IMPAIRED HEALTH PROFESSIONALS?

This is my story.  Yes, I can say I'm addicted to opiates, but the strange thing is that it's just when I work.  When I'm not at work, I really have no desire!  I don't "drug seek" aka going to MD's for prescriptions, etc.  I don't go through withdrawals, I guess you could say its "recreational" use.  However, this is my livlihood so of course its a dangerous situation.  I have not gone to NA or anything, I was just wondering if anyone here had an opinion as to why this is with me.  There have been times when I have not worked for months and months and still I didn't "drug seek".  I just don't get it.  I have been reading a lot of posts on this forum recently and I admire so many of you who have gone through such hard times- physically and mentally.  I'd love some opinions on this.  Thanks.  RNinPA.

[alexandra_r]

I have the greatest respect for nurses--it is like being a fireman--I truly believe that people who go into these professions do it because they really care.  It's not the money or the prestige, but compassion that directs people into nursing.

It sounds to me as though your problem with addiction is under control in many ways, but totally out of control in ONE IMPORTANT way.  Whenver I have tried to determine if my problem is severe or if I even have a problem with something--I look at this--is my life manageable?  Well, in some ways, it sounds as though yours is from what you say.  You don't use unless you are at work, don't go through w/d's and don't doc shop or any of the other unsavory things that people like us do.  However, to me, if you are risking your livelihood, which you spent _a lot_ of time training and educating yourself for, then I would say--this is unmanageable.

I know there are specific help groups for people in the medical profession that will work specifically with those who are in that profession.  Addiction is an equal opportnity destroyer and it doesn't matter who you are, how educated you are or how much money and power you have.  

I wish you luck and admire you for posting here--I hope that you find help before you get caught and lose your nursing license.

Peace,
Alexandra R

[sissy101]

Thanks Alexandra.  I completely agree about it being out of control in one really important aspect of my life.  Its almost like I think if I can figure out WHY this is so, that I can stop it.  Is it a subconscious thing where I really hate my job and am trying to destroy it?  Is it just the old "feels good, so why not" thing?  I truly don't know.

[Waking up]

I am a medical professional also, i take methadone for chronic pain, when i am at work i seem to use more than if i am at home, sometimes i feel like i can talk to people better, i can do my job better, i can organize better, plus when i get someone their pain med from the narc closet i'm sprung. I guess thats why i have a problem. I have a question, you said that you dont get your meds from a doctor, how do you get them? You don't have to tell me, or maybe i misunderstood your post. I would really like to know if there is any hel for medical prof. like aleaandra_r said?

[Waking up]

I am a medical professional also, i take methadone for chronic pain, when i am at work i seem to use more than if i am at home, sometimes i feel like i can talk to people better, i can do my job better, i can organize better, plus when i get someone their pain med from the narc closet i'm sprung. I guess thats why i have a problem. I have a question, you said that you dont get your meds from a doctor, how do you get them? You don't have to tell me, or maybe i misunderstood your post. I would really like to know if there is any hel for medical prof. like aleaandra_r said?

[alexandra_r]

Try going to this site:

http://www.intnsa.org/

This is an organization for addiction in regard to nursing.

[hippy]

hi sissy , im an addict and have been going to na metings for
27 years and have seen a lot of different type's of people and j
different type's of useing,  the  one occuring theme is that
at some point with everyone there come's a time where everyone
cross's a line, that's when controll goe's out the window, and the drug's start to controll us. then all hell breaks loose and the only way it stops is by jails , institutions and death or just plain old tradgey.
my father is a member of aa and is 37 year sober and one of his
great quote's is " THE STORY IS NOT OVER YET " meaning a lot of people get away with a lot of things but sooner or later
we reap what we sow.
one of my strange habit's was i would only smoke ciggrets after dark. or when i was useing drugs. i would never smoke during the day , and not at all if i was clean. weird hunh.
well like the other comment said , to be a professional and be using drugs on the job , basicly is crazy and dangours for you and people under your care.
apperently you must like to live on the edge., like most of us.
But then agian the way we lean is the way we fall.

i hope i have in no way offended you i was just writing what came to mind after i read your post.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!! and keep posting,  michael from philly

[hippy]

10 reasons why drug addicts use drugs to escape.
#1 i hate myself
#2 i hate myself
#3 i hate myself
#4 i hate myself
#5 i hate myself
#6 i hate myself
#7 i hate myself
#8 i hate myself
#9 i hate myself
#10  i hate myself

[GOD]

Howdy, mm67

I live in the same state the Skipper lives in, and I too am interested in the same Hydrocodone WITHOUT any Liver-damaging Tylenol, Etc in the preparation.

