I thought I'd made it

[new2thisAZ]

- and then I didn't. I relapsed today. I went through w/d and my at-home detox 6 days. And then 60 Vicodin fell into my lap. And I took 1. And hid the rest in the house.

How could I think this is a good idea? I had a terrible w/d experience when I went cold turkey, a milder but miserable w/d experience last week - I finally started to see the light and... I popped a pill today. REALLY?!

Does this EVER get easier? I don't want to be dependent. I don't want to be looking for my next fix. So how could I fall so fast?

[gnarly_1]

HEY Girl this is the energy crash I often speak of it can be debilitating but with pills it usually not that long mabe a week or so just depends......I wish I new a cure but time and God seme to be the only solution you just have to go threw it trust me it will go away it just trying to function wile its happening thats ruff some people swear by 5hr energy I drink whey protein shakes but give your body what it needs and you will respond hang in there your habit wasent that big your energy crash shouldent  be that long hang in there you will get threw this good luck and God bless......Gnarly

[new2thisAZ]

Wow. It's 11:37 AM and I could put my head down on my desk and be flat out asleep. I was just on a conference call, closed my eyes, and actually drowsed for a second before shaking myself awake. THIS is a symptom I wasn't expecting. I'm so f*#)()#ing tired.

Nighttime sleep seems fine. Mood is okay, a little improved. But each body part weighs 20 lbs and I'm struggling to pick up a pencil.

What gives?

[new2thisAZ]

Thank you, all! I didn't log back in last night to read anything else, but it sure helped this morning to have something to read through as I get ready for my day.

I slept pretty well, I think, but still waking up tired and draggy. My mindset seems a little better again today. Unfortunately, my hubby is having a bad week himself, so is grouchy and stressed out . . . so that's not helping. Trying to be there to uplift and motivate him, while really just wanting to crawl back into bed and call in sick to work.

But I'm still here! And still pill-free!

[gnarly_1]

HEY GIRL  good to see you still hanging in there it could be allergy or it could be the tail end of your withdrawal sneezing is common and so are runnig eyes also our bodys get run down detoxing and many members coplain of colds setting in right after detox.....sorry to here the mind games have started you just get an overall dissatisfaction with life for a wile nothing seams right and nothing brings happiness this is a normal part of withdrawal for some just depends....I wish I new how to help you .....from reading your posts your dead set agenst aftercare all i can do is give you advise I will help you threw it with what I have learned right now its all about attitude try not to get discouraged you will get threw this but each day is going to bring new challenges this goes in stages your hitting the emotional stage...just hang in there this will pass but it can hang around a wile trun up the music and dance do something fun anything to get out of your own head keep posting good luck and God bless.......Gnarly    

[new2thisAZ]

Man alive: allergy season is here for me. Eyes are itchy and scratchy, throat is itchy, ears are itchy... just took some claritin and hope it will settle me down enough to let me rest. The wind kicked up a little today, and that usually sets me off.

Still feeling better overall, just overwhelmingly...... ...... ..... I don't know the exact word. It's not precisely sadness, or feelings of depression, or anger... or even loss. I just don't feel right. The best way I can put it into words is sort of listlessly dissatisfied. And bored. Can be in the middle of something, and I'm bored out of my mind.

So, hope the allergy meds will kick in and let me at least be comfortable.

[tryingtocope39]

Glad to hear you're feeling a little better. Every day its something new, huh? lol. Hopefully tomorrow is one of those 'good days' everyone keeps talking about! *fingers crossed* Your doing great! Just keep with it!