I think I need treatment

[Courtney85]

But I'm not sure how to go about doing it, or paying for it for that matter. I have tried, I think 4 times now??!!! To stop on my own. I tapered, I used methadone for 2 weeks, stopped that and felt fine for 4-5 days then got a call about some percs for sale and bought em. I normally only take vics but that was for sale and so I went for it. I WANT TO QUIT!!! Why is this so hard for  me? I want to be normal, no one even knows that I am still taking them like this except my one "friend" that hooks me up with the dealer. I think I want treatment, I want to be clean so bad I just dont feel like I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Every time I try to stop I dont give myself time to "feel" happy again and I get impatient and use again. How the HELL did i get like this. I dont come from an addicted family, I have lots of sober friends, and I use to enjoy life without these damn pills. Any advice or words of wisdom would be great right now, Thanks ~Courtney~

[bandnmom]

Getting clean is the easy part....its staying clean thats hard. It will get eaaier for you but you just have to stay strong and remember that you were done with that way of life and thats why you want to stop. Keep posting!

[gizzy32]

I think we all wondered how we got this way. Sometimes i can't believe i was a big cokehead, disgusting and not the way or life i was raised into. I made a poor choice with my addictive personality and it went downhill fast. The fact you want treatment and want help is wonderful and it's there for you. Sometimes we need rehab, therapy, meetings, or this forum, but some type of support is important to stay clean. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, but unfortunately it is dark at first. I know how tough it is to stay clean, i failed so many times but not with all this support. I think your first step is to tell your "friend" to no longer hook you up. As long as you have that it will be much harder to quit. Stick around, great support group here. best of luck to ya:)

[ochooked]

AMEN -Gizzy ---  What a friend ---  Tell your friend that you have a problem with Opiates and they are killing you.  See how long your 'friend' hangs around.  Sorry to be so blunt Courtney - but you have been on this site long enough to know that we deal in truth here - even when it hurts --  You MUST slam the door back to the drugs or you cannot make it - -ever - ---  There just can be NO slightly open door for that "just in case" moment.  We all get weak - just like you said -and that is when that 'open door' calls to us -- just make one phone call - see that one friend -- and all of this pain will go away. Trust yourself enough to talk to your friend about what is really happening in your life or lose the friend.  Wish you all the best Courtney -- Please stay on here and keep posting.  GBU

[AmbBam]

I wonder the same thing...how did I end up the way I did? It is so hard to admit you have a problem, I am so proud of you for doing so!!! It took me a long time to admit it and I didn't even fully understand it until I entered the detox and rehab program. I don't have insurance, but I found a hospital that has a financial aide program, and they paid all        $ 5,000.00 of my bill. My choice pill was actually a benzo called xanax- and it was super hard to get off of them after 8 years. But I am proud to say that this is my 41st day. It is still hard, but is getting better everyday.
I had a "friend" that would talk behind my back about my "problem"then turn around and give me xanax! Her mother was even worse...she would give me 20-30 xanax each week and when i got my script,would come pounding on my door and take a whole bunch from me.. needless to say when I admitted I had a problem and put myself in rehab-they disappeared. I havent heard from them since. And thats a good thing because I didn't need a negative influence like that around. When I quit-I found out who my true friends were.
If you think treatment is the only way to get clean, then go for it!!! It changes lives.

Remember we are all here for you, and in one way or another we have all been through somthing similar...Stay strong!! God Bless.
Amber

[christos24]

