I think I am dying!

[CKivlan]

Ok, maybe I am exxagerating but here's my story.  I am a 20 year old female and I have been drinking Heavily since I was 15.  I am Irish and love to drink.  I use to be able to handle my liqour but now it makes me VERY sick... I wake up in the morning and I have to stick my finger down my throat cuz i feel so bad.... My HEART hurts very bad.  Then i start getting serioulsly depressed.  My heart starts racing for no reason and i feel like im going to have a heart attack. I went out last night and between me and my friend we only had 4 pitchers! I only slept 3 hours and i woke up feeling like ****! Right now... my heart is hurting, its extrememly hard to breath and im so tired but i cant sleep... my heart is racing 2 fast.  4 days ago i did alot of cocaine and the same thing happened... i had to go to the ER cuz i thought i was going to die.  They didnt help me ofcourse... I really want to quit drinking but its so hard. Can somebody please tell me why im having the real bad effects? Why is my heart racing so fast 10 hours later? I need advice! i feel like calling an ambulance right now!  But i dont know if i should.  *Cynthia*

[Wizard]

You hang in there lady! I believe with all my heart that you are correct in saying :"HE won't give more then you can handle".
Trust in that and you will make through to the light. You lean on me or any and all of our friends here when the need arises. I THANK YOU for YOUr prayers as they are always welcome. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this evening and also your daughter. God Bless YOu and your family.
Power & Magick 2 U,
Luv,
Wiz

[Kerrie]

Hi Angelica,
  Thanks for responding. It's nice to hear from you.I hope your doing alright.
  I feel a bit better today. I had a good cry yesterday and I think I needed to let it out. I just didn't exspect it to be during a special I was singing in front of my church family.But they are wonderful and most knew everything that's going on with me and cried with me.I decided to place it all in Gods hands. It is anyway and I needed to say I have done everything I possibly can to help my daughter and now she has to take responsiblilty for her actions. I know God won't put on me more than I can bear.
  Today she and her family came over for a cook out.(more like a cook in;RAIN) She told me she didn't realize how the pot was affecting her. She said she is thinking straight and feeling more energy. She looked better than I have seen her in a while. So maybe this is a start. She is still in denial about the pills because their prescriptions !!! I told her it wouldn't be a problem if she took them like she's suppose to.
  Anyway, thank you my friend for caring. I do enjoy hearing from you. I will go for now. But thanks again.
    God Bless,
        Kerrie

[Angelica]

I just noticed your above post.  Sometimes, I'll just scroll down to see or respond to any addressed to me, due to a lack of time.  LOL  Ya know we are in this battle against pain for the rest of our lives....and ya know it's funny, I often....find myself going through the pain, rather than taking the medication..I guess, I am just so afraid of the unknown....and the negative press doesn't help...and societal views in general.  But, my case is a little different than yours, because I have trouble finding GOOd pain mngmt.  So whatever meds I have are always in limited supply,untill I find a life long physician to treat my pain.  Kerri, If you have to increase your meds...than do it.  The only problem you face in your situation, is tolerance, but you have a good physician..so I wouldn't worry about that.  Not to mention your faith.  The way you are handling things or have been handling things, is due in part to your frame of mind, probably as a result of your faith, and just because we are believers and believe in God's grace, does not mean that we will not suffer here on this earth...but our spirit, attitude, and frame of mind makes a world of difference.  So, Kerri...don't suffer if you don't have to.  Your going through a lot w/ your daughter, and your pain needs to be under control, if anything for your sanity.  I can only imagine the fear you're in, being faced w/ the possiblity of raising children, at this stage in your life.  God will see you through anything that will come your way, I have no doubt.....Your grandchildren are fortunate to have you.  I know how tough it can be w/ small children....I have a young one, and it wasn't easy, but very rewarding, and I had very little help...so I had to be tough, and you, on the other hand, shouldn't be facing this right now, but hang in there, and put it all in God's hands, and know that the outcome is for a very good reason.
Love,
Angelica

[Wizard]

