I never thought I'd be adddicted to cocaine..help?

I'm just going to be honest with myself and with all of you, I need help.
Can anyone give me any advice or 'words of wisdom' so to speak in regards to cutting this terrible addiction?
I was always so against it when people talked about it not even 1 year ago, and now I find myself doing it everyday, every other day, every 3 days; it sometimes varies.
I don't do excessive amounts but I am still very scared because I feel the effects of it on my body and my mind and it makes me wonder if I'll ever be the same person again.

I've already determined that my addiction is to the weight loss factor of doing it and I figured that it would be easy to make my way off of it once I got to the weight I wanted to be. But now when I think about stopping, I get so nervous that I'm going to gain weight again. In the past couple of months, the longest I've gone without doing it is about 5 days. At that point I felt like I was getting 'fat' so I got more.

It upsets me that this is what I've come to; relying on such a dangerous drug to keep me 'happy' with my body.
If anyone has any advice at all on this (please don't be negative, seeing as this is already an extremely sensitive issue I'm trying to cope with), I would appreciate hearing from you.

[sunshinedaydream3]

i just saw your post.

i can not be of a huge help, because i've got very little experience with cocaine, and zero experience with dependence on it.

my DOC was oxycontin.

the board may be slower to get responses because its the wkend, and maybe its late?

i just wanted to let you know, that if u do not get any specific responses for help, to keep checking back and post again tomorrow, because i know that there are people on here with experience in the area's your looking for help in, and they will be more than happy to help you out

this is a great sight, and you should definately search through all the posts, and articles, etc.  stick around and make friends, make this a home on the internet for yourself - because it becomes a HUGE 24/7 support system.

i know i would not be making it through the process without medhelp.

so again, welcome, and congrats on taking the first step in stepping back and realizing and admitting you've got a problem and seeking out advice and support.

you can do this, if you really want it, you can get past this.

it's so mental.
if you think you can, you can.
if you think you can't, you cant.

sorry couldn't be of much help but i just wanted to let you know we are here for you, and to stick around you'l definately get some specific help.

[jojo1911]

i never was unhappy with my weight but i used cocaine for the first time and within a week i was doing it everyday and a month later i was doing an eight ball a day...i could not stop!!!  i was thin when i started using and in my first month of using i lost 30 pounds and then i looked anorexic.  it was not my intention to lose weight at all but it just went along with the using and i could not stop using until i got so thin that my body literally started falling apart.  i am 5'10" and i weighed 100 pounds when i went into my first rehab in may 2008.  i only stayed long enough to gain 20 pounds and then i felt better, walked out and started using again, well by then i had run out of money, was homeless and could not afford an eight ball a day but i was still working and would spend all my money on cocaine and not even bother buying food so guess what...lost the weight again...back to rehab...i had to hit bottom before i could stop using.  everyone's bottom is different but if you can avoid getting into the financial trouble i am now in and stop before you cause irreversible damage to your life do it now before it's too late.  i now weigh 160 pounds and the most i ever weighed before i started doing coke was 130 but i would much rather have some extra weight and have a life than be thin and not be able to think of anything but when i am going to get a chance to do my next line. it was not easy for me to quit and it is still not easy but if you want to know in more detail about what has worked for me send me a message and i would be glad to hel;p you in any way i can.

[laurel453]

hi, kowalsk8.

do not worry about negativity here, it's just the opposite and about expectations ... well, be sure that nobody wanted to become addicted to whatever. BUt, here we are and we have to be positive about ourselves and about the future ( the best and very nearest future we can dream  is one day without, and another and then a week....keep it simple as you can do it cause it can be done ).

now, i don't know about coke but one thing i'm sure is that you'll have to deal with mental wds , you'll find here who can advise you better about your DOC. But being a female, oh la lá,  i know about your worries and not wanting to gain weight. So you need a serious plan  with this in order to stay off the coke or whatever since it was this the first reason that made you feel atracted to the stuff. I thnk that's clear. Make better eating choices, buy a bike, go to the gym, start walking, running, biking....whatever to counteract this fact and maybe it would not be as hard as you think. fight this fear too.

good luck and welcome.

[kowalsk8]

i appreciate it jojo :)
reading first hand experiences of what may potentially happen to me keep up with this habit is really having an effect on me. even though i only joined this site last night, i've already read so much that has made me feel scared to even think about touching coke again.

laurel, my initial attraction to coke wasn't for the weight loss, originally i did it because i like how it made me feel .. in may i weighed 25 lbs more then i do now, the weight loss was something i observed over the course of time and thats whats keeping me addicted to it now..which brings about another issue...
i have now developed an eating disorder.
if i feel i've eaten too much in a day, i starve myself for a day or so to make up for it.
or i equivocate what i've eaten with however much coke i feel necessary to burn off the food i ate.
so i'm basically dealing with two problems at once, but i think once i stay clean, i'll hopefully be able to get my eating back on the right track with the help of everyone here and i may go to some sort of councelling.

[mommy2be25]

Just get control now. My husband and I went down the same road for over 2 years, quit then went back again for over a year. The weekend we decided it would be our last time my husband must have done a bit too much for his body to take (not much more than he had been doing all along) and he overdosed. I found him in convulsions on the floor, then he went limp, his lips started turning blue, I called 911 right then. Keep in mind this was suppose to be our last time anyway, but now I think my husband is dying in front of me. When he came to he couldn't speak for a while, we were both scared to death! The overdose had given him the worst seizure possible. YOU CAN DIE! even if you think you are not doing that much. We only did it on the weekends. Let it go! It's not worth you life! Write me if you ever need to talk!

[gizzy32]

Welcome to the forum. Im so happy to see you reach out for help and identify this problem. I experienced cocaine first hand and a lot of it for 5 years, you can stop now before you see the real destruction this drug causes. i sent you a pm, hope it helps:)

[venusian]

I was addicted to cocaine for 3 years. The only way I stopped was by removing myself from the environment . I moved to another city away from all my friends and contacts. I did not call them , or see them. I moved back to the area , but not the same house after 6 months. I didn't contact any of my old friends, even the ones that didn't use.
    I wasn't trying to quit .It just worked out that way . But...it worked. I removed myself from the places and faces that connected me to drugs.

[lb87]

hey i know how your feeling, i started as i saw it was making me loose weight. im sure you know this is not the best way of loosing weight so wont lecture you there. Well eventuaaly it wernt about the weight no more it was about the next fix. you have come to the right place, there are a lot of good people here to help. message me if you like i will always answer. thanks to people ohere (gizzy) being one i am now 79 days clean ( i had one slip up but we wont got into that and that was a long while ago now)

Big love and best wishes xxx

[racheyrach]

I have struggled with cocaine addiction for the past 8 years..the only thing that has helped me is taking a chance like you did and admitting I had a problem.  using stopped being fun for me a long time ago, but that did not stop me. meetings where i have found other like minded folks who shared this same disease really helped me.  remember progress not perfection....atleast you are trying to get better. so be kind to yourself.

[tooyoung4this7]

what do you mean weight?! i saw your picture and your freakin gorgeous! just a lil support for ya ive never really been involved with cocaine so i wouldnt be much help. goodluck in your recovery :)