I want to stop using Vicodin

     Ok heres is my story..Im so ashamed, I have to remain anonymous. Im crying now. Im in my mid-20's. I started using Vicodin, recreationally about 3 years ago. (7.5's) It started off fun! I loved the euphoria I got, and the ability I had to be social while on vicodin. (Im normally anti-social). I only needed 1 pill to get that great feeling but slowly, 1 pill turned into 5 pills. Now three years later I can easily take 15 pills of the 10 milligrams norco's a day. (Or more).
     This 4th of July weekend was really bad. I bought 50 10mg's (norcos), and Im ALREADY out of them.
In JUST THREE DAYS. (I have taken about 80 pills in 4 about 3 weeks back)  which is absolutely terrible. And I'm already looking for more. This is no way to live. For 3 years these pills have controled, my finances (which are terrble now), My friends I choose, who I go out with, and what I do. I cannot tell you how many bad decisions I have made because of these stupid pills. The longest I have gone without them was a week. I cannot afford rehab. But I want my old life back. Im so young, and I dont even want to THINK of what my liver looks like.  I will end up dead or in jail, and I dont want that to happen.
     The more money I have, the more I know I want to buy pills. And taking them comes with a heavy price. I'm stopping cold turkey (its only been 24 hours) and it feels like hell. I wish I could die.
Its weird. Part of me wants that "high" but the other part of me dreads getting a phone call from a "dealer" and having to buy them. That 2 hours of happiness I get when popping 2 pills at a time just isn't working anymore. I may even turn my phone off for a whole week, so that I wont get any temptation to buy them.
If anyone is going through the same thing feel free to comment. I wish you all the best, and thanks for the support.

[screwed411]

going through the same thing. it's hard. you have to be serious about getting clean when you're in that situation though it can't be half assed its all or nothing.

[showsover]

You're absolutely right. I have tried tapering in the past, only to find I just take all the pills. I'm tempted to buy 20 more to "taper" but in my heart, I know that wont work. It has to be cold turkey. Its going to be hard, isolating myself from everyone around me, but I'm going to keep strong. Thanks so much.

[el_em_en_oh]

You only have to change ONE thing in order to stay clean.

That one thing, is EVERYTHING.

Turning your phone off is a good idea. Deleting the numbers is a BETTER idea. The people you hung out with. The places you went. You have to leave everything behind and change it all. It's too easy to fall back into the same bad habits, so distancing yourself from your old life, as quickly as possible, is a must.

I applaud your decision to get clean. You're on day 1... congratulations.

Wake up every day... look in the mirror... and say "I will not take pills or use today".

9 months in, and I still do that every single day.

[gizzy32]

Welcome to the forum. I feel your pain right now, most of us here have been there and addiction steals so much away from is. It took me hitting a bunch of bottoms until I finally surrendered and asked for help, just like you are here today.

Addiction is progressive as you have learned, it only gets worse. Do you have anyone close to you that you trust and talk to about this that can help? As far as the w/d's there is no easy way around it, tapering can help, but your already 24 hours in. The thomas recipe which you will see in the top right of this page can help a lil too.

Your so young man, don't toss your life away. w/ds are he ll, but worth it to get our lives back. What are you willing to do to STAY clean this time?

[showsover]

Thanks, change is a must! I had a bright future ahead of me, before I got myself into this. I want to go back to school. I can't hold a great career while doing this, its going to stop. Thank you!

[showsover]

Like I said, the phone situation is the only way out for now. I can't talk to anyone at this state right now, because I have surrounded myself with people who give the vicodin to me whenever I want. This forum is really helping. I'm astounded to see so many people going through the same thing. We can't let these control our lives, or it will go on forever. I refuse to hit rock bottom. Its not happening that way.

[NorcBgone]

I was right there 19 days ago. You need to remind yourself there is a reason you need to do this! LIFE is so much better clean. Read the thomas recipe on the side of the forum (hyland's RLS) was my savior along with melatonin and nyquil for sleep. The physical will literally kick your a s s, but keep pushing thru knowing it does get better. Its just around the corner. I had the same thoughts you did regarding getting more to taper. I thought I would die those first few days. BUT, I'm here to tell you I did make it thru to the otherside. If you buy more to "try" and taper, it won't work. At least you know this. Keep posting. Everyone on here has great advice and is very supportive no matter your decision. Hang on tight!

[el_em_en_oh]

Keep posting here.