As I'd mentioned before, My Aunt is currently taking MS Contin for Pain, and MSir for breakthrough... Anyway, shes planning to begin a taper to guage where, Exactly, her pain level is. (she was taking Oxy, but her Doctor wimped out, and switched to the Morphine without giving her a decent explanation...) I called him Myself to inquire about her medications, and he implied that the medical community around here was getting heat from the DEA... Imagine that! Pain patients find a GREAT medication that REALLY works well (OxyContin), and because the media is attacking a this certain Pain Med because a few Idiots killed themselves with it, people who REALLY need it are getting screwed.

Anyway, the reason I ask is that her Doc was going to switch her to Vicodin for breakthough pain in place of the Morphine IR 15 Mg tablets. If she normally takes 2 doses of MSir 15's per day, she'd be taking the equivalent of 6 Vicodins with 3000 Mgs of tylenol thrown in (right?)! That's way to f-ing high!

So, Skip, I agree with MrMichael... If it (hydrocodone without acetamenaphen) is out there-- Where is it to be found, and what is it called?

Thanks a Million,
Jess

[mrmichael67]

****I copy/pasted this from a thread way down below:

The hydrocodone as a single entity issue has come up quite a few times. I have gone to the FDA website and they have an Orange Book search that has all of the drugs approved by the FDA in it and they list no products with only hydrocodone in them. Here is the site: http://www.fda.gov/cder/ob/docs/queryai.htm

I also called a few pharmacies and they said no also. One of them was a compounding pharmacy and they said the only way it can be done is if it is compounded. They mix the hydrocodone with fillers and put it in a capsule. The pharmacist told me there is no limit on the milligrams allowed in them. If there is one out there, I would love to know what it is. It would be helpful because there are people who could benefit from that info. Can you call your pharmacy that you got it from and get the name of it? They would have it on record in their computer. I have honestly done hours of research on this subject and came up with nothing. Even the compounding pharmacist told me that it is absurd the amount of vicodins that doctors are prescribing their patients. Patrice even said she knew of one and that is what got me started on this at an earlier date...a couple of months ago. And, please call your pharmacy. It would help me greatly to have that info.  And, I am not saying I don't believe you, I just have done a lot of looking into it and have come up with nothing.

[the jackel]

hiya everyone out there,Well heres a little about wot iv`e been through.When i was 18 yr`s old my mum`s face changed when she came into my bedroom to ask if i wanted breakfast, as she noticed a half pint tumbler next to my bed on floor as i needed that tumbler to spit into as i was outloading half a pint of green mucas every day,so my mum foned 999 emergency number& about ten minutes l8r i was rushed away to hospital,after 3day`s o being inn hospital they told me there was a very small particle of a peanut stuck in the tubes of my lungs,so they said to me that they need to put2tubes down through my mouth&into my lungs 1 was a camera&the 2nd was a suction hose to try &remove the small bit of peanut(but it would`nt budge:(now they tell me i`m going for a major operation which left me with only 1&a half lung`s & 4`of my ribs cut away.I realy thought i was dieing&i was, but now i`m on 2inhaler`s&sometimes a doc prescribes me prednistalone"but i find a nice bit of grass or bud`s etc allow me to breath more easily without any wheazing",than any steroid would &i was lying on my death bed with pnuemonia (pneumonia) & plourasay.I live in the UK& marijuana is a class=c& illegal,but it`s the only thing that realy helps,bud is so deer any1 got any sugestions(can i grow my own plant instead of paying heavy buck`s for this without getting into any trouble?.

[mrmichael67]

You can do either, just don't get caught.  Do whatever you think is safer.  I do feel for you as I think they should legalize marijuana....at least for medical reasons.

