I need support and friends

[Mimi1000]

Hi All,

I am 3 months clean from oxycontin and need some support.  Most days I am secure in my recovery but other times I would do anything to find a pill.  I have done the ripping my house apart thing and racked my brain trying to find a way to get some, but so far have been able to talk myself through it.

I kept my addiction and recovery secret from my family.  I dont have any friends after all those years of numbing out.  I work, I take care of my kid and house, and I sleep. Boring!  And in those boring moments I am vulnerable.

How do I start a new life at 48?  I almost dont remember how I got here.  Any ideas or thoughts?  Thanks

Mimi

[Jebs317]

3 months!! That is wonderful!
I am at 24 days.....and I can definitely relate to the "boring" life.  I work all week, I do laundry all weekend and take care of my son....other than that, not much to speak of.  But....I actually love the "boring" moments.  Because before, I would spend all of my free time looking for more pills.  It consumed me, and it was exhausting.  
Are you going to any meetings?  I think that I am going to go to one today.  I have relied so much on the people here and am thankful to them.....they have carried me through the last 24 days.  It hit me last night that I have relied so much on them, how great would it be to actually meet people face to face who are dealing with the same?  I am going to another Addiction therapist on Tuesday night to have an evaluation and hopefully find a group to attend.
Hang in there..........you are doing such an awesome job!  Like Gizzy said, get busy....maybe a hobby or exercise.   Walking our puppy has kept me busy during these long weekends.
Kristen

[gizzy32]

Congrats on those 3 months clean. It's normal for us addicts to have those days that we just want to use and be numb and that is why it's so important for us to keep getting support and talk through those cravings and tough times, instead of picking up.

Like the others said, find a hobby and even if you have to force yourself at first, that is ok. Just remember that it's never too late to start over and you have a lot to look forward to now. Try to stay positive and be proud of yourself for stopping:)

P.S. Look in the top right of this page under health pages. In there you will find an article on PAWS (post accute withdrawl) At 3 months, you could very well be experiencing this too. Best of luck and keep posting.

[dmarieb]

Hi Mimi,

I am 53 and really trying to get off of tramadol.  I congratulate you for being drug free.  Did you experience depression as you were withdrawing?  I can't seem to function without my tramadol.  I also, would love to have a friend to talk to and gain moral support.  I am here for you.

[Mimi1000]

Thanks.  I have definitely thought about taking up a hobby that will allow me to express my emotions and have considered painting. The biggest problem seems to be making myself do it. I always seem to procrastinate until idea passes.  I wish I had that one friend that motivated me and got me going.  

There are no NA/AA meetings where I am. I would have to travel and have issues with night driving, and the only therapy groups around here are put on by my workplace!

I have found reading through this forum helpful so for now I will keep that up.
Mimi

[dominosarah]

Hi Mimi.......Im so glad you found this site.  I am 48 yrs old and started using at a very early age and finally cleaned up almost 2 yrs ago.  I can tell you that there is a new life waiting for you out there.  You have to reach out for it.  What are some things you like to do?  Are you involved with any type of aftercare?  Going to NA/AA or some type of therapy group is a great way to meet people.  Be proud of what you are accomplishing here.  You are 3 months clean!!!!  Keep talking with us........sara

[10356]

Hi Mimi.. Welcome to the forum and Congratulations on 3 months.. I can imagen keeping this a secret from your family is a terrible burden and one they notice not for what it is but that something is bothering you.. I found being completely honest with my husband and children has given me a freedom to express myself.. I also sought therapy for my past that has helped a lot in dealing with the reasons I felt I needed to be numb to life.. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. it would help if you could meet with like minded peps like at na our aa as personal support.. this may not be for everyone but many have found it beneficial.. I understand about the boredom as I have been a stay at home mom for almost 25 years. I have since taken up a hobby of photography and gardening.. sometimes taking the time to do something that you find pleasure in and can do alone helps to bring things into perspective.. You came to a great place for support.. keep reaching for out as it is crucial in winning the war on addiction.. lesa