I need RECOVERY experiences for the health Pages

I had someone email me today asking me where they could go for info on recovery care long term because its seems that we do great with the first 30 days but then there is not any info about long term recovery .That got me thinking .I would like to make a health page with people experiences that are over 6 months clean .How did you get there what were the hardest parts ?What support systems do you have in place .You can either post it here and I will put it on the health page or you can send it to my IM.IPLZ IF YOU HAVE OVER 6 MONTHS TELL OTHERS ABOUT IT .It can make a big difference in peoples recovery.

[kim715]

I think this is a great idea so I will give it a shot.I abused vicodin for many many years.I started taking them for pain because of back problems and not long after started abusing them,running out of my script,buying them from dealers,doctor shopping.I actually had one of my dealers tell me about the methadone clinic,so like I lived most of my life back then,I jumped right into the clinic,eyes closed tight.I had no idea what methadone was,at the time didn't care,just knew I wanted off the roller coaster ride of hunting down pills everyday to keep from being dope sick.I was on it for about a year the first time I decided to start tapering.Didn't make it the first time,went back up.Tried again and failed again.went back up.The third time I got down to 25 mgs and to be honest,something in my head just clicked.I knew it was now or never for me.I wish I could explain what it was that 'clicked',but I'm just not sure.I wanted to quit for a long time.I HATED going to that clinic,but I was just always so scared of the w/ds.I think it was around my 4th day off that I got on the computer,which I had NEVER been on before,and found this site and that night I actually dragged my behind to a meeting that was across the street from where I live.I couldn't even sit through the whole meeting,so I came back home and got back on the forum.I had tried and failed so very many times in the past to stop the pills,never made it past day 4.When I stopped the methadone I was physically sick for 6 weeks and I didn't quit.The difference for me was absolutely,without a doubt,AFTER CARE.I needed to learn how not to just physically put the drugs down,but how mentally not to pick them back up again.I needed coping skills and I needed support from others who had been in my shoes.I had never reached out before,this time I did.I am now just a little over a year clean from EVERYTHING and life is good again.I needed to put as much effort into getting clean as I did to getting high.Put as much effort into working my recovery as I did to chasing those pills.After care is what helps me stay clean.

Avisg,I hope I did this right.LOL     All the best....Kim

[avisg]

Kim That is GREAT Just what I am talking about !!!!!!

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Avisg - -  Terriffic idea - and you are the one that can edit and compile adequately.  First, after my multiple relapses I still wanted to clean up. It had been obvious that I needed a long (lifetime) break.  Tapering wasnt my thing no matter how many times or what stategies I tried. I did much net research. Even some literature. I also OD'd because my tolerance had dropped so much from my efforts and I just jumped back in at previous dose and almost bought the farm. Woke in one of those ER moments. Awfully close to being toasted. My sons were at bedside and proved to a shock that I needed. I have two great guys and a decent wife. At least she stayed with me! Really a lot to live for. So I talked to my Pastor .... he is good......and I found this site.  I consult with my Pastor and spend a lot of time here helping some and insulting others. The MedHelp involvement is wonderful and reminds me how far I have come, but also how close going back could be. Keeps you on your toes.  I might mention that the others on this forum that have been around lend unconditional support and very often a lot of laughs..........and I am proud to call them friends.  Their personal advice through PM's and also posts has been invaluable.  And has cintributed to me staying clean this time. And for the longest time since 1969............................

[avisg]

I had pain issues that would be where my problem begin .I was introduced to tramadol about 10 years ago .I loved it I had a doctor that would prescribe it to me a very regular basis however I new after the first 20 pills .I had a problem but of course I justified it by saying I had pain  .Of course I was taking them when I didn't have pain to.When I moved that was the end of the tram (for now ) .I went maybe 5 years without abusing anything .Then in 2002 things got bad again  I had some more pain issues and this time I had a doctor who would give me just about anything I wanted .I did this for a few years then when I moved again I managed to go a few months clean when I found a new doctor in my new town to feed my addiction this went on until I finally realized what a big problem it had all become .I didn't want to do anything but take my pills.When my son was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 i new it was time to clean up my own life .I quit smoking first pills next .The first time I manged to get clean for 6 months but here is the thing I was so sure I could do it on my own with the members from the forum .I was never going to use again .Yeah it does not work that way .I ended up relapsing I thought I would be able to control the pain meds we all know how that goes.I smartened up quick after three weeks I got right back on the wagon .This time I have done it differently.I see a therapist we have gotten down to the root of why i use .I have learned my triggers so sometimes I can keep myself out of a situation that would put my sobriety at risk .I talk to people instead of letting things get bottled up .I learn as much as I can about addiction and recovery .It is day DALIY thing .I realize that at all times I am one pill away from using and that I will do whatever I can to make sure I always stay one pill away .I have also learned that there can be emergencies when you might need short term pain relief this happened to me when I had surgery last year .The pills were given to hubby .They were given to me as I needed until Motrin would worked and then remainder of the bottle was flushed.
Its now been 2 and a half years since I smoked and a year and a half since I have used .I take it one day at a time everyday .

[avisg]

Bump I really hope more of our members will share there experiences

[beatingthis]

I hope I will be able to give you one soon!



BUMP

[corey411]

I will be posting mine on Thursday.........6 months.......I'm alive again:o}  Corey

[avisg]

CoreyThat is wonderful and I am so happy you are going to share as well we need people to share there recoverys so other members know it can be done .

