I need help.. answers... a pill... something!

[mommy2be25]

I took my last Lortab early yesterday morning and I really want to just stop, but today seems to be so hard! I'm wanting to find a way to get a few pills or something. I know I shouldn't for myself and my baby but Its so hard! HELP! I guess I just need some support to say I can get through this and it will be worth it!

[cathy5841]

OH MY, yes you can get through this and it is more than worth it.  it is hard, not gonna lie to you....physically it takes about a week to get past the worse, the mental part takes a bit longer.  i suggest you get some aftercare to beat this once and for all.  there is lots of support here too.  just get on and post when you feel weak.  YOU CAN DO THIS...

[pbear14]

Girl, you can do it! I swear the hell subsides!!! And honestly, you just don't have much of a choice anymore!!! I know it's hard and you feel like dying, but it does get better after a few days. You just got to stick it out. Today is day 16 for me and i so know how you are feeling!

[pbear14]

*honesty. lol

[Fergman]

You've got to confide in someone close, now.  Even if you don't have any close friends, find the number of someone who you know cares and call them, now.  You need a lifeline, now.  Do not give in to your feelings or your (we all have them) very clever rationalizations, i.e., just one more, tomorrow will be a new day, maybe just a half, I'm really not addicted.  Any of these sound familiar?  Reach out to someone like you're doing here.  It's time to turn the corner.  I'm here for you.

[recoveringfromdetox]

Hi! You have to want it for yourself . We all know you can do this for The gift that GOD just gave you . Your BABY needs a mother thats  got her feet on the ground. I told my doctor I needed help and went into detox at the hospital for 5 days. It's 90+ days and I still have some tuff days. Each day get better. Get out and get some exercise it is the best thing you can do. Good luck and GOD bless you both. May the lord watch over you.

[mommy2be25]

Thanks everyone. I am going to do this... Somehow... my unborn son deserves a better start! I know that this is more mental than anything. Prayer and support will see me through. With God's help I will take this one day at a time. I'm glad to see that I have people here that I can talk to in my time of need.

[Fergman]

How are you?

[mommy2be25]

I'm still Alive... and I'm suprised because I seriously thought I would die! I felt awful. I'm feeling a little better knowing I've made it this far through the day. i still haven't called for a script so God help me I won't. Thank you so much for checking on me. I did talk to my hubby and my mom, so that helped a litttle. But it still helps to talk to someone who understands like you guys do. One thing I noticed is my baby is moving more now that I'm not all doped up. It must have made him sleepy a lot.

[strugglingmomma]

I am glad you are doing this for yourself and your baby.  Stay strong.  Also you are probably taking a prenatel vitamin so that will help a little to get your energy back.  I know how you feel I was in your exact position about a year ago.  If you need anyone to talk to you can message me at anytime.  It will get better.

[mommy2be25]

Thanks! I might need it. The support I've recieved here already has been really helpful. I just hope I continue to move forward and don't fall again. I just want to put this behind me as quick as possible. But this is not a fast process so I just have to take it one min at a time.

[Fergman]

Frankly, I'm proud of you.  Your voice sounds much different than the desperate scream you had this morning.  Your mind was in the wrong neighborhood this a.m.  Sounds like you made a mental geographical move.  The night is always the hardest for me.  Time to go home.  Will hear from you tomorrow?  

[mommy2be25]

I'm back! And another day down! I made it through the night, though it wasn't easy. Having my husband there for me really helped. I felt bad because yesterday was his birthday and he was helping to take care of me. But he said as long as I don't do it again and I get clean it's worth it to him. He is so good to me. I CAN'T TURN BACK! I want to, I just want a few pills, my mind keeps telling me I can control it this time, but I know I can't. The refill will be able to be filled next monday or tuesday. Hopefully by then my desire will be gone. Please pray for me. I really want this for myself, my baby and my husband. They deserve the best I can be, and even though I think Im better on the pills, I know thats just my addiction talking. I will eventually get my motivation and energy back right?

[Sundance1961]

You can do it and congrats. I know exactly what you are talking about. I am trying to taper off I am down to 1 pill last night and it was not a good night. my hubby massaged my legs and arms till he couldn't do it any more. I dont know what I would do with out my hubby.  Does anyone know what is good for the muscle tightness? I am trying to rub some bio freeze on right now. I am going to daughters for the day to keep myself busy.  Mommy keep your head up you are doing great !!!!!

[mommy2be25]

Thanks! I need all the encouragement I can get at this point. It's weird that when I'm with my husband or working on the baby's room I'm ok kinda... but like right now during the day at work I want nothing more than to find more Lortabs. I wonder why that is?

[macksabratt]

When I went cold turkey I would take a hot bath in epson salt and wait about 1 hour and had my hubby rub muscle cream on my arms and legs ,then I put on icey hot sleeves (bought 2 boxes at wal mart) and put a heating pad under my knees,I also put a unwrapped bar of hand soap underneath my bottom sheet of my bed(read about it on peoples pharmacy) where my feet were.That helped some along with eating bananas.Hope it helped some.Good luck girls!You can do this!

[mommy2be25]

I took a warm bath last night (can't take a hot bath because of being pregnant) but it did help. I just relaxed in the bath with epson salts and lavendar candles lit. Then my hubby rubbed me down and helped me get into a comfy position in bed. It actually worked really well till about 1:30 when I woke up sweating and miserable. I know that I can do this, as long as I don't fill anymore scripts. That's my obstacle right now. It's a little too easy for me to get them if I want them and to be completley honest I want them. I just don't need them, and they are not what's best for me right now.  

[sickntired08]

You can do this!@ You are doing it! Jusr remember ...you can only deal with today...tell yourself that you won't use today, you can't promise yesterday, and can't promise tomorrow, but you can promise yourself that you love yourself enough and your baby to not use TODAY.

That is what helps me.  I am on Day 2 and it *****, and I am now going back to bed because I feel sluggish and crappy.  I also homeschool my son and we have a ton of work to turn in by thursday, yet I am thinking that we will get it done in little doses...just like the little steps i take today to just get through it

[Jenaquariah]

I am on week three of coming off loritabs...you can do this...the first week is definately the hardest. I made it through by taking hot baths with epsom salts, candles and I took a bath every hour or so all through the night. I somehow managed to make myself go to work, me a mom and deal with a manic depressive boyfriend. So you can do this...we as woman have to be strong for our family. For our children. I would recomment you call your doctor. Tell him what you are going through so he won't refill them...if you can make it till they are ready to refill, you would have already gotten through the hardest part...my prayers are with you, call him...right now...lay it all out....he's a crutch you need to get rid of if you want to stop. The energy does come back and so does the happiness.....you can do this....

[mommy2be25]

I'm scared to call him because I don't want to lose the connection to have them when i want them. Im sure thats my addiction causing me to think that way. It's so hard right now. I don't know why the days are harder for me, but they are. I want to call to have them filled early, not call to cut off my connection. I'm not right mentally right now. I just want to be normal again! How long before I feel normal? I want my energy and happiness back. I think once that happens I can do this, but till then I just don't know....

