I need help! Day 6 and just got very bad news.

[Gonnastop]

I'm feeling very vulnerable and emotional right which are feelings that are quite foreign to me. I'm learning how to handle those but I just received word that a very good friend has just been told he only has days to live.  

My heart is breaking for him and his wife because they have a 6 year old boy. I'm reaching out to all of you asking for direction and help. I don't have pills at home but my mom does. She knows what I'm going through but I was hoping someone found tell me how to handle the death of a close friend without pills.

[clean_in_ks]

So sad...... ..amazing (and not by mistake) that you posted here today!  We will all love you thru this, talk to you, be here for you.
You CAN stay clean thru this.....your body just hasn't sent the message to your brain.. it has to LEARN how........ let us know how you are.
Prayers for you and yours from Ks
Connie

[conhall]

I am so sorry..
and you have been given some great advice I will just say stay close and keep posting . We are here always to give support to you .
You are in My prayers ..You can do this without the pills you can I believe in you!

[overopiates]

Physically day7will probably be better but u need2b prepared AS MUCH AS U CAN for the loss of ur friend.I know u just wanna lay there but the reality is u should reach out to his wife/family.Dnt let the addiction keep u from being a good friend+caring person u really are.Ur wife probably needs comfort too.I know all the REAL emotions r a lot2handle(especially so early on n ur recovery)this is such an awful situation as is.Using will only make u feel worse&end up feeling guilty if u relapse.Its tough but get off the couch,call or c his family&c.what u can do,comfort ur wife,get busy,talk about him w/family&friends the good times&dnt forget u should say goodbye(I know he is out of it but that doesnt matter u,ur wife+of course his,need closure.It stinks but u have to deal w/this.
SO SRY FOR UR LOSS&congrats on quitting.u r all n my prayers.

[Gonnastop]

Kyle..you are absolutely right about me being the one to offer support and that desire is the thing that is keeping me on track right now.  It's just very difficult to work through things that you have never experienced before and trying to do it without pills.  

My wife and kids need me and I know this.  I have a responsibility to them that I will fullfill but right now all I can do is lay on this couch and hope day 7 is better for me.  

[kyle505]

It's a new feeling; a new experience. But if you get through this without fogging up your head with meds, then you will learn how to cope. Unfortunately things like this happen in life...Why shouldn't you be the one to provide strength and support for others?

[Gonnastop]

My friend was diagnosed with bladder cancer 3 months ago.  When doctors went in to remove the growth they realized it had grown around his colon and has finally made it into his bones.  He's only 48.  I did go to the hospital today to see him but he was alseep and his brother-in-law said he was barely coherent.  his doctor has placed him on a Fentanyl pump for pain which is administered whenever he wants.

I was hoping I would be able to handle that experience but I was not.  As I said earlier...I'm dealing with emotions that I have not felt in years and had forgtten they even existed. This was just too much for me.  I dont have access to pills so I'm in a place that scares me emotionally because my wife was also very close to this person so needless to say the mood around my home is not a good one.

Thank you so much for your concern and listening to me complain.  THis feeling of being vulnerable is one that I do not like at all and I still dont know how to deal with it.    

[dominosarah]

Instead of thinking about pills why not go and spend the remaining time with your friend.  You have been given a 2nd chance, he doesnt get one~~

Keep close to us during this time.  We are here~

[kyle505]

There are some that might just disagree with you :)  Nuf said.

[Norco1947]

Kyle , You have a gift , Your posts are right on .

To Gonnastop , Sorry to hear your friends story . Lesson to Kyle . Stay strong ...... Ron

[kyle505]

Not a gift - I've been there, done that, with two family members and both of my parents. (In fact, the pills I was high on at my mom's service were the ones I had taken from her during her last few days of life. Talk about shame. I'm still working on that one). No need for you to experience it. It is so not worth it.

[vicki595]

Kyle is right, as you know...

Don't take anything. Have a cup of tea, jump in the shower, and call your friends wife and ask what you can do to help...When we begin doing for others instead of ourselves all the time, we feel better; even during such deep sadness.

What's wrong with this man to elicit such a grave prognosis?  So sad...

[Gonnastop]

I wish I would have had you to offer me direction a few months ago. Thank you for the lifeline.  Your words hit home and as I read them I was shocked at myself for even considering pills.  You truly have a gift.

[kyle505]

Will the pills make this tragedy any less heart breaking? Would the family want you high on meds during their time of need, or rather have you be the real you, without any embellishments? Will the shame of using after the short high has worn off enable you to cope with these events? You know the answer...Taking meds now will just delay the inevitable - you having to deal with and come to grips with what is happening to your friend and his family.
Don't insult his life and memory by using this as an excuse to take pills.