I need help, I don't know if this is addiction but it wont stop

Hi, this is my first post here. . . There a point where I can't do this anymore.

I've used cough syrup for a short time period ABOUT 8 MONTHS BACK. I'm becoming afraid that this isn't addiction as I haven't been able to find any help on it and no one with a similar case to mine.

I haven't used it in over 8 months now. Addiction as far as I know can't possibly effect you like this  multiple weeks after discontinuation lat alone MONTHS.  

Its beginning to ruin my present life.  I don't have any friends who use syrup. I don't know any one who does. I stopped using EVERYTHING mind altering now for over a month now because of my issue seemingly slowly becoming worse and worse and worse.

I'm considering the idea of this issue being a permanent and possibly progressively getting worse mental issue now. It's not something I can stand to think because I don't have room in my life for this.

Every day It's like the idea is constantly knocking, and if I am not keeping myself busy to the point I'm straining or stressed, I spend the time thinking and thinking of what possible scenerios could allow me to go back to it no matter how tradgic. I've convinced myself I need this to live, and that I need to use once more for all this to be done with. But when I rationalise I think, "if the short time using this such a long time back had such a profound effect like this, what will happen if i answer to it again? What if it would just bring me back to day one of getting it out of my life?" Its not like me. I don't drink, smoke, do anything but spend time with my clean girlfriend. Have a family (I still live at home) that is very strict with drug use. I don't have any friends that use drugs or even drink much. I keep myself busy with the things I do as a passtime weather it be guitar, building high end computer systems, and working at KFC.

  What am I doing wrong here? What do I need to do for this to stop?!

I'm beginning to become afraid that theres no end to this ever. It makes me cranky. If anyone had something helpful to say, that would comfort me, I would appreciate it greatly!

   Thanks in advance forum!~

[wannabsober634]

I honestly believe that you can become addicted to anything.

That being said, I have been reading these threads all day today. Although you may or may not find anyone with the same situation as yourself I have found that I can relate to a lot of people and their situation(s). It also helps just knowing that you are not going through these feelings and fears alone.

Best of luck to you!

[laurel453]

Hi... you would need some kind of aftercare to help you deal with life without some pills where you can hide.... you would  need learning the tools and going to the root of your problems... those obsessive thoughts do get better with time, btw..... but unless you address them you can end up with high anxiety...and no, don't go back to the pills, addiction is a progressive disease and it never gets better while on active addiction.... the mental part is hard but don't give up.... you will feel better with some time, trust me :) work on your recovery now.

try Na meetings where you will find also the support from other addicts going through the same... therapy or an addiction counselor if you prefer a more private approach,.... whatever it may help you and CONGRATS on your clean time :)

[abc1234560]

I give up. this forum is full of indifferent people who give all the same crap. My help isnt here. My help isnt at some narcotics addiction meeting. The last profesional I talked to who was a doctor of 12 years told me when I killed myself They would go home, be a little upset for a bit, than get over me like everyone else will. It makes me sick how the majority of people here and there will treat each next person in need of help like they did the last. theres no personal help. nothing changed to make it patient to patient specific targeting of a recovery plan. Hey laurel435. Its nice to see you put the effort in f replying, but im sure the forum points were the only reward to satisfy the reason for you even clicking on my post. heres one for yeah! IM NOT EVEN ON PILLS. IDIOT.
here to further this distcussion..

"you would need some kind of aftercare to help you deal with life without some pills where you can hide..."    Who said i was using to hide from reality? you look stupid in my eyes. your the only kind of person anyone needs hiding from.

"btw..... but unless you address them you can end up with high anxiety"
   No actualy. Im adressing them now for  some time.  Adressing them or not had made no difference. its just a gradual obcession thats slowly getting worse and worse.


"the mental part is hard but don't give up.... you will feel better with some time, trust me :) work on your recovery now. "  The mental part is ruining my lfe. Feel better with time? Its been 8 months of the uprising of suffering. Recovery in my mind is being done ith use. patching connections with family. having no affiliations with any issues that came from the use. there are none. my recovery is complete minus im still obcessed.  