No matter what's on your mind, post it. There's always someone trolling this forum and we're all here to help you & each other.

Talk to us... what are you going through? What's on your mind? What are your fears? What are your concerns?

Talk to us... we're here to help.

[showsover]

Yes I will continue posting. Im glad we are all here for each other we can do this! And I applaud you on 19 days! Youre so strong. That seems far away for me, but I know its worth it in the end. I will keep updating thoughts and progress!

[Louise7831]

I absolutely know what you are going through. Quitting cold turkey is great if you can do it. Nobody can understand the withdrawals from Vicodin or Norco without having walked in those shoes. I commend you for seeing your addiction and I felt the same way as you are feeling now. I have been clean from Norco's for almost 3 years and it took a long time to feel good again naturally. I could not quit cold turkey. I had tried several times and it hurt so bad all over. The hot sweat then the cold sweats, not being able to sleep, then the vomiting and shaking symptoms and all the other stuff that goes along with the "come down". I just like you started taking 1 pill and loved the feeling because it numbed some pain I was going through at the time. Before I knew it I was completely addicted and was taking up to 30 Norco's a day. I had a doctor prescribing them to me (without even giving me an x-ray or a reason) and then I would run out and my sister would go get a prescription for me. Then I would run out and buy them from someone I knew at the time. My life was a downward spiral and I felt hopeless. The best thing that happened to me was that I told my family and they were very supportive and found a detox doctor that prescribed me SUBOXONE 8mg. My family knew I wanted to quit and I am telling you the SUBOXONE is a miracle drug to come off of opiates. If you are serious about quitting ask someone for help so you can go see a doctor. Tell them you want SUBOXONE 8mg and you take it for a bout 2 weeks to a month. 1 to 2 tablets a day sub-lingual (under your tongue to dissolve in your mouth). I promise you that you will not feel as terrible as you are feeling now. You can get your life back on track with this medication. Cold turkey is going to make you feel pretty bad for a month or longer even. I'm not trying to sound discouraging but that was my experience and I hope I have helped you a little. I wish you all the best! Feel free to comment back if you need anything else.

[screwed411]

i'm newly clean as well. tomorrow i'm going to the clinic down the street from my house to see what they can do for me. when you've been doing drugs for a long period of time that's all you know. and it *****. but changing is honestly the best idea you said you're in your mid twenties? i'm really young too and just did something really bad to try and get pills last week and i realized i went wayy too far and have way too much to live for that just basing my whole day off of the next high, it's disgusting. honestly the hardest part is like the first week. i haven't been sober for longer than a month in a few years though so i don't really know if it gets easier or not

[catmagnet]

We are all in the same boat as far as what we're going through. I took tons of vicodin for over 15 years, at the end I was bingeing sometimes with 40-45 pills in a day.  I didn't think I would ever be able to stop. But I did, thanks to ppl on this forum and finally coming clean and reaching out for help here at home. It's been a very long struggle, but even my worst days aren't as bad as the self-hatred I had for myself when I was in active addiction. Here I am, over 7 months clean! If an old lady like me can do this, anyone can...

[showsover]

Wow, three years, youre very brave! I know what you mean. I feel as if I have wasted 3 years, and honestly, Im 25, I refuse to do this another 3 years, NO MORE! Lol. Sorry for the capital letters, but Im so outraged with myself. but its great you stood up for yourself, thats exactly what Im doing now. My ex boyfriend called and wants to visit me, and he has a script for 90 them. And just got them filled. IM NOT DOING IT!  He knows what he is doing. The hardest part was breaking up with him, now I have my own place, so I had taken the first step by walking away from him. Thanks to this forum when he called I told him I had other plans.
Its essential. My plans are to cut off these toxic people in my life.  TODAY. I have to do this, my life and future, and happiness depend on it, thank you, my friend. :)

[showsover]

By the way, Louise or anyone, I have taken suboxone before, and it helped tremendously with WD's. Only problem is, I brought them from the usual people I am not trying to cut off. If I have to go to a doc, I will. I imagine it will be embarrassing, but is suboxone treatment expensive?

