I need support

[ToughTimes]

Hi, i've never done this before and to be honest im scared, I have something to admit and I can not admit it to anyone else. I am addicted to heroine. Ive been clean only a small time and things are getting harder, But I WANT as far away from this drug as I can. I used this stupid thing to cover up all my pains, my childs abortion that i feel completely responsible for all my short comings as a person the disapoitment that my parents have for me, I feel worthless my best friend left and I am just out of high school. I lost a ton of friends and my girlfriend and even after a year im still not over it. I caused this. And I want it to stop. I want to be happy again. I can't remember being happy. I'm scared of what I will do. I have a U.A. coming up for a very important job and I will be clean but after the U.A. whats from stopping me from going back? I dont want to relapse I just want to be innocent again and free. I'm sorry if it looks like im trying to get sympothy, but maybe I am I have nobody but one person to talk to and he is still doing heroine. Please im scared some words of encouragement for a younge man who feels that he is litteraly worthless fighting this by himself....thank you..

[D_tox]

Hey mate, good luck! Im currently on my 3rd week of Methadone WD's. It's still killin me but think about the good days when you werent on the heroin and better days are always ahead.

If you relapse time and time again, stay on bruprenorphine or subutex / subuxone.  I have tried all 3 and to be honest they all do a great job in stabilizing your life etc. But when it comes to the day you want to stop taking the brup meth etc. I wished I had of stayed on the brup / suboxone.

My personal experience is methadone is fairly hard to come off compared to the semi synthetic opiates, suboxone, bruprenorphine.

But mate, good luck in your endeavour!

[worried878]

Glad ur hanging in there....everyone here will be in your corner...this post is getting really long tho ...see...all the people who responded!...may be a good idea to post a new one tomorrow and tell us how u r doing...so happy 4 u!

[avisg]

Welcome,
There is ton of support . you can get threw this . we are here to help.you have a long life ahead of you ...... you can get better.
avis  

[drjsteven]

Ok. Forget what you read above. seriously.

You do not have to experience any of the side-effects aforementioned. And the solution is quite simple:
The latest and most effective drug to eliminate heroin withdraw symptoms, both physical and psycological, is called suboxone. The better clinics prescribe this..and you can get a list of those in your area that will do so. Methadone is no where as effective when compared with the aforementioned drub "suboxone". No comparison...as I, and many of my fellow addicts in a drug treatment facility, had been prescribed methodone...and failed that particular recovery effort completely.

Suboxone is a anti-opiate and so it fools the brain into thinking that you're doped-up. And you will, for at least a week, but perhaps a month or more experience a "high" feeling after starting this drug. You will be amazed as to how good you feel...from the beginning to the end. Methadone is very "old school". It did not help me in any way. Works for some...but Suboxone has worked very well from everyone I know of...having had decided to get-off heroin.

Good Luck!
jsj

[bobby139]

Just wanted to welcome you to this family. Perks and oxy's were my drug and guess still is because I am still tappering, but it will be here soon. I am still scared but I tell you the scarriest really is what you have just done, to find this site and to admit you have a problem and want to get clean. Now your not alone here, we will be here right with you thur the good and the bad, we won't leave you. You are worth all this. Give it everything you have, beliave in yourself and just keep posting it really helps to talk to all the great people here.
Good Luck,.. you have alot of love here for you

[ToughTimes]

Ok im really needin you guys right now...I got paid today and I dont have to be clean for my UA because its done and my friend is calling me and I havent answered. Wait, Im not gonna do it, because it would let you guys down, after the time you guys have spent on me and all the advice and obvious love despite the fact that you guys dont even know who I am. I can't let you down or me down. I think ill get a video game LOL those used to always distract me between girlfriends and partys lol. Oh and a very very strange thing happened last night. My first serious girlfriend which we broke up pretty messy called me last night and we talked for four hours, and with in the next two months im going to Vegas to SEE her. AND I WANNA BE CLEAN. I dont wanna be bouncin back in forth. I think now I know what im gonna do tough it out it may not be as fun, but its one hell of a challenege and I don't back down. I can do this....SO many good things are just startin to happen and its no counsidence, its because the drugs arent drawing me down. Im turnin this around and it deffinetly has so much to do with your support and i know that today judging by my post im going bipolar lol but bear with me k!!


zack

[Tiffany55]

Just wanted to say good luck and welcome!! Everyone is so nice here and theyre always willing to encourage you. I know it's helped me a lot to come here and just vent. I get the worst cravings ever so I know what you mean, withdrawals can be very difficult but I feel like since I found this site it's gotten a little easier, its nice to know there are people out there that have gone through this and are willing to offer as much help as they can.

[toxictome]

Look up a NA mtg. in your area..they're free....
.
What do you have to lose?
Might help you keep your sobriety during these intense cravings..
Good luck....YOU CAN DO THIS......DON"T TURN BACK!!!!

