I need help...

janedoe0202

Im doing this all alone. Not saying that it cant happen by myself but i could really use the advice of some of you. Ive been a victim of xanax dependancy and Ive had enough. I want to feel normal again and I know it may take trial and error and many months to get fully off the medication. I am perscribed monthly 4mgs per day. Yesterday was the beginning of my taper down to 3.5 which I continue for the next week or two. Sadly, I cannot ween under the care of a doctor because I am not eligible for insurance anymore. I go to a hole in the wall marjuana clinic monthly and my perscription is always given to me, tapering is never discussed, alternatives are never given, I just cant find the help that I desperatley need. All the clinic wants is my 100$ and for me to come back for more. I have gained 35 lbs the last year, I believe now I am suffering from depression, my xanax useage has gone from .5 mg a day to 4 mgs, I constantly am sleepy, Im just not happy. I try to do things to make myself happy though. I am on my own at 21 dont really have family to turn to or help me out. I have no friends either because I chose to cut all ties with everyone I was surrounding myself with. I look around now at the people that I was hanging out with and they are all hooked on major drugs, not in school, in the system, having abusive relationships, alcoholics, prositution, children at young ages, just really ****** up lives. I am trying to better myself. I have cut alcohol out of my life finally, I used to drink almost every day for 2 1/2 years...now I am clean and sober. In the past few months Ive had to endure my mother passing away, moving from room to room, a painful breakup, and so on. Its just been hard. Ive gone to therapy but since I had to move its too hard for me to commute to but I will start going again if I can find one nearby my house. I was abusing xanax and alcohol together, and functioning. I feel like I have a clear head and am happy that I was able to cut alcohol out of my life because in my family alcoholism is very common. Xanax and Alcohol together=DEATH SENTENCE. I just got out of the hospital two days ago because I went to go work out and felt a very weird pain in my chest and got dizzy. I went to the hospital right away because Ive had this pain many times before and Im pretty sure its just anxiety but I feel like it could be more because they keep telling me that my heart rate is a little under normal range (55-60 BPM) I think its from the hefty amount of xanax i take, but we wont know until i see this cardiologist, and thats if i get an appointment before my insurance has run out. Anyways, this is day 2 of my xanax taper to 3.5 I am feeling depressed, scared, and alone. I just want off of this evil drug and dont know what to do. It seems like theres very little resources for benzo withdrawal because the process is so time consuming but for people who take heroin or alcohol its so much more treatable and accepted. I cant even get into a sober living home because i have to be sober off the xanax too...any advice or help is much appreciated.

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