[Jenaquariah]

Well it only takes about a week of hurting. I am happy...it's only been like 12 days for me without any pills and all last week was ok....happy...im just stressed out over finances...I am on week three because I tapered and I count the days I started that....you will get past these feelings you are having right now, trust me...especially if you have a good hubby who takes care of you. Heres the thing with your doctor...he shouldn't have you on those while you're pregnant. How many do you take? That also determines how long detox takes..but trust me, if you just stick it out you wont want them come time to refill...dont call it in early and if you decide to, right when he picks up the phone say I was calling to get an early refill but really I need to tell you Im addicted to these pills and I want to stop. Im hurting, shaking and miserable. I cant do it. What do I do? He will help make it easier......

[mommy2be25]

I was taking anywhere from 3 to 6 Lortab 10/500's a day. Way to many and he shouldn't be giving them to me knowing I'm pregnant, but he does cause I use to work for him and I lied to him and told him my OB/GYN said it was ok. My OB did say it's ok to take SOMETIMES, but not that many and thats where the lie came into play. I took my last Lortab 10 on Sunday at 9am and haven't had one since. I've picked up the phone few times to make the call, but nothing yet... I'm scared!

[Fergman]

Hey, you made it!  I'm glad to hear how you managed.  Isn't it so weird that we actually think we are better on artificial substances than just being ourselves?  I think a lot like that.  Somehow I've convinced myself that I'm better when I'm buzzed when in reality, I wind up saying stupid things, conversations way off base and over-enthusiatic moodiness.  everyone around knows I'm on something, but I think I have them fooled.  Opiates are so deceptive when you're on them.  that script is going to be a big temptation to you.  i suggest you give it to your husband to hold and tell him not to give it back. i've got to get back to work, but I wanted to check up on you.

[mommy2be25]

Thanks fergman. You have been a lot of help this far. I can't believe I'm already this far! I'm so proud of me and so is my hubby. I just have to stand strong. I told my hubby about the script so that he would watch out, unfortunatley I can't hand it to him because it's at the pharmacy already. The original script was called in early this month with one refill on it. So, needless to say it's there waiting to be filled with the time comes which would be next tuesday (that's when the pharmacy will release it and insurance will allow it to go through). So... how do I handle that? Maybe I'll let my hubby fill it and flush it or something cause if it sits there I will end up filling them and taking them behind his back. I know I will... I don't want to take that chance and have to start this all over. Plus I could lose him... It's only $15 copay to get the prescription filled, even though it would be wasted money if he flushes them it might be worth it to have them done and gone... I don't know.....

[Robert29]

yes you can do this...it will be worth it after its all over TRUST ME!  I took 20 10/500 lortabs a day almost for a couple years...quit cold turkey and you will go through a few days of hell but worth it...just a week of hell is better than the real misery wich is staying on the pills...Trust me if i can do it anyone can!  it does go away and you WILL feel better

xox good luck

[kritterkrazy]

Go get them WITH your husband and flush them. If they are available they are too easy to take. And you should really tell your Doctor not to fill any more for you, or write the scripts.  I am on day 9 clean from a 4-6 a day Norco/ Lortab habit for about 4 years. I didn't have a prescription but my boyfriends mom just gives them to us, she gets unbelievable amounts of painkillers including OC80's, Fentanyl patches, demerol, liquid Oxycodone, etc... which we also took periodically. Haven't been sober for quite some time... Anyway, I haven't seen her since I quit, we used to be there everyday, but she lives 5 min away and I know I could go get whatever I want so I told her what happened and asked her not to give us anymore. You have to remove the source if you really want to stop, it always lingers in your head. My cravings have not gone away yet, but physically I feel ten times better. Just take it day by day. Good luck! My thoughts will be with ya!

[mommy2be25]

Thanks everyone! I'm def not feeling great yet, but I can see how it might get better. I just don't know when I will feel like I can function again. I have NO motivation, I don't want to work, clean my house, do my hair and makeup, nothing... it's like that was my drive, if I was high I could do it all, now I don't feel like I can do anything. When will I feel like I can do stuff again? I just need to have some energy and motivation and I think I would be able to make it, but without those things I just don't know right now....

[kritterkrazy]

How long has it been since your last pill? I would say no motivation really for me until a couple days ago, so about a week and it starts to get better, not good yet, not normal, but better everyday. You can do it, I promise! :) Hang in there

[mommy2be25]

I took my last pill at 9am this past Sunday morning! So, you think by next Monday I might start feeling a little better? I hate feeling like I do right now! I just want to take another and feel better again... Ughhh!

[kritterkrazy]

No, no. I know that feeling all too well, I still want to take one, or two.... But don't. Here's a thought that helped me.... To get off these damn things this is what you have to feel. No way around it, BUT you have already started, which means part of it is already over. If you give in and take one, you will feel guilty plus these 2 days will have been for nothing and the next time you stop you will feel it again, and they say it's worse the second time, so since your in it, might as well get it over with. The worst lasts about 3 days, then it gets better everyday. I am having a little sleep trouble still and some restless legs at night but everything else is done. It will pass, and when you are done it will be SO worth it.

[mommy2be25]

I'm trying to spend my time focusing on my baby boy! That seems to be helping a lot. If I can continue that I think I really can make this! A bunch of people have already started giving us hand-me-down clothes for him, so last night I went and bought the baby detergent and hanges and tonight I'm gonna wash his clothes and hang them in his closet, oh and watch some tv. Maybe that will help keep my mind busy. I'm doing this for him!

[kritterkrazy]

Well, you can! And while he is your main point of motivation, make sure you do it for you too. You deserve it as much as he does.....

But you really can do it, and it really will pass. You should be just about done with the worst part. I wish you and your son and your husband nothing but the best! Hang in there, you're doin great!

[tramaddi]

I missed some of this and cannot pull up your profile for some reason.  How far along are u (is this your first?) I am almost 7 months (having a boy too) and trying to get of tramdol and can feel ya.  Can u give me an update did u go c/t?  I am getting a refill today nad planning a new taper but stragley enough I felt like hell this am with nothing but lortab and then I got 2 tram and feel ok which is unusual.  2 tram usually does nothing for me when I feel that bad.  I ran out yesterday  Today I feel pretty hopleless and think it's probably too late to do anything (too far along in pg maybe)about it.  you seem to have a good support here so I thought to say hello.  Keep in touch, hopen u feel better, I admire your strength,.  

[pbear14]

I really hope you get through this!!! I know it's hard, but this is something you have to do! It's just not about you or even how you feel anymore!!! That may sound mean of me to say, but your baby deserves a fresh start! If you are going through such hell, imagine what the baby will be going through... Just think about that when you contemplate that script of yours!!!
Also, it takes time. I'm now on day 17, and the day's are still hard. Nothing like they were two weeks ago, but it's still not easy!!!
Good luck to you and your baby boy...

