I messed up badly...oh god

I'm on day 4 and today I flushed all my pils  except for one quarter of a pill. While getting ready for the dinner party, I started to have a panic attack and I took the pill. Now  I can't stop crying because I can't believe I did that. How far back will this set me? I can't believe I was so stupid. All this hard work and pain and i just ****** up. What do I do guys? Oh my god,,,,

[GoingToMakeIt]

It really won't change much. Have fun at your dinner party....and don't sweat the small stuff. Shhhh I won't tell if you won't!

[Coolio Hernendez]

From what i have read ,this is all part of recovery.

Do not let this set you back.

Take as a lesson of just how powerful this **** is (pills).

[cedahlia]

thanks... i just feel so awful... i know it was just a quarter but, why didn't i flush that to? oh man.. thanks though, you did make me smie

[mtrying]

I've seen it happen as part of recovery, don't be too hard on yourself.

[virgo1969]

Dry those tears and get going to your dinner party. Enjoy yourself and laugh! It does wonders. You are still on track. You have no more pills so don't beat yourself up over the 1/4 you took. Just pick yourself up and keep on going. Your are stronger than you think!

[hopsing94]

Hey don't beat yourself up. What you experienced is the same thing we all do. You cant do anything about it now and that small amount will not take you back. I just hope you realize that you are still in a weak state. That is why I say be careful. The mind is powerful and so is this addiction. Be glad you only had that one or you could be heading down that road again. Now get out of the house and go have some fun. Don't dwell on it and get right back up on the high road get this job done. You can do this.

[cedahlia]

thanks so much guys... when i make it to the end of the tunnel.. i don't know how i'll express my gratitude. I make some pretty great lavender cookies? :)  I'm going to try and stop crying now. You guys really don't think it will make that much of a difference?

[hopsing94]

nope,not at all. When i quit. I went throught two days without and had to go back to work. I worked 3 days that week. I took one pill a day broken in half. One half when i could'nt take it any more and the other later in the day. The next weekend I quit c/t and it was tough but not to bad. You'll be fine,but if I catch ya doing this again i'm gonna have to send the medhelp police over to frisk you and take you in. LOL I like your honesty.

[marcatj]

hun... just get rid of EVERYTHING, and all connections TO anything.  you have to... you just have to.  it's russian roulette if you don't, ok?

[cedahlia]

you're great
i'm gonna go put on my big girl panties and stop this crying.

[cedahlia]

thanks.. i know but, it helps to be told this too

[GoingToMakeIt]

You have a great time at the dinner party. It sounds fun. I think it's time to start living life again for me too.

[NautyOne]

it won't hurt as long as you don't get it in your mind that you can take a quarter every once in a while. 1/4 can lead you right back where you started.  Glad you flushed the rest.  Please be careful.

Nauty...........

[FAITHFUL74]

Hey... Dont let 1 1/4 of a pill set you back girl. Dry your eyes and forget that you even took it, move past it and look forward. You cant drive forward looking into the rear view mirror...can you? Be positive you will be fine!!!

[girlybuff]

There is no need to beat yourself up about it.  It's over, move forward.

I would like to clear something up though and I'm sure it will be a source of debate.  

You're either using or you're not.  There is no black or wihte there.  Relapse is NOT neceassarily a part of recovery.  Getting sober is part of recovery.
Some of you are saying it like, yeah you get sober, you relapse you get sober again.
No, it doesn't work that way.  Relapse doesn't HAVE to be a part of your journey to recovery.  
If you're in recovery or recoverd (when the obsession to us has been lifted), then you're not relapsing.

[toxictome]

ha..that's what I always used to say...i have 17 yrs.  sobriety + recovery (alcohol) and then started on the vics @about 15 1/2 yrs. I could never understand why people relapsed. I thought I was working a good program..and I would never drink again, still haven't , because I knew what alcohol did to me, but i never had a problem w/ pills and it got away from me. it is very baffling to me...well ,if I think about it, they say don't pick up ANY mood altering substance, ...well, now I'm an alcoholic and an addict. Can I still say I'm sober because I haven't drank.....

this will probably draw some debate...but i guess I'm ready to hear it.....

