I really need your input oxy addiction

I am so very sad........   have you ever felt like you were truly broken,  emotionally, mentally and physically?  I am the mom of the oxy addict......  I joined this forum 10 mos. ago,  I attend Al-Anon, go to every doc appt my daughter has,  have talked to more addict specialists and rehab directors  than most people that are in the business....  and I am still as lost now as I was then.  For every parent that says  let them hit rock bottom, I have unfortunately met another parent telling  me about their son or daugher dead from an od  and to never stop fighting.    I have tried treatment centers   and councelling   and suboxone   you name it   I have gotten my daughter the best medical care......     and most of those are at odds with one another....  sub  yes   sub  absolutely not ....   I am so very confused.  She has been loved unconditionally all of her life,   yet  I am about the only one in our familly  that is still there for her,  I can't begin to think of loosing my child to drugs.      But this morning  just when I thought she was making great progress     there were 5 giant steps backwards,  and one more time the lies and manipulation of the drug took over...   Today I tell myself I can't do this any more  and for some  bizarre reason  I watch Oprah...  I guess to escape  it's not a show I watch...   it was on "warrior mothers"     and how you always dig just a bit deeper when you think you have nothing left to give..  Is addiction a disease?  If so, would you let your child with cancer  hit rock bottom?     If this is a disease  how can I give up on her?    Will you please share with me  how I can help her?  Please help me save her....... I truly  dont have a clue of what to do anymore.....

[onedaycloser]

Reading this post really made me sad, from my point of view, to have a mother who loves their child, and stands behind them through this over and over is one of the greatest things anyone could ever ask for! And yet from everything I know and have seen, your daughter will not stop until she is ready to, this is not in any way a failure on your part...it is just the way addiction works. But knowing that you are there for her will make it easier to come to you when she is ready to quit. Best of luck to you =)

[cathy5841]

oh girl, i feel your pain.  i am so sorry, the truly sad part is that is the nature of the addiction itsself.  i have been where you are...i fear being back where you are everyday.  i wish i knew what to tell you.  it is soo scary as a parent to see our child like this.  we can not fix it. i will pray for you.  you know where to find me if you need to chat...

[shelby001]

your post literally brought tears to my eyes!  i love my mother so much (i'm in my late 30's though) and i would die if i caused her the pain you are in.  your daughter is in pain also, she might not see that but she is.  i'm really sorry.  it sounds like you have tried everything, have you done an intervention?  for those of you in your family, or friends of hers to get together with her?
pray, pray, pray, for her and for yourself.  i'll be definitely sending out a prayer for both of you tonight!
shelby

[shelby001]

forgot to add, have you tried to get her to visit this site?  
shelby

[jt808]

hello i myslf have and still is putting my mom thru the same thng that ur daughter is to u and belive me dont give up on her plz dont u mean more to her than ull ever no and its not ur fault mom plz belive me if she could not do it than she wouldnt she doesnt wana hurt u its just ths dam diease its truly hard and suks i wish that there was somethng beter i could say 2 u but with being in the same position as ur daughter is i no that with u givn up on here would be very very bad for her trust me she needs u more than u thnk even though im sure u fite and dont always get along but like u said ur the only one left sticking by her and she has to notice that u are by her one day itl be over and itl be cause the strength u gave her and showed her so stay strong for u and ur daughter. and plz rember its not ur fault that this happaned ur not a bad parent and be strong for her... good luck.

[LateAugust]

Thank you so much for your words.  Yes  she has been in treatment  2 times,  the first she bolted after about 7 days  and the second time she completed in August of  this year,  unfortunately she relapsed aboout 3 days later......She did join the forum for a day or so, that is why I changed my screen name because my original name she would have known,  but she didnt "relate" so she to my knowledge has not been back.  But there are so many excuses.       I know in my heart, her pain,  her loss of self respect,  the myriad of horrible emotions she is living with each day.   And please know I have tried so hard to mitigate those  with my love  and the multiple medical professionals......     I left a post for sleepybreezy  trying to say I understand the pain.....   and I know aftercare is so very important......    it has been and is available to her.    Unfortunately nothing has helped,  and I would do anything for her.....     She does try   sometimes   but  not enough to make it beyond a few weeks.       She is scheduled to go back into treatment on Monday,  the first day a bed was available.  With in-patient  and suboxone  treatment I am hoping this will work.  Quite honestly honey,  I am out of ideas  and never thought I could turn her away,  but  perhaps that is what I must do....  Thank you again for your kind words and thoughts.    

