IMPAIRED HEALTH PROFESSIONALS?

[sissy101]

This is my story.  Yes, I can say I'm addicted to opiates, but the strange thing is that it's just when I work.  When I'm not at work, I really have no desire!  I don't "drug seek" aka going to MD's for prescriptions, etc.  I don't go through withdrawals, I guess you could say its "recreational" use.  However, this is my livlihood so of course its a dangerous situation.  I have not gone to NA or anything, I was just wondering if anyone here had an opinion as to why this is with me.  There have been times when I have not worked for months and months and still I didn't "drug seek".  I just don't get it.  I have been reading a lot of posts on this forum recently and I admire so many of you who have gone through such hard times- physically and mentally.  I'd love some opinions on this.  Thanks.  RNinPA.

[cindi]

we are never alone  there are a ton of us running around out there  on several nights that i had to speak several years ago at a meeting I always had doc, nurses, alot of medical people coming up to me,,,i was stunned at first but then ralized there are alot of us..Michael,  JB and I had emailed alot for a long time but i can't
access his addy anymore  he is gone  this is really upsetting me,  I hoped someone here would have heard from him,,,I checked with Thomas  I have to check with Brighty...she use to post here when I first started coming here  now she lives by me   :)  great person
love, cin

[IrishRose]

Well I guess all of us impaired health professionals are speaking up now! Many years ago I was a pharmacy tech. An addicts dream job if there ever was one. I had been clean at that time for about 3 years and thought I could handle working in the candy store! One of the pharmacists I worked with had his paws in the apothacary jar and one of the other techs did too. It was sort of an honor among theives thing for awhile but you know how those things go, they always end badly and this one did too. I am ashamed of my actions now.  Since I was notlifting meds from patient's med drawers, just ripping off the unit dose supply, I rationalized that I was hurting no one. Besides, the hosptial didn't pay me enough, made me work awful shifts, etc etc. I created my own little "benefits" package in the form of valium, codeine and whateve else looked remotely interesting. I had it all rationalized out and felt quite justified in doing what I did. Of course it all came to an end and I am lucky to be sitting here a free woman, writing this today. Despite all that, I remained a medicine cabinet voyeur for awhile too. When we were looking for a house, even though I had again been clean for awhile, I peeked in many medicine cabinets, never took anything just looked, amazed that someone would actually keep drugs in there. Mine were always stashed in weird places like my shoes, underwear drawer, etc. Even legit prescriptions like antibiotics I kept in strange places. Old habits die hard. Today I can forgive myself all that **** but it is good to know I was not and am not alone.

[sissy101]

Wow- I'm really glad you told your "story".  It seems we have a lot of similarities.

[skipper]

cindi:
it's so wierd...i feel as if JB has sort of slipped away on us...

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[mrmichael67]

I got an e-mail from him back when I said I was leaving here.  He asked me not to, but haven't heard a word since.

[cindi]

I tried to email him   his address is gone,,,:(  I am so upset by this   I promise i will try to post more here  I miss you   love cin

[sissy101]

Thanks for your kind words.  And no, I'm not going anywhere.  Believe me, the **** I've been through has given me a thick, tough skin.  I guess he just took me by surprise cause all I've seen around here has been support.  Actually, my main objective in writing was not for "support" but for some insight.

As to your question re:  withdrawal, no, I do not go through withdrawal.  Maybe thats my problem.  I've been on 2-3 week vacations and have not had a single urge.  It really may be hard to believe but its the god-honest truth.  Its just when I'm there, when I see it, that the urge is soooooo strong.  Your right about the energy thing too- I do feel that.  It's so ironic!  Here is this medication that is considered "sedation" yet I feel like its an amphetamine!  

Little more of my history:  I have had surgeries in the past (oral, spinal, c-section) so of course I had pain pills- and although I really enjoy them, once the prescription is done, its over.  Please everyone, I know you may take what I've said as some kind of "oh Im not an addict like them" statement- but thats far from the truth.  It doesn't matter what "kind" of addict I am, just that I am one.