hey Courtney, wanting to truly quit is the first and biggest step ito recovery, you said you took vicodin and that was yoour drug of choice right?..you also mention that you found percs for sale and bought them, percocets have 5mgs oxycodone which is 50% stronger than hydrocodone, which is what is in vicodin(5mgs, then 500mgs of tylenol), so those were actually a bit stronger, but regardless if you really want help you need to start going to NA meetings in your area and as far as treatment this is one you need to carefully consider and think of all options..i know you said you have tried many times to quit on your own or taper, one of the hardest parts of admitting to addiction is telling your family, let them know, have them hold onto your vicodin or percocet whatever you have,and go with a taper schedule each week, or every other day lowering your amount total, until there is nothing...this can be done, but you need trusted, no using ppl in control of dosing your meds to you..if you can try this let me know and i would be glad to work with you and come up with a detox/taper plan,..another route you could go is detox from professionsals or take a stab at a "home" detox..both can wrok, the professional help is obviously more secure, but with great willingness and wanting to truly quit, home detox can work if you stick wtih it...if you have health insurance or even if you dont if you can handle a worked out minimum monthly payment you can go to hospital or a clinic where they can monitor you while detox and give out the detox meds, waht they normally do is give you a clonidine patch to wear on your arm(last 6 days), and also give you every 6 hr. .125 mgs of clonidine orally, this drug is very crucial in aiding wd, it helps a ton with the sweats, the chills, hot/cold, the goosebumps, the crawling in the skin, the restlessnes/insomnia, and the temperature risinga nd falling, and blood pressure spikes, then they will also give you a benzodiazepine usually lorzaepam(ativan) or valium(diazepam), both very useful in curbing the extreme anxiety youll encounter, the muscle aches, spams, and shaking, it will also help the creepy crawlies, the insonmia and restlessness, and generally terrible feeling/mood, then you will be given the entire time anti-diarreheal medicine that are actually bought over the counter-immodium ad and some anti-nasuea medicine, all these meds are given at certain time and sometimes not given at all, it all depends on how bad your actual withdrawal symptoms are..they have a standard test and other special test to truly tell how bad your physical symptoms are and how much is actually mental..the home detox method works similar to the professional detox way for as far as the meds you use go, but you will have to go to an urgent care, clinic, or hospital to explain to a doctor or your family doctor whats going on and that you truly want to detox and stay celan, they will often prescribe you clonidine and a short term script for a benzo, then tell you to buy the OTC meds, you just ahve to be honest with them..the detox will take anywhere from3-6 days...and you will only be in discomfort for about 5 days, and with those meds aiding it will be pretty reasonable to handle, plus you were taking vicodin, which not to say isnt addicting and doesnt have bad wd's, it could be much much worse, it will only be a few days and most of it is mental that is the most important thing to remember, it is all mental, your addiction will create pain your brain will tell you you need to take the vikes to stay alive, that you are dying, but give ita  few days and you will really live and feel truly alive...if you have a trusted friend or family that is supportive of you getting off of vicodin/opiates, then you could also try using a lower potency opaite like codeine(tylenol 3's) or tramadol(Ultram) these are both easily acquired and less addictive(but still can be if misused for a long time), but you could switch over and taper off of those..it will easier and have a lot less wd symptoms..you jsut cant get hooked on those..now after reading all of this(sorry for the length) and you still think you need treatment- you dont need methadone treatment, your addiction was to vicodin so methadone would be a bit too much, overkill, and the other option is suboxone, which is still a tiny bit overkill, but if you the other options fail or you already know they fail, then that is your option..suboxone, the chemical in the tablet is buprenorphine, it is a potent opioid, that last a very long time the average half-life is 37hrs, most ppl it last 2 days, it can be used for treatment of severe addictions to heroin, oxycontin, vicodin or for less severe/moderate addictions to opiates. it is a strong opioid like i said so it can also be addicting and if you take it for a long time(longer than 6 months) going cold turkey on it will cause severe wd's that last well over a month long, way worse than any vike wd's, similar to methadone...the only problem is that suboxone is expensive, if you have insurance that is huge, otherwise most ppl's prescriptions for a month's supply, which a certified doctor(there are a lot of them all over the us) can write you out one in his office and you can go to the pharmacy, unlike methadone where you need to go to a clinic daily, cost at least $300 dolars and usually above $400 for 1 months supply, now if have insurance it will usually only be $20, but can vary but is considerably less. the treatment can also be expensive, you need to be in wd's when you first take suboxone otherwise you will actually go into worse wd's than youw ere alreaady in. so if you do take suboxone you have to wait at least 24 hr. to take it after taking your last vicodin dose. if you search your area where you live, or ask me and I can help you find one, but search adn you will find a doctor or clinic nearby you that offers seeing the doc once a month getting the rpescription and having a check-up..if you do not have insurance or dont have the money which is very understandable, i would give the taper or having someone hold your meds, or a home detox first, before trying anything else..