[showsover]

I meant to say "the people Im *NOW* trying to cut out of my life lol"

[showsover]

Oh my. I feel for you. Yes cold turkey is horrible. But I tried tapering. And it works for some people, but it wont work for me. I have my ex boyfrind supplying me the vicodin, and he was upset when I told him, "Im making changes in my life, and I have to cut you off". I JUST did that a couple of hours ago, but its best for me. Tapering..wow. I have done that at least 20 times in the last three years, and I cant resist the urge to take more.If I taper, I will be digging my own grave and will never quit. I need to see what the cost of doing vicodin really bring to me. Its terrible. Its time i faced reality.  Im glad you have cut your pills down so much. Youre doing great, my friend! Hang in there!

[NorcBgone]

You have a very realistic attitude toward this process. Which I believe will help you get thru this in the long run. Cutting your ex off was huge. Hopefully he won't start the guilt trip, but you seem like you are in a stronger place to keep him at bay. Way to go!

[therealmattj]

Hey I see what you are saying and I had no idea that you already tried to taper off. I totally get it, I just didnt want you to get hurt of the intense withdrawl (withdrawal). More power to you if you think you can cold turkey that many norcs. Praying for you and thank you for your kind words.

[overit2day]

I was right there with you, 22 days ago.  My fiance and I quit chewing up oxys cold turkey.  Before then, our lives depended on them- we counted them each time we took one, we spent so much money on them...  The story goes on.  My point: You can do this.  It s uc ks really bad, but it is possible.  Take vitamins, drink water, and take hot baths to calm yourself.  It can be done!  I will keep an eye on you! Good Luck!  

[NorcBgone]

At my hightest of use I was taking 50/week, but just shy so i would be miserable for 2 days before it was filled again. This was during and after my surgeries. (who gives 50 pills/week) oh my! Anyhow, I finally decided to decrease out of fear. That was difficult but doable. I know it is a high dose you are coming off of, but there are so many storied here w/ ppl just like yourself who did ct. I'm prone to have seizures so I told my mom and dad to keep an eye on me. It all worked out, and 19 days clean! Try not to over think it either.

who is it on here that always says "you have to be ok with not being ok for a while" Keep up the good fight!

[cloudhaginglow]

Hey I am in the exact same boat pretty much. I can't let anyone know that I'm even on here. My wife doesn't know that i have been even doing them. I thought i had everything under control until just yesterday when i said "F" it i'm going to stop. Now i am only 1 day in and i can't stop wanting to call someone for just a few more to get me by. But you have to stay strong. I keed thinking about all my kids and what they will have to live with if they ever found out. So just please for my help and to keep my confidence going stay strong. I know i feel really bad my body don't want to stay in this skin but I am really trying this time i really am.

[tiggz1977]

well I am now 4 days clean I did a taper ya the wd's lasting longer but I did try cold turkey I couldn't do it... so I wrote down on a piece of paper how I felt at the time. and then set up a taper schedule. it was only 3 weeks long. I added up how many I needed, got them, I in no way told my dealer anything about this. took my paper to my roommate ( who doesn't use anything) we all have at least 1 person we trust and love. if you don't then either cold turkey it and deal with it for about 4-5 days or find a treatment facility. I gave him the paper I wrote and he read it I then handed him the pills needed to get through it for 3 weeks. ( that was difficult, but I was done with it) you hve to want to stop In order to stop! and we started on the weening I told him if I ask for more do not give me more untill the time fir next dose came. I don't care what I said! I pushed this so hard. but the whole point of weening off is NOT to get high!! remember that. what ever you are taking cut that amount in half or 3-4 days. break the pills in half( ONLY do this when you get down to a handful a day! other wise you will get high) every 3 to 4 days cut it in half if you need longer make sure you have enough. you dON'T want to go back to your source!! bad temptations!! you hav to want to stop you hav to want to quit. weening off is not for everyone, failure is around every damn corner. but just remember you want to stop and don't want to get high. I've tried all this remedies and bleh they don't really make you feel better right away buy in the long run they make you get through the wd process alot faster. but weening again is not for everyone. it's hard to tell someone your embarrassed about yourself or doing this it's hard to stop, but if it is something you want let no one stop you. write down a letter explaining what did how many you are taking how you feel, whAt your plan and goal is. make a taper schedule how many you need and how long. give that letter to someone who you know and trust and know they love you and try will help you! but you have to want it. you cAn't taper down yourself we hve all tres this and we have all failed. very few have that really really high will power to say you had enough. if you find that person just tell them I can't tell you in words hat I'm going through but here read this it explains everything and I need your help! then when they have agreed give them what you have and tell them to stick to the tapering schedule. if they don't understand how to taper tell them to come here and post how to taper down from however many you are taking now, someone will surely answer that! I have seen post like that before on other forums! the person adminstering them doesn't give enough for the person tryin to come down, the person winds up jonesing and goes back. again they don't understand, but hve them post here if the don't understand or don't agree with have on your letter. but just remember you don't want to get high, your weening off and just doing this to feel comfortable! I was in shock myself when I got down to 2 pills a day!!! :-) I never though in my dreams I would ever get down to that many!! but I did and am clean and I feel wonderful today I went for a drive out in the country air listened to the radio fresh air it was so awesome, not once did I think about any pills!! seek out aftercare once you are clean! and know your weakness!! knowing your weakness is a huge strength. during the time of weening your body and mind are going to be tested. you want to heal them both as much as possible ad as fast as possible! I drank a protein shake ( muscletech nitro-tech) the protein iis in powdered form and very easyly digested. get choco if you get it te others taste like butt lol drink lots of water as this mix forces your muscles to take up water and your flushing all the crap out. it also has lots and lots of vitamins your body so desperatly need at this time. green tea works in a awesome subsitute for coffee ( if you drink coffee) I found hen I drank coffee it made me feel worse. green tea you can drink throught the day. make sure you are eating also. know your limits and know how you feel after eating. I know in my case after I ate I felt aweful and craved to feel better so make sure you include that in your taper! if you feel nauseaed or don't feel like eating go for a walk get out of the house don't just sit there thinking about it, cause it will make it worse. all I can say is your in for a body ride and mentally and physically. just have to want it is all I can say!