[I'm Done]

I am new to this forum. I have been reading for a week or so but now want to post some questions. I am now addicted to vicodin 10/325. I have been taking for about 7 months without a break. I have obtained from several sources to maintain the addiction and have not had the need to go through withdrawal. Well... I am so tired of this! Like an idiot, I thought "it can never happen to me!". My dosage went up from about 6 pills a day (60mg of hydrocodone) to about 30 (300mg of hydro). I have been on this high of a dosage for about 1 month and just said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I looovve the pain relief and the way it makes me feel but I cannot take the lows! I am fighting severe depression (never a problem before this). I started noticing that my body is just aching and if ANY time goes by where my body starts to feel the withdrawal! Wow! I can only imagine! Anyway, I am deperately trying to taper this ugly monster and rid my life of it (if possible). I have about 120 pills or so and over the past 3 days have gone from 220mg > day 1, 180mg day 2, 90mg today and I am feeling it BAD! It is about all I can do just to sit in bed and veg! My body is writhing in between dosages, sweats, chills, no appetite, diarrhea, stomach pain, crawling out of my freakin skin and my mental state, wow! All I can say is that I have NO positive mental thoughts EXCEPT just after I dose, then I feel "normal" for a few hours. I am married and told my wife what I am doing and she is happy although she just cannot understand what I am feeling. Someone please help me...

How long do these symptoms last? How did you people stop and work at your job at the same time!?! I feel useless! Can someone advise me on a practical time table for tapering and any other advise that could help?

I am feeling so alone and desperate right now.

   -- I'm Done

[hippy]

hi my name is michael and your story is the sam as mine
,except i kept up the high dosage for about a year, then i found this fourm in may of 2002, i have been clean off the vike's since the last friday in may of 02.
i tried to taper but i was a complete failure at it.
i tried to let my wife hold the pills but i would get more on the job site and not tell her,
i statred to take the pill for two rotator cuff operations about 3 years ago, i did real good for about 2 years i only took them as
prescribed 4 or 5 a day at the 2 year mark the doc stoped the script and i was still in pain so i got them on the street.

any way when i got to this fourm i was sick of myself, and the pills had sucked the life right out of me , i'm 42 and everyday i woke up i felt like i was 70.
the hardest thing for me any time i tried to stop was the severe depression and the lack of energyand the feeling of panic and fear.

the people here on the fourm wecomed me and suggested  this
receipe of vitamins called THOMAS"S RECEIPE

i started taking it and stopped taking the pill's and i was amazed that it really worked , it took the depression away and gave me enough energy to work, it was not easy but it was very doable.

the receipe is

L-TYROSINE 500 MGS 8 A DAY WEEK 1 - 4 a day the following weeks
b-6 100mgs  2 a day
a strong mulyi vitamine
vitamines- A- c and e
phosphorus
calsium-magnisum
copper magneesse
zinc

imodium (immodium) for the runs
----------------------------------------------------------------

also some people recomend gatoraide for lost eletrolite's

banna's for leg spasams and restless leg

5htp  if you still have depression after taking the receipe
for a week or two.
and if you have something like zanax to help toiu sleep at nite it would help in the begining.

the vike 's stop your endorfins from working and the l-tyrosine kicks them back into gear.


good luck.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

keep posting

[Nod]

Know your story well. Everyone is correct, your going way way to fast.  I'm clean now 4 mos after 2 yr same level hydro addiction. The last tapper took 45 days to complete. besides going slow here is something else I found worked:
1.  the lower the dose the longer you should stay at that level before reducing more. "The lower the slower."
2.  when dosing, spread it out thru the entire day. By that I mean don't take a bunch, then 4-5 hours later more, etc.  Wake up, take 1, then take 1/2 or 1/4 pill every hour or so.  This will keep the edge off and keep you feeling more comfortable. Key is to always have some hydro running in the system to stop the ups and downs.  The tapper slowly reduces the amount over time.
3.  write down your schedule .. ie 7/27 - 8 pills..... 7/28 - 7pills... etc.   You have to write it down to make it work. You will feel great crossing off the days.