Thank you all for bringing a smile to MY face! These are the rewards this forum brings besides the support :-) Hope, today is day 29 I believe. Each day brings another reward with it. You can do this too. You must trust in your name Hope....never give it up. Have Faith and God's Charity will follow. Works for me! Believe me I didn't get the power in the Emerald City LOL.I believe God has them BIG ASS ARMS I wrote about. To carry my lard butt when I stumble for sure. Reach for the light, commit to it and grab the prize of clarity. I will keep you in my prayers! Good Luck!
Kerrie, I am so glad to hear your point of view on what the right things to ask for are. It was a hard lesson for me to learn but learn it I did. I hope you can find some peace on this special weekend of remembering our lost ones. My prayers are with you also.
Cin, is TOTO there with you?LOL..Thanks for the card you sent, it was very special and meant a lot to me. I pray your pain is tolorable. I know how hard it is. The hole is so big to fill but fill it you will. You must because I know you are a survivor! Everyone I have met on this board is a trooper for sure.
Well everyone, I'm on my way to dinner and that I won't miss for all the flying monkeys in OZ!
Power & Magick 2 U All,
Peace and Light on the world,
Wizard

[cindi]

No Toto,,,,2 cats and 2 beasts,Jenna and Alexander  LOL  here's wishing you a memorial day filled with good memories of those we love and lost....,,,,,and pay no attention to that man behind the curtain when he calls.....Love to all   cin           PS>>>Filet Mignon for me please   medium rare......Man  you made me hungry.....

[Kerrie]

Hi Everyone,
  I went to church this evening and even though I'm in a lot of pain,I'm glad I went. I really feel better. I know breaking down this morning was releasing everything I was pinning up and giving to God. I want to share the words of the song with yall. It is my testimony. I believe you'll understand why.If you've never heard it,it's wonderful.It is rather country though. But country I am.
              Through The Fire
So many times I've questioned certain circumstances
of things I could not understand.
And many times in trials,weakness blurs my vision
and my frustration gets so out of hand.
It's then I am reminded,I've never been forsaken
I've never had to stand the test alone.
As I look at all the victories,the spirit rises up in me.
It's through the fire my weakness is made strong.

CHORUS
He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb.
He nevr offered,victories without fighting,
But He said help would always come in time.
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
And the adversary says give in.
just hold on,our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again.
BRIDGE
I know within myself that I would surely perrish
But if I trust the hand of God,He'll sheild the flames again,again.....
Tag...
So just hold on,our Lord will show up and He will take you through the fire again

That my dear friends is how we will make it. I'm glad I have my friends to see me through the rough days and a caring God that loves me regardless of how bad I let him down. He will see us through.My dear Cindi,as a wise friend once told me...one day at a time.One moment at a time.There is another song that helps me a lot.It's called " Praise His name." If you've never heard it,call a gospel station and request it.It's about getting through the hard times. A dear friend sang it today and it helped me so much. So that's what I'm doing. Praising His name with friends I know love Him as much as I do. That was very beautiful what you told Hope,Wizard. It's easy to see you get your magic from THE higher power. Those that know you ,understand that.OKEEEEE. NUFFF.
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER !!!!! Nothing like giving your load to someone strong enough to carry it,to make you feel better.Hang in there Cindi and Hope.Mornings Coming!!!That's another song !
I'll go. LOVE ,LOVE, LOVE,AND GOD BLESS US ALL!!!!!
     Kerrie

[cindi]