[mommy2be25]

Yes this is my first and I'm in my 5th month. I didn't really go c/t. My husband had control of the bottle and would give me a couple a day, then 1 a day till they were gone. So.. I guess I kinda tapered but fast(in about a week and a half). I don't think it's ever too late in your pregnancy to stop for your baby's sake. If you don't go through some w/d's now he will have to when he is born. That's what scares me the most. I don't want him to suffer because of my mistakes. I've seen what can happen when a baby goes through w/d's when born and it's not a pretty sight.

[tramaddi]

what was your doc? and how many were u taking? how often did u drop a pill? Thanx for responding to me I need to the support.  I think I will start at 12(Im usually at about 20...It pains me to say that) it will take me a little longer and require more pills but it shouldn't be such a shock to my system as 8 was. I am going to take my daily dosage w/ me and leave the bottle at home.  Keep in touch I hope u are fee;ling better pm me:)

PS don't waste ur money on the special baby soap or baby washrags and towels.  I did that w/ my dd and the regular stuff worked just fine

[billiejoe007]

You can do it. keep trying for your new gift!

[wannawean]

Just wanted 2 say good for you!
If having a growing baby inside of you isn't motivation enough to quit nothing will be in my opinion!!
Keep your mind on the prize, that beautiful, healthy baby boy!!! Soon Too.
Just be careful after delivery I was sent home w/pain meds and let me tell you it's a slippery slope...

[mommy2be25]

My DOC was Lortab 10's. I would take a couple by 9:30am, another around 11:30, then sometimes one at lunch, then a couple more in the afternoon. It would range but most days I was taking about 6 a day towards the end. Before I got pregnant it was more like 10-12 a day. Any less would be because I was running out. Leaving the bottle at home would be a wise choice. That was my biggest problem. If I had them with me I would take them. I have NO control when I've got them at my disposal. You CAN do this! If I'm doing it I'm sure you can, and I'm at 72 hours clean now! WOOHOO!!!!

[mommy2be25]

Thanks for the encouagement! I'm doing ok, but not great. Today seems a little rougher than yesterday which kinda scares me. I just want this over and behind me fast, but I didn't get this addiction fast so stopping it will take time too.... Ugh!
As far as the pain meds the hospital will send me home with, my hubby will have complete control of them. He doesn't have a problem with them so whenever I do get a script he will just give me what I need when I REALLY need it. He is helping me through this, he wants a healthy baby so badly! I'm really lucky to have someone close who cares enough to see me through this...Again! Yeah, this isnt' the first time... BUT IT WILL BE THE LAST! I hope.....

[Fergman]

Hey, good morning......another successful day has passed!  Congratulations!  It's okay not to be doing great right now.............i can remember days spent tethered to the bathroom because of the w/d's.  It's the thinking that troubles me.  How easily I give in to temptation...........it becomes a matter of, "do I want to give in to this now?"  And then, bam, I'm off and running to get loaded. Fortunately, the pill addiction for me involves steps to a doctor and then the pharmacy, so I do have time to make positive decisions.  I really hope you can get through the hard times - like now.  And maybe we in this forum can be your higher power until the w/d's are over.  Keep on keepin' on.

[mommy2be25]

Yeah... I have to be proud of another day! I know I will have hard days, but it is the mental part thats the hardest. I kinda feel crappy, but I can get through that at this point because the first few days are over. But my mind keeps saying that I can go pick that script up next week and control it this time.  That it will be the last time, since the prescription is already at the pharmacy. I mean I'm pretty sure I won't go back to that doctor again, but this prescription is already at the pharmacy ready to be filled next tuesday. All I have to do is go pick it up, it will automatically fill on Tuesday morning, nothing required on my part. It will be sitting in a bottle with my name on it waiting for me to come sign and pay and leave with it in hand. And as always I will pop that first pill before I even get it to my car, I always do. UGHH... I have to get control of my mind! KEEP THINKING ABOUT MY LITTLE BOY! I can feel him moving around more now that I'm off them. I bet they made him extra sleepy....

[mommy2be25]

Anyone have ANY idea what I can do for the anxiety from these w/d's? I can't take xanax being pregnant... so... any ideas would be helpful. Thanks!

[tramaddi]

I hear there is some sort of natural teas or something u can take for anxiety..I dread that part.  Today is my first day on the taper, so far so good.  How are u feeling? You made it to Wednesday that is something to be proud of.  I think I am going to make an appt w/ the chiropractor for my back pain and treat myself to a pedicure since I can't reach my feet:)

[Fergman]

That anxiety you're going through is the worst!!!!!!  When I got clean, my hands would tremble, I couldn't talk to people, I avoided anything (other than groups) that required interaction.  Awful anxiety.  It goes away.  But it takes time.  You've got to go through that desert, too.  But we're here!  And I don't feel a bit of anxiety now which is unbelievable to me because I'm naturally uptight.
That prescription is going to be difficult for you.  As long as it's out there, it will consume your thoughts.  My first rationalization when I read your post was, "well, I'll get it filled just to keep it around the house just in case."  How 'bout that one?  In case of what?  In case I want to "feel" better!!!!  Ya gotta deal with that somehow............the prescription I mean.  Let go of the control of your mind.  Consider us who are here.  Consider that we are with you.  We are in your corner.  There is no better time to beat this thing than now!  And you've just begun to enter the desert experience.  Gonna take some time.  You've got to give it the time.  Keep us posted.

[Cupp78]

I wanted to share with you the MOST important thing I did when I quit using.  I told my Dr. I was addicted and not to give me any more pills.  Don't take this wrong, I am only speaking from personal experience.  You are setting yourself up for failure if you leave the door open to a script..."Just in case".  I have done it several times, and EVERY time, I would get 2-3 weeks in and think I had it beat and could control it better this time.  Just one pill or one script won't put me right back where I was...I learned my lesson.  YEAH RIGHT!!  Every time I went back and my addiction got worse and the quitting got harder.  It wasn't until I closed the door to the pills that I have been able to truely focus on my recovery...before I just focused on thinking about that one phone call to get another script.  Don't do it!!!  Shut that door.  I can remeber when the 22nd of September came...the day i could have gotten my script refilled.  I had called my Dr. and told him not to do it and I felt SO POWERFUL!!  I was in control and not the pills.  No waiting for the Dr. to call.  No leaving work to pick up the script.  No feeling like a junkie walking into the pharmacy.  Try it and you will be amazed how powerful you will fill, and the amazing burden it lifts from your mind.  You know you can't get it so there is no use thinking about it, dwelling on it, and obsessing over it.  I have been clean 41 days today...what an awesome feeling.

Good luck and you are doing GREAT so far.

[mommy2be25]

Ok.. see... here is my problem... First off the prescirption that I'm speaking of is from last month. He gave me a script with 1 refill on it. So, my pharmacy is set to refill it automatically on 10/28. It will be there filled by mid morning that day. I don't have to go to the dr. I don't have to call the dr. nothing, it's already at the pharmacy waiting to be filled on that date. So... how do you handle that? It's there and the pharmacy will hold it on file even if I don't pick it up for a year! Then, my second problem is that I work in the medical field, that is how I got so close with my pain dr (I worked for him for 4 years straight). If I call and tell him about my addiction the news will spread fast (I know, it just does) and the Dr. I work for now will find out. They have NO idea what is going on here. I have never asked this Dr. for any kind of medication and never hinted that I was even taking anything. I can't risk losing my job. I'm pregnant and jobs are not that easy to come by right now. Does that make any sense?