[avisg]

Beating ,you will be :)

[cathy5841]

since the age of 21 i was pretty much addicted to something.  almost 6 years ago i quit a coke and weed habit c/t.  my husband was also addicted and quit...we had the support of our pastor and a group of ppl at our church that we could call...we had group meetings at our house 3 times per week and counselled with our pastor regularly...about 2 years ago i found hydros for my tmj pain.  then when i started having to go to the street to get my pills i started to get oxycontin, then i started snorting them...i was beyound addicted.  this went on a year and a half...i quit a 240mg habit of oc c/t.  it was rough for the first week or so, but once agian i turned to my church and my pastor..  i also found this website, and stayed on here 24/7 in the early days...i also attended na for a period of time.   i strongle recommend aftercare to all in recovery.  many times i think that aftercare is the difference in success and failure in longtern recivery...

[10356]

Avisg... I will post in 13 days :) Good Idea.. lesa

[mtgoat911]

is there anyway to do this and keep your annonimity,can you delete user name?

[avisg]

Yup I have to put them on the health pages so I dont have to put names at all

[freebird227]

I'll have you something soon. Wonderful concept. Keeping it fresh for the new commer.

[mtgoat911]

"""I had someone email me today asking me where they could go for info on recovery care long term because its seems that we do great with the first 30 days but then there is not any info about long term recovery """"

avis just incase the person that contacted you is reading this, i wanted to let them know that we do not get many questions dealing with staying clean
thats why its not talked about
99% of threads deal with opiate detox, and we have to answer them, i would love to see more questions dealing with staying clean,and using recovery tools, no one ask
it gets so repetitive answering the same questions, but thats part of being a member i guess
i hear people say all the time, you talk about the same stuff everyday, well thats because we are asked the same stuff everyday!!!

[avisg]

Yes I agree with you there is a huge need for more recovery care infomation but I cant do it alone we all have to  work together :) this is the first step

[mtgoat911]

i will definantly write my story when i am on the flight to naw mexico
right now i am carring to much anger, i think i need to post about it

[kim715]

I'm just bumping this up and hoping more will share their journey.There are plenty of us here who never thought we would make it past day 2 but are now  living a clean happy life for 6  months or longer.Seems like there are a lot of posts lately form our fellow addicts who need to hear how we did it and that it can be done.

[dominosarah]

I started using at 13 yrs old.......Started drinking, along came pot and then pills.  Went thru 3 marriages and still didnt figure it out.  I started hitting the pills real heavy after my dad passed away.  I have a bad hip and used that to the max.  I lied to the doctor for years to get my pills and i didnt care who or what got in my way...I was in love with them.  My health started to fail, my blood pressure was going up, i was swelling up, had kidney issues and my life had fallen apart right before my eyes.  I started thinking about my 2 girls and the love of my life, my grandson....I was going to die and it was just a matter of time before i took that lethal dose.  I thought about my girls and knew they would want an autopsy and my dirty little secret would come out and they would be left to deal with that.  My grandson would have to tell people my grandma OD'd.......I couldnt do that to them.  I had tried to quit so many times but this time was different......I just knew that i had to stop.  I made a plan and the day came and i just jumped.  I found this forum and the support i found was out of this world.  I also knew i had to take a long hard look at ME.....i had to figure out why i chose to numb myself up for so many years.  I started out with baby steps and the longer i stay clean the bigger the steps i take.  It isnt always fun to take a long hard look at yourself but it is vital.  You have to face your fears.......I meet with some recovering addicts once a week.  We get together and just talk......Aftercare is very important.  I have lost alot in my life but at the same time i have finally found me!!!!  I am clean 11 months today as i sit here and write this......."Go with a spirit that fears nothing"  We all have the key that unlocks the chains that keep us down.  Stay strong          sara

[gizzy32]

I have always had an addictive personality and experimented with lots of drugs, but when I found cocaine it brought me down so fast and before I knew it, i was hooked and my life completely changed. Cocaine consumed me and it did not leave my thoughts and as I built tolerance I started using more and more. After 5 years of heavy use, I made a small hole in my nose, my mind was shot and I was extremely unhealthy. I tried to quit, I went to N/A for a bit, tried to get in rehab, but kept relapsing and gave up. I prayed for death one night and soon after I had my 3rd and final overdose after being on a 3 week binge. I went into convulsions, my body was dripping sweat, and I started gagging on my own vomit. That is when I popped 2 ribs out of my back and was left on the floor for 6 hours unable to move until I got the ambulance. That was the night i accepted there were 2 options, quit or die. I chose to quit and try to get my life back.

Although I have had a couple relapses since then, they were short lived and I am almost 5 months clean again. At first I would not believed anyone that I could have been happy again and take back my life and improve myself. What helps me the most to stay clean is talking to other addicts, reading success stories and reaching out for support when I need it on here. Looking back now i don't understand how I let myself go that far down, but since those days life looks different now, it has colour and hope. I now accept I am powerless to cocaine, but I have become a strong man through all this and today I wake up knowing how lucky I really am.

Although some dont agree this site is recovery care, it`s the ONLY thing that has worked for me. I learned more about myself and reasons I used by opening up to close friends and posting on here. I learned tools to stay clean, I learned how different drugs affect the brain and most of all I learned that I am not alone. This is my recovery care and i thank all of you from the bottom of my heart, I would not be clean today without these posts:) Keep fighting the good fight everyone, time will heal our wounds so take back what is rightfully yours.