Hope, , glad that this forum has helped you,  the people here have been my angels the past few months,Kerrie,,my pain level is very high today,  i have to get in to see my doc this week...i am waiting for that Mri....I did manage to get out to the cemetary today and of course now my heart hurts as well as my body...it gets harder each time,,now, i have had my first Christmas without her, since she died christmas morning, Easter, Mother's day and now Memorial day  and each of these holidays had special meaning for her,  she loved to grill hotdogs and the past few years she  could not get to go to my house for the picnic at my neighbors which is tradition but I would take her a plate of food and she looked forward to that...so I do know how you feel, it is so hard, now i have to be strong to comfort my daughter who went with me,,,she is only 7,,,it was very quiet on the ride home and I heard tiny heartbreaking sobs from the backseat,,,I asked her why she cried, she said,,,this is so hard,,when i got to the cemetary it was drizzling  I went to the grave and said Hi mom, and BOOM  this roar of thunder hit  I kind of chuckeled because I heard her yelling at me for bringing the kids out in the rain and chill...on the way home it began to rain harder and my little girl said, look mommy,, 10,000 angels are crying for us, because we are so sad about gramma Nancy...Kerrie,  how do we go on...I am so lost again,,,,and then i thought of Wiz, if ever a Wiz there wuz,,,I say this to him because he always seems to bring sunshine to a bleak and miserable day...he truly is like magic,  the mail I get from him and Kerrie,  seems to hit at the right time...like God calls me to the computer....to show me there is light at the end....it just seems like it is going to take so long to get to the end of the tunnel and find some light...anyway, I get home from the cemetary and for some odd reason my daughter goes over to the tape thingy ma bobber ( I never have the right word for anything)  and pulls out the Wizard of Oz...and this is what we are watching right now....one of mine and my mom's favorite movies and it was made in 1939  the year mom was born...well,  i thought i would just jump on and share a little with you I'm sorry to lay my pain out once again but I know that someone is there listening to every sniveling word I have typed....that is why I love you all so much      love to all   cin

[Kerrie]

Hi guys.Thanks for the responce.I appreciate each one.
  I made it the next day to mommas grave Cindi.I must say it was depressing. She still doesn't have a head stone and I feel so sad for it but can't do anything about it right now. My husband and I finnished paying for her funneral in December.My brother and sisters are suppose to get the stone when they can. I haven't been to the grave sights today. I've had a rough day. I did a special in church this morning and broke down right after I started. I kept going because I know God understands and He is my strength. I had a dream about momma the other night and it's the first dream of her in a long while. I haad missed her funeral and went to see her grave and when I got there she wasn't in the coffin. She was outside and telling this lady she wasn't getting in it. I took her by the hand and told her she didn't have to.You have to know, my mom was terrified of being buried but I hadn't thought about it for a very long time. Funny how things lurk in the back of our minds and pop out when we least exspect it
  I went to the alter this morning and I've place everything in  Gods hands. My daughter will have to do the same.I can't help her if she doesn't want to help herself. She told me yesterday she always prays.I told her she had to be sincere. God never asked us to be perfect. She prays to get out of trouble. I told her she needed to be praying to stay out of trouble.
  Thanks to all of you for you words of encouragement. I am hurting so badly and it is depressing. I do have God to help lift me up and good friends that I never met. Thank you all.I hope your pain is better Cindi. Your all in my prayers.
    God Bless us all,
         Kerrie

[cindi]

Hi Guys,  yeah  Wiz is right  I forgot about the hair test,,geeeze, technology and old folks like me don't mix  LOL  after all.....I'm lookin at 41 in about 3 months.....LOL  I hope you guys have agood Memorial day,,,Kerrie, you are in my prayers..hon,  I love reading your e-mails,  I have just been in sooo much pain lately to get to read all of my mail and it seems like all of a sudden I have 34 new mails...yikes!!!!my computer is bummin and it's brand new....I may have to uninstall and reinstall AOL...something about a MOTMON program that causes things to freeze up    I'll hop on and see what hapoens after i come back from the cemetary,,Kerrie, did you ever make it out to the cemtary after mother's day with all that was going on?   are you going today?  Wiz, are you going to the cemetary?  I dread this but it seems like after being ther i feel like i have been with her again    my sisiter sill never go  she doesn't believe mom is there   ?????   oh well i can't fighter with her....later taters    love ya    cin

[cindi]

if ever oh ever a wiz there wuz....becuz of the WONDERFUL things he duz....Love to you my friend         cin :)

[Wizard]

Yep Cin, I'm on my way there today. Gotta check on pops resting place and recharge my heart. You know what I mean.This is my 3rd year without him but I know it's your 1st without your mom. Cin you hang in there. I know it's hard but it all starts making a little sense as each year goes by. Remember she's still looking out for you. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers this weekend.
Peace 2 U luv,
Power & Magick Angel dust around your shoulders,
The Wiz if ever a Wiz there wuz :-)

[Hope]

becuz, becuz, becuz, becuz......Becuz of the wonderful things he does!  That's great Cindi!  I've been in the background regularly reading the forum.  Haven't posted in a long time, but I continue to get so much help from all of you.  WIZ, I'm so glad you are here.  I love to read your posts!  How long has it been now since you used.  I pray I can be there someday soon.