Hey to all reading this forum! If your the typical joe and have the typical "im addicted and need this to go on every day"" addiction, this place of full of people that will treat you and tell you the same things and ways as some stranger would if you asked them on the street!

[bmdad]

Being kinda harsh considering someone did try to help by explaining the main reasons behind addiction even if they didn't apply to you. Most and most being a very high number do use to cover up certain things that they have dealt with in life or dealing with in life. Just because it doesn't apply to you doesn't mean you have to bash her for it. She was merely trying to help. This is a public forum and people give their advice and or opinion so simply take it or leave it.
Now, back to you. I did say that most people use mind altering substances to cover up their emotions. In my opinion, not all but I'm sure some will disagree. I started using pain pills when I hurt my back. I know you were abusing cough syrup I'm just telling you a bit about my story. By the way, doesn't matter what you use, anything can be addicting. Heck, kool-aide can be addicting. At first, I took them for pain and only pain. Eventually I became dependent on them and ended up abusing them because I enjoyed the feeling. I did quit a few times on my own when my pain went away but my pain would come back at times. This was the only reason I started using again. I'll be honest, when I did start using again I continued to take them even though the pain had subsided just to continue getting high. I always ended up quitting when I was ready. Even when I did quit I still craved the heck out of them. It may have only have been once a day some days, but I'd say that I thought about them every day. I would say every addict out there probably does the same no matter what substance they abused. I know you don't want to hear this, but it does seem to get a bit easier with time. Can you honestly say that your urge to use is just as strong as it was the first week you quit? It may be at times, but is it every day? I'm not saying it isn't, just wondering. I once went a year without taking any pain meds after my first surgery and I still thought about them throughout that whole year but it did get easier towards the end of that year. Certain days were tougher than others though. The reason laurel preached NA or some kind of aftercare is that addiction isn't something that goes away, we have to deal with it for life. What keeps most people from using is figuring out why they used. Like I said, for many it was a way to help deal with something. For me, it was purely pain. For you it sounds like you just like the high. Even the ones who were using due to emotions, still liked the high. Who doesn't? Most people have to get to the root issue of why they used or they more than likely will relapse. NA, counseling, etc is an addicts medication to keep them in remission. For me, I have had to find other ways to deal with my pain when it does flare up. I go to physical therapy more when the weather turns cold. I go to a massage therapist to help keep my muscles loosened up. I stretch and exercise. I've tried different over the counter meds until I found what works best for me. But, I do miss that high and as an addict it is just something I know I am gonna have to deal with. But, knowing I'm doing what I am for my pain gives me the courage to make it through each day. I still have my rough days where the urge is stronger than others but all I have to do is remember how out of sorts my using to get high made my life. Some have to go to NA and that's their aftercare. What I listed is my aftercare. My aftercare gets me through the days I don't even have pain because I know I am working on what causes me to relapse. Most on here will say I will more than likely go back to user unless I go to NA or go to a counselor. I've yet to go back except for the pain. I guess what I am trying to get at is you have to find your form of "aftercare" and I don't mean NA and such. When you start getting the thoughts of using, figure out what you can do to get your mind off of it. Get a new hobby. Give exercise a try. Many use exercise as an escape as it releases natural endorphins. I'm sure you've heard of the term "runner's high". Try some breathing exercises. Do some research on meditation. You just have to find something that will get you through the urge. Maybe trying some of these things or something else will help you get through the urge and kinda make your brain associate your new activity as a way to get through the urge. So, the second you get that urge instead of your mind thinking of cough syrup for the next half hour it will think of, as an example, exercise right away. It's gonna have to be more of a guess and check type thing to figure out what works for you.
I know you're not too found of this forum even though you haven't given it a chance but it's a great place to come when you are close to taking the cough syrup. You will get moral support and sometimes that is all it takes. So give this forum another chance and give Laurel another chance. Heck, she could have posted laughing at you saying you think cough syrups addicting when there are people shooting heroin, snorting coke, and smoking meth?!! She doesn't think that and I don't either. Your addiction is just as valid as any other.
Sorry if this also isn't what you want to hear. All anyone can do is offer their opinion and you can either take it or leave it.
Maybe some anger management classes may help??...just kidding

Best of luck. Hopefully you get to the bottom of it.