[Fergman]

Absolutely!  You don't have to tell anyone.  These posts have to be filtered by you........like what's a good idea and not such a good one.  They told me to call my doctor, too.  I wouldn't because I didn't want the record.  I just stopped going.  In my most humble opinion, I would try to get up the courage to call the pharmacy and tell them to cancel the script because you don't "need" them anymore.  "I've stopped taking them."  Do you have that kind of courage because I can't say that I would have it if I were in your shoes.  You've got to weigh it............right now you're in the desert and the drug at the pharmacy is calling out to you...................but then you say you feel the baby move more now because he's probably not medicated.  It's just a series of choices.  Personally, I wouldn't make it if I knew that I had a mouth-watering, relaxing, bottle of opiates just one step away.

[mommy2be25]

Ok... so I don't think I have that kind of courage, and honestly I would love nothing more than to fill that next tuesday and only take them occasionally. See, one of my biggest problems is that my OB/GYN said it won't hurt the baby to take them every once and a while. Lortab is actually prescribed to pregnant women all the time. But that Dr. would give me say 10-15 5mg pills a month so I'm guessing that is the most he thinks I should be taking safely to avoid any harm to my child. The prescription at the pharmacy is from my pain dr and it is 90 10mg tablets. So needless to say that is quite a bit more than what my OB/GYN would say is ok and since I have no self control I would probably pick up right where I left off.... 3-6 a day. UGHHHH!!!! I haven't been sleeping at all, I'm hurting extremly bad in my back and hips, and the anxiety is killing me.... But I'm almost at 4 days clean (in 30 min I will hit that mark).

[Michelle41NJ]

I too am pregnant... I ended up getting pregnant while recovering from neck fusion.. so I was on HEAVY medication.. 2mg of adavian and 3 mg of dulliudae or however you spell it.  By the grace of God the baby is fine.. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  I would just be careful about stopping and going into withdrawal during pregnancy.. it's my understanding that you need to stop gradually.  Easier said than done, I know.  I was under pain management from 2000-2002 till they finally fixed me..  Once I had my final surgery I stopped my oxyfast cold .. Holy **** I thought I was going to jump out of my skin.  What helped me through the worst 3 days of my life was putting towels in the microwave (wet) and heating them as hot as I could and putting them on my legs.  I think that would be OK being pregnant because your not heating your entire body.   I was very foolish to go against my dr.s wishes and stopping like that but I was sick of being wackey for 2 years.. that oxyfast is horrible stuff but I was dying and had no choice.. got me through a hell of a time and I lived.. but I can see how someone could be addicted.  Best of luck to you, I will keep you in my prayers..

[tkemeawy]

Wow, as I read your long battle, I see so much of me in it. Although I am not pregnant, I too am awaiting a prescription like that for my feet pain and as I sit her for 2 hours, now my back! :) What I do know is that 90 pills (which is what my dad gets and shares with me... sick I know) Is a lot of pills to manage. You can not be in control of 90 pills right now! Plus if you pick it up from the pharmacy and "only take a little" then you will be lying to your husband and hurting the child that he so desperately wants to take care of but has to trust that you will!!! Who is more important, that small pill or your marriage? Who is more worth it, the pill or the pain of loosing your husband or seeing your child go through withdrawals for something he never chose to do? Mommy, you have got to get your mind clear. But listen to me.... do NOT go get those pills. If your husband gets them, will you be searching for them day and night to get more than the one he will allow you? Figure out a plan but right now, you are banned from the pharmacy :) Take care of yourself!

[mommy2be25]

Wow! I guess no one else has been that blunt with me so far. I don't want to lie to my husband or hurt our baby. And I def. don't want to ruin my marriage. I feel like each day is getting easier, but the temptation seems too strong. I thought maybe I would tell my husband that the prescription was still there, but see last time he busted me with a bottle I had torn off the info and told him it was only for 40 pills with no refills, so if he finds out that there is a refill and it is for 90 he will know I lied about 50 pills.... Ugh.. why do I do this to myself? One lie to cover another... till the spiral is too much to handle. If I do allow him to get them for me yes.. I will do just like I did last time he had them, I will spend every min that he is out of the house searching high and low for that bottle. This seems more and more rediculous as I talk about it. Who have I become? I didn't want to think my addiction was this bad!

[Cupp78]

"I didn't want to thik my addiction was this bad"  I remeber that exact feeling.  I remember thinking, I don't want to carry the title "addict" with me through my life.  That was before I got serious about quitting.  When I decided that my life was completely unmanageable, that I was tired of hiding pills from my wife, that I was tired of not wanting to play with my 16 month old son b/c I wanted to sit around and enjoy my high, that if I kept going I was going to lose the woman who loves me more than life itself, I realized that being an addict doesn't define me.  My actions define me, and when I was using the pills defined me, and I hated that person.  I accepted that I had a problem and decided that was OK.  When I accepted it, forgave myself, and decided to work every hour of every day to change it, things stared to change.  If you don't make any changes nothing will change.  You can do this!!

[Fergman]

Well, good morning!  Another day under your belt...........you sure are getting a lot of support here.  Some of the posts are really well-said.  I'm sure you're feeling the uncomfortable w/d's, maybe nauseous, highly agitated, anxiety that won't quit..........it's all to be expected.  We have been there and, unfortunately, done that.  The important part of the time is that we didn't pick up to satisfy that comfort craving we feel we're entitled to.  How about this rationalization, "my husband will control the script, and I'll take as prescribed."  Then the searching the house to find those little gems, desperately. How about if you find them and only take, say, 5 at a time.  Husband says, "where are the pills?" You say, "I don't know, silly, you control the pills."  Then you go back for 5 more ("just one more time").  So much negative energy spent, no?  Truth is that we know we can't control our usage.  We somehow cannot accept that fact.
I'm glad you share your weaknesses here.  Your weaknesses are the same as ours.  You owe it to yourself.  You, me, we've lost a certain amount of self-respect and self-esteem.  That doesn't come back overnight.  Self-respect is the accumulation of positive actions.  It takes time.  But you have to be sober or else it's all worthless because you'll know that you're trying to fool whoever you think is watching.  But all that is for later.  Let's get over the desert experience first.  Drink a lot of water.  Get the poison out of your system.  Let's just take today.

[pbear14]

That was so well said!!!!!!

TO: Mommy2be
Well, i guess i should just quit reading your posts cause i'm begining to realize that i'm sort of in a group all alone. But everytime i read your post's, all i see is you thinking about yourself and your addiction. I mean, i know this is hard as hell, but as a mother myself, i can't imagine temptation getting in the way of my baby's health and safety! I understand that your Dr. said Loretabs are ok every ONCE and a while, but you know as well as i do that you will never be able to take them only every once and a while! And i'm sure if your Dr. knew how bad your addiction was, they would have never said that to you!!! I just think it's time you put your life completely on hold and say **** what you're going through, cause it's not about you for the next few months. Also, what about when you deliver this baby? Are you planning on breastfeeding? Because, I mean, i know that they prescribe vicodin and codeine and such, but only at small amounts, and even in those small amounts, baby's have been known to fall asleep and not wake up due to the codeine and such in mothers milk! And just think about how much of that opiate will be in your milk............not no little amount!!! I hate sounding like a *****, it's just hard to see another mother put her baby behind her addiction. I mean, i know that you haven't don that yet, but in all your post's, i see you seriously contemplating it!!!!

