.....thank you all again....This is for everyone:

Angels lift us to our feet when our wings have
trouble remembering how to fly
MedHelp Members you've been my angels
Such support, an aide, a crutch
A friend, not just in fair weather but foul
And I'm grateful ever so much
JB © 2007

And WHO mentioned ice cream?????? Lol

Love to you all. Thank you so much
Hugs

[DaisyDo]

You dont have to LET go of your Mother but let go of the "dream", theway you want it to be cause it will never happen and you will always be sad and disappointed.  You are probably something special you Mother wishes she was and it may be hard for her to face what she is clearly lacking.  So what I am saying is accept her with her limitations and all.  Yes, you may well be the different one of the bunch - but thats not a bad thing!
You can NEVER change your mother, you can ONLY change your reactions to her.  It is a sad fact of life that our parents arent always the people we want them to be or what they should be but dont ket her failings becomes the maker of yours xxx  

[DaisyDo]

Accept however hard it is that you Mom has failings and not YOU.  We are all human and none of us every really get it "right"??  This comes from many years a chasing a Dad that just was never going to be "that Dad"  in the end I have just accepted he has limitations i guess like us all and that does make it easier to bare XX

[Kova]

ever thought about going to therapy with your Mom?

[gator145]

Not that easy when only one would show up....Not being rude just up front......
Her "mom" is self centered.....Doesn't care about others.....So she would think therapy would only be necessary for lostdreams.....
My father is exactly the same way......In all my years I have never heard him call me by name....But this is not about me.....Just that I can totaklly relate to this type of abuse....And that is exactly what it is ABUSE.....It just says these people tend to discard people like yesterdays trash....... Sure would like to be with them on the last day...... You can bet there will be a lot of fireworks..... I would think the question that is going to come up will be,,,,,, "I gave you a beautiful child, what did you do with it"?
treating children in this way is disrespect for the great creator...... OH!!!   OH!!!!

[Mikeinthesouth]

you are not disappointing anyone here I would imagine it is an addiction and this is what it does unless we find the key. I am not one to ever thro stones and know you are back at the right place so much more than alot of folks get the chance or desire to do.. Hang in there and try not to get at it again......

[lonewolf07]

I ate the ice cream - sorry  = (

Will get some more and send it to you.  An ice cream party to celebrate your "clean 604 days just take away one".  I'm not trying to trivialize how you feel - not at all - it was a setback, part of being human.

Hugs

[lisa650]

Wow...  i am not looking down on anyone, and lostdream i know how you feel, i know the guilt and the pain and having no one  to blame but myself, and yes honesty is most important...i'm just wondering has anyone heard of being 2 years clean with 1 bump and 2 slips?  just a thought

[gizzy32]

im not sure what you mean.  you said has anyone heard of being clean 2 years with 1 bump and 2 slips?

[MJIthewriter]

I'm just an outsider, with a gaming addiction... But when I saw my therapist this week, I had a pressing question. I always wondered what happens to people with long term soberity and slip for one day or one time, if they have to start over or can continue counting on, minus the day.

He said it depends on the person. Some people keep on counting and admit their slip, but get right on the wagon. Others start over, saying I screwed up, I'm goin gto learn and start over.
The important part is they learn what they need to learn and keep on the sober path and not so much the day counting.

I hope this helps in some way.

[SableZen]

Hey! I know things have been chaotic for you recently and you haven't had much time to be online and I've sent you a message already, but I'm missing you and sending prayers out for you!

[gator145]

Not knowing a lot about recovery issues , I find your response quite sensible and responsible..... At least to me.....
To recognize the act as something one feels bad about is to recognize something has to be paid closer attention to...

It would seem to me what is effective for the individual is the best route to follow....
I may be wrong,  and by all means correct me if I am, what works for one doesn't always work for another.....

It would seem to me the point is not to capture, sentence, and shoot the person at sunrise...... But to have that person get back and stay on track as soon as possible......

Being an outsider on the issue, I dont think it is so much a matter of one set of rules for all...... The way I see it, supporting the person and helping them become successful in their challenge is just as important.....

All wars are not fought on the same front.... Nor are the all won by the same tactics.....

Again I think it was very wise of you to make the point that you did.......... Gator

[extrmeski]

All I can do is stand up and applaud!  What courage to even post that here.  To just go ahead and say that wow I messed up.  Sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life and catalysts I call them that cause you to or drive you to slip.  When you clean your body, sometimes you have to clean your life as well, and that might mean cuttin the bad influences in your life.

[lonewolf07]

MJ is a very wise person - just like lostdreams

[lostdreams]

Thank you again Guys.....thank you so much!

Well its been 3 days since the stupid choice i made....i'm hanging in ok. 'Mind games' have eased somewhat now.....so thats good. NEVER again.......never!

The support offered here....is outstanding! All i can say is.........you guys are AMAZING! Thank you from the bottom of my heart......thank you so much!

Hope you all have a good weekend.....
HUGS

[gator145]

Its just so good to have you back going in the direction you want to be going......

The Sweetest thing I can see with this is you are learning from the choices you make.....Also with you finding a degree of happiness with those choices, look at how happy your friends are.....

Yes, you are so right the support system here is just so great.....Everyone here should be so proud of themselves that they take the time to care about someone in this way...... I believe that is due to the reality check that people here make ...... That being, they  know the struggle of day to day life and just how easy it is to slip up.....

Even without slipping,  these great people check on each other so everybody knows they are not alone..... Loneliness is  a difficult feeling especially in a crowded world.....
You give back so much more than you take that is why you are so loved...... Keep up the good work, it gets better .......Gator

[sunshinedaydream3]

im really inspired by your honesty and genioun-ness (haha sp??)

i've never quit oc till recently, but i know when i quit dipping and messd up and started again, that it was SOOO hard to jump right back on board, even when i felt the same feelings you are talking about.

so proud of you, keep on fighting the good fight

its our only choice, we are going to hurt one way or the other, make your hurting worth while, and then it wont be but a short time instead of taking all of your life!

[lonewolf07]

If you ever feel like making a "stupid choice" or playing mind games again, adopt a shih tzu with an attitude.  They are guaranteed (well, maybe not) to make you wonder why you adopted them in the first place; then act really cute and lovable before driving you crazy bouncing around the room when you want to take them for a walk.

No, I think a cat would be better  = P

I'm quite aware this comment is frivolous and superficial  = (

Hugs and hairballs