Brian

[gnarly_1]

HI and welcome to the forum.....I will be the first to agree with you that your use of cough syrup is kinda unique ....in order to really understand this we really need more information
what where you using for instance some use the codeine bases syrup to get high on and like the sleepy narcotic feeling...some use the stuff that has DXM in it to "'trip" on its a totally different thing are you seeking the psychedelic "trip" witch compares to the LSD im more familiar with or where you into the narcotic based syrup??? both have very differnt vises
and long term effects ...im told by people I know there are several levels of a dxm trip
the more you take the farther into the phyicosis you go..and it can cause brain damage
in high doses...as for the codeine base syrups there less dangerous but the effects can be more alluring...when you used was it just here and there or did you go out and stay on it for a couple of months...again this will cause a lot of diffident results ....from your post and the information you provided me to work with ...I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you sound like an addict....a dry one or somebody thats abstaining from use but you are being tormented by it calling your name ....enough to come to a web site titled the addiction substance abuse community so I think you know this is a problem
I give you all the credit in the world for trying to find some help with it...if your truly thinking like your describing to me...your doing something called ''white knuckling''
sobriety...you can continue to do this and be tormented the rest of your life or you can find a solution....addiction is a desiese of the brain....non of us wanted to wind up here
but drug use is only a symptom of the disorder it is the escape that most of us seek
or for you it could be like me when I use to use LSD...I did it for the rush...or the thrill
of being able to leave reality behind and go to a world that was different I like the way wood work would sit and swirl like it was almost alive...the differt colors that would appear deeper and richer the way you could almost see music...I get what tripping on dxm is all about...but your reaching out for something deeper here...you want a cure and you want it now you want me to give you a specific solution to your unique problem....your problem is a lot more complex then you think...again based on the information you have given...your an addict you think like an addict you want instant gratification like an addict...your unique your not going to be stereo typed...like most addicts living in denile..everthing about your post screams addict and as weel as being one myself I spend a great deal of time trying to help addicts the first step to getting help is admitting you need it...admitting if nothing more you share a lot of common traits with addicts now there is an answer...you can choose to live in recovery...you can learn a newc set of skills and tools to help deal with the problem insted of just trying to wish it away and move on with your life...I know you dont have time for this crap....but it is the only solution to your problem...use your own logic its been 8 mo and its still gnawing  at you G I wounder why?? why cant I just sweep this part of my life under the table and move on....well if 8 mo has taught you any thing its that this dosent work that way...you can keep ''white knuckling" it and continue to have it disrupt your life...its the way your thinking that has to change to get better..however you choose to get that help is your own business...as a whole the forum recommends some form of aftercare weather it be N/A or A/A or a conslor but those of us not afraid to treat the cause usually lead a healthy clean lifestyle for the rest of our lives if your looking for a pill or a magic set of words to make you better your not going to find one....I will be the first to tell you you have to be willing to put in the work to find recovery but once you do life can become a beautiful place once again for you...until that expect the cravings to use messed up relationships and a lifestyle that will not be very fofilling ...im not trying to tell you what to do...but I do share a lot of the same traits as you and recovery works for me and an awful lot of our members.....if you like go a head and lash out on me for tring to help you..its something an addict would do and I have tuff skin if you want the truth you got it...it might not be what you want to here but I dont candy coat it for anybody...I wish you all the luck in the world...stick around if you want help....we understand the illness right now I dont think you do.......Gnarly              

[perch101]

Wow you are a very angry person. Calling people 'idiot' when they try to help you is not going to give you answers for your problem or make anyone go out of their way to help you :-)

It sounds like since your usage 8 months ago you have suffered mentally with obsessive thoughts -
("Every day It's like the idea is constantly knocking, and if I am not keeping myself busy to the point I'm straining or stressed, I spend the time thinking and thinking.... ")

Thoughts that are recurrent and dominating like this can actually be a form of OCD, have you ever considered that? If this is what it is there is treatment for it.

