I need somthing to look forward to

[Kate1266]

My last attempt of giving up the opiates, I basically went a month without seeing a whole lot of improvement.  I was still so fatigued and lethargic and depressed ( conditions I suffered from before the opiates.)  I think my downfall was "here I am a month clean and I feel worse, not better, so why bother."  Is there anyone out there who has long term sobriety from opiates and can let me know the good things (other than extra money, lol) that they experienced and how long it took to get there?  If I can see concrete results in other people, I'm sure that will help me during the darkest times.

Much appreciated,
Kate

[Kevin_Bacon]

I've always had a lack of energy, too ... maybe you can get to the bottom of that, now that you're clean.

It's alsp a good time to do something about your depression -- just don't take everything they shove across the desk -- do your research!

You're in a much better position to deal with this stuff -- that counts for a lot.

[Kate1266]

Thanks Kevin.  Maybe my fear is that I hear people on hear saying you will eventually feel like you did before the pills.  Problem is, I pretty much felt like **** before the pills, I used to joke that i'd found the perfect anti-depressant in Vicodin (yeah stupid, I know.)  Anyway, I've been on all kinds of anti-depressents, currently on Wellbutrin XL which seems to work the best.  But never taken it without also loadin' up on vics, so we'll see.  I don't even know if I am depressed, or if I was back when the GP pushed the AD's at me.  I've had two life-threatening illnesses that are strange infections/inflammations that almost killed me and no one has ever been able to figure out why.  Mostly they say I have some type of auto-immune disorder that is "lupus-like" but is not lupus.  Oh and fibromyalgia, maybe.  Anyway, believe me, I've done research on top of research.  Meanwhile, at any time something could crop up & put me back in ICU for a couple weeks with no warning.  After the last episode which was particularly bad (due to drug combo - antibiotics, pain meds, steroids, anesthesia, etc., along with what they call "ICU psychosis" I actually lost touch with reality and had horrible hallucinations where I thought everyone was trying to kill me and trying to fight back, even in my weakened state, just got me put in restraints.)  Anyway, of course I recovered completely from that episode (the mental part)  but my Mom insisted I go to therapy, something I never wanted to do.  I'm a very private person and for the life of me could see know value whatsoever.  I still don't - for those it works for, great - not for me. I felt horrible going there and worse when I came out.  I had to see a psych for med management & the first time I decided to quit the vics I confessed to him.  He acted like I was dirt on his shoe, refused to give me anything to help and that was the last time I went back there.  My "mental health" benefits are through work and that is the only resource we have.  And I'm never making that mistake again.

Well sorry to ramble, but I guess my fear is I'll go back to the way I was, not wanting to do anything, no motivation, so if anyone has any ideas on things that help (supplements, although I've tried bunches, but maybe there's something new out there)  Exercise - definitely even if it kills me.  And at least if I leave the pills alone I'll have some money again, I know it doesn't by happiness, but makes misery a little more bearable, huh?

Peace,
Kate

[tweekie]

I know what you mean about the dirt on your shoe look from doctors. Isn't substance abuse a mental illness? yah, we definitely do it to our selves but isn't this akin to intentional puking or cutting. that is just so unprofessional to look at a patient in a judgemental way. I don't wish anyone to have a substance abuse problem. It *****. you just repeatedly dig yourself into the same hole over and over again.

Oh, did you ever consider lyme disease? Sometimes you don't get a bullseye rash, and also, the tests are not always accurate.

[mom_of_two136]

Have you thought about or tried herbal supplements or vitamins? They can really help. Also trying to excercise alittle can give you a boost too sometime. I so sorry you are struggling. Just wanted to send a prayer and some support your way. Stay Strong! It does get better