I want to stop!

[Dylan465]

Hello everyone. I've been on and off the board for a few months now. I hurt my back and the pain traveled to both legs so bad and not one doctor could help or offer much advise, except give me pills. I am taking tramadol and morphine and valium.
I had gotten off the morphine in a few weeks very easily and like a jerk went back on it and increased it. It's still fairly low--about 40 mg a day, the tramadol, I was down to about 150 mg a day. Right now, I take 250 mg.
I feel lately like I'm detoxing anyway and my legs may hurt more but I am so sick of this drug taking. I spent my adult life working out and could have been the one who caused the pain but I want off.

Any suggestions? I could use support. My husband is the best but I would like support here too. I was thinking if getting off the morphine first. I want this over with. I have been on tramadol about 2 years and could punch the doctor that gave it to me. It told me, I think later that he was on it and went c/t and it was terrible. When I think about it, it makes me mad that he did that. But anyway. Any suggestions would be helpful. I don't need to do a quick one btw.

Thanks for any support. I want all drugs out of me and pray maybe even my leg pain won't be as bad.

Thanks.

[liscamdave]

If I were you, I would kick the tram first. I don't have experience taking either of them, but they are both very strong, I do know that. If you had less of a hard time getting off the morphine, then stop the tram first and that way you will have the morphine to help with w.d..then taper off the morphine....

[cathy5841]

dont stop the trams c/t there is a big risk of seizures doing this...google it, you will see.  you need to taper slowly off it.  talk to avisg, ot was her DOC, she has info in her journals.  you can do this figure out a plan and stick with it.

[firefish]

I don't have experience with the morphone other than the hospital IV's when they were screwing me back together after a motorcycle accident.  I can speak about Tramadol though.  The **** ought to be banned.  I was hooked bad on Vicodin and got off it (never want to go through THAT again!).  I still had cronic pain so I discussed options with my PCP, a pretty informed dude.  We opted for a high dose NSAID (like a super Aleve) which allowed me to function during the day, but occasionally after a strenuous day, my pain was so bad it kept me awake.  For those nights he prescribed Tramadol, as it's "not as addictive and doesn't produce the high that Vicodin does."  

I can't blame him, he was only parroting the literature he was given.  Indeed the "buzz" is missing with Tram, but it is VERY addicting and withdrawals are by my and other's account worse than Vicodin.

I was on Trams for 3 months, and stoppped cold turkey last Wednesday.  Yesterday was the first day I didn't feel like I was being shoved through a 3 inch hole.   In fact, it felt so good to not feel bad that it felt good, if you know what I mean.  That's it.  I'll deal with the pain from now on using OTC's and the Super Aleve.  No more narcotics for me.  GOD THIS FEELS GOOD!!!

You are on much higher doses than I was, plus you are double-dipping.  I have no clue what to tell you other than there's a great life for you, you just have to get squeezed through that 3 inch hole first.  Since your husband is supportive, sit down with him and make a plan.  He needs to be sure he doesn't become, or continue to be, what we call an "enabler."  Since your length of time on the stuff is so long and the doses that high, I'd really recommend professional help especially of insurance can cover it.   I am way over my head here in the advice department, so that's the best I can do.

Bottom line:  it's worth it.  There are alternatives, there are things that can go after the root cause of your pain, and life without being on narcotics is so much nicer.  Keep us posted.

[firefish]

Cathy's correct, C/T from Trams is dangerous if not done correctly.  In my case, I did indeed taper off and was down to 25 mg twice a day (a half pill in the AM, a half pill at night) when I stopped.  Even then I was still hurting and it got way worse about 3:00 PM the first day.  But 5 days later I feel so good.  I still want one, but I feel great.

[Dylan465]

I would never c/t from anything. And I was told my dosage wasn't that high. My plan was to get off the morphine first because I wasn't on it long and it was easy the first time--wish I just stayed off, but I think it should be okay. I hadn't thought of doing the trams first, since it sounded so hard. The doctor and others on here, said decrease 25 mgs every 3-4 days for the trams.--which would be about a month. My husband is very supportive. .
Thanks for your comments. Others are welcomed.

I think it's pathetic that we are not given the right info. I said yes to the trams b/c I was desperate, I hated the pain and the pain killers made me sick.
I was a workout nut for many years, this has been a nightmare.  

Firefish I am happy for you. Your first post said you went cold turkey then the 2nd said you tapered down. I'm confused.

Thanks again. All advice is welcomed. I know there is a long thread on trams and I did look at it, and saw enough. It is a terrible drug I agree and should be labeled a narcotic.

[firefish]

See what this stuff does to you?  :-)

I guess I did a little bit of both.  I was on 2 - 3 50 mg tabs of Tramadol a day, which I guess is really not that much  -   until you try to quit.

My last scrip was running out, and I knew I had to do something, so I started cutting my pills in two with a pill splitter.  Over the course of a week (actually 8 days) I went down to a single 50 mg pill with half in the AM and half in the PM.  On the last day I had one half-pill left, and held on until 2:00 PM.  That was it.  The next day was Day 1.  Today is Day 6.  

Day 1 sucked.  Day 2 REALLY sucked.  Day 3 really sucked as well.  So, I guess that's why I said I stopped c/t.  It felt like it.  

I felt better yesterday than I do today, but I still feel so glad to be off that stuff I can ignore the aches and the craving.  And I feel WAY better than Days 1 - 3.

Life is good.