And please remember I'm just trying to help, please don't blast me if I'm wrong!! Remember all we have to go off is a post on the internet so of course I could be way off base!

It sounds like this has really affected your life negatively, so I hope you get the answers and help you need.

[laurel453]

sorry, abc... it is clear i made you angry with my answer... my experience was this one of not feeling better six months after i quitted when i started suffering from anxiety and my days were full of obssesive thoughts about the problems i was having in my life, i could not stop my mind and i was exhausted...i felt i was going crazy in my mind and until i addressed those problems with a therapist ( she is also an addiction specialist ),,... i didn't see the light at the end of this mental tunnel... now, almost 1 year and some months since i started therapy, my mind is no way like then, i am in a healthy state of mind, imo, with no obssesive thoughts anymore.... so this is the reason i talked about aftercare because i know it can help .

I would like speaking much better english but i do  know cough syrup can be serious... when i could not find my pills, i abused them too ( i prefered the codeine based ones because as gnarly said the ones with DXM made feel really bad ) ...yeah, i have really abused them in 15 years ( i have had time to abuse a lot of things )...

Brian and the posters above have told you a lot of good advices and tips...

and stay here... :)

[abc1234560]

Alright well...
  Laurel453.. Im sorry I lost my temper. Your not an idiot. Im just a very cynical and angry person going throughsome hard times.   Thank you for your help everyone and especialy to those who took the time to go through and try and read between the lines of my flaming on this innocent guy and my plea for help.

I do need help.. and Im not sure what it is that I need help with. Im affraid that this might be some sort of OCD as in all honesty, I only ever tripped maybe 6 or 7 times on DXM only cough syrup.  

Drugs arent my way of life. and When using them, they were only ever used little to moderately to "improve the quality of my life".   There isnt any help for me I dont think. My case is unique for sure, and that tells me that it has to be something psycological.

Im not typicly an angry person. Just lately frusterated with this hopeless spiraling into anxiaty because of the constant cravings that are making me question weather I should end a perfectly stable relationship of 5 years or not. I dont have anyone to talk to because all of the professionals ive talked to (there have been many) have been unbelivably (and i mean you wouldnt believe it) unprofessional.

Ide love to have stayed but Im lining up two options for myself. Im either going to ride this for a little while longer until I cant take it anymore (I already find it difficult to sleep now with the constant thinking when at rest),  and once I cant take it anymore, Im just going to give in.

Im beginning to believe that once I get something in my head thats going to happen, I cant let it go.. in an obcessive compulsive way. It was suggested some time ago that Some one close to me try the syrup 1se and only once, and that I would sit with them. they convinced me to try it once more, just once.  Ever since Ive been getting worse and worse.  

If I dont last ignoring it for much longer, im going to give into it. final. after that, Im not allowing myself to accept to doing anything like this again. I know this is irrelivant to none of you out there, but its just my way of setting it in stone. thanks for your time , help and considdering me. Bye!

[abc1234560]

And The different the doses, the farther into pschosis you go is a good way to put it. in all hoesty, used syrup only at most 7 times. Never low doses. My last Dose sent me into psychosis that left me hospitalised for months. The last thing I remember was telling myself I needed to go back once more. Im probably brain dammaged.

[thesobrietycoach]

Sometimes it's hard to find good professional help. But when you're dealing with drug abuse of any kind, possible mental illness, social and relationship problems, your best bet is still to seek professional help.
As an addiction professional, I can tell you your symptoms are almost certainly coming from the syrup.
The symptoms you're experiencing might get better over time, BUT, they might get worse.  When symptoms get more serious, later you might not be thinking rationally enough to ask for the help you need. Keep asking for help until you get what you need. Take care and good luck!

[abc1234560]

"I know you don't want to hear this, but it does seem to get a bit easier with time. Can you honestly say that your urge to use is just as strong as it was the first week you quit?"