[liscamdave]

Both of my parents died from their addictions when I was young. Both myself and my brother were exposed to drugs at an early age as a result. Between being left home alone for days on end with no food or money, having been tossed to different strangers homes and being left there so my parents could go out on their binges for days on end. Drug raids, random people in and out of our various apartments, and multiple foster homes, lets say we both learned what drugs could to do someone before we even hit puberty. Because of these events, I managed to not go near any hard core drugs pretty much my entire teenage life and well into my adult life.

I drank socially and smoked pot maybe twice, I didn't like how it made me feel. It wasn't until I was 24 that I had my first pill. I had a major toothache and my then Fiance (David) went and got me two 5mg percocets from a buddy of his, also while getting himself a couple for no reason. He had done them before so knew what to expect. I remember being petrified because I didn't like things that made me not coherent and I didn't know what to expect. Within a half hr I could feel the effects of the perc and I loved it. My toothache almost went away completely but the feeling I got was like nothing I had ever experienced. We both stayed up all night watching tv and we just loved how the pills made us feel. THat was it right there, that one toothache, that one pill, that one night changed my life forever.

We started to get percs on the weekends. We would get like 6 pills and take 2 on Fri each, 2 on sat each and 2 on sunday each and this was enough. Then it got to be like 10 on the weekends, then before I knew it, we were getting pills on the weekdays after work. I remember when I first realized I was in w.d if I didn't have the pills, David would say to me that he was w.d'ing if he didn't have the pills and I thought he was crazy. I didn't want to believe I could be addicted. Granted, I was waking up and so tired and didn't want to get out of bed unless I had pills to do it, I still didn't put two and two together. I started to get worst as time went on. We both realized we were going through w.d if we had no pills, so in the beginning of each week we would get enough pills to last us the entire week, which turned out to be about 20 pills a day, EACH. We were then introduced to Oxy Contin by our neighbor. He was David's "Friend". We thought we were catching a break with the price and mgs differences, but being introduced to Oxy Contin was the beginning of the end for us.

We were married in Oct of 05, it was a beautiful wedding that I couldn't even have dreamt of and we were both high during it. I had only taken what I needed to so I wouldn't be in w.d, but David did not, he took way too much and I later found out he was also taking xanax as well and he literally dipped out at the alter while we said our vows. It was hard to explain to family and friends why he did that. My best friends father, who rode on the trolley to the wedding with David, had to wake David up more then 3 times because he kept dipping out in the trolley ride over. It was mortifying.

To sum up my rather long story, what started out at one 5mg perc, eventually turned into 12 oxy contin 80mg pills a day, EACH. David bought houses and sold them after rehabbing them completely, so that is how we managed to afford our rather large habit. We had our home completely paid off, deed and all and had to re-fi so we could have more drug money. We became isolated and non-social. We both lost all our friends. We never went to family functions and lied to everyone about why. We were broke all of the time. In July of 06, David and I went to his family's vacation home and I woke up on Saturday July 8th to the screams of my sister in law telling me she could not wake my husband up and that he wasn't breathing. I instantly knew what happened and I was no where near him to possibly know, I just could feel it. I got up, literally flew down 3 flights of stairs and saw him there, cold and blue, my worst fear had come true, he had overdosed. I did everything I could to revive him and nothing worked. We called the paramedics and he had already been dead for 45 mins before we found him.

That was the most horrific thing I had ever been through, I knew I had to stop. I had to tell everyone at the moment what I thought happened because I wanted them to be able to save him, but it was too late. He had combined too much Oxy and xanax.

The next month was pure hell. We had both never w.d for more then a few days at a time, and I had to detox from almost 960mgs of Oxy Contin a day, all while attending his funeral and being with is family. It was indescribable to say the least. About a month and a half later, I relapsed and just didn't care. I took my addiction to new heights and got myself to about 15 80's a day, some days I took near 20 and a couple days, I took 20 in one day. '

The recovery! I found this website in July of 07, I finally knew I had had enough and looked into getting help. I was so scared and so lost I had no clue what to do. If it were not for this site, I wouldn't have even tried to get myself help, but the people here were so motivating and understanding. It felt like a god send. I went to a buprenorphine dr and got myself the bup shots and did that for 3 days and then detoxed the rest until I was completely clean. It worked for me and I remained clean for almost 3 months. I ran into my dealer and again, relapsed. I was devastated, but realized I wasn't looking into aftercare. I wanted to get clean and that was it, I didn't care about the help I would need to stay clean. Many, many addicts mistake getting clean for being the hardest part, but it isn't. Yes, it ***** and its not fun, but once you have really gotten yourself clean you will see that the w.d is the easiest part, its staying clean that's the real test. My second go around, I looked into meetings and also started to see an addiction counselor. THat changed my life. I realized that its a life long battle. I can't go near pain pills, even though I don't even like percocets, I know if I took one right now, I would fall right back down that hole. It took me so long to get out of it. I was in such a fog. I stopped paying my bills completely and was in danger of losing my home. I now have it up for sale because its so behind in mortgage payments. I almost let those pills ruin me completely. I let them take my husband and still couldn't stop. I think everyone needs to hit a rock bottom before they want to stop. I think there is a huge difference in trying to stop and actually wanting to stop.

All of our stories are different and personal, but somewhere along the line they all match up. Each and every one of us fell powerless to our DOC. Hopefully, any new members that come here and read our stories can get out before it gets really bad. I wish I would have known what I do now. I wish I could have stopped myself and my husband before I lost him.