[oh please already]

hey everyone!!!long time no chat??? where is anghts?????// i hope shes ok. i have to say i am a nurse and i did divert from work-mostly by over pulling meds and saving waste but like i leartn on this site- its our secrets that kill us and so yes, i was a **** ,i stole from patientsBut i can not change what i was,only improve who i am now.there is nothing i can do to justify what i did or allow forgiveness for it but i am sorry. to any nurse i found a great support sit- called nurses in recovery NIR.it offers support i only dreamed of. stay well and get well    laura

[sissy101]

Believe it or not, I never had an "oxy".  My DOC was any opiate IM/IV.

[ultragirl]

Jessy-like it or not, you did just scare the #()% out of me about the seize of drugs, them coming to my house, arresting me, etc. etc.  I just wrote back and cancelled (I hope) the order, for the Oxy's - if they can't credit my account or send me a check for the order, then maybe, once and for all, I'll learn and end up paying out a couple hundred dollars for nothing!!

I'm back on for July 25th and still need to know about the ingredients for the GNC stuff to take and I assume that GNC is the place to get all those ingredients?  Should I just go in and hand them my list of stuff?  Will they know what it's for?  What is the 5htp stuff (sounds wicked).

Jessy-thanks for responding so quickly and to the point.  In a way, I'm looking forward to Thursday (the 25th) because I know/hope that this time next week, I'll be over the withdrawals and the start of a new me.  I've tinkered with narcotics my whole 40+ years but never to the extent I have since March of this year - yesterday, I ended up taking 30 Ultram and all I seem to do is just sweat - how much fun is that!!

Again, Jessy, thanks and if you were sitting here, I'd give you a big 'ol hug!

[GOD]

Oh... I forgot to mention this, but just for your Information:

You had mentioned that you ordered Vicodin from that overseas site, so they were going to send you Oxys for the same price. Well, that's fine, but, I hope you realize that you have a 90% probability that your order will be seized by US Customs! I talk from experience, in that my last internet order of Ultram, and Vicodins WERE seized, and I got a nasty letter from the DEA and Customs. I think it was that event that scared me into sobriety, and made me realize that I had a problem.

I don't want to scare you, but just wanted to shed light on the subject! Good luck to you!

Jess

[GOD]

Hey there....

I know what you're going through! Trust me.... ANyway, like I've said before, you may ust want to do the "Cold-Turkey" thing.... Prolonging your withdrawl with Vicodin and Oxy will really **** you off if you're anything like me...... As you just said, you just toook 4 lortab, and didn't feel ANYTHING. I think Ultram will "Kill" any good feelings with opiates that you used to have. Oxycontin did NOTHING for me. NO BUZZ, NO good feeling.... All it did was to stop the pain of the early withdrawels, BUT you are just going to end up addicted to Oxy instead of Ultram, and the OXY is even MORE expensive.

I'm wishing you the BEST of luck in kicking this thing!
GOOD LUCK!
Jess

[ultragirl]

I mentioned last week in the forum that I had picked July 25th as my last day of taking the non=addicting Ultram - the closer it gets, the apprehensive I become - in fact, I just took 4 Lortabs and they have not affected me in the least where as years ago, I would have been buzzing around full of pep, energy and witty sayings.  With that said, I would like to know how these internet sites overseas get to presibe Valium and Vicodin and now, after placing a order for Valium to get me through the "rough spots" I saw on their site Vicodin, placed an order, received a reply back that they were out but would send Oxyicontin instead at the same price.  Hell, no wonder I'm hooked - I can't blame the internet since I was the one in search of the drugs (never took Ultram until I found it on the website) but am wondering about how they get away with this!
I really am ready to get this illness cured and to start looking like myself again - everyone says I look tired all the time but I don't think so - I just feel good.  right.

