I was very close to suicide friday

[D30]

I was sitting at the table crying telling myself this is the end. I am tired of fighting the urge to take vicodin. I started drinking around 5:30pm and up getting some perk 5s took all 6 at ine time. At this point I hadn't had a Vicodin for 3 weeks. My life ***** right now. I am not only battling mental addiction but barely paying bills. I slept all day yesterday and feel a little better today.

I was so close to smoking crack money in hand waiting on the drug man, I was looking for anything to help. I turned it down at the last minute and left.

Today is a new beggining and I am switching doctors and calling the pharmacy and telling them I a addicted to Vicodin and do not want it any more. If I don't do this I am going to kill myself.

[snowflake620]

You are on your way my friend! Congratulations on taking the first step.Everyone has to hit rock bottom before they can make that climb back up and it sounds to me like you have been there,this forum will be a tremendous help to you,every one on here has been where you are desperate,feeling like no one cares or understands,but believe me we do.Good for you for turning down the drug man and calling the pharmacy cutting all ties is very important you can and will make it and we are all here to help.Please keep posting and we will take you step by step through everything you are going through,as we have all been there in on form or another.YOU CAN DO THIS and I will bepraying for you,
snowflake

[TrayCee]

I promise smoking crack will make you feel MUCH worse.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, this too shall pass.

[kim715]

My friend so many of us have felt the desperation that you have been feeling lately,but suicide is NEVER the answer.I'm so glad that you pushed through those feelings.The most important thing I've learned from being here on this forum is that no matter whats going on in your life or how hard is effecting you,people here are going to understand.You will find at least one person who has walked in your shoes,been through the same situation.PLEASE when moments like that knock you down,reach out.Don't go through that alone.YOU'RE NOT ALONE.......Theres no judging here,no scolding....only compassion and understanding.I have been where you are.I know that pain,but it doesn't have to continue...There is help,there is an answer.

Switching doctors and calling the pharmacy is a great start to a new beginning.I'm real proud of you.Keep posting because we all sincerely care about you and what you're going through.I know we all say this and sometimes it's hard to believe,but I wouldn't lie about anything this important,it can get better.You just have to want it and work it hard enough and IT WILL GET BETTER.Sending love and prayers your way.....Peace...Kim

[D30]

I remember posting I was on e of the strong ones. I now know there is nothing strong about me. I want the days to pass by faster, but they are going oh so slow. I honestly can sit here and cry at a drop of a coin. I just feel lost and drugs help me for the night. If I was ever to commit suicide it has everything to do with the demons in my head. I couldn't stop thinking about Vicodin on Friday and I think to myself I can stop this with one pull of a trigger. I have curbed the thoughts for now because my body got some opiates this weekend, what happens in 72 hours when they are out of my system

[worried878]

these days pass..these feelings pass...it is sad when someone kills themselves when an hour later they may have done something differently...keep ur self asleep for the wd process if u have the means to do so/if that is better for u,,,or stay active and exercise, clean, read, do things thaat make th time go by and make u feel good...time/days are so very short in the scheme of things and we are wishing them away..days we will never get to live over again...this small amount of time called detox is very small amount of time in the scheme of things and it will pass..hang tight

[snowflake620]

Have you ever tried 5htp and L-theanine? they are amino acids our body produces naturally but becaouse of our drug habits our brain quits producing them,you can buy them over the counter and they are perfectly safe and will work wonders to help you get rid of the depression you are going through right now,that is where your suicidal thoughts are comming from,please try them and remember suicide is not the answer,think of all the people you would leave behind wondering what happened and why.Life is so very short and we are all just a breath away,please know that the people on here are sincere in there quest to help you.
snowflake

[dominosarah]

When you are feeling like that get on here and post.  Most of us know how that feels and we will help you get thru this.   stay strong       sara

[Jambo62]

Hang in there as awful as it feels it does get better.....and the other end of this is worth it... please don't hesistate to call your doctor, they can be more helpful than you may think....Thanks to all who post on this board. I suspect it does more good than most people think...I am getting clean after 2+ years of vicodin had some of the same thoughts but they passed.. Keep posting and reading it certainely helped me.

Jambo62

[wannabefree330]

I sent you a PM