[liscamdave]

I forgot to write that I have been clean now for over 430 days, I just looked at my tracker and forget the actual days..lol.

[newgirl286]

All these stories are so inspiring.  I have been looking for more of the aftercare support now that I'm on day 69.  It is much different from the first 2 months.  Cravings change and so does the need for more support.  I was just in Vegas when my first serious craving hit.  I saw 2 friends passing percocets and for the next few hours I was in a dark place.  We were on our way out to party, I knew there'd be all types of drugs, coke, ecstasy, pot and of course alcohol.  I was angry and depressed and held on...  The craving passed after a few hours and sharing with struggle with a sober friend.  But it was the first time I realized I need a lot more help and support if I'm gonna make it.  Can't let my guard down at all.  
Reading stories of those who get beyond six months are invaluable to me to help me understand what to expect.  I'm looking forward to my first 90 days hoping for more energy but I realize for me it may take longer....  
This forum has changed my life and I thank all of you for sharing.
Take care everyone...

[worried878]

I think since my teenage years, I always experimented with drugs...never addicted to anything..but always enjoyed trying things..and was a social smoker as well.  I do believe that some have addictive personalities and we are born with it...what we end up doing with it may have alot to do with our environment..or life choices..also when your world is not the place it once was, when things come crashing down around you and you dont feel safe anymore..those prone to using..or those with addictive presonalities..can turn to substance abuse to cope...and that is what i did.  it was my divorce when I was 33 that triggered my abuse.  Picked up smoking full time then quit at age 40...but unfortunately I am still addicted to the mints and trying to do sumpin about it!  You would never thing nicotine could be so tough!  As my back conditioned worsened, lortabs were given to me.  The first few times I tried them they did nothing for me..in fact I did not like them...then one day..when the timing was right..I took 1/2 of a 10 mg and felt great!  I felt that empty hole go away and boy did that feel good.  later, at the end of my hydro addiction, it took 3 to get that same feeling and I was up to 80 -100 mgs a day.  Chronic pain and addiction is tough..but when the pills make you feel more miserable than the pain, something has gotta give.  For me it was the pills as the pain is not going anywhere.  I found other avenues of pain relief including yoga, heat, ice, ibuprophen, injections, and I even invested in an infrared sauna..love it!  I think if people do not seek support, like meetings, they are more apt to fail in that first 90 days..AA has a saying..90 meetings in 90 days as this is the time it takes for the brain to heal enough to where we feel like we can cope...the time it takes for the fog of depression and lack or motivation to lift and nrg returns.  People who try to do this alone, most often fail it seems.  And when an addict is sick and tired of being sick and tired..when they are just totally over the chase for the high they will never feel again...they will seek cleandom and do what it takes to hold onto it.  Off to work and good luck to all in the first 90 days...and also to those in the later phases, cos the battle is always there and recovery is ongoing.

[problemboyfriend]

Success stories - I think that's what my boyfriend needs. He thinks it is impossible to quit his oxy addiction, so he's not even willing to try. I would love to give him some hope.

[Marxangel]

Hi, my name is Stephanie, Im new here to this web site so please be patient with me. I read your note and I would love to help out. I have two years clean of Meth and I am always willing to help the fellow addict! I would love to tell you how it did it, but how do i do that? do i just post it like i am now? do i send it via email? let me know and I would love to help!
stef

[Florida_Guy737]

I was a jock all my life and just took it for granted that my bod would keep up.  In my late 30s while running my daily 7-10 miles, I fractured my knee (just broke).  Pretty painful stuff so they scoped the knee and said I messed it up pretty bad.  The docs started me with lortabs (never even heard of them before this) and started liking the feeling.  Long story short, within 5 years, I skipped to percs/patches and had completely stopped working out.  The docs even suggested knee replacement and methadone treatment.  

I finally said forget that and tapered for 3 weeks, quit, started exercising and dieting.  The exercise was extremely painful the first 6 months but how do you eat an elephant (one bite at a time).  Anyhoo...dropped 30 lbs, picked up some lean muscle mass again and can honestly say that I'm actually lifting stronger now than in my 20s...

I'll be hitting 15 months clean time soon (a milestone) and be looking forward to my 18 month and eventually 2 years.  I read that 2 years, everything should be pretty much back to normal...w/e that is :-).

This forum has really helped me stay clean...thx to all of you 4 sharing.

Guy

[mtgoat911]