[GOD]

Skipper,

THanks for the more detailed info... I printed out the pertainent info, and gave it to my aunt for reference to take to her next pain clinic appt. (I think she's going in on Wednesday)
I certainly hope that it will help her. Before, As I'd mentioned, I HAD ASSUMED that she was abusing her pain meds, but after spending a week over there with her, I realize that she REALLY does need medication at a high level to get rid of MOST of the pain. I think the fact that she's on Klonopin and Paxil is more damaging (in the sense that it makes her look WASTED!) to her than the Pain-releiving morphine. Anyway, progress is being made, nonetheless!

Enjoy this 85 degree day, Man... it is OVER 20 degrees cooler than yesterday!

Later-
Jess

[GOD]

Thanks for writing back....

I don't know if you said before, but what is your drug of choice? I know you are like me and like the opiates, but what form in particular? I'm glad I never got my hands on a large supply of Oxy or Hydro! If I had, I don't think I could EVER remain sober. (like I said, I was an Ultram junkie...) Funny thing is, I have taken a couple of Vicodins or 40 Mgs Oxys while I was abusing Ultram, and the Vicodins and/or Oxys did NOTHING for me. I couldn't even feel an Effect. BUT, as I've said before, I was taking 30-50 Ultam per day, so I guess that REALLY upped my tolerance. You are REALLY Lucky to have ecaped the Physical and Mental withdrawl symptoms that most of us have when coming down from Opiates.... Is that true for you no mattter HOW much you take? In other words, were you just poping a couple per day recreationally, or have you ever worked your way up to 100+ Mgs in a given day?

Well... I've got to get back to the "Grind"-- Have a great day, and BE CAREFUL!

Jess

[Rx]

Hi everyone. Speaking of impaired health professionals... guess what I do? I'm a retail pharmacist. Statistics say that about 1 in 10 pharmacists are addicts. I have about 180 tablets of hydrocodone/apap 10/325 and a few percocets and adderall in my fridge. I am ashamed to say that I've stocked up b/c I'm quitting retail, so I won't have anymore access to drugs like I do.

My first opioid experience was with vicoprofens 1.5 years ago when I had strep. I remember lying in my bed when the euphoria hit me... I felt so peaceful, and a smile spread on my face. Even though I loved it, for some reason I gave the rest to a friend. As the months went by, I would once in a while pop a generic vicodin at work. Then I started forging scripts. For the longest time, I would only take 5-7.5 mg hydrocodone about 3-4 times a month. This continued for about a year, but recently I've increased my usage to about 15 mg hydrocodone a day and at the same time noticed my tolerance going up. This may not sound like much, but it sure is a bad sign. And unfortunately I decided to experiment with adderall and was instantly hooked. I only have a couple of tablets of adderall and was going to get some more before I quit, but I know I'd really better not.

I also don't feel a need to use drugs outside of work... but at work, it's practically a necessity for me. Retail pharmacy is very stressful and hectic, especially when I'm filling 300-400 scripts a day, and getting abused by patients, I need the drugs to cope. People can yell at me about their copays and it doesn't phase me... people cussing me out b/c they have no refills doesn't bother me. But I know this can't continue. I'm hoping that when I find a less stressful line of work, I won't feel a need to use at all anymore. I don't know why I had the urge to stock up before I quit... maybe the thought of my supply being cut off suddenly is too much to bear.

[skipper]

Jess:
another non tylenol, non asprin, non motrin form of hydro-c is
tussenex cough tablets/syrup. all it contains is a resin complex
of hydro-c that time releases over a 8-12 hour period and a anti-
histamine called chlorotrimeton (spelling). in the past i've had
doctors perscribe it for pain control. in my expierence this is
the most powerful form of hydro-c out there in drug-land!"

