I need advice from people in a program please

[Heather8448]

So i have 1 year 4 months and 20days clean. I'm in a twelve step program, I work steps, I go to 5-9 meeting A WEEK! I have a sponsor that I call daily, I have a homegroup, and a network I am involved in. I am in an amazing relationship that has up's and downs
I do service work and go to church, I pray and I believe in GOD
yet I sometimes still have a god sized hole, I sometimes feel empty and alone, I sometimes have anxiety, and SOMETIMES I WANNA GET HIGH!
I am free from ACTIVE ADDICTION, and I dont get high no matter what
but am I missing something, when life gets hard I STILL think I need something to deal with this...but I dont act on it...am I doing something wrong? and I say sometimes because I dont always feel empty and alone...which is huge because I use to feel it all the time...help

[VICourageous]

Hi Girl.
I have been so proud of you and your success so far.

I have to agree with the above for sure. I am riding close to 3 yrs off a 40plus using and drinking thing. I still get them cravings now and then. Sometimes I flat ash do not feel good and that is a trigger physically. Then I have my Mental Cravings.

We had alot of curve balls thrown at us when we came clean. Lots of pain by our losses too. The pain of this will cause some triggers and so does boredom & so much more. The Winters are hard and we all get SAD up here.
I have just learned to try to re-direct myself when I am feeling these feelings. Besides Church & Meetings, I try to go out and Garden or go for a ride to the Lake or River. I will also Read or Listen to Music which really gets my Spirits up. I also get on the phone and call some of my MH Friends or hometown friends.

I have found myself just LOST so many times these past yrs. It feels like a Circle has been broken, but I try not to let it bring me down.
Yes, sometimes I crave drugs bad. Mostly the one that get me up and going. The strange thing is that I Do Not crave the Booze. It has been yrs & yrs & yrs since I have drank.

Hang in Girl YOU are a TROOPER who is doing all the right things toward and upward regrading your Sobriety. You have Blossom into a Lovely Flower..lol
Bless

[Heather8448]

Thanks guys its good to know I am not alone
ill keep coming back :)

[onthefence]

i still want to get high or drunk sometimes, i think it will be like that for ever , finding ways to work through that feeling is key for me, i have heard a craving lasts 7 mins, but sometimes it seems like i have them back to back.....

[gnarly_1]

Hi   Heather ....first off congrats on your clean Time and for working a progam the right way  as for your feelings  I think as humans addict or not we all go threw moods of emptiness and dispare  it is a normal condition... wile on the pills we had a artificial ''good day'' every day or at least most days and where numb to our emotions  without drugs it is life on lifes terms  the good the bad and the ugley....we all need to develop copping skills to get us by....It would be unrealistic to think we would never think about getting High ever again...I used that as my copping skill for 35yrs it wont just go away....by working a progam I have learned how to not give into them and no longer obsess on them ...b/4 N/A I would be tormented daily my mind would obbess on them and they would get worst rather then better  with the progam most cravings are few and far between and no longer last for days  for me at least the few I get usually last under a hour  and have learned threw the progam to look at what was the root that was causing them  using my life as a litmus test I have tryed other forms of aftercare and N/A is the only progam that I have actually lost the desire to get High...I still get the though once in a wile  but it is that  once in a wile rather then being tormented daily  as Ibk  said it is not the thought  but rather the action you take that maters  I often ponder the thought of how miserable my life would be had I not found N/A ...im going to keep coming back because it works if you work it ....Gnarly

[pillguy]

I'm 4 months off Subs and over 1 year in a program.  As I've posted here before, I would use opiates for the rest of my life if it wasn't for the "side effects". I've told my counselor the same thing.  When I weigh the benefits vs the costs of using opiates I just don't see it making any sense.

I'm not convinced that occasional feelings of emptiness are necessarily a bad thing.  These types of feelings can jolt us out of our complacency and have us examine the content of our lives.  I can remember from my younger days being so bored, then smoking marijuana, suddenly being content doing what moments before was boring me to death.  That boredom was a push from my brain to get off my a$$ and do something and marijuana interfered with that.  It's one of the fundamental problems with using marijuana, IMHO.  

I hope my ramblings made some sense.  Uncomfortable feelings are unpleasant but not always a bad thing.  Using chemicals to change those feelings are usually a poor way to address them.

Cheers

[Frogger76]

Hey there!! I've got a little over six years clean time under my belt, and still think about those pills. Not every day, but during times of stress or sadness. Like you, sometimes even a feeling of emptiness, not depression, but like something's not there that maybe should be?? Maybe that's just the way I'm wired, I honestly don't know. Sorry I'm not being very helpful, I just wanted you to know your not alone. I wish you the best! Take care!!

[jifmoc]

Heather, I feel identical to you. I just hit a year, and yes of course I DO think how nice it would be to have some pills at times. But it passes. I feel empty a lot like you explained. I like what IBkleen said, that's just us. And also, life is HARD. We still have to figure out what we want, how to get it etc.

I just wanted to say that I totally and completely empathize.

[LeapYearGUY]

If no one else mentions it, can I say that you are, indeed, right where you're supposed to be with "the terrible twos"? Just hang on, keep it in the day, do what you're doing so well and know that this too shall pass!

[meegWpaw]

ya well I have never lost the desire to use.

:)

you're doing great!

♥

[Heather8448]

I just hate when people say they lose the desire esp when they have less time then me, because I STILL WANT TO GET HIGH sometimes, but I dont. Thank you guys Ilove you both and you both are a huge part in my story

[IBKleen]

You are right where you are supposed to be. We are addicts. We get high..that's what we do. So when we shake that demon from us and get clean it does not mean that the thoughts and the urges will go away. they are thoughts and urges. that is all they are. You can choose to act on them or ride them out. I have 7-1/2 years clean and I still get bad urges when I am in pain whether physical or emotional. What I choose to do with those urges is up to me. Don't overthink this honey. I am proud of where you are today and how hard you have worked to get here. Pat yourself on the back a little and give yourself a break today.

[meegWpaw]

Heatherdoll I can only tell you my experience ... I so understand what you are saying.  I have that emptiness too, that alone feeling.  I always think I have it more than others but it seems like all the people in both my (treatment aftercare) Groups have it too.  I know that we can try to substitute a lot of other things for drugs to try and get rid of that feeling or make it better... I think your program is absolutely sound.  For me that missing piece has been therapy and (aftercare) Groups that stemmed from my 10 day IOP.  My issues come from that first abandonment.  So I am working on how to care for myself, "self-soothe," love myself, and give to myself the parenting that I didn't get.  It's really hard.  And it's hard to say all of this here!!!  but for me that is the key.  Because I can't make that feeling better with external things.  You need to get right at that core issue, and keep working on it, whatever that is for you.  I love ya, Pretty Girl.