I have nothing profound to say about getting clean. I have had the opportunity to gather information slowly over a period of time. I was blessed with two loving parents who spent years helping me with my issues. If I had to list the number of times I have been in treatment the list would exceed the number of characters I am allowed on this post. I have been in at least 20 tx facilities; I have actively been seeking help for my problems since I was a young child. Of course I was not diagnosed with chemical dependency when I was a small child, but my defects were recognized early on and manifested in learning disabilities. I began taking narcotic psyc meds when I was 9 yrs old, when I was 13 I added anti-depressants to the mix. I was a major outcast in grammar school and part of middle school. As I got older, I learned that I could buy my friends, treat them to rides on my family’s boat and take them to our vacation home. Still I never bonded with people. By this time I had found out that life could be one big party as long as you had the money. It all started off innocent enough, spring break, concerts, parties, but as I was introduced to harder drugs I became less interested in the party and more interested in the drugs. I was 17 the first time I went to tx for addiction. Beautiful place, indoor pool, all clients were what I call high end junkies, I stayed for 30 days, and managed to stay clean for a year, which some would say “anybody can do” but to me one day clean Is a miracle,  a year = 356 miracles in my book. After struggling with my addiction for another decade, going in and out of tx, trying all the matience drugs, methadone, suboxone and revia, I just one day woke up and said no more. My last year in active addiction was much different than my expensive party days, at the end I was unable to leave my  bed without a walker, I had been on methadone for so long my body had become atrophied, I was just 29 yrs old. When my addictionoligist told me that I needed to get and stay on methadone for the rest of my life I believed her. I believed that I could not get clean, so did my parents. I ended up taking the advice I had been given by every rehab I had been too, I started going to 12step meetings. It was in these meetings I was told “you never have to use again”. What a concept. At first I just had to find one person who believed in me and wanted to help me in my recovery. I also had to see my life as unmanageable, not only with my addiction but other areas I had struggled with for years. I have learned that money, fame, obsessions, gambling, depression, attitude, anything I can do to excess has a potential to create problems for me by distracting us from reality. I had to get desperate enough to change. When I went to meetings as a teen, I honestly thought the people were losers, and I was better than them. I did not need this type of radical help. I was wrong! The God business turned me off too. Money had been my higher power for so long, it took a minute to work out my God issues. I got a sponsor within my first week, went to 90 meetings on 90 days, started on the steps and found noticeable relief when I got to step 10. I still do step 10 each night I use the guide “in living the program” . The first thing my sponsor asked me to do was call her every day, this allowed me to build that relationship I most desperately needed, plus I was not going to open up to someone I did not know. Next she told me to drawl my right and left hands on a piece of paper, on my right had I labeled each finger with a women  I could reach out to when I needed help. On my left hand I labeled each finger with a person I could help. 4 yrs later I am still doing this. The people on my network hands have changed, over time. From the start I was asked to write a daily gratitude and asset list, because a grateful addict never uses. It was hard to come up with stuff I liked about myself, and early in recovery I had lost everything so becoming grateful was a challenge. I would call my network for help. When I was 2 yrs clean I became really sick from hep c. I went through pure helll. I took someone from my recovery hand with me to my doctor’s visits because I knew they would suggest suboxone, and they did. I have to fight myself sometimes with this stuff. After all its legal and acceptable to take suboxone and I do have many legitament reasons to be on matience. I have to remember my detox, play the taper through, bounce my ideas off of likeminded people, then reminded that even on a legal drug; I still felt the same desperation and go through the same erratic behavior when I ran out, my body has no clue what opiate is legal and what opiate is bought on the street. I used the guide “illness in recovery” during chemo and it prevented a relapse. When I feel like I am going to relapse, or find myself depressed or confused I read “recovery and relapse” in the basic text and bring it up at a meeting or call my sponsor. I have done several behavioral therapy programs, and this was one issue I did not find help for. I also reached out to the people in my church and learned that they were very uncomfortable talking about addiction and had no idea what to tell me when I had cravings. I am told that the steps help us get along with ourselves and the traditions help us get along with others. I play a team sport these days and I wish my teammates followed the first tradition. It’s all about unity. Tradition one asks us to overlook the differences that may divide us and focus on our common identity as unified and equal members of a greater whole. I practice this in my marriage. My husband and I have a common purpose, to love honor and raise our children clean. Tradition 2 also attracted me to an, no one person governs a group, so our ideas are respected, and no one will sit on a high horse ordering you around.  I have found use for just about everything in the steps; I wish I could talk about it all. One last bit before I stop,,, parenting in recovery presented me with some overwhelming challenges, it takes energy and patience to raise children, for so long I had depended on drugs for that extra endurance. It took a while and a program to make that area of my life manageable. I used a Hazelton program called parenting in recovery; it was very expensive so I am working on putting a free workbook together for those that cannot afford the Hazelton program. The steps did not provide me with a false personality, they changed my perception, I am no longer the same person, and if you are clean today, know that you too have become something better.  My clean date is 8-23-04. My message is that anyone can get clean, no matter how deep you are in that hole we call bottom, there is always a member willing to jump down in there and show you the way out. Step by step.

[Kobuk]

Hi, I've been in 7 one month substance abuse facilites.  I started out smoking weed, added shooms, acid, coke, speed.  I couldn't do them any more.  I was getting too high.  I then discovered alcohol!  I started drinking when I was 17, stopped to do drugs.  Then when I was 23 I drank.  I have wreck a car, blackouts, put myself into hospitals for detox so many times.  I met my husband - codependent of 25 years, we both drank and he dabbled in weed.  After he died I went off the deep end, trying to kill myself so many times.  I drank so much and didn't eat that I almost died.  Was in the hospital for 1 week.  10 years ago I went into a long term facility.  I had a good counseler.  He made me see alot of things that I hid by drinking.  I stayed for 4 months.  I had been sober for 10 years, and then last year I drank for 3 days straight.  I have been sober for 1year 3 months.  I do not want to drink again.  

[Dylan465]

This is a great idea. I went to one person's page b/c I related to him. I was a workout nut and I think I hurt myself. No doctor has ever diagnosed me. Sucess stories are great. Like I told him, I hear people say that the forum has helped them but I will be honest. I have that one poll. No one even answered it and I have had one person who has been a support. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I could use some support. This may be a bad place to bring it up but just being honest. I wish everyone here well and I have sucess stories myself. I never c/t, only tapered, worked everytime.

