I need help

[Cdaisydoo]

Hello. I have no idea how to even put all of this into words that make sense.

I suppose I should start at the start. Really I'm just delaying admitting I have a problem but I do. I have never done anything like this before. It's not me. I've never reached out to anyone like that. I do feel ashamed of myself. I'm trying not to have a pity party.

I'm addicted to codeine. I have been for quite some time. The thing is, I'm only 23 and I feel like my life is over. I used to be a fully functioning codeine abuser. Around four years ago I broke a bone in my back.. My sacrum. I recovered very well! Some pain now and then. I was prescribed a concoction of 'wonderful' things. Including codeine. I love how it makes me feel. That warm everything is perfect feeling. I had a great life, always busy. I realised I had been abusing them for that special feeling. I was with friends, I had took too much and I vomited. They didn't even have a clue. I realised then that that was it. Time to quit. And I did. Cold turkey, sorted myself out.


So now, recently. I really don't have much going for me. I mean, I have a wonderful family and that should be enough I know. I however am stuck in a rut. I just can't believe it's got to this. I stumbled across codeine linctus around a year ago and from then I have been hooked again. It's so embarrassing. I have been being treated for depression and I stopped going to the doctor. I do feel slightly worthless. Even writing this, I'm trying to tell myself I'm worth more than this. I don't go out. I hardly ever leave my house. I can't go a day without codeine because I feel at the minute it's the only thing I have to look forward to. I know it's pathetic. I know I have an amazing family. I sound so selfish and ungrateful. I don't know what to do about it. Perhaps one of you could maybe help?

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

[Cdaisydoo]

I know! I really have but I suppose everyone is going through something. Yesterday was just a down day for me. I'm feeling more positive today. How are you?

I will keep posting. I know I'm nothing compared to others on this but if you're having a bad day I hope I can maybe be a shoulder!

[vicki595]

Hi there- It sounds like you've gotten yourself in a fix and kind of narrowed your world view. I think you need to get yourself motivated somehow to begin distracting and distancing yourself from codeine. You have to really want to get beyond it so think of some ways to change up your daily routine.

Are you taking anti depressants for your depression?  I think discussing this with the doctor you used to see would be a huge step.  You sound so sad right now but I promise you can feel a lot better once you stop using this drug. It tends to cause depression all on it's own. It can really rearrange brain chemicals.

Keep in touch here. There are some great members who will support you all the way.

[Cdaisydoo]

Roosterwes I didn't come on here to be patronised. I have managed to 'kick' other habit forming drugs. Please don't downplay a situation that is controlling my life. If I could brush this off as easily as you say I wouldn't even be on here. Please don't remark on my posts.

[Krissy_123]

No codiene isn't as strong as some drugs,but for someone who hasn't taken these other drugs doesn't know the difference. You're body still gets very physically sick plus you get the anxiety and deppression. Telling someone to "kick it and be done with it" is easy advice to give. Way Easier said than done!!

[Roosterwes]

Codeine is not near as bad as some of the other. Kick it and be done. Just  have your in your mind you are going to be sick for awhile. Youll be better before you know it. Nothing but doom and gloom the other direction...

[Cdaisydoo]

Thank you both so much for replying. I just feel so silly! How can a little thing have so much power!

You're both very brave. I hope to be in your shoes one day. How are you both coping?

The thing is, I want to stop so bad. I do know that life without is much brighter. Well it was! But right now I don't have anything. I literally don't have anything to wake up to apart from my little blissful tablet time. I know I need help. I just don't know how to do this.

I feel so overwhelmed that people are actually taking the time to speak to me. I really appreciate this. I have spoken to a friend but there is only so much I can say. She tells me to try not the think about it. I can't really be angry at her, I don't expect her to know how to react. I know it sounds pathetic, but codeine feels like the only thing I have right now.

It feels so so odd sharing this ha!

[Cricketk92]

I so agree with ants mom...you are NOT worthless!!!  But I do understand what you are saying!  By the time I got around to admitting I had a problem I felt that way about myself also!  I was also being treated for depression while I was using the pain meds and it did seem that all I looked forward to all the time was being able to take another pill!!!  That was the ONLY thing in my life that mattered! And I have a family that is mostly awesome and a son who I love very much!  But all of that goes on the back burner when we are using!

I can only tell you what worked for me....I came on here just like you did.  Looking for support and advice and thats what I got!  So I read it all and took most of it and have been clean now for almost 5 months.

I am able to care about life again and to feel love and gratitude for my family and friends.  Life is calmer and more peaceful than it has ever been!


So if you are ready to stop stay here and keep posting!  There are so many people that will help you through the days of withdrawal and also how they all deal with life after the WD are over!

Hang in there and keep on posting!!!

[ants_mom]

Sweety you ARE NOT WORTHLESS, YOU TOPPED ONCE YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN, WHEN WE ABUSE NARCOTICS THEY PREVENT OUR BRAIN FROM PRODUCING ENDORPHINS THE FEEL GOOD HORMONE, GIVE YOUR BODY ENUF TIME TO GET BACK ON TRACK AND START PRODUCING THINGS AS THEY SHUD, YOU CAN DO THIS, THINK POSITIVE, ITS HARD I KNOW IVE BEEN THERE MYSELF TWICE, BUT IT CAN AND WILL HAPPEN IF YOU WANT IT ENUf!!!!

[xolaurenxx]

I am so sorry that you feel this way. My friend was addicted to heroin for 2 years and didn't even want help. We tried to get her into rehab several times and nothing helped. She finally decided to go this past month and she has been clean for 30 days. The reason I am telling you that is because you're asking for help. You're actively trying to do something to help yourself and I applaud you for that. As for getting some sort of help, try talking to a close friend about it. If you're nervous about going to the doctor to talk about it, maybe your friend can go with you. My experience with addiction is finding someone to talk to that either has experienced the same thing or is a very open person. I used to be addicted to sleeping pills (benadryl) and would take it during the day, before work, before school, really at anytime I wanted. I finally broke that habit when I started taking Zoloft because it helps balance out the lows and highs and I am able to sleep without any sleeping pills at all. So all in all, try finding a friend to tell about your addiction and then ask if they would be comfortable going to the doctor with you. Good luck!