[ladyboop]

yes, we all get those cravings.. Some are stonger than others. It will get beter in time. When I was young I used H. So I know your pain. I was able to get it to gether.. And never touched it again. I had trouble with pain pills after medical treatment in 2000. So you can do this... If I can you can...

the best to you...

[ToughTimes]

Today has been a good day and a bad day. the good news is i took my UA and i dont know the results but i know im clean. but today i hurt so bad and idk why my knees are killing me its drivin me fricken crazy and i just wanted to punch a wall. And maybe im not being completely honest the cravings are getting intense i have muscle relaxers that I was given to calm down, and they do help but they almost feel like its just tempting me to go all that much closer to doing heroine again because there non narcotic, they dont stop the cravings at all. but I cant give up and I wont ive come way way too far to go back to that dark hole I was in again. Does everyone get VERY VERY almost angrily aggressive cravings? I dont remember ever havin it like this before. lol sorry this post is not happy but im just kinda letting things loose. Hope everyone has a great night!!:)


zack

[flmagi]

Very happy you joined our little family here, actually its a pretty big family, but we all take care of each other. And we'll take care of you too. Sounds to me like you're gonna be a success story. Your so young and have so much living to do, its great that you've decided to do it clean. You're obviously a smart guy, to have made this decision now.  Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask questions or just rant and rave while your going thru this. We're here for you. Keep posting and stay strong.
Magi

[allaboutmary]

Just wanted to give you a BIG HUG !   Keep up the good work.  

[Firefaery1023]

Good for you!  I am proud of you!  Get back into playing the drums that sounds great!  That reminds me that I probably should dig out my guitar and try to play again.  Keep doing whatever you need to be happy, it sounds like you are on the right track.
Lots of Love,
Fire

[ToughTimes]

Thank you guys I know I keep saying it but I appreciate it. today is a good day idk why but it is. And im being honest with myself and thats a huge thing for me. Im gonna start playing the drums again that was my passion besides cars and I played for 8 years all throughout high school i was asked to play for bands and people came over just to watch me play. I think its time i get back into it, for me and for my friend when he comes back were gonna start our band back up. He started playing guitar at the same time and I lived with him, I mean we had some awesome times making music and expressing myself in a way that made me feel good. And im listening to my old style of music again and to be completely honest with everyone, I feel ALIVE AGAIN I dont know how to exactly describe it im worried about this drug test but i should be fine because i took a valume a couple days ago and that made me soooo mad, but im not doing my bad stuff. You know without the support you guys have given me I wouldnt have been able to reach out to someone because I never do. Since my parents got divorced i protected my family at the expense of my own happiness and childhood ive spent so much time trying to fix something that i didnt do. that its time to move on and I know today is a good day and things change from just one little 24 hour period. but im workin on it. theres so many things going on in my head right now and there not as bad as I thought im just excited being me again. Being alive being the person that people respected and came to for help. I can be strong again and do what I think I may have been put on this earth for to help other people. Nothing makes me feel better than helping someone. and its time to stop being selfish and care for others. wow i said alot and i dont know if everyone gets it all but i put it all out there!!!!!!!!


zackary johnson:)

[ToughTimes]

Thank you guys I know I keep saying it but I appreciate it. today is a good day idk why but it is. And im being honest with myself and thats a huge thing for me. Im gonna start playing the drums again that was my passion besides cars and I played for 8 years all throughout high school i was asked to play for bands and people came over just to watch me play. I think its time i get back into it, for me and for my friend when he comes back were gonna start our band back up. He started playing guitar at the same time and I lived with him, I mean we had some awesome times making music and expressing myself in a way that made me feel good. And im listening to my old style of music again and to be completely honest with everyone, I feel ALIVE AGAIN I dont know how to exactly describe it im worried about this drug test but i should be fine because i took a valume a couple days ago and that made me soooo mad, but im not doing my bad stuff. You know without the support you guys have given me I wouldnt have been able to reach out to someone because I never do. Since my parents got divorced i protected my family at the expense of my own happiness and childhood ive spent so much time trying to fix something that i didnt do. that its time to move on and I know today is a good day and things change from just one little 24 hour period. but im workin on it. theres so many things going on in my head right now and there not as bad as I thought im just excited being me again. Being alive being the person that people respected and came to for help. I can be strong again and do what I think I may have been put on this earth for to help other people. Nothing makes me feel better than helping someone. and its time to stop being selfish and care for others. wow i said alot and i dont know if everyone gets it all but i put it all out there!!!!!!!!


zackary johnson:)

[bandnmom]

Welcome. That is one of the best things about this forum, everyone truly does care and are there for you! You will get help when needed, praise when needed and encouragment all the time. I love this place and everyone here. I would have never gotten as far as I have with out everyone here. Stick around and you will see. After a while you will even find yourself dishing out the advise and helping someone else. It comes full circle here! If you screw up we don't judge we help you pick yourself back up again. Honestly, this forum is a god sent!