[GoingToMakeIt]

It seems that most of us that have gone through addiction have seen that tendency in our lives at an early age. If you are truly honest with yourself and those around you, your chance of recovery are greatly increased. For me, this forum and the members in it had a great deal to do with my recovery. Whole heartedly dive into your recovery as you did when you were addicted. Keep your eyes on the prize of being and staying clean.
     Be honest and post, post post. That is what helped me get through the days and months that followed. I read up on addiction and learned as much as I could. You now have the Health Pages here to use as a place to get valuable information about your addiction and your recovery. The 3 part series on PAWS helped me so much. It put things into perspective. Knowing what could happen helped me when it did happen.
     Another good piece of advice is to not expect to be well and free of your addiction quickly. You didn't get addicted overnight, nor will you get free overnight.Also know this, once addicted, you may never be able to take those things again. Most certainly, they can rule your life if you use them again.

[worried878]

just had to comment on gtm's post....it is impossible...almost anyway..for a true addict to use again..successfully..if there is such a thing..even the strongest of the strongest will fail...and also about the being honest part..when u have truly dealt with ur addiction.it is like coming out of the closet so to speak..it is such a relief to be able to be honest..to let it go..that it is so easy..once u r there..but getting there can take a long long time...many tapers...many CT's...and then one day u r done...when u r..honesty comes easily.and it feels sooo good...and for a while u will miss it as it was a daily part of ur routine..u can even miss a headache if u have had it long enuf!   life goes on...but truly there is realy no life when the pills have taken ur life over....anxiety will rear its ugly head here and there and u will freak..and think about quitting..it is almost like a panic attack..then u drown it out cos addiction puts spider webs in r brain...pills program ur brain to make that anxiety go so u can use without that nagging fear..trick u into thinking that u have control...but u dont...that fear that creeps up here and there ruins the fun..and the pills have built an armour around ur brain to make sure they have a place there..it is a hard thing to shake ...but we can and we do..so many here have done it..and tis forum is a great place to be when u r ready..realy ready to let go...great post gtm (:

[carr]

We all know the reasons we have used during active addiction. I want to share why I decided to stop using. There are only 2 reasons. The first one is I was tired of being hungry. Literally hungry. By the time I decided I had had enough I had lost down to 83lbs, contracted Hepatitis C, lost family, home, car; living on the streets in an abandoned house. I never sold my body for dope or food. Well, when your on the streets and homeless, your "street friends" will throw you a lil something here and there. Some days I ate, some days, I didnt, but I always got high. Weird isnt it? I had went two complete days without eating and woke up from a binge thinking to myself "stupid, are you NOT done yet?" The second reason is, I was tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I had been through detox, medically. Been to rehab for 30 days. I can't say I wasnt warned or uneducated about any of it, because I was. I just thought I had all the answers. WRONG!!! So, I made a PROFOUND change in my life. I woke up and said "I'm done". I sucked up any pride I had left and called my family and begged them to come get me. Yes, begged them. And of course there were conditoins on them letting me back into their lives. I agreed to whatever they wanted I was hungry and tired. That was Sept 5th, 2008 and here it is April 1st, 2009.. 207 days ago.

I suggest reading up on drug addiction and acquiring any and all knowledge that you can about our disease. I suggest going to meetings AA, NA, CA respectively. I suggest posting here regulary. I suggest finding God in everyday circumstances. But most of all "BELIEVE IN YOURSELF". Surround yourself with family and friends (sober and clean). Take it one day at a time and do it just for today.

Self, family, friends, medhelp.com, knowledge of your addiction, meetings, church. That does it for me.

Peace in your life always,

carrie

[j34]

Well my suggestion is to write about your last 90 days of using ,cause when your brain tells you that is a good idea to get loaded again,(which it will) cause we have a disease which tells us we don't have a disease,You have it right there in black and white, the emptyness,lonleyness,despair,suicidal thoughts,the sweats, the inability to feel human,the thought that you could do it just "ONE MORE TIME",And on and on and on,If you are an addict it is most likely that you have had similar feelings and BOOM you just keep going back for more,It is okay you are not alone,we have all been there and there is hope, just for today you don't have to pick up,One minute at a time one second at a time.You are never alone, lean on somebody, lean on something greater that yourself,lean on the faith that it CAN be done just for today
This is how I say clean ,ONE DAY AT A TIME and NEVER ALONE, my disease of addiciton tells me I am alone,it twists my thoughts and feelings one thing I can guarantee you is Thoughts and Feelings won't kill you but dope will!! All the best

[merrymaria]