[mommy2be25]

Well, I'm trying not to put my addiction first which is why I came to this board for help and support in the first place. I am trying to be a good wife and mother. I've got 4 days behind me and am trying to stay strong and talk with others that understand to get through the next few weeks when I know the temptation to use will hit it's all time worst. But I have obviously worn out my welcome here. Sorry to have taken so much of your time. pbear14, You are not a *****, I'm the one with the problem and I guess I will have to figure this one out for myself. Good luck to all of you. All I can ask is that you say a prayer for me and my family. Thanks for the advice and time you have given me. It has really helped me the last few days....

[pbear14]

Well, if you want to leave because i disagree w/a lot of things going on with you, than that is your chice........but i never said that you have worn out your welcome! NEVER, i just gave my opinion, and i believe that what and addict needs to hear sometimes, is other peoples oinions, regardless if they are what they WANT to hear! know what i mean!?! I honestly think that you should stick around, because people here are obviously helping you. But it's not always sweet when it comes to addiction, recovery, and babies....

[HelpinUtah]

Sweetie,
You CAN do this!!!!  Just think about your baby and that you want to be clean for her/him!!! I know you are going through the most difficult part of the withdrawals and they are not fun!!!  I believe in you!!!  I believe that you have the strength!!!  

Please if you think you can tell your husband about everything, then do it!!!  It will help you to make it through this.  You just might want/need his support.  

Either way, I'm here for you.  I will keep you and your baby in my prayers!

Lots of good wishes sent your way!!!!

[tramaddi]

pg is a sensitive time and especially dealing w/ this issue ppl have strong opinions on it but beelive me if u are not in her shoes u really can't state ur opinion and if she doesn't do it condemn her for it.  Addiction is a struggle for ecveryone and just because u are pg doesn't mean the temptations are any easier to handle.  I am pg too and don't post alot  becuase every now and then I get a negative hurtful comment, even if it wasn't meant to sound that way.  But I don't need harsh reality checks because I fully understand the magnitute of my situation.  Mommy IS putting her baby first by stopping but she needs ppl to talk to who understand and support her.  If she had no problem stopping she wouldn't need to post here.Mommy someone here once told me ppl have a lot of opinions take the ones that are helpful and ignore the others (which can be hard to do I know) And honestly polar if u don't have anything encouraging to say and it going to hurt someones feelings just don't post anything, move on the next thread. I think mommy is doing great!! I admire her strength and I hope she keeps posting it certainly helps me to prepare for stopping the pills and reminds me I am not alone and I really need that now and I am sure she does too. Keep posting mommy:)  

[pbear14]

Well, if you want to turn it into an argument and tell me that i shouldn't really post in certain threads, than that's fine, but i will disagree! I have the right to be honest, just as people have been brutally honest with me at times! It ***** to hear others opinons at times, but sometimes they help, even if you don't think they do at the time! And ofcourse pregnancy is a sensitive subject, wht do you think my posts are so honest!?! And being pregnant, does change the whole game plan IMO. Being that you are pregnant and in the same situation yourself, ofcourse you will not want to see things from the other side and claim that everything i am saying is just mean and un-nessacery. But let me tell you, i am a mother myself and during pregnancy addiction is just not as simple as "i'm trying" Because trying is being honest with the ones who have the right to know what is truly going on with you............ie:Husband

[Fergman]

An observation:  defensiveness, self-pity, throwing guilt and acting like a child

I told you that you've got to use a filter when you sift through the posts.  But your reaction to pbear's comments highlights some of the thinking an addict has.  Please don't take my comments as criticism.  I'm here for you and want you to succeed one day at a time.  I know the misery you're currently going through.  I remember 13 sleepless nights in a row.  I remember the anxiety level that made me think I was going crazy.  But I was done.  I was sick of being sick and tired.  

[mommy2be25]

Thanks both of you. I know I am probably being extra sensitive right now due to being preggo and going through w/ds on top of that. I'm an emotional person and I know I shouldn't let someone else's opinion affect me that much, but it's hard for me. I take things personally. It was hard enough to start even posting here because I thought ppl would judge me because of my situation. I didn't think this would last... but here I am working on day 5 and I believe that it's mostly because of the support and kind words I've recieved here on this board. My husband and family have been great.. but they have NO CLUE what I'm going through right now. So.. once again thank you and I will continue to post. I'm gonna do this... I'm not trying to be a whiner or asking anyone to feel sorry for me. I just write what's in my head and heart and if it's that I'm scared I'm gonna fail... it's so that someone can help pick me up and tell me they believe in me.

[HelpinUtah]

Remember, the others who are being brutally honest with you care too.  They have been where you are now and truly want to help you.  You will find honesty here and that's exactly what we need when we are going through this - but at the same time, given the fact that you are on Day 5 and sticking with you - I'm proud of you!!!!  Keep posting!!! We want you to succeed!!!

[tramaddi]

hang in there mommy, pregnancy can make our emotions pretty fragile.  I'm just a beleiver in "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"  Some ppl probably get alot out of "brutal honesty"  But honestly all of those thoughts have occured and continue to haunt my mind and probably yours too, but u can't get down on yourself you just gotta keep striving for the right thing.  Unfortunatly by posting u do run the risk of opinionated ppl who  feel brutal honesty is the best thing for you and really no one understands your position better than you, especially if they have not experienced addiction during pg."I'm trying" is alot better than "I've given up cuz I can't do it". BTW I don't see u just "trying" I see u doing it:)

Pbear didn't mean to ruffle your feathers I just don't like to see ppl who are reaching out for help walk away w/ hurt feelings, it's not what they came here for.

[mommy2be25]

And I want to succeed... not matter how hard that seems at times. I actually feel like the fog may be starting to lift. My head seems to be clearing a little bit. I just wish I didn't have to run to the bathroom so often....

[Fergman]

Hey, how's it going today?  Did you sleep last night?  

[mommy2be25]

Actually I got a pretty decent nights sleep. When I first woke up this morning I wasn't feeling too well so I called in sick to work. I've been home all day and I'm actually feeling the best I have all week now. I think I just needed some alone time away from work and my husband. I have been doing a lot of stuff to prepare for my baby boy today, working on his room and washing his clothes. It's been kinda nice. I'm gonna do this this time, I know I can now. He is going to be my everything and I can't wait to see him and know that because I stopped my selfish ways he will have a better start in life. I'm gonna be the best mommy I can starting now!