God bless and good luck

[showsover]

Ok everyone, I want to adress all of you who supported me! Its so good to have a support system!
NORCBEGONE, he has used his guilt trip you talked about over the last 4 hours now! He just called. Luckily he lives an hour and a half away from me. I realized this a while back, but he is using me for my money, because he knows I will do anything to get vicodin. I had been giving him 50 bucks for gas to drive to me, since he lives far away.
Guess what I did? I told him I was out of money!! Lol. You should see how fast he declined to come and give me the pills! I wasn't surprised. He kept calling. Now I know what to tell others that have been supplying me. I need to just tell them I dont have the money, and I dont want to talk. Hey my life is at stake here! So this is definately best you are right!
Ha! That just proves even more, that the people that KNOW you have a problem (I expressed it while we were together), and still supply vicodin to you, do NOT really care about you at all.
Theres NO way I would let ANY of my friends do vicodin. It destroyed my life, and I would never recommend it to someone else.
Im doing all I can so thanks!

[showsover]

Youre awesome. Being on norco's myself, let alone another person its very rough. Im happy you and your partner are on your way to success! I dont have a bathtub, but I DO have a stand up shower, and believe me, Ive been using it! Lol. Watch you and your partners money, it will increase, as you wont be spending money on pills anymore! Absolutely fabulous. Its great, and your sooo lucky. Your fiance REALLY must care about your future, as well as his, if he is sticking with you on your road to recovery!! . (sorry if ive gotten the genders mixed up, but I dont know if ur male or female.) lol. You have a great things going for the two of you both and CONGRATS!

[showsover]

To cloudhaginglow, you can do this. I know I have to, and its best for you to keep strong. My heart knows that the few days it will take me to feel better is all I need to keep me clean and sober. Its worth it.
I know the shame and guilt you feel, I feel it too.
But el_em_en_oh posted an AWESOME message above. It says look at your mirror everyday and tell yourself "I wont take these pills anymore." Ive taken it a step forward. And written down all the destructive things that norco's have caused me. Its terrible what I read, but the REAL inner me knows the real truth! And I know before these pills I loved who I was, and NOW?? While doing drugs, I hate it!
Its crazy! Theres nothing glamorous about it. The fun subsides quickly, and brings with it, a heavy cost of pain, lonliness and despair. I never want this again, thats why this time, I have to quit.
Your body hates it now, but your body will be better the longer you are away from the pills. PLEASE stay strong. :)

[overit2day]

Ha ha.. You are funny.  I am a girl. The fiance is a boy... Just to clear things up for you...

I was reading your posts and it looks like you are on the right track!  Keep posting because you are going to go through an ocean of feelings.  After your body finishes with physical wd's, you will go through crazy emotions.  As you can see, everyone on here is so supportive.  My fiance is on here too.  We talk about everyone like they are our friends!  I am proud of your decisions that you have made... Keep up the good work!