Love to all,
Hope

[Wizard]

About how long the pot will show up will depend on the type of test they do I believe. If they do blood or urinalysis It MAY be gone. If they take some of her hair I've been told it could show up for months or longer. That info I got from my daughter who had the hair test done for a job. She never used but asked the tech why they were taking some strands of hair and that is what they told her. I hope all is going better for you and I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless us all,
Power & Magick 2 U,
Wizard

[cindi]

How often shoudl you take your pain med?  usually it can be 1 0r 2 tabs  every 4 to 6 hours,,,,as needed...maybe if you are in that much pain you should take it,,,don;t be afraid...as far as  your daughter....I don't know how long pot stays in the system....maybe thomas or jb knows...it depends on how much you somke and how often you smoke it....three years wound like a long time...but this is what I keep saying about consequences....it took me awhile for it to sink in but we always end up paying the consequences...once again  Thoms may be able to help you better than me...my pain has been really bad this week also    I am heading to bed now.....I am so tired and I hurt like hell...talk to ya soon   love       cin

[Kerrie]

Hi guys. I have been reading the threads tonight trying to get caught up.I wanted to tell you that my daughter finally got a call from her probation officer and she is scared to death. She smoked some pot the first of the week and she has to see her probation officer next Thursday. She's sure they'll do a drug screen test on her and if it shows positive for illegal drugs they will ship her to Gerogia to do her 3 years time.Does 3 years sound extreem to yall for a first offence.She had 10 valliums and 4 xanexs in her purse when they were stopped for a broke windshield in Georgia. She had a letter from a physician about the valliums.But they nearly charged him .That's another story. She was given 3 years probation and 1800 dollar fine.They told her if she paid her fine they would drop the probation.But she does have a drug problem and I look at this as a blessing because she may be scared into getting help. I'm only concerned if she fails the test and she gets sent back to Georgia,I will have to raise her babies for the next 3 years. I love them but my health isn't good enough to be raising kids.
  I was wondering about the pain meds myself Angelica. My pain has been so out of controll this week that I don't know if I should go to something different or let him increase the dosage.I take 1, 7.5 lortab every six hours. I usually take one at 7am,one at 2pm and then one at 8 or 9pm. I could take a fourth one but I try to go the rest of the night without one unless I can't bear it. I have percocet for severe pain. I try not to take these except at night and then only when a lortab is of no effect.But I have been on the same strength for 11 years and most of the time is does help.But I now have sores in my stomache and I wonder if the Lortab might be slightly responsible. Of course the stress from my daughter is a factor I know.
   Wizard,Cindi, I am so thankful for you sharing your detox experience and your trust in God with others.You  are so honest about what you have been through and are going through.My daughter may not come here for help, but others do and I'm thankful they have people like you guys to talk to.
   Brighty,I hpoe your daughter is doing well.
   God Bless you all,
        Kerrie

[whitedove]

It's me again.  I know what you mean about post-operative pain and waiting it out, with the lack of proper pain-killers.  It can be "paralyzing". A yr. ago, I just wanted to die, because they didn't want to give me what they would normally give to a "non-addictive" personality type.  I PAID for it.  It took much longer to recover.

Well, here I go again. I could stay on this site forever but, I must begin my last day of substitute teaching like I said in my last comment to you (previous posting, different topic).

Take care today.  I'll write more this weekend and tell you about what happened so, you don't end up in the "shoes" I was in for several days.