[Jenaquariah]

Hey, I just wanted to check on you. I know tomorrow is when you were going to refill your RX. But I just wanted to make sure you don't. Because by the sounds of you on Friday, you have made it through the bad part. I am at three weeks clean and this weekend I was back to normal. We do come back. I am full of energy, happy, sociable, and just so possitive about life. I even have a Manic Depressive boyfriend, who through my withdrawls, lost himself and it made my depression worse. But this weekend, I was me. So hang in there. Know that you have already made it past the hardest part. The restroom trips slow after about two weeks. But that's the last of the symtoms. Atleast it was for me so stay strong. And PBears comments, as harsh as they were, I bet they are helping you even if you don't realize it. I had someone say something to me like that, in my family, when they didn't know I was going through wdrawls, but they did attack me with the harsh truth on something that really helped me get of the pills. So take her as a possitive. I did. I didn't like it, but in the end, it pulled me through....you keep up the good work. Have you called and talked to your doctor yet? I don't know if you remember me or not, I don't have the opportunity to get on here every day, but I recommended telling your doc the truth so you would be cut off. Now that you have made it through the rough part, call him. Tell him what you have done and let him know....It's the next step my dear...Good luck. It's not a matter of you CAN do this now, it's a matter of you ARE doing it!!!!! Greeat jobbbbbbb

[mommy2be25]

Success! I did call my Doctor today, but not for pills!!! Luckily I have his cell number so I called and told him the whole truth, but I also told him that this is to be kept between him and I. If anyone got wind of this I could risk losing my job. He agreed and of course has to because of the HIPPA privacy laws.. thank god for those! Anyway, I explained that I'm thankful for what he has done in the past to help me, but that I want my life back for me and my family. He understood and said he will make a note in my chart to remind him. I then called the pharmacy and told them the truth and asked that they discard the script. They said they cannot do that but that they can make a note not to fill it per my request! VICTORY!

[mommy2be25]

Oh... and then I shredded his number!!! Goodbye old me, Hello new me!!! I think I'm gonna like me again!

[Jenaquariah]

Yeahhhh...I'm so proud of you. You did it. You have made it....you're little one inside you is the happiest of all....I'm so glad that you are going to like you again. After all, you have been you more years than the you that you had become with the pills....I'm so happy for you....CONGRATS.......Now it's truly over for you, the symptoms will subside if they haven't already and your mind will clear and you will see life in such a better way....

[mommy2be25]

I'm gonna be honest I'm scared! But excited at the same time! My fear is that once I have this baby I will not be able to cope with everything and how will I deal? The pills always made things easier. But now that I cut off my source I will have to learn how to deal on my own. My husband is being sooooo supportive and I know that one day at a time I can do this. My symptoms have gotten better, the stomach stuff seems to be getting better and I slept almost all night last night. I feel like this is happening so fast now. It will be no time before I don't even think about those devil pills anymore!!!

[clean4mybaby]

Hi...are you now pregnant? if so, were you able to stop on your own? Did you suffer bad w.d? I just found out I am pregnant and I am on sub and have been for 2 weeks, but at a low dose and I want to quit, is this possible? If I taper to as little as I can?

[mommy2be25]

It is possible! I didn't think I would be saying that a couple of weeks ago, but I've been clean for 8 days now and I know my baby boy is much better off. I am 6 months pregnant and it took a while but I did finally stop on my own. I had been taking 6-9 Lortab 10mgs a day for about 5 years. It took my husband getting mad and putting our marriage on the line to really get my attention. But after I realized how much I could be hurting my baby I was able to stick it out. the w/d's kinda suck and anyone who tells you it is easy is lying to you. But it's worth it to get the drugs out of your system. I had headachs and body aches, but tylenol helped with that. Then there was the upset stomach, sleeplessness and anxiety. But to be honest it wasn't as bad as I had feared and coming on this board really helped me get through it. Plus, as long as you are on prenatal vitamins I think that helps a lot too. If you need to talk, PM anytime. Taper to a low dose and then just quit, but talk to your doctor, I did and they will help you. They want what is best for you and the baby also!

[Fergman]

I am so proud of you!  I wondered if the courage to call was there, but you seemed to have found new wind. Congratulations........that was a hard thing to do.  Enjoy the moments.  No more sick and tireds, no more lying, no more manipulating doctors to get the goods, no more guilt........you took care of a lot of problems with just that one decision.  Good for you!

[mommy2be25]

Thanks! You have been an awesome help through all of this. It was a hard call to make and I still can't believe I just cut off my only source. But I also know it's for the best! Thanks again!

[mommy2be25]

Thanks Fergman! I wasn't going to listen to rick412 anyway since my doctor has been with me on this entire thing. He is the one who helped me wean off. Plus, I have been feeling my little guy so much latley that I'm sure he is doing just fine. They did extra ultrasounds to keep me from worrying (because worrying too much can be bad for the baby too...) through this whole process of me coming off the meds and he is perfectly healthy, no signs of any problems, and VERY Active! I know in my heart that I am doing what is best for my son. He will not have to suffer when he is born because I went through the w/d's already.

[mommy2be25]

No, it's not that doctor. I had my pain management doctors cell phone number, he is the one that got me into this mess. It's my OBGYN that has been helping me get off them and monitoring me regularly. He is part of a large practice and said that they get pregnant women all the time that are addicted to narcotics and it is ALWAYS possible to get them off as long as they are willing to cooperate. It's actually more risky to stay on them because the baby can have w/ds when born and go into seizures causing them to die. I had been told how unsafe it was to stop taking them during pregnancy and how worried I was for my child and he said that the people telling me that were just saying that to make themselves feel better about staying on the narcotics throughout pregnancy. If your child is fine right now even though your wife stayed on the pills that's GREAT, but multiple doctors told me that it's not until they get to walking, talking, and trying learn that you see the real harmful effects those meds may have had on your childs development. Good luck to ya!

[cathy5841]

mommy you are so right.  it does not show up until later many times, when the baby has been affected.  good for you girl...so glad your dr is helping you.  congrats to you and you baby 2 be...

[mommy2be25]

Thanks Cathy!

[clean4mybaby]

I do not get how one can condone the use of methadone rather then a slow taper then no drugs at all?? I do not see where there is an argument. If I can get through the w.d, after tapering to a low dose, and i don't harm my baby, and can be drug free at the end, darn right that is what I am going to do. If a dr.tells me to go on Methadne, I just can't do it. that is nuts to me..

[mommy2be25]

Glad I'm not the only one who see's it that way. Methadone is one of the worst, so how in the world could anyone sit and feed that to their child? But... hey everyone makes their own choices, I'm just glad I'm finally free of the worry and guilt associated with it.

[Jenaquariah]

I don't condone Methadone either. But one thing I have learned is that we all have our demons and we are all different. So I can't judge something someone does just because I don't do it. I may do something they wouldn't approve of. So basically as sad as it is, they need help too and are here reaching out for it. ..... Maybe a little more crutch that others of need is there way of beginning to get off of them...

[pbear14]

Good job! You've come a long way!!! It's hard, i know, but it's worth it! I'm at day 23 and it's still hard, but things really are getting better everyday.