[Dylan465]

Getting off was the main thing. I see what you are saying. It must feel great. I could hit the doctor that gave it to me, since he had used them and knew how hard they were to get off. I am afraid. I've weaned myself off of other things but this sounds harder. My husband is doing it too, so we have each other. I still wish it was over.
Yesterday it occured to me that since I was a child I loved music, then sometime during this period I stopped listening--I wonder if it was the ultram?
Someone wrote how they wake up happy again, I want that. How can a drug with ssris take away joy? I would to see a lawsuit against them for lying to the public by saying it's something it's not.
But anyway, my mind is made up. I may have pain and maybe be lucky enough to have less pain, but I have to rebuild my life.

[HR_PuffnStuff]

Funny about the music thing. I remember once how someone posted that after w/d he really enjoyed music again....it was like a whole new experience. You could hear every note. Someone mentioned hugging their child and really feeling it. I can totally relate to that as it happened to me as well. Hard to explain but to feel things for real that give us joy is an amazing experience. I remember the day I woke up happy...it was awesome. Better yet are the days you wake up and do not think of pills, or how bad you feel. I loved my first full day of not even thinking of a pill. It's hard to conjure up when you are in the midst of hell but it really does happen. At least it did for me and i hope for you and your hubby too. God bless you in your struggle.

[firefish]

I agree 100% with Puff.  It's amazing.  I remember when I kicked vicodin (before tramadol) how I started digging out old albums and how I noticed birds singing and even enjoying the feel of a breeze on my face.  I am in Day 7 of stopping the trams and I am playing piano again.  

You know what I did today?  I got out of bed, and headed straight to the shower, and I was shaving before I even thought of the stuff.  I used to get out of bed and head straight to the medicine cabinet and then stand in the shower doing nothing while waiting for the fuzzy fog to settle in.  

Wow.  

There used to be a Saturday Night Live tag line where some doofus square (yeah, I'm dating myself), when offered a food or drink he's never heard of before like sushi or cous cous, used a tag line "No thanks, I'm high on life."  It was funny then.

I kinda like the line now.

[Dylan465]

Puff, was it you that posted about waking up happy? Someone did on here and that hit home. I am a happy person and a huge music lover and only now did it dawn on me that it was the ultram. What the heck does it do???
One of the best things I enjoyed was just walking to music but I had music on all the time and was a work out nut, so used it for that. I thought maybe since I hurt myself the music reminded me of how I can't do what I did, etc. But no. I believe it's the ultram.
Yeah, to wake up like I used to happy, is such a great thought. Thank you for your blessing. My mind is made up, it just can't happen soon enough.

Firefish, that's great that you are playing the piano. The arts and nature are God's perfect gifts and I long for them. I wish this was over and way behind me. You sound like you are doing great after a week--fantastic.

I need both of your or anyone's support. I feel lousy plus have pain and it's not fun. But I think I'm on my way and with God's help and support here and determination, I will do this.

Thank you both so much.

Dylan~

[firefish]

Hey, you're helping me too, y'know.  I guess that's why forums like this and XXX-Anonymous type groups help.  There's a lot of truth in the "misery loves company" saw, but not in the negative connotation of bringing others down, but rather in the positive way of sharing burdens with people who know what it's like.

Yeah, it's been a week and this morning I woke up feeling like I was being pushed through that 3 inch hole again.  Not as bad as Days 1-3, but still achy, with a big not between my shoulders and up my neck, and a craving.  I took my prescribed NSAID (kind of a super Aleve) and a couple of Tyelnol, had breakfast and a couple of cups of java and I felt better.  I normally commute in a van pool but today had to drive my own car, so I cranked up Huey Lewis and had a blast.  Ain't nothing like Huey Lewis And The News to put a positive spin on the day.

Dylan, you're doing good.  Every day in the right direction is one day you don't have to do again.  I wish I was a year clean, or even 2 months clean, but I'm real glad I'm 1 week clean.   And tomorrow I'll be glad to be 8 days clean.  

[Dylan465]

Thanks for your support. I'm still tapering and feel miserable. I could really use a positive voice. I wish I was off of it but won't c/t, this feels bad enough. I have to keep reminding myself that I want off, I am hoping the pain without using is bearable. I've heard some people say that their pain was less and I'm praying for that.
I wish they made a non addictive pill that just hit the pain and not the brain.
8 days clean sounds great to me.

[snowflake620]

DYLAN I AM YOUR POSITIVE VOICE!! hang in ther you can do this your pain will intensify for a while but once your brain gets back to a little bit of normalcy you will fee better take it 1 second 1minuet 1hour and 1day at a time and keep posting
snowflake

[SophieShine]

positive thoughts coming your way!
You can do this. you are stronger than the pills but you don't know it yet.
Hang in there and keep us informed.
XXX
sophie.

[Dylan465]

Thanks Sophie,  I needed that. Today, I feel so weak and tired and I didn't even go down that far. It's frustrating and depressing, so your positive thoughts are much welcomed. I am trying to get off 2 things, and even though I came off a little of one, it seems like it's much harder. Last month I was down lower and felt better than this.
Why can't we come up with a non addictive pain killer with all the money given to corrupt governments, lol--I'm just so annoyed right now.
Thanks for writing, I appreciate it.

[Dylan465]

Sorry, I didn't see your comment. Thanks for taking the time to write me. I wish I could have the drugs sucked out of me, like on House, except not have pain in it's place. This was a hard decision and one I never thought I would have to make. I never saw the injury coming but it just makes me mad at our doctors and the lack of help we get.
Sorry for going off, I do appreciate you writing and know my frame of mind we'll change too. Right now, not too happy.