i had my first pain pill when i had some dental work done 15 years ago....yeah they helped the pain and i noticed they gave me a funny feeling..like happiness and energy.  i remember feeling so happy changing my sons diaper and just feelin good.  when they were gone...no biggy..life went on...didn t miss them or had no wds...of course i only had like 20 pills if that.  fast forward to 2005....i have been a bartender for 23 years now and all that bending has taken a toll on my back.  so i was complaining that i hurt so bad and someone said heres a vicodin...take it.  i did and pain was gone and that great feeling was back i had prior.  they said they were worth 5 bucks a piece but i could have them for 2 bucks...okay i had 20 bucks so i bought 10 of them...i saved them for pain at first but as i took each one that great feeling was overwhelming...everything was good.  so i started taking 1 at 2pm and 1 at 8 or 9pm....soon i ran out and told the person to sell me more...but the price when up to 3 bucks a piece.  then 3.50....i thought i have legit pain...go to a pain management doc and get your own script.  thats what i did and found out i had DJD in both shoulders and a curved spine....so i got percocet 5mg...could take up to 4 a day....it was great but suddenly they weren t making me feel the same way and the pain would not go away like it used to..i told the doc and he gave me percocet 750 s.  that was awesome...so i thought...now i needed them as soon as i woke up...2 hours later....3 hours later and so on...so i was eating more than prescribed...eating my husbands, buying them at high prices just to keep up with feeling  
of greatness.   december 07 had a pee test at the docs...whoops they found vikes in there and cut me off....i was miserable...but i still had connections and still could have my hubbys...so that went on for almost 3 months....tried to quit in  march of 08 but just couldn t do it...kept on buying and buying and numbing myself to death....2006 was when it really got out of hand...lost my dog of 16 years, having problems with the kids, my mom got cancer...everything went wrong so i just kept numbing out to forget.   from march 08 till july..i kept abusing horribly 10 a day....sometimes 12 on a bad day... i would count and count and count everyday.  i got sick and tired of being sick and tired.  i was spending way too much on these XXXX things that did nothing anymore so after a big 4th of july showdown i said i quit tomorrow and that s what i did.  i took 2 weeks off..told my husband..he was great...and just did it.  i was sick...the first 5 days were miserable but as each day passed i couldn t believe how real things seemed...things i took for granted...like the birds singing, the gentle breeze, the glorious sunsets,  it all came back...and it was wonderful to wake up and not pop a pill to function.  i also had lots of cash....why was i such a fool?   how could i walk away from them years ago and then get caught up in them....still a mystery to me.   but i know i am an addict.  i know i can never ever take just 1.  i have it on my cell emergency note...no narcotics.  i beat the **** out of this addiction.  i won the battle...and anyone can. never has anything took over my life like opiates.  if i only hadn t been so stupid....but the past is done.  i just passed 9 months sobriety and i am proud of me.   proud to move forward and face lifes ups and downs head on...no coverup anymore.  med help is my recovery.  i try to get on daily when i can.  i didn t realize so many people were like me.  i pray daily, try to eat right, take the vitamins, walk when i can and try to help others the best i can.  i still work the bar...still see my connections...it s not easy but i don t ever want to go through that again.  i can be in control of my own life now...
anyone reading this struggling with opiate addiction..please stop now...you can do it.  if i can anyone can...ending this with a tear in my eye...
cheers to all who have beaten their addictions...be it pills, coke, pot, cigs, whatever it is keep going...may God bless us all....maria

[boogieman]

from my earliest memory, i always felt different and alone. i had wonderful, loving parents and never went without, but in the world i was a stranger. the day i tried to live was the day i found alcohol. instantly i had power. i could be brave, ambitious and socially adept for the first time in my life. soon afterward came the pot, powder and pills, and each gave me a different key for the solutions to my reality. i found music, and i found heaven. i found that as a musician i had ready access to my choice of poison, and i rode that train to the end of the tracks.
in time, my chemical friends began to become abusive acquaintances, and ultimately the demons that would drive me to the gates of death and insanity over and over for years. there were the rehabs, emergency rooms, and psych wards. there were the relationships, dreams, promises of hope, possessions, respect, opportunities, reputations and responsibilities that i gave away or burned to the ground. and finally all i had left was my broken will, and no desire except to be free of this body, this pain, this life.
i had been offered the solution for the first time in 1991, and it would be over 10 years later before i began to do the things that had been suggested to me the first time around. i went to meetings, got a sponsor, listened and learned, put my trust in god and began to change myself with his help through applying simple spiritual principles in my everyday life. the message never changed, i had to. i had to learn more painful lessons about relationships, success, failure, and complacency. they were painful because i picked up a few more times, as i tried to operate on my own self-centered will to do things my way, which was untested, instead of following the path that had i had been explicitly directed to. a path that had brought many before me through the storms and into the life that is intended for us all.
my last drink/drug was september 23, 2007. and god willing, if i can stay on this road and continue giving to others the directions to a faith and life, with meaning and purpose, i will be able to continue my journey to happy destiny---just for today.

[broknbck]

a few injuries to my back got me started on vicodins.
4 years later, i just couldn't shake them. withdrawl (withdrawal) was too tough.
being a funtional addict, it was a learned behavior.

so i figured i needed a whole new life to keep off for good. tappered for a month and moved pretty far away and alone. but it was not a struggle and i have not had any cravings. it is now 18 months later. new home, new job, new friends and best of all
new life. no counseling or rehab. of course this forum is great support and therapy.

i tell everyone new that i meet about my ordeal and warn them about how easy it is to get sucked into it. and my family and my children (who are all grown) have been very supportive and understanding. of course you have to be completely honest with them.

this christmas when i went back home to visit, a couple of my brothers accused me of moving closer to mexico to get drugs over the border. of course this was a low blow. but they just do not realize how hard it is. and that it took me to move away to do it. the weather here agrees with my back better and i do not have as much pain as i use to. there is almost no humidity here in phoenix and hah, it works!

[MUKESH281]

Soft skills is a sociological term for a person's "EQ" (Emotional Intelligence Quotient), which refers to the cluster of personality traits, social graces, communication, language, personal habits, friendliness, and optimism that mark us.Soft skills complement hard skills (part of a person's IQ), which are the technical requirements of a job.

A person's soft skill EQ can be an important part in the success of an organization. Organizations, particularly those dealing with customers face-to-face, are generally more successful if they train their staff to use these skills. Screening or training for personal habits or traits such as dependability and conscientiouness can yield significant return on investment for an organization.For this reason, soft skills are increasingly sought out by employers in addition to standard qualifications.