[Greatgreebo]

don't sweat the small stuff...you're an addict in recovery, not God. You will make mistakes and this one won't set you back.
Try not to puke on the priminister of japan.
Greebs

[girlybuff]

The same thing (pretty much) happened to me.  I became addicted to pills (after some medical issues) whilst in sobriety.  I'll have 6 years in August and have always been a very active member of AA.
I choose to continue to use my original sober date but it's only because I never hid the fact that I was taking the pills or the reasons why.  
It's a great debate though....
My sponsor knew everything.  My usage (of pills) was quite short but intense and when I realized it had gotten away from me, to use your words, I did something about it.
Due ot my condition(s), I do still have to take them from time to time but I never allow myself to take more than I am supposed to and I have someone dish them out for me.

[toxictome]

well...after a minor surgery (2002)i had them ...and liked the buzz... i finished my script and didn't abuse them...and then waalaa..2 1/2 yrs. later my friend offered me a few and hey...they helped w/ some emotional pain and ove rthe yr. it just got out of control...alright...i didn't have a script, so i guess i was out of control and abusing them right from that point. oh, the sponsor thing...that's about the only thing i have not been very good about, i sponsor people, but don't have a sponsor, I guess that will change soon too. My thought was....a desire to stop drinking...i had that desire i didn't drink.....now i'll have to do na too!  I do take Tylenol 3's occasionally for ovarian pain...and i have NEVER abused those...go figure

[girlybuff]

You know better than to sponsor someone without a sponsor yourself so I'm not even going to go there.
And honestly, you don't have to go to NA just because it's a drug addiction.  Many of us in AA have issues with drugs as well as alcohol.  
You just really need to get back in gear.... do the steps (again if you're done them), get a sponsor, help newcomers, get a comittment, etc... keep it green.
We're only as sick as our secrest......  

[toxictome]

I've never in 17 yrs. heard that you shouldn't sponsor someone if you don't have a sponsor. I know people in AA are cross addicted...i just had 2 very different outcomes between the 2...maybe becuz i haven't hit bottom w/ the drugs...ha...i'm wiser and caught it earlier.., but i guess in the long run they both cause loss of things and emotional ,mental and spiritual bankruptcy....because I never did the things on vics that i did while drinking. ok...i'm starting to not make sense, even to me...talk to you tomorrow.....

I do all the things you have listed in your last 3 lines except have a sponsor

[angel44240]

one it too many, and a thousand's never enough! That's what us addicts are all about.. trust me, it's not going to set you back as long as you don't take anymore! :D
Keep us posted on how you're doing,k? Love ya!

[angel44240]

It's advisable to have a sponsor, if you do sponsor others.. my fiancee' sponsors a couple of guys in NA, but he also has a sponsor..
In a program such as AA and NA, we have to follow the 12 steps to recovery. Following those steps also include getting a sponsor- In order to help someone work the steps, you have to be also working the steps with YOUR sponsor.. I've been active in NA for over 6 years now, and have never really sponsored anyone, myself.. but I've always had a sponsor.. I do, however, have a few ladies asking if they can be my Sponsee.. lol
Anyway, girlybuff is correct- to get the full benefit of 'working steps', recovery, and giving it back, you need a sponsor- it's not a rule, but it's like a 'requirement' of us.. also helps US give back what our sponsor has given us as well.. :D
(This is what I've always been told.. and it works! :D)
Love ya guys!

[girlybuff]

It's sort of like how our government works in the US>  It's a system of chekcs and balances.  My spsonr has 10 years, her sponsor has a lot of time and her sponsor has a lot of time.
If you think about it, at no time am I getting advice from women who do not practice a close program and who ehck their motives against their sponsor who checks theirmotives with theirs.
It's done so things like gossip and ego don't get in the way and so that program always prevails over emotions.
Besides, if my sponsor didn't have asponsor and she was giving me advice on how to live the steps and share the program of recovery with others, I wold almost consider her a hypocrite fornot having followed the format for herself.
But again, they are suggestions and it's progress not perfection.  

[enemy48]

I'm not a pro, but I wouldn't think that 1/4 is enough to give you that umph you were looking for, or enough to set you back.

But I do understand the guilt it's put on you.

But don't you feel better that we all tell you you're doing good?

Keep it up!