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7684852 tn?1437171892

I need sleep

I am 485 days off opiates - which  think is amazing YEE HAA!.....but still having major depression - also off Xanax for 2 months now.  I am beyond proud of myself BUT I haven't slept more then 2 hours in 6 months and I'm exhausted.  I am certain this is feeding my mind numbing depression.  

I finally found a threrapist I really like, just started going to her. And am pushing really hard to work out (which is hard when I feel so sad and tired)

I read all these post where everyone is feeling so great after a month and I am so happy and excited for them, but it makes me wonder what is wrong with me.

Any suggestins to help me sleep and ease my depression would be oh so appreciated.   This has gone on way too long.  
Best Answer
Avatar universal
Your depression pre-dates your drug use. It's ALL connected. Also, sweetie, believing that you have it "under control" and that you will "never" take another drug...well, those are dangerous statements.

Technically speaking, you are 8 weeks clean and sober (I assume, that includes alcohol...everything.) So, at 8 weeks in you are still quite fragile... depressed. Not cleaning your house and gaining weight are the symptoms of NOT dealing w/ the issues that drove you to drugs in the first place. That's where aftercare comes in. That's why it's pounded into our heads on this site. If we could just put down the opiates, the xanax and be on our merry way, there wouldn't be many addicts. All the issues that you've had are now exposed in bright lights because you don't have drugs to cloud them. Thus, aftercare. AA/NA etc. It will help and change your thinking in ways you can't even anticipate. And mostly, it will KEEP you clean.
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4898964 tn?1381257899
Don't worry too much there Newlife.  Correct me if i'm off track here, but it's the year and a half off opiates and feeling depressed that has you worried? If so, then you'll want to tell yourself that that doesn't matter when you've only given up Xanax two months ago.  As Jifmoc mentioned you are only technically 8 weeks or so clean from substance, and depression is completely normal.  I'm not sure if this is being taking this into account?  If I'm off track here then disregard my post :)
Helpful - 0
7684852 tn?1437171892
My beautiful dog Shelby crossed the rainbow bridge and I miss her every day.

But thank you....for mentioning her.  She was a real sweetie.  I loved her so much.  Each day is so hard without here.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes, I remember when I quit opiates 2 years ago: I stopped, and for weeks  the depression was horrible. Then I took a few pills here and a few pills there to ease it. I eventually went back for like 10 more months before I completely quit. I have been able to stay off of them because...however it works, the program not only relieved my depression, but relieved me of my desire to use. Opiates take a LONG time to recover from: we stopped making endorphins. And now we need to "remake" them naturally. But for you, you are still technically detoxing from xanax. Don't underestimate that. Anyone who is 8 weeks clean off of anything is still adjusting. You just haven't re-learned to completely live drug free yet. I'm doing it, too. We all have to.
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Avatar universal
P.S.- unrelated: I LOVE your puppy:)
Helpful - 0
7684852 tn?1437171892
What confuses me was I was never depressed before taking them or while on them.  All this depression came after stopping.  So I want to do anything to ease this depression.  I guess I had hoped with more time off the pills.....I would get better.  But....not happening.
Helpful - 0
7684852 tn?1437171892
I believe you......I thought people went to help them stay off drugs.  That I have totally under control.  I will never take another drug......this I know.  I was wondering how this helps with mind blowing depression
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Newlife, no one, I mean no one wants to walk into a meeting. No one says: "yay, my life's a wreck, I'm gonna go into this ugly room w/ ugly chairs and sit here w/ a bunch of strangers...yippee." In recovery, every dang thing we have to do at first is contrary action. We don't want to but we do it anyway.

You already know how welcomed you are. You don't need to talk. Just go. Go daily and listen. You will talk eventually. And maybe despite yourself.

I cannot tell you how resistant I was at first. Now I look back and wonder why I waited so long.
Helpful - 0
7684852 tn?1437171892
I went to NA for 2 weeks and loved listeneing to everyone but with my depression so bad I didn't go back.  Evreryone was very nice and I wanted to share but this depression I have had since the beginning has caused so many problems.  Can't seem to talk....get out what I want to say or even make small talk like everyone does after the meeting so I felt SO out of place,

My home looks like 5 bombs went off in it  Can not seem to do the things that must be done in this house.

Gained 22 pounds and hide in the house now!  Advice please
Helpful - 0
7163794 tn?1457366813
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree that the xanex use is probably where the lack of sleep and depression are coming from.  I was amazed at how quickly my body got used to xanex when using them as a sleep aid....within 2 weeks it was necessary for me to take one to sleep otherwise, I wasn't sleeping!!!!
As far as the depression is concerned, talking with a counselor is great, but he needs to see the corralation between the xanex and the depression.  I would stay away from getting depression meds for a couple of months until your body evens out more.  If the depression is still there in a couple of months, maybe, but as of right now, I think it's pretty normal.  
You know....aftercare helps with all of the feelings and emotions that present themselves once we get all of the dope out of our systems.  Just  a thought because aftercare (N/A is what I chose) teaches us what to do with those feelings.......
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey, sweetie. At first I was confused as to why you are still having insomnia after over one year clean...then I read the xanax part. You are clean from xanax for just 8 weeks that why you are still having trouble sleeping. I remember my doctor telling me  that out of all the benzos, xanax is the WORST. I never had a benzo issue but folks on here have said coming off xanax is harder than opiates in terms of long term recovery. Seems you can't compare yourself to the folks that are detoxing from opiates only. The dreaded word...time!!!

Are you in a program? Aftercare saves all of ours arses:)!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
YeeHaa is right!!! Congrats on your clean time! I know the lack of sleep thing s*cks. I've been clean 6 years, and mine still isn't 'normal'.  I'm not trying to be discouraging, just wanted you to know I too, wasn't feeling all that great at a month or even 6 months. I know it takes some time for our brains to rewire themselves, you'll get there. If your like me, you've probably tried just about everything OTC. I know exercise helps, and staying away from anything with diphenhydramine in it, I've heard that can make the restlessness worse.  Be proud of yourself! Your doing an awesome job!! Good luck~
Helpful - 0
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