[worried878]

I want to tell u congrats on ur clean time...i usually avoid these posts..using while pregnant as I am afraid of sounding judgemental as i hits a cord with me as well..just doesnt seem right at all...but we are all wearing different shoes as they say.....but u r not using anymore as i read thru..so u r doing good..u weighed out the alternatives and ur baby's health has won out! so u r doing the right thing and giving up the pills for urself and ur baby..admirable

[mommy2be25]

Thanks everyone! Each day is still a battle, but I'm willing to keep up the fight. I'm amazed at how knowlegeable and helpful you all have been. I just hope that I can be of help to someone too.

[clean4mybaby]

So I called my Sub dr. and I have an appointment with him Thursday to discuss coming off of the sub. I told him I DO NOT want to be on the sub anymore and want to be pill free within the next month. I don't want to get into my 2nd trimester and still taking sub. If it is possible, as the more I read the more I think it isn't, to slowly taper then stop the sub altogether, I want to do that. I do not want to continue to take the sub or anything else carrying a life inside me. I myself just cannot do that. So I have my first prenatal visit on tuesday and after speaking with my sub dr.I will notify of my current sub usage and that I want to get off them altogether. I don't want to take  it until the baby is born then have to detox the baby. No way..I want off now. i know I will not relapse. No way will I relapse with a baby inside me. There just has to be a way to quit and not hurt this baby. I am praying I can do it.

Mommy you said you did it right?? How bad was your w.d? Did you have RLS, did the dr.give you meds to help you with w.d? I hope I can do this..I don't even care about the pain or the w.d. What worries me is reading that what I go through, the baby is enduring as well..that scares me and makes me sad...I don't want to hurt my baby...

Hope all are well...

Karan

[mommy2be25]

Yes, I tapered down and then stopped taking the Lortab. The w/d's were bad, but they could have been worse. I had headachs, bodyaches, anxiety, nonstop diarrhea, didn't want to eat anything, and couldn't sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time. But... I got through it. No, my dr didn't give me anything to help with w/d's. There's only a few things they said I could do. 1. Like I mentioned before, if you are not already, start taking Prenatal Vitamins (you can get them at walmart pretty cheap), I also take an extra dose of folic acid and iron. 2. Then you can take Tylenol for the pain and headaches just don't overdo it. Tylenol is the only overthecounter pain reliever we are permitted to take while preggers. 3. Warm Baths (NOT HOT-You cannot take hot baths while pregnant) help a lot. I use epsom salts to relax my muscles and that helped. At night I would take a relaxing bath with candles to calm down. Then I would drink a big glass of milk, take Benedryl to help you sleep and then lay down and drift off...   My doctor actually recommended the Benedryl at night to help me sleep and it helped a lot. If you really want this bad enough you can do it. But, only do what your doctors agree is ok... and make sure to talk to your obgyn about what your sub dr. tells you to do. Not all Drs are up to date on how to handle pregnant women so you need to verify anything the sub dr tells you with your obgyn.

Yes... its' sad to know your baby is going through what you are. But it will be over soon and he/she will not have to suffer at birth. Birth is a scary experience for baby's to begin with, but to be born and then go into w/d's isn't fair for them. Good Luck and keep me informed on how you are doing!

[clean4mybaby]

Thank you so much. That is all that I am worried about is harming this baby or me losing it. I would much rather try to wean down to as little as I can then just stop. I know it will be bad and hard, but i can and will take it. I will NOT relapse as I don't want to put anyhting in my body that will harm this baby. I stopped smoking last week and I won't even drink caffiene..I know I am being crazy about this. But I had already stopped the oxy's prior to me finding out about the baby. Now i just want to get off the sub too. I just don't want to kill my baby in the process. I will do waht I have to to see that this baby is safe and makes it into this world. This baby has given me new meaning and I don't want to go back to oxy's ever again. And I also don't want to keep taking the subs and my baby become addicted as well.

Did you have RLS alot?? That seems to be one of my worst w.d symtoms. I read online that aot of pregnant woman get rls. So they can give you meds for RLS while pregnant. My dr will give it to me. I can deal with every other symptom, except for the RLS. Plus, it internet says that your uterus contacts while you are in w.d and that is why it is bad for the baby. I hope this doesn't happen to me. Thanks so much for your help. You are an angel...

Karan

[Jenaquariah]

First of all, the withdrawls, only really last four days of hard bad symptoms. The rest is a cake walk (compared). I did it. Im almost at a month. Dont let us scare you from stopping. It's not easy, you have to push yourself but those first four days, push through, allow yourself the opportunity to sleep through as much of it as you can. Give your baby that. FOUR DAYS...the rest is duable. It *****, im not going to lie to you, but it's not as long as I think you think it is...The months and days of recovery are almost all mental. The physical symptoms last about a week. The RLS...take constant baths with epsom salt. I did that for almost two weeks. One week for the RLS the other for the mood and embiance to help me sleep better. Don't rely on wanting to taper slow. Taper as quickly as the doctor sees fit. Once you're completely off is when the body hurts. That's when you count your four days. It varies for some, but I remember coming on here and everyone was so helpful but like you, I kept feeling overwhelmed by how LONG it was going to take. To my surprise, Four days...and Mommy, she came in here just after me....and she made a turn around in about four days so just dive in with docs orders and start. The guilt goes away once you make that step. Then we will be here for you. Keep a tracker...that's really helped me...Good luck and let baby know, mama is going to take care of him/her.....Jen

[Fergman]

See.......now you're in a position of strength!  You can freely give advice born from experience.  You've really come a long way in, what is it, 9 days?  That's tremendous.  I hate anxiety.  My wife is so good at dealing with anxiety.  I'm awful.  I'll run away first.  I have the RLS and take Requip every night.  It's the only thing that would take away those awful, creepy, restless legs.  You don't want RLS.  I went to a sleep clinic because my insomnia was so bad.  They told me that RLS is what's preventing me from sleeping.  Anyway, I just wanted to check in on you.  Glad to hear about your progress.

[clean4mybaby]

Wow, thank you so very much. You just put alot into perspective for me. As has Mommy2be. You both have been so helpful.

I have been through w.d many, many times. I went CT one single time from a heavy, heavy Oxy Contin addiction. About 700mgs a day. And that was pure hell. This time, I was only taking a quater of that, about 240 a day, most days less. And I started Suboxone about less then 2 weeks ago. And found out about my baby on Sat. SO I instantly wanted to stop the sub. I have two dr.s appts in which I will talk to them both about stopping asap. I want to keep this baby and love it, not lose it because I am an idiot. This child has given me new meaning and I want to be a better person becaise of it.

So thanks so much. Are you pregnant? I just want to make sure if I taper to less then what I am on, I can stop. I don't mind the w.d, I will get through it like I did before, i just don't want to lose my baby because of it. I am only taking about 2mgs of sub a day. I will get down to less then that and take it every two days,for a week then jsut stop, of course with my dr.s orders. I just know my dr. and he is a $ grubbing idiot who will tell me to stay on the sub. But I want off and if its possible to get off while pregnant, i want to.

Thanks so much for your advice and help...

[liscamdave]

Welcome to medhelp....