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[skipper]

cindi:
hey there! you used to post here...wish you still did old friend.
i have not heard as much as a peep from JB. you know his wife,
Marty was quite ill also. if you have his e-mail address, you are
one up on me. like i said i'm really worried. it's not like JB
to just leave people hanging. hope to see you post more.
as always keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[hippy]

hey there, i just wanted to let you know i meaosed to be taking care ofnt no offense,

im sorry if it sounded that way, i can tell you that more than half of the women on this fourm are health care workers, RN's and such.
also most of us here are addicts who have lived lives at some point of lie's and deception, we did what ever we had to , too get our drug's of choice. there are no saints here.
there are of plenty of x-nurse's  here and in reading there post over the last few months, they at some point got addicted to pill's and it ruined thier careeer's.
i am sure everyone here care's enough to hope that the same thing does not happen to you.
we as addicts alway's hurt the one's we love,and in some addicted nurse's situation's it's the same ,they wind up
hurting the people they are supposed to be helping, or caring for.

i know it may sound harsh ,but if we don't care enough
about ourselves ,it's hard to really care about other's
even tho we have the best intentions to do so.

take the time to read through all the post, you will find that the peole here are for real, this thing called addiction is
very serious, life threatening, job threatening along with
destroying famlys and lives.


so take it light, and keep posting,
there are no saint here like you said. but we do care.

[GOD]

Welcome, Sissy....

Please don't feel attacked in here... You, and everyone else, are welcome here. Skipper wasn't trying to attack you (although I can see why you would think that, being new in here) Sometimes others in here try to have us face questions of ourselves that we may not have faced yet. In your case, you were obviously judged without all the information, so please don't leave with a bad feeling about this forum. Skipper is a Hell of a great guy, and VERY supportive of everyone... I think he was just trying out a little "Tough-Love" on you because you *kind of* fit into a certain profile. Now that you've cleared up who you are to Skip and to the Forum, Please accept our appologies if you were hurt. One of Skip's favorite sayings is, "I'm going to LOVE you whether you like it or not!"

Anyway, I know what you mean when you said that you only used at work! I have several friends who do the same thing; They say it gives them ENERGY and puts them in a better mood, Etc... Both of those guys work with the public in some fasion, so I can see why they choose to use during those particular hours.

My question to you is: "Can you just drop it [go off the drugs] for like a week or something with no withdrawl?" If I could do that, I would probably still be using, but my last withdrawl was so HORRIBLE, that I REALLY don't want to start back at it again, because they say every time you withdrawl, it gets even WORSE!

Believe it or not, I was an ULTRAM junkie... And I mean BIGTIME -- 30-50 pills per day for the last couple of months of my use. I finally felt "Normal" for the first time in my life! I had several Scripts, and bought it off the internet for REALLY cheap prices... But, I'm done with THAT **** now!

Feel free to write back!
Jess

[GOD]

Thanks for that info!
I'll run that by my Aunt and her Pain docs....

Hope we didn't scare Sissy away....



"Get back here!" ;-)

[GOD]

Hey, Thank you too, Mrmike!

It looks as if she DOES have some better options.....!

[cindi]

I have been an impaired nurse for 12 years  the last straw came in 95 when I was arrested on 12 felonies   to make a long story short I was a mess,,,never lost my license but gave up practicing in 95  Prison or my freedom   freedom won....  Hey they do have Nurse support groups and the board of nursing will work with you...I am so greatful to the Ohio board of nursing...

Hey Skipper   have you heard anything at all from JB  I haven't posted here for awhile but I tried to get ahold of him and I am prying to God he is ok  He was not well last time I spoke with him   has anyne here heard from JB?    thanks    cindi

[skipper]

hey guys:
i was wrong about the plain hydro-c. i talked to the drugstore to-
day and they looked up what was perscribed about a year ago. it was
a cough tablet that contained 5 mg.hydro-c and 1.5 mg homatropine
(an anticholinergic). it seems the clinic of neurosurgeons i was
seeing, like to move high dose hydro-c patients over to hycodan as
it does not damage the liver or kidenys. all i can remember is i
took 4 tablets every 4 hours for a period of 60 days, and they
seeemed to work as well as lorcet or lortab. they were also quite a
bit cheaper. oh this stuff was called hycodan and is available in
tablet or syrup. Jess, perhaps your aunt would be able tp take
this? it's worth running it by her pain doc.
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip