I need a good support group

[swagger39]

Its hard goin this alone. Im soon going to be weening from klonapin from 2mg a day at twice a day for a lot of years. I have this beer drinking addiction going on at the same time , and that is usually after I get off work at midnight, its kind of like a wherewolf thing, I only indulge at night and hate myself the next day. Both these addictions escalated after I went off on my boss threw my badge and keys at him and walked out after 8 yrs from the best job I ever had and that was in 2004, My benzos increased over time and so did my drinking. I had previously lived in key west and in my mind I wanted to be there so I started listening to jimmy buffett , started drinking corona and escaped reality of the life in the midwest. Those days are gone now and I have gotten older but the drugs and the beer are still there.

[vicki595]

Yes...just a note to ask her to read your post should be fine...

Apology accepted.  You were not bad to me...you were just mad at the world!!  LOL

You seem calmer and I'm happy about that. I'm glad your wife is on board here,also. It
will make a difference as she gains an understanding of what the forum and addiction is all about.
V.

[swagger39]

Send ibk a note? man thats a lot of typing. what if I just send her a note asking her to look at my post? btw I believe apoligies are in order for you vicki, Ive done so many I cant keep track. My attitude has went from 0 to 100 over the course of this day and I intend to keep it that way. thank you vicki. I wonder if i have overlooked anyone else? swag

[dominosarah]

Most of us here dont hold permanent grudges.  That isnt good for us in recovery.  You may notice this weekend will be quiet here as many are busy with the 4th or are on vacation.  You can also start a new thread.  Talk to us about where you are at with your addiction, how it is going not drinking etc.         sara

[vicki595]

Swag~   Send her a note so she sees this...

[swagger39]

Have not heard from you for a few days or so as well as a few others who was posting me regularly. What my question is, did I make you and them that angry. I was under the impression that it is a normal thing to be angry as I was when you are in the beggining stages of recovery as I am. No I am not angry anymore and I have not drank for some time and I Did say im sorry to as many people I could. But Im not going to beat myself down for it. I have heard over and over that most people who come to this site ( at first ) were that way, but Im starting to feel ( not angry ) but that a good majority of the people hold permanent grudges. I have so much of that in my real life, I sure dont need it here. So is what Im asking you true? I was driving by white castle today and could not help thinking about your comments on joisey and sliders, I miss that! swag

[jayeye]

haha got it

[SmallPepper]

I dont wanna say anything to discourage you. I just was not into spilling my guts out to someone who gets paid for it. It has done much for others I know but just was not my thing. I tend to keep things bottled up until recently. Watch a few episodes of the sopranos , that is pretty close to what its like when tony is talking to dr melfi, but it does have some overdramasized material, but its close.

[jayeye]

so youve been thru it huh??  why did you stop going?  are you thinking about going back?

[swagger39]

I hope it really helps, but it takes time, session after session. Heads up , you will be convinced that every trouble you may have is not your mothers fault-not your fathers etc etc and will be asked to blame nobody but yourself as the others were only doing what they know best from their others and the cycle goes on and on until you as an individual create and practice your own way of thinking and dealing with life and yor children will pick up on that. This is only my observation as I am not qualified to dispense advice, but that is what they told me to the best of my recolection.

[jayeye]

cool bro glad you got that under control....keep posting it is working for you....seems to be keeping the anger down...and you are in a better place mentally now that you got the new computer and you got the wife in your coner.......im sure thats a big burden lifted....glad shes willing to give it a try and keep an open mind....very important on your road to recovory

as for me i'm doing alright.......woke up pretty miserble as you know.....didnt want to face the day...but as always i sucked it up and made it happen...going to see a shrink on thursday for the first time in my life....maybe it'll help who knows

[SmallPepper]

Thanks again bro. You ok? I been busy getting my site organized and setting up account for my wife who is going by the screen name- smallpepper, I dont think we both can be logged in at sametime? I havent had any time to check out any post yet. My anger is went down amazingly because of this. guido

[jayeye]

dude im really happy i could help.......it was very rewarding to be able to help patch things up with the two of you....and yes i do consider you a friend as well......i also know your there for me when i need it.

it truely is amazing how this board brings people together.....and its very soothing to know i have somebody who knows what im going thru that i can reach out to and open up too.

we can do this guido.....lets keep up the good fight

thanks for not giving up on us because we arent going to give up on ourselfs

[swagger39]

My sincere heartfelt thanks to jayeye as if not for him I probably would not be here now as he took the time away from his own troubles to help me with my own while I had no internet-thanks verizon and t-mobil-and somehow? was able to patch things beetween me and my wife, whom I really dont deserve , and now she wants to join this forum as an observer at first, and slowly participate in time. I need to set her up w an email account so she can do this.I want to give jayeye a huge high five, and do consider him a true-long distant freind. He was there for me and I try and be there for him in his time of hurt and need. He calls me Guido.

[dominosarah]

Did you not see what i just told you?  I am trying here......

[vicki595]

The staff just "fast reads" the posts,I think.   You need to contact them by email.

Flag the ones you want deleted so they'll know...or...I'll flag them and see what happens.

[vicki595]

Hey~   I'm not sure they will. They almost never do.  You were REALLY fortunate they deleted the ones from several days ago...

Maybe Sara or Avisg can mediate this...

[el_em_en_oh]

We're all in this together, Brother.

I think that leaving this post, undeleted, will be a good reminder of where you came from, in the days, months & years to come, in your recovery.

I like to go back to my old posts, sometimes, and see how far I've come along my path to recovery. It's amazing how much we all 'evolve' during this phase of recovery, and I think you'll come to see this post as a helpful reminder of where you don't want to go back to.

I know you asked me to 'stay off your post', but unfortunately, I'm a glutton for punishment and feel the need to reach out to others.

I applaud your willingness to gain sobriety.

[dominosarah]

Very nicely stated.........sara

[dominosarah]

Have you started tapering down?  I am really happy you havent been drinking too!!!

[bucksfan]

Swagger, I have been coming to this community for several years. I am a taker when it comes to this site because I only post when I need support. Not once in all that time has anyone ever been rude or even mentioned that fact. I have tried to quit taking pills many times and always found that while I was here it made me happy. I wish I was not so selfish or busy that once I got clean I could take just one minute out of every day to contribute to this site. I think you will come to see just how great this community was,is and will forever be. Dont get so upset if no one is posting because I can promise you that regardless of a post they are watching, reading and praying for you. Good Luck in your battle and may you find happiness and beauty in life.

[vicki595]

Your post to him wasn't very nice. That's why it was deleted. It may have been your opinion but name calling is against forum guidelines.

As far as my "meaning" earlier :  My reference is to the post you made several days ago.  The one you asked MH to delete.  Remember what you said?  I'm not going to elaborate because I'm discreet.  

Now,how about you talk about the drinking and drugging and what kind of support you need and what your plans are to stay completely sober...

[el_em_en_oh]

I've said this quite often in other posts/replies...

We can show you the path, but you have to choose to walk down it.

No one says you have to walk it alone, as I'm sure there are a lot of people here that can empathize with your situation and will walk with you.

But you have to choose to walk the path.

I can feel the pain in your writing & words. I was once in your shoes. Maybe not exactly in your shoes, but close.

The first step is admitting that you have a problem and that you need help, which you have and are doing just by being here.

[swagger39]

Now thats heartfelt feedback!!!! Thanks for understanding oompah54!!

[dominosarah]

I have talked with you in pm's.  Here's a bit of info on me.  I shoot from the hip.  I have a heart of gold and am very compassionate about what i do here.  I want everyone to get and stay clean and i will do whatever it takes to help them.  I say what i believe and sometimes my words can sound very cold and cruel but that is not the meaning behind the words.  I dont pamper, coddle or kiss butt.  I am tough, loving and will be the first one to say i am wrong.  We dont make you angry swagger, you let yourself get angry as sometimes the truth really does hurt.  We understand what you are going thru, really we do.  You have told us that you threw out your pc and wont be on much so we wait for you to come back and tell us how you are.  I am a recovering alcoholic and i offered my support with that and gave you a name of a lady here who has a ton of knowledge about benzo's and she offered her support to you.  With addiction it is up to you to reach out and take that offer.  We cant do that for you.  Your issues with your wife go deep and needs to be dealt with but you have to get clean and stay sober to do that.  I am very happy to hear you havent drank in a week.  That is great!!   We wont beg you to stay as that has to be your decision.  We will be here to support you if you decide to stay.  I hope you make the right choice.........sara