It has been suggested that in a number of professions soft skills are more important over the long term than technical skills. The legal profession is one example where the ability to deal with people effectively and politely can determine the professional success of a lawyer more than his or her mere technical skills.
-------------
mukesh11
Weight Loss Diet - Weight Loss Diet

[Captnj]

Hi, I started using when I was 12 teas old. I got clean in Oct 1993. I attend Narcotics Anonymous meetings regularly. I have over 15 years clean because, I go to meetings,I work the steps of Narcotics Anonymous with my sponsor, I am involved in NA and I use the tools that I have received from being honest, open minded, and willing to do what it takes to stay clean just for today. More information and meetings can be found at:
http://www.na.org      The old lie that once an addict always an addict is dead.                      
WE DO RECOVER!

just an addict named Jerry

[acoberley]

Hello,
My name is amber. I have been clean now for almost 4 yrs. Its hard for me to talk about what I did unless its people im close to and wont judge me, but I believe you can't stop unless YOU really want to stop. Can't do it for anyone but your self or relapse happens. When I made the decision, I broke it way down, looked at what I was using and ask myself "Am I going to let a man made substance make my decisions for me? Am I so weak minded that I can't control what happens in my life. That this is it?" The answer was No. I am to stuborn for anything to make decision for me other than me. I stopped and that was it. Been done since. My kids father on the other hand wasnt so lucky. He couldnt stop. So he's been to jail and prison and still in trouble. I am a full time student, work, take care of my kids, have amazing friends support me along the way and just met the man of my dreams! Now when i think about what I have done, I could never go back to that life. The everyday same ole boring life of kids and work is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wanttobeclean]

Hi everyone.  I'll share my experiences too.  I am now almost 10 months clean from oxycodone.  I am an addict.  It took me a long time to admit that. After almost a year of denial and justifications, last June I realized I was out of control.  I had lost control of my life and now oxycodone was controlling me. The lengths I went to to get the meds and the risks I took still make me want to crawl under a rock.  Finally, I knew I had to stop.  I told my husband.  That was by far the hardest thing I have ever done.  The shock, disasppointment and hurt in his eyes.  That was July 8th 2008. My clean date. The first day of the rest of my life.  I went cold turkey off over 200mg per day of oxycodone.  The physical and mental withdrawls were all consuming for about 10 days.  Nausea, aches, restlessness, blurry vision, extreme sensitivity to pain, sleeplessness.  I swear some days I thought I would lose my mind.  I found this site on July 9th and the help that came from strangers brought tears to my eyes.  Night or day, I could pop on and post or vent and get support.  I spent a lot of time here, reading everyone's stories, reading the health pages, reading journals.  It was truly inspiring.  

Before I admitted my addiction, I thought addicts were weak and selfish people.  Now I know they are me.  We are intelligent, hard working, thoughtful, caring and loving people who have a problem.  And addicts in recovery are strong.  Stronger than anyone I've met.  We all fight the fight every day.  We learn from each other and grow from each other.  

I won't lie. Those first two weeks of physical withdrawl (withdrawal) were horrible.  I would not wish them on my worst enemy.  If you are in the heat of those physical withdrawls, be kind to yourself.  Hot baths, motrin for the aches.  Some form of physical exercise as soon as you can: swimming was great for me. And get help.  Tell someone.  Your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, sister, brother, mom, dog...someone.  Tell us all here.  AA, NA, PA.  The beginning of my recovery, I felt alone, dirty, weak and ashamed.  Now I feel strong, proud and alive...truly ALIVE. I will always admit I do not have control over drugs.  Never will.  But I have learned to stack the deck.  I put all of my heart and soul into making sure I am doing everything I can to stay clean.  

Do not give up.  This battle is worth the fight.  

[jw272]

well i am here to tell all who do not posses the power of struggle, i have been taking hard narcotics for 6 1/2 years those drugs made me do horrible things and things i am not proud of but i stand here today sober and clean and no more withdrawl (withdrawal) feelings. i started out playing semi pro football and got injured with a spinal cord concussion and 2 lower herniated discs so that means yes i got prescribed oxycontin,vicodin,percocet,darvocet,roxycet,loritab,and methadone. and please anyone who is thinking about going to a detox place, please think twice about it. if you want them to fill your body with horrible drugs just to get you hooked on something else, its not worth it. there is no hope in clinics. i see doctors as drug dealers the more you come in the more they get payed especially right now in this economy. people i have taken oxycontin 80 mg 9 times a day, and 10 mg of percocet and vicodin 15 times a day, i was almost a freakin vegitable.
look plain and simple you are the one in control of your life narcotics are the devils drug, my withdrawls lasted almost a full year till my body got back to normal, the hard withdrawls where the famous feeling like a dead fish flopping outside of the water, cold chills, shaking badly after i woke up, couldent or dident want to move at all, throwing up for no reason, peeeing out of my rear end, pure hell..and like i said take control of your life and just stop, the reason your body is doing the withdrawls is because its doing its best to get back to its "a" game. what helped me was my strong will to survive i did this to myself and now i had to clean myself....there is hope pray to god or whatever you believe in. you do not need depression meds you do not need more drugs, shut up sit down and survive. i am clean now for almost 2 years now i have no cravings i do not want that again....point blank if my arm gets shot off, just pass me the tequila and a couple of advil