[christos24]

it cut me off, heres the rest-
...if all fails and you find yourself still looking at treatment there is state agencies that work with you and im pretty sure you can get into a suboxone program where they cover most of it if not all of the cost, or if no suboxone treatment is offered, your absolutely last resort(and i mean LAST resort) would be to go into methadone treatment(MMT). You dont need insurance, it is daily, and it is very inexpensive, and no one needs to know you are a patient their, if having your family involved is a problem...but with your addiction to hydrocodone,  methadone is alot stronger, the doctor there will stabilize you on a low dose of methadone msot likely in between 30-40mgs tops and try and detox you slwoly over 6 months most likely.MMT cost around $70 a week which is cheap and state clinics and the government offer help for ppl in need or with little money,or no health insurance, they will work with you and devize a plan to keep you cleana nd in treatment...both suboxone and methadone treatment have great success rates and really help ppl save their lives, get themselves back on track, get structure, stability, and motivation for life..i was on suboxone for 8 mths, and then had an accident shattered my wrist and endded up on opiates again, and now have been clean and on MMT for over 7 mths, and it feels great to really have my life back...with what your DOC is(vicodin) the will msot likely get a mild "buzz" from both suboxone and methadone that last around 10hrs, but the drug is effective for staving off wd's and cravings for almost 2 days each, the one thing you need to remember with both of them is you cant just leave and quit, you cant go cold turkey, it will cause the wrost wd's you will ever expereince and for at least a month most likely 2.its terrible, so overall try the tapering with soemone holding onto the meds, or switching to a lower less addictive opiate, then if that doesnt wrok then try detoxing, and as last resort treatments-suboxone..then try methadone(if you end up entering treatment in your case try going for the shortest amount of time actually on the treatment meds, then slowly detox off of them, which they will carefully supervise and amke sure youa re comfortable)..one more thing, a crucial, absolutely crucial, part of actually getting sober and staying clean is going to NA meetings, group meetings, going to therapy or one-on-one counseling is necessary in getting off of drugs, i know i couldnt have done it without that help, also this forum poses as a huge recovery network of support, you neeed support at all times,a nd this forum is filled with great loving ppl all in similar situations all willing to help, weve all been through it, youve started the hardest part of getting off opaites, now continue on and truly get clean you will get your life back and feel alive again, and not enslaved to a little white pill that controls your every move...if you have any questions about anything at all let me know anytime-christos

[Courtney85]

Thank you so much for all your kind words and advice. I do want you to know that I am reading what you wright, I just take it all in slowly and it helps me to come on here and just read sometimes. Also my hubby doesnt know I am doing this AGAIN, so when he's home I'm not on here. WELL here we go again. I took 4 vics at 2 pm, and its now 10 pm and I am going to have another try at this again. I'll be back tomorow and let you know how I feel (well, like **** I'm sure lol) The only thing I have is some muscle relaxers, maybe they will help with the leg pain? We have bad weather here, so my hubby should be off work for a few days, I will claim the flu if I have to and stay in bed. UGH I hope and pray for this to be over SOON. Thanks everyone again ~Courtney~

[Courtney85]

Hello all! So its now 9am and I am feeling blah already, but mostly just restless (I didnt sleep well at all last night) and "empty" like my brain is missing something if that makes sense. I'm going to do this. My only worry also is that I have high b/p (I know at 23 its awful!) so I am closely monitering that. I was hoping hubby would stay home today cause of the weather, but they did go in but he may be back soon so I can go back to bed and take a trazadone and knock me out lol  I AM going to be clean for Christmas, I love my kids and hubby and I owe it to not only myself but them. I am short tempered on these stupid pills as soon as I start to come down off of them. I will keep reading and posting, this forum really helps me. ~Courtney~