I need support, help and advice...

[ilvmakindolls]

I am so lost, scared and ashamed!  I am a mother of a beautiful 14 year old girl and wife.  About 4 yrs ago, I was put on Vicoden for a hand disability.  Then, February two years ago, I started having female issues so they changed me from Vicoden to Percocet.  For almost a year, I was taking 7-12 7.5 percocets a day.  After running out early and feeling depressed all the time, I tried the weaning program and failed miserably.  I kept running out early and buying from friends and begging from family.  So, back in December, I went cold turkey.  Made it 9 days before I went to buying them from friends.  Then, two months ago, I landed back in pain management where they put me on 3 MS Contin 15mg a day.  Well, I ran out early again this month and have been buying whatever kind of opiate I can find.  I am so scared of the w/d.  Being through it for 9 days and not getting any better really has me scared!!!!!  My family has no idea I have been buying them and have been struggling with them so badly.  My husband is a hard core alcoholic who has very little temper control and if he knew I was spending his hard earned money on pills....I really don't know what he would do......but I really need his support to get off these pills.  We have a local suboxone/methadone clinic.  It is a lot cheaper than what I have been doing but I would have to go there 7 days a week for treatment and I really want to do this...but I would have to talk to him about it and come clean with him.  I just don't know if I have the strength to tell him what has been going on.  For months he has been telling me he misses the old me and wishes I would get off all the pain medicine.....and I will be out later today so I will start into sickness by morning....perfect opportunity to start the clinic....but the intake costs money we don't have!  I just know I really and truely want off these pills and I want my life back no matter what.....but I also don't want to lose my family because of them and I fear that if I tell my husband the whole truth, he will take my daughter off me.  He isn't a very understanding person and for the past year he has been saying that if he found out I was a "pill head", he WOULD take my daughter away from me.  What can I do here?  I just really need his support but fear that instead of support, I will get judegement.  Most people who know my husband know how he is and understand what I am saying.  Please help me!  

[MrsSinger]

I just wanted to comment and let you know that I really hope you can find something that will help you. I don't have any advice because I don't know much about your condition but I have been on Vicoden for a year now and I cannot find a doctor to help me out at all! I want off of the pain pills because it makes me depressed, angry at times and i'm not myself anymore. I have a one year old son and it kills me that I don't have the energy to even take him to the park. I have also had a large amount of muscle weakness since this all started. I have lower back pain that spreads to my upper back and neck and down my legs causing my feet to go numb. Doctors say I dont need surgery. I know I have two bulging discs and DDD in my back. I am having a blood test this week to check for Lupus and a RA panel. My cousin has Lupus and I am having symptoms and its really scary.

I really hope you can find something to help you. But you said that your condition is not going away and thats a really hard thing to deal with. I hate the way the pain meds change me as a person and I really hope you find a cure.

I will keep you in my prayers!!

-Miranda

[vicki595]

Hi!!   I remember you very well...

Listen,calm down here. I'm not sure if you're abusing your meds or increasing due to pain.
It could be that simple...

Let's start there. What do you think?

[ilvmakindolls]

A little more information:  I also wanted to add that until I was put on the Vicoden 4 yrs ago, I used to love making porcelain dolls.  It was my passion.  When the pain in my hands got so bad that I could no longer work on my dolls, that was when I finally allowed my physician to write me the script for pain medicine.  He has asked me 3 times previously to allow him to write me something for pain...which I declined.  I also have a bleeding ulcer so asprin containing medicine of any kind like N'Saids, only aggrevate my ulcer and make me very sick....so I cannot take these medicines.  Without pain medicine, I can barely take care of myself let alone my daughter....this also scares me to no end....and there is no cure for what I have.  It is called "Recurring Inverted Anomalous Muscles of both hands"....and it is also progressive.  Since muscles grow and develop...everything I do with my hands only makes these mucles that lay in my wrists grow...causing pain.  I did have surgery once to scrape the belly of the muscles down...but they just re-grew and the muscles cannot be removed!  I am also in early stages Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Any ideas of what kind of OTC medicine I can take for this that won't aggrevate my ulcer?  Thank you all for listening and God Bless Us All and make us well!