[LateAugust]

bless your heart sweetheart..........  you are here  and that means you are trying.  Never sell yourself short   of all that you deserve,   and  I hope you get strong and healthy  and everything productive back in your life.   And if you havent lately......pick up the phone and let your parents know you love them......  it means so very much more than you could possibly know......  And I do love my baby so very much,   I am sure more than she can possibly know,  but I always try to show her not only by words but with my actions as well......       I just don't want to "love her to death"   a saying from AlAnon ..   and hence my confusion of what to do that is wrong or right for her,  because she is a beautiful intelligent young woman,  whoms light is flickering,  but with help  will burn bright once again,

[bluespence]

I am very sorry you are going through this..my sister is an alcoholic and was for many years. She is finally sober, but our family dealt with a lot before now. But the best thing you can do for your daughter is let her hit bottom. Yes, sometimes bottom is death...but sometimes (many times it is not). But letting her hit bottom doesn't mean you are giving up on her. You go to her and you tell her that you love her very much and that you will always be there for her when she chooses to get the help she needs. But you say, if you don't get help then you tell her you can't watch her kill herself so you you are letting go. She will never get help until she is ready and right now she obviously isn't ready. The best thing you can do is pray, go get help for yourself and pray some more. I know many people think it is so mean to cut off anyone you love, but it really isn't. You show her you love her by telling her you will be there for her 100%, just as soon as she decides to get help. There is nothing you can say that will make her think any differently, she has to do this for herself that is the ONLY way it will work. Is addiction a disease...maybe, maybe not...but she chooses to use drugs...that part is a choice. Just like she can choose to stop using (is it easy...NO)! But nothing in life worth doing is easy. Yes she will need you to support her but you can't support her until she decides to quit. It stinks and it is hard and my mom dealt with the same feelings you did with my sister. They bailed her out, they allowed her to move in and out whenever, they paid her bills they took her to treatment they did all the things you are doing and none of that helped. She quit when she got sick and tired of being sick and tired. She lost everything MANY times (house, car, clothes) everything...she started drinking at the age of 15, she is now 50. She has been sober less than 10 years and she actually just relapsed right before the holidays, but she got it back together and is doing okay. My sister knows I love her and that I will do anything for her, but when she chooses to drink, I don't talk to her and she knows it. That is my choice...I choose not to talk to her when she drinks...just like she chooses to use when she feels stressed. Your daughter chooses to use for whatever reasons she chooses and you can choose to take care of yourself. My sister didn't choose to lose control over alcohol, but she knows what will happen if she drinks...and that is what I am saying is a choice. I feel like I am rambling, but feel free to sent a PM if you want to talk. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers! Good luck!

[LateAugust]

Thank you so very much, I sent you a note.  Bless you.

[Florida_Guy737]

Hi...your story is heart wrenching.  I have 2 teenagers and after what I had to overcome, would absolutely break my heart to see either one of them go through what your daughter is experiencing.  This may sound drastic and I'm not a fan of the shows but did you ever consider the Intervention Team or Dr Phil?  I only ask because they have a very focused system, along with tons of guilt, to get a person into rehab.  I only suggest this because you've seemed to have tried everything else.

Just a thought...

Guy

[scaredmom330]

I am a mom to a 27 year  old son  who was addicted to Soma, that is a very strong muscle relaxer..I know what you are going through, we helped him everyway possible, even to the point of letting him and his girlfriend and 2 children move in with us for over a year. it was a disaster...they both continued to do Soma, she smoked pot and would take any pill she could find, even to the point of stealing my much need pain meds, not caring that I would run short...finally i said enough was enough, the only way was for my and hubby and the dog to move over 400 miles away...and tough love it was...I refused to talk to my son if he called me stoned or drunk, he later decided to become an alcholic,...I refused to send any money,,, I let him fall on his face so many times...you understand the tears I cried, you are there...but I am proud to say he no longer take Soma's or any other drug...he still drinks but not until he is drop down drunk...the girlfriend, is not my problem...that is mean but I have my own health problems and just worried about my son...he is making progess, I can tell everytime I talk to him or we go home...but it took tough love to do it.....be strong, tell her you are done., until she cleans up her act you no longer will help her, she is on her own...no money, no help...you will be surprised...my son told me as long as I was there to "bail " him out he knew he could take them and I would always fix his problems and until I stopped he wasnt gonna stop..hope this makes sense...take care and pm me anytime...we are all here for you and these people here sure helped me to understand that  as a parent you are a victim of your child drug abuse as much as they are.


hugs
Mom

[HelpinUtah]

LateAugust!

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry to read this and I can feel your pain and my heart breaks for you!  You are an amazing mother with so much love for your daugther.  I know this is difficult - and I'm not a mother and so I am probably not really able to understand what you truly feel - but I think that sometimes us children have to hit rock bottom before we can come back up!  It's so sad and horrible to think it could kill her.  I know you are doing everything you an to help her.  There's not a lot you can do to help her if she won't accept that help.  All you can do is be there for her and love her the way you do.  

I remember my Aunt was an alcoholic for years and was ruining her life.  She was in and out of our families lives and then when her mother (my grandmother) died - my grandfather chose not to tell her about it.  So, she was never told and did not come to the funeral.  We were sad he had to do that, but he did not want her making problems at the funeral.  A few weeks later, she dropped in on my grandfather to see how my grandparents were doing.  That's when she found out her mother had died weeks before.  She was angry and yelled at him for not telling her that her mother died and for not giving her the opportunity to be at the funeral.  My grandfather told her why he did it!  She was stunned.  The next day she checked herself into a rehab and became clean and was clean until the day she died.  The shock of that changed her life forever!  So, sometimes, it takes tough love to get through to people.  I'm not saying that's what you need to do with your daughter, but sometimes when they know we are always there for them - there's no reason to get the help!  I don't know if that makes sense.

Anyway, I admire you and have appreciated your help and kind words so often.  I just wish I could help you and take away your pain!  My prayers are with you and your daughter!  

Hugs & love,
Janet