[NorcBgone]

Too funny about the guilt trip, and YES it is all about the money. He was probably living it large at your expense for some time now. I am so proud of you for keeping him away.  Lack of money is usually the best way to keep these people from calling. Keep handing in there and stay positive.  

[showsover]

Thanks for the support! It will be 48 hours clean, and I have cut off my phone like so many recommended. Thanks so much!

[NorcBgone]

Did you take the week off work? work from home? Maybe I missed something from the original post.

[showsover]

Oh yes! I may have posted this on a different forum, but yes I work, and took the week off. I've done it several times in the past only to relapse. BUT NO MORE!  This July 4th was be the last and final time,  I will not do this, its a new time for me! Thank God for this forum, or I couldn't have hung in there even this long!

[NorcBgone]

Good for you. The time at home will help heal your body and mind. Stay busy, keep posting, and stay strong! The good stuff is right around the corner!

[Louise7831]

The SUBOXONE 8 mg can be a bit expensive but it is less if you go to the Dr. and then the Pharmacy than if you get it on the streets. Just don't use it as a crutch. You can even break the 8mg pill in 1/2 and try 1/2 in the morning and then 1/2 at night so you can sleep well. Even though I wanted to quit so so bad there was no way I could quit cold turkey. The SUBOXONE is what did it for me. I will never go back to Norco's or Vicodin's again! My 2 younger brothers right now are all into smoking 80 mg Oxy's. They melt the casing and then smoke the OC. I have tried so many times to get them to stop and they just don't really want to. Thats why i won't give them anymore SUBOXONE. They just save it for when they can't get high.  
Back to the cost on the SUBOXONE its cheaper in the long run if you think about how much you spend on the Norco's and the long term affects that they and the addiction has on you! I think if you do the SUBOXONE for a couple weeks to a month you will walk away from all of this feeling so much better. It took me a whole year to get my life back on track. I'm here for you whenever you need someone to talk to! I believe in you!

[overit2day]

Congrats on 2 days clean!  You are almost to 3 days clean... Keep it up!  I am so proud of you.

[Mollycat24]

Im on day 6 almost day 7.  I think first 3 days are the worst after that it gets better.  Well yesterday was better then today for some reason.  Its like a rollercoster to me!  I take Nyquil to help me sleep I wake up least once and have to take another shot to go back to sleep.  This is my second time trying to stop and will be my last!  Im not going to go through this again.  I want to be normal again!

[littleyellowpill74]

Just checking on you?

[showsover]

Its been tough, but the physical symptoms have decreased pretty much. So many emotions I have to deal with and sort out, because I have supressed them for so long. And the feeling of learning how to just "be" like I used to, without the pills. They have controlled my thinking so Its not easy, Its worth it though. I'm hanging in!

[hippiechickie]

Have you tried going to NA meetings? I was a little nervous the first time I went to a meeting, but everyone is supportive and it helps hearing other people's stories and knowing you're not alone. After the meeting I approached a lady who was a recovered heroin addict. I felt that I could identify with her the most and assumed she was a sponsor. She gave me her number and told me to call her before I used. Long story short, NA can be a very strong support system.
Have you been staying clean? How are the withdrawals?

[hippiechickie]

Forgive the double post, but regarding Suboxone, my counselor told me that in addition to cushioning the withdrawal, it can help curb cravings. There is Naloxone in it as well, and that prevents you from getting high, even if you do take Vicodin. Do not be embarrassed to go see a doctor that prescribes Suboxone; he/she has seen drug addicts from all walks of life, from the pill-popping housewife to the junkie. They will not judge you and will only do what is best for you.

[Htownnofrown]

Read all the horror stories about trying to get off subs before you decide especially since you have a few days under your belt. Personally I wouldn't recommend it I've seen too many people get stuck on it. How are you feeling tonight?

[HelplessGrl]

My boyfriend takes about 30-40 1000mg pills a day this past two days he has cut it down to 15 to 20 800mg pills a day.. I beg him everyday to cut it cold turky but he says he cant its too hard he gets sick when he doesnt take it. He wont admit his addicted he says he jst does it for the good feeling he gets his been doin it for two yrs now. I tried talking him into rehab but he got mad saying im not a drug addict. I dont know what to do or how to make him stop, even when i told him ill leave he told me that he'll tell me he dossnt do it but how would i ever know.. I dont know what to do i dont know how to help him n i care to much about him for me jst to stand there n watch him destroy himself....