You will find that this forum will be a great place for support and advice. I cannot say that I have been pregnant and withdrawn from my DOC, but I can tell you I have a friend who did. She was addicted to Oxy's just like me and got preggers. She went to her dr. and he put her on Percocets, I think..or something not as strong and weaned her down to one pill a day. Then she stopped. So just be careful, take it easy and take it one step at a time. You seem like you will be a good mommy. And we are here to support you....so keep us posted..

Lisa

[mommy2be25]

You seem to have the determination it will take to get through this just fine. It is only about a week of the bad w/d's and like you said you will get through those. Your Dr will help you determine how fast to taper off... I'm so glad to hear that you want this bad enough for your baby. I had days when all I thought about was me and getting more pills, but now I realize that it's not about me anymore. This is my son's world now and I'm just along for the ride. He deserves the best and you obviously feel your child deserves the best start too...
Everyone on this site will be soooo helpful when you are going through w/d's. I needed the mental support more than anything and they talked me through the worst. They might not tell you what you want to hear at times... but they will tell you what's best for you to hear. I am so thankful for everyone here that stood by me through the past week and half. As of 9 am this morning I am 10 days clean.... I didn't think I would make it this far, but now that I have there is no turning back!

Karan... keep up your great attitude. Focus on that baby inside you and you can get through anything.

[Jenaquariah]

I just wanted to say I'm proud of your possitive attitude too. I have been following your posts because just as I was coming out of my bad wd's you came in here. I'm really thankful that you didn't refill your RX and that you did call your doctor. That took alot of courage and I just wanted to send a quick KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK..l.you're gonna be a great mamma...you already are...:-)....Jen

[Fergman]

Your advice is like that of a wise old sage!  One cautionary note I wanted to pass on.  There's this condition called Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS).  You've probably heard of it before, but in case you haven't, let me share my experience with it.  As I told you, I was on (self-prescribing) morphine and percocetts for roughly 4 years.  The physical and mental changes once off the stuff were fairly pronounced.  Opiates will mess around with your brain's transmitters.  It takes awhile for the transmitters to get back to normal.  You may experience periods of generalized anxiety, sleeplessness and lack of motivation/ambition.  Don't freak out if you do, and don't reach for anything to relieve the symptoms.  PAWS symptoms may last for up to a year (once in awhile I experience panic attacks and major anxiety).  I never had much of that prior to using the meds.  Much of that is clearing up now (8 months later).  I hope you don't experience these symptoms, but if you do, let us know.  We can help you out with that.  I'm so very proud of your determination and sticktuitiveness.  Your whole process of logical thinking is so far down the road from your 1st post when you were desperate and stressed.  Keep up the good work one day or one moment at a time.

[mommy2be25]

I have to be honest... IT'S HARD! My biggest struggle right now is getting control of my thoughts. Especially since I tore a ligament in my foot on Sunday. I'm now in a walking boot and it hurts, but no pain pills for me. Just tylenol. I could have used that excuse to ask for more medication and would have had a legit reason. But I feel that it was a test to see if I would give in that quick or if I was really ready to truly fight this addiction. I know that I will always be an addict and that I have to keep my guard up because the time will come when turning back to my old ways will seem like the best option. But I grew up in a household where my parents were alcoholics and my dad smoked marajuana and took whatever pills he could get his hands on... still does. And I don't want the family I'm creating with my husband to be anything like my family was growing up. It just isn't functional for anyone. I want to enjoy going out to play with my little guy and enjoy visiting with other moms. Those pills just make me want to stay at home and shut everyone out. No more of that. I will be on the watch for the PAWS symptoms, thanks for the warning cause I didn't know. As long as I keep on coming on here regularly I feel like I can keep control. It's when I stop writing that there may be reason to worry.

[worried878]

Isee different perspectives on withdrawals but for most hydro users or oxy users at less than 120 mg or so..it is just not that bad..everyone is so afraid and many should not be..alot of how bad u feel is to do with how bad u think u will feel!  If u have ever had a bad case of the flu..that is what it was like for me withdrawing off of 100 mg of hydro for 4 years....i actually have had worse illnesses and would choose that over sinus surgery, neck surgery, or a couple of the bad flu's i have had over the years in a heartbeat!  I exercised during detox and had no RLS or sleep problems but i did take something for sleep as i work and could not afford to lose my sleep....took 4 days off and back to work day 5....this is just not that hard..now if u r wding form heroin at a high dose, methadone or suboxone..or high dose oxycontin..then yes...it is gonna be harder i have observed but have seen people make it...wding from hydro at 100 mg is just not that awful ///i am sure we are all different but being willing to feel yucky for a few days is not that much in return for being clean ..then the hard part comes later...but that is later and getting clean or detox..is the easy part in the scheme of things...STAYING clean takes the hard work

[clean4mybaby]

No offense to you worried, but people only know the w.d they experience. I mean, I used to be addicted to 500mgs a day of oxy contin, and the wd was BAD...but someone who is addicted to 50mgs of oxy may think their w.d is just as bad, as this is all they know? No one can compare w.d or say someone's is less severe, I may think that the person who only took 50mgs is complaining about nothing and they have no clue what real w.d is like, but who am I to say that. Each person's w.d hell is based on the only hell they have been in. meaning, they only know that level of w.d, no more. So we can't say they aren;t suffering. I mean, you didn't have RLS. ANd you slept. Most people, who you say should not be afraid, cannot sleep and have skin crawls all night long from that mere 120mgs of hydro that you think is so easy to beat. I was addicted to alot more then that, and still wouldn't minimize anyone's w.d. W.D. is w.d., no matter how you slice it.

[mommy2be25]

I agree with you completely. Everyone only knows their own levels of w/d. Plus, why would anyone feel the need to make their w/d's seem so much more worse than anyone elses? That just seems odd to me. I mean we are all going through a lot here and just need support and sometimes answers from one another. I didn't know we were in a competetion. Well, I guess you will worried878! Congrats! Lol....

[HelpinUtah]

Mommmy2be25:
I'm so proud of you hun!!  KEEP HANGING IN THERE!  You're doing GREAT!!!  I am keeping you in my prayers!  Stay strong!!!

[Fergman]

Try googling the PAWS thing just for your own personal info.  It's always good to know what may or may not occur.  I've got to go today.  All the best to you........thank you for the opportunity to be of help to you.  I still am a sick puppy, but I know that God does have a plan for my life regardless of my petty situations in this life.

[mommy2be25]

12 days clean! Not all days are as easy as others. The past two days I've been kinda depressed. I keep thinking that a just one pill would make me feel tons better. But I know that a million are never enough and one is always too many. Right? Something like that. Anyway, I wanted to check in and let everyone know I'm still standing strong. I had an appointment today with my OBGYN and he said me and the baby are very healthy and doing great. I'm actually a little too healthy since I'm gaining weight a little too fast. I've been feeling better so I've been able to eat more. I figured it wouldn't be that much since I've had the stomach problems and it seems like everything was going right through me, but apparentley a lot of it is sticking! HA HA. Oh well, it's just extra weight right? As long as I'm turning to food and not pills I'll be just fine. How are all of you doing?