Fondly,

white dove
Pam
***@****

[Angelica]

I was offered 3 drugs: Methadone, MScontin, Oxycontin.  I chose the oxys which my doctor recommended, but he did say that Methadone was a very good painkiller, and good for long term use, and HELL, they're all addictive.  I was thinking about switching to one w/ less media attn??? What do you think?  My local news is airing stories daily, about abuse, and misuse, of Oxycontin.  Pharmacies are pulling it from there shelves, because of break ins????  One news story did state that Oxy was a very good pain killer,,,,usually they won't say that!  Once i find a new doctor (appt. on 7/27!) I will discuss this w/ him.  
I am worried about ONE thing???  If I have to go in for surgery(at any time, emergency or otherwise) I will probably require more/stronger medication post surgery.......And you know what happend after the last one.....They let me suffer for over 4 hours, and gave morphine as a last resort, only to go home: vomit, gag, and nearly pass out for 3 days due to high levels of pain.  This is the only reason I am scared of building a tolerance......stupid doctors!
Anyway......I guess I'm borrowing trouble as usual, and should cross that bridge when I get to it, but the bridges that I cross, tend to be very dilapidated.

[Thomas]

While you're standing by, how are you, Francois, my good friend? How is your pain treating you. I know you were in a lot of it from some very serious condition(s). I know you finally got onto Methadone, a wonderful painkiller people incorrectly peg as just a withdrawal preventative for heroin addicts. I do hope you are feeling better. God bless you and yours,


your friend,


Thomas

[Francoise]

Deja, are you still hanging out here, and if you are how are you feeling?


I suppose someone has answered this already, but you're not freaking out over three pills, you're freaking out over the betrayal. It could have been one 10 mg pill.

Memory problems are common with getting off opiates. Also with dissociative identity disorders. Do you have any memory of being abused as a child?

Standing By,

Francois

[Wizard]

Way to go Lady! :-) Here's a little secret...shhhhhh.....IT GETS BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Day 17 for me here and I'm about ready to bust out of my body with HAPPINESS!  So many years wasted......Now, if I turn it around and take those years of bad expierences and use them to help someone else, then I've come full circle. YOU CAN TOO! Please today, make it a very MAGICAL day. It's easy if you watch the children! They are so full ao magic that they buzz!
Power & Magick 2U,
God bless us all,
Luv,
Wiz

[Deja]

You are so cool - thank you so much for your perspective.  No Soma!  I am doing fine without it.  I also tapered the benzo and I am feeling fine.  It was a low dose anyway.  1mg a day.

I ate a slice of pizza last night and didn't throw up!  I had a muffin for breakfast and it's still in there too!  

I am tired though.  Lots of thoughts going through my head.  I feel like talking and talking and never shutting up.  My old self emerging?  That heavy blanket falling off my brain?

There was a bear on my deck last night!!  (thought I would throw that in because it scared me and totally freaked out my dog) LOL

Praying that this day is better and tomorrow is better than today.

Love,
Deja

[Deja]

Brighty,

It's so good to see your name.  I have been reading your posts for ages and ages.  I don't know if you remember me posting on occasion a long time ago.  It was way back when Vicodingurrl (sp?) was active on this forum.  

I am going to tell my doctor on Friday- everything.  I know I can do this and yes you are right, I do need support right now.  Trying to do this alone is very hard.

Thank you for your kind words here everyday. Your name is one I always look for so I can read what you have to say.  

I just feel so up and down right now.  The one thing I do know however, is I have no craving for pills.  I find that so strange.  I have no desire to use - I just really want to feel better.

Love and Prayers,
Deja

[Brighty]

Yes... I do remember the Vicodengurl days !!! Ah ha !! You have been dealing with this a long time... if indeed I recall correctly... .yes, nothing will make most of us feel better than to hear your plans to get help in the coming days.... you deserve to do this for yourself... it may inspire your husband... I have no idea about so called buddy plans in addictions... I do know there is a whole structure to the husband wife issue and the pros will guide you there. Please keep us posted... so many are willing to help. Love, Maria Seraphina

[Wizard]

I can't diagnose if you are in danger, I am no Doctor. I can tell you DO NOT BE FOOLED about the Soma..example given: My routine was to take evey morning 3 Soma's, 8 Vic's then eachn afternoon 80mg's of Oxy. I did this for several years. At times i took more Somas. Be it Mental or Physical..the high IS there hence the addiction.......doesn't mean I'm right, just means that is how I FEEL......I take none now....and I DO FEEL...
I'm still concerned about your eating habits...ASK your Doctor about the benzo's right away...
Anyone else got any suggestions? I'm not trying to scare you just relaying my experience.
Power & Magick 2U,
Peace & Light upon us all,
Wizard