Thanks for your lengthy post.. made me feel a little better. But to answer your question. The reason I'm so frustrated is ever since I stopped using, I spent those months in the hospital. The urge was there, but was constant and at an extreem low. Than when I was let out, as soon as I came into the possesion of money, it was almost as if the urge gradualy built. It did this for the next 8 months even though I hadnt given it any chance to effect my daily things. In my mind until rescently, It has been set in stone that I will never touch it again because clearly for such a short usage, its dangerous to my health. Some time Ago it was mentioned using. It was just so long, I couldnt find any will to resist.

Im frusterated because nothing has helped, and even though I would have my solid convinced I would never go back to using it, the urge to still slowly ramped up. My life as it is, is great in my opinion. The only thing that bothers me is my not be able to take religion into my life. Using was the only thing that made me feel like there was something to look forward to than the usual progression in life.

I excersize to keep my body feeling healthy and strong. I pick up a new hobbie every few weeks once the last one is exhausted and near mastered. Im into musical, and a complete tech junkie. Im as busy as I will meself to be, as well as Im also as laid back and without anything important whenever I want as well. Money hasnt ever been an issue. Family hasnt. Future goals are ariving at a steady pase. My past is in the past and only makes up the things I can say are mine today and the things I will have in the future. I cant pick out much from my life that needs major working on other than myself as I cant seem to get ahold of this. Ive done the trial and error and this forum was an almost last resort to me in a way. Every single day now im pleagued with anxiaty over the fact that I cant just have that one last bottle because I some how have myself convinced that If I just have that last one, Ill learn that all this pain and anxiaty Im putting myself and my girlfriend through isnt worth the high that I really had come to love once a short time ago. (8 mths) .  As many here ready and helping are recovering and recovered addicts, you all know what that hopeless feeling is like.. but I just cant see it being like this normaly. It cant be possible because I really ned to get passed this and I dont see it happening no way in hell. Every single day for hours I will tear myself appart untill im exhausted to the point I cant even think about anything any more. Even than Im still experiencing anxiety. And I just wait untill I cant help but grab a strong black coffee, tell the people who are woundering if im okay that im just not feeling well lately. And wait for night to come because I know im going to have lots of time to think about it than when my minds not too exhausted. After about an hour or two of tossing and turning eventualy turns to passing out. But it never stops there. For the last 2 weeks, the only dreams I can remember are ones related to drug use.

It instills a form of hopelessness that I couldnt see going away. As crazy as it may sound, coming to this forum, the only hope I ealy had was the hope that some highly experienced psycho-Jesus would tell me that "Oooh well now thats just a pitty, if only you did ___________  _______ & ______ earlier, your issues would have resolved themselves with a little help from you! ".

My case seems unique to me because even the all powerful google didnt show me any results of people who had similar addictive behaviors to my own.

Again laurel436 (or whatever), Im serriously sorry, and when im done with what Im doing (trying to get the new iphone 4 a relative of mine has to fix the shutter/camera freezing issue), Im going to send you a pm or email or something to make sure you get it. I supprise myself every day with how disgusting this whole thing has turned me into.

Honestly people, Ive done 90% of whats been suggested here INCLUDNING meditation, which im serriously not preferable about. (If I tryed the meditation, god only knows I tryed most everything else I could think of! haha..)

Thanks for everything though.. I might just stick around until some one gets sick or my sorry @$$  and descides to tell me that maybe its more benefitial for the forum for me to leave. Maybe Ill stumble apon some miracle solution that I hadnt tryed. Maybe Ill find comfort in finding some one with even less hope than myself.

Again, sorry for the typing errors, im realy short for time right now, and im typing in the dark so I cant really be as cautious as I would normaly.

Thanks to everyone for putting me in line, telling me off, giving me a hand, giving suggestions, and maybe even giving me even the smallest bit of hope.

Best regards - Abc

[thesobrietycoach]

Sometimes it's hard to find good professional help. But when you're dealing with drug abuse of any kind, possible mental illness, social and relationship problems, your best bet is still to seek professional help.
As an addiction professional, I can tell you your symptoms are almost certainly coming from the syrup.
The symptoms you're experiencing might get better over time, BUT, they might get worse.  When symptoms get more serious, later you might not be thinking rationally enough to ask for the help you need. Keep asking for help until you get what you need. Take care and good luck!