[worried878]

You are talking to some folks who have gotten pretty low...different stories but all are sad...I was scared and still am sometimes...get your plan together...lots to help on here..please keep posting

[marcatj]

btw - you had a wonderful miracle happen to you yesterday.. when your friend and her family took care of you, when you were praying for help and support, needing people to be there and care...

no coincidence, my friend... take that in!!! what a beautiful gift...

you must deserve it.

:-)
mj

[marcatj]

ah sweety... you just say the word and we will be here!!!

and when the cravings hit - get on here and post FIRST.  it's stopped many of us in our tracks from doing it.  honestly..

keep on posting.  and WE'LL keep on posting!!!  we want this for you as much as you want this for you...

you can do this.  PLEASE do this.  it feels insurmountable sometimes, but it's really not.  but you have to stay concious, stay aware, and do ask for the help.  i too know how hard that part is.. but it's necessary.  everyone needs it sometimes...

we're only human, ya know..

we're here, buddy...  and imma rootin for ya!!!

xoxox
mj

[ToughTimes]

thank you, thank you so much. Yes I thought about using again, but ive been trying to stay positive and talk to the people that I would disapoit if i went back. You guys dont even know me and you seem to care it means so much please keep the encouragement coming i will check as often as I can. and its st pattys day!!! I might just have a fun night free of this garbage and not be around the people who have it ;) thank you all.

zack

[LONESOME]

Welcome! you will make it dude YOU WILL listen I don't know about heroin but I guess an addiction is addiction my is(was) norcos and let me tell you this forum has help me so much I can tell you that they SAVED MY LIFE and is normal to feel the way you are feeling I was feeling (still a little) the same way like I was walking under a dark cloud, like I just have no breath left on me, but let me tell you I gets better everyday and you will feel like STOPPING  was the best thing you did ever. I'm on suboxone it's been only 18 days free of norcos for me and 16 days on suboxone and I can't tell you now that IT IS THE BEST THING I EVER DID TO STOP!!! find you self and stick around for the ride it will be bumpy but it is a heck of a ride my friend!!! much love

[enemy48]

Hi there.  Your post almost sounds like you want to use again.  It's okay, because we all get to that point.

One thing I'd like to say to you because you're soooo young.  Just imagine yourself 10 years from now still using.  Think of how you would look.  Think of the tombstone you might have.  

You're so lucky to stop this as such a young age.  There's so much life left in you!

I think this forum is better than any meetings or doctors.  Glad you're here

[beenthere125]

Hey...just wanted to offer my words of support. I have been addicted to codeine for over 5 years and I am slowly getting myself off it. But...my younger brother is addicted to speed and I've tried it...so I have an idea of what some of these harsher drugs can do. The way you feel right now; the fear, the worthlessness and all that...man, it's all the drugs doing it to you. It's like with speed...you're way up there...but the after effects can last for weeks after you've stopped using. Depression is a big symptom of withdrawal or even just 'coming down'. The only way you can break that cycle is by telling yourself that at this time you don't have control over how you feel...the heroine is doing that. Now...the biggest thing here...you've spoken to someone. You may not know anyone here...but sometimes just writing it out can help you get a clearer idea of what your going through and why. You seem like a bright young lad...and I guarantee you that if any of your friends or family knew what you were going through...they'd be devastated at the thought of losing you. Remember...these are very selfish drugs and it's pretty damn easy to convince yourself that you have no one who cares. It's what gives most of us the motivation to use again. It's a vicious cycle...but congrats on taking the first step in doing something about it.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep your chin up and remind yourself...you can do this and you're not alone. One last note...you mentioned that the only person you've been able to talk to is a fellow heroine user...not a good thing. Misery loves company and you'll never quit if you continue to associate with those who are still using. It's tough...but no one said it would be easy.

Okay...one more last note (lol)...with these types of drugs...people use them to cover up personal problems or traumatic experiences. I noticed that no one mentioned that along with all the physical symptoms...be prepared to have all those problems you were pushing to the back come flooding back and hit you all at once. This is why the addiction is such a cycle...it seems so much easier to just get high again and make it all go away. You REALLY NEED to address any psychological problems and learn new ways of coping. If you don't...your success rate decreases in a very big way. Please...try talking to a professional who can help you get through all this. I hope that you get the insurance thing worked out...'cause meds would help.

Best of luck...and hang in there. We know what you're going through and we're here to help. :)

beenthere125

[cathy5841]

you are seeing the light!!!that is a great feeling, even in the mist of the w/ds...it gives you something to look forward to.  you are right about having to change your friends, it is essential to long term recovery.  you have to take of you now.  guard your sobreity all cost.  you are well onyour way to freedom and control of your own life..keep traveling forward.
cathy