[pattifan]

Hi abc,

Believe it or not your case is very far from being unique. Just type dxm into the medhelp search engine and you'll find 91 other posts and 9 user journals. For more info you might also find it helpful to look at erowid.org.

At some point during your robotripping, you achieved an experience that your brain wishes to recapture. This is one of the cruel tricks of addiction because even if you went back to DXM, you would never recapture that experience, but your brain would keep telling you to use more and more in an attempt to do so.

For the moment you need to accept that these cravings will continue, but that giving in to them will only make the situation worse.

The cravings will decrease in  intensity and duration over time, but while they last, the very best thing you can do is put all your effort into distracting yourself when they occur.

If they intensify when you try to sleep, then natural remedies like Valerian root and Melatonin should help to take the edge off.

As other have mentioned, the best way to deal with this is to see a competent counsellor, who can help you identify the reasons you started using, and work with you on building up strategies to deal with the cravings you're having.

I appreciate your experience with counsellors has given you a rather jaded view of the profession, but if you can just manage to find one who is almost on the same page as you, you could find it makes your life very much easier.

Take care

[bmdad]

I hope this message finds you feeling a bit better. I do think you should stick around this forum because just maybe someone will come along with the answer you are looking for. A few have said that you are just gonna have to deal with the cravings as they will be with you for life but over time they will become less intense and further apart. They say, once an addict always an addict. The reason being is we always have to deal with addiction. The main reason is because if we use again, just once, it will spiral out of control which will lead back in to every day using. I know you said you have used it seven times. The reason it has only been 7 times is because you caught it before it escalated. Most don't catch an addiction in time. Most spend every second of every day being high, searching for more of their drug of choice, wondering where their next fix is gonna come from, worried about getting enough money for their next fix, etc. It's a hectic and horrible life to live. Most continue to use until they hit their rock bottom. Once they hit their rock bottom that is the only thing that will make them find the "want" to quit. You have the "want" and you have to continue to hold on to that. At least it keeps you from going back to it. More than likely if you do go back you will find your life on that downward spiral also until you find your rock bottom. Almost everyone has their own rock bottom that gets them to quit. Some end up in jail, some end up overdosing, some lose everything they have including their family, their job, their house, some lose everything. But their are many that never get to their rock bottom and it ends up killing them. It sounds like part of your rock bottom was that you ended up in the hospital. You know that next time in may not be the hospital but in the basement of the hospital. If that is what it takes to keep you from using you have to remind yourself that even though it's not a pleasant thought. If being hospitalized wasn't your rock bottom hopefully you will take the advice from others and know that you won't to continue to stay sober so your rock bottom won't change. There are some heartbreaking stories of what people have lost to addiction. I think last year their was someone that was addicted to dxm on the show Intervention. The guy was a wreck. It may be worth watching so you can see just where dxm can lead you. I'll see if I can find it on the net for you if you want to watch it.
We just have to find a way to get through each craving as it comes. But, no matter what we do, we will always have the cravings. We just have to find ways to distract our thoughts until that craving passes. We have to learn to channel that thought out of our head. I think you are looking for that golden idea of a way to make it stop. There is no cut and dry way to make them stop. They do seem to get easier to handle once we figure a way to channel the thought away. Instead of worrying so much about whether or not this is going to go on forever, just worry about making it through each day or just worry about each hour. Take it a minute at a time if you have to. When you lay down for the night remind yourself that you made it through another day without using and be proud. It's no easy feat. Addiction is a lifelong battle. So try not to dwell on when your thoughts about the cough syrup will subside because they will never go away completely. I think once you realize this they may become easier to deal with.
I know nothing I have said has given you the answer that you are looking for. I just think once you educate yourself a little more about addiction it may be easier to face each day. At least I hope so.
Just hang in there buddy. Eventually you will find something that will make all of this easier.

Brian

[laurel453]

Hi, Abc  

I've got your PM and thanks a lot for your words, here and there... you have my respect, i always feel so when someone says sorry withou a "but" , you know ?  :) Besides, you are desperate and i understand you here , we have all been there at some point and i know how you might be feeling so don't worry anymore about that post, ok ?

Now, there is something that has caught up my eye... when you talked about picking up a new hobbie and learning everything until you left it for the next one... i used to be that way ... i thought it was great but now  i realise it was another sign of the race i was involved with myself. The point of a hobbie is spending some leisure time doing something we like.... not picking one hobbie after the other and mastering them. This is how i think now, ok ? what i mean is that one thing is the cravings and another our personality and the issues we may have... when i suffered so badly with anxiety and i was so obssesed the whole day with my problems i was not feeling cravings but nonetheless i was feeling crap and utterly miserable and yeah.. desperate.... You could be going through both... cravings and that of your personal issues shooting up .... don't feel you are damaged for ever ..cravings do get better with time and this anxiety and obssesive thoughts can also be arrested with some help .. and don't give up trying to find some professional help with someone who knows how to help you...don't give up on yourself. I can only tell you that i spent the worst summer in my life last year... i might have controlled my cravings by then but i didn't learn how to control my thoughts and they were running wild inside myself, you are facing both and i hear you, abc, don't give up looking for someone who can help you with your thoughts  and the way your mind is running with this obssesive thoughts. There is no instant fix, it took me some months but i saw the light at the end of that tunnel... do hang in, please and don't give up .

[passenger2010]

3 years ago i had serious anxiety problems, like the ones you describe although mine weren't fixated on using a drug. i was fixated on one of my daughetrs and my son. their lives were falling apart and i couldnt do anything about it, or so it seemed. i was literally climbing the wals with anxiety. no sleep fpr days on end, the same obsessive thoughts day after night after day. i'd fall alseep after more than 50 hours awake only to awaken 3 hours later fully alert. day after week after week. i finally took myself to a hospital where i was checked into a mental health ward and given some kind of tranquilizer/antipsychotic mixture of drugs that made me sleep for a whole day. when i awoke the thoughts were gone. i was then given mirtazapine (brand name Remeron) orally @ 30 mg once a day. my hospital stay was 3 days, but i saw the psychiatrist as an outpatient and within a few weeks the mirtazapine was increased to 45 mg per day. i had never had obsessive thoughts before nor had I ever experienced anxiety like that before. i have not had a relapse, i take the remeron daily and find I sleep better now in my life than I can ever remember. my kids are alright and once the anxiety was treated in me, i realized their lives weren't anywhere near in the shambles i had convinced myself they were. i am telling you my story just in case it may be possible for you to treat the high anxiety/obsessive thoughts - treat the symptom so to speak -  and that 8 month ago drug abuse might quit haunting you. getting proper sleep is hugely important to being mentally healthy. once you're in the spiral you are in, the lack of sleep feeds the anxiety which causes less sleep and so on and so on and so on.

[thesobrietycoach]

OOPS!
I meant to say your symptoms are almist certainly NOT coming from the syrup.

[Stephen001]

Yes my friend you can become addicted to cough remedys.  They are called robotrippers.  I have dealt with this and it is an ugly downhill slide. You can have anything from passing out to hallucinations and thoughts of suicide.  It is a terrible addiction because most people and rehabs are unfamilar with it.  It is also something that is easier to get than alcohol and most end up using capsules because they are easier and quicker.  This will take over your life and at some point during your (high) you will hurt someone or yourself. It is also a very hard addiction to beat for the same reason. If you are wondering which one will help you more go to NA. It is a narcotic and that is where you belong.  I know how alone and scared you can be.  I got sober 17 years ago and somedays it still scares the hell out of me.  Please don't ignore this and get some help.  It is an addiction, you will get to the point that you will get high at work, loose your job, life and freedom as you steal cough syrup just to feed the addiction.  Do not wait. There is help and you can be free, but you have to want it first and you have to be willing to do the work, and it is a lot of work.  Peace and peace of mind to you,  Steph