Anyway, that was my key to getting clean.  Took 4 tries at tapperring before I made it so if you stumble that ok, just get right back on schedule with your tapper.  Keep reading the forum for support.  Its a long journey but you can make it!
Regards,
Nod

[alexandra_r]

Hi There,

I completely agree with mrmichael--I've been doing a slow taper off of vicodin and only cutting down 1/2 a pill and then I stay at that level for a few days and then cut another 1/2.  Through a suggestion I got on the Forum (thanks hellbent), I had my doc call in a prescription for codeine 3's which I will use tomorrow to complete my taper.  For the most part, I have been comfortable with the w/d _except_ for the back pain that I took the vikes with to begin with.  I think the reason why tapers don't work for most people is because they try to do it too fast, end up feeling too bad and then go off the wagon.  Try to cut down slowly and if you don't feel you can do it yourself--your wife sounds lovely and perhaps she can help you.  

I hope you acheive your goal.  Keep posting--it really helps!

[mrmichael67]

You are doing it way too fast!  You don't have to feel that way.  Go down one pill every three days or something like that.  You know how you feel on what you take, so experiment a little.  But, generally, the slower the better.  A lot of people have a hard time tapering, but that is the way to do it comfortably.  And, you didn't get addicted overnight, so you don't have to get off of them overnight either.  There is no magic number for tapering.  Just make sure there is a steady decline in your intake over time.  You can't taper for a week, then reward yourself for a good job because you will then have to start over again.  Maybe you can go down two pills or three pills every three days.  If you start to feel the willies, then you are going too fast.  Like I said, there is no magic number to taper with as everyone is different.  Just make sure you go down a certain amount every three days religiously and you should do fine.  You can even do it every week instead of three days.  It just depends on how long you want to take.  Hang in there, it can be done.

[skipper]

hey guys:
i was wrong about the plain hydro-c. i talked to the drugstore to-
day and they looked up what was perscribed about a year ago. it was
a cough tablet that contained 5 mg.hydro-c and 1.5 mg homatropine
(an anticholinergic). it seems the clinic of neurosurgeons i was
seeing, like to move high dose hydro-c patients over to hycodan as
it does not damage the liver or kidenys. all i can remember is i
took 4 tablets every 4 hours for a period of 60 days, and they
seeemed to work as well as lorcet or lortab. they were also quite a
bit cheaper. oh this stuff was called hycodan and is available in
tablet or syrup. Jess, perhaps your aunt would be able tp take
this? it's worth running it by her pain doc.
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[hippy]

hey there, i just wanted to let you know i meaosed to be taking care ofnt no offense,

im sorry if it sounded that way, i can tell you that more than half of the women on this fourm are health care workers, RN's and such.
also most of us here are addicts who have lived lives at some point of lie's and deception, we did what ever we had to , too get our drug's of choice. there are no saints here.
there are of plenty of x-nurse's  here and in reading there post over the last few months, they at some point got addicted to pill's and it ruined thier careeer's.
i am sure everyone here care's enough to hope that the same thing does not happen to you.
we as addicts alway's hurt the one's we love,and in some addicted nurse's situation's it's the same ,they wind up
hurting the people they are supposed to be helping, or caring for.

i know it may sound harsh ,but if we don't care enough
about ourselves ,it's hard to really care about other's
even tho we have the best intentions to do so.

take the time to read through all the post, you will find that the peole here are for real, this thing called addiction is
very serious, life threatening, job threatening along with
destroying famlys and lives.


so take it light, and keep posting,
there are no saint here like you said. but we do care.

[mrmichael67]

They can compound capsules with only hydrocodone in them.  I talked to a pharmacist and he said that they only add a filler and can make them in any strength the doctor wishes.

[GOD]

Welcome, Sissy....

Please don't feel attacked in here... You, and everyone else, are welcome here. Skipper wasn't trying to attack you (although I can see why you would think that, being new in here) Sometimes others in here try to have us face questions of ourselves that we may not have faced yet. In your case, you were obviously judged without all the information, so please don't leave with a bad feeling about this forum. Skipper is a Hell of a great guy, and VERY supportive of everyone... I think he was just trying out a little "Tough-Love" on you because you *kind of* fit into a certain profile. Now that you've cleared up who you are to Skip and to the Forum, Please accept our appologies if you were hurt. One of Skip's favorite sayings is, "I'm going to LOVE you whether you like it or not!"

Anyway, I know what you mean when you said that you only used at work! I have several friends who do the same thing; They say it gives them ENERGY and puts them in a better mood, Etc... Both of those guys work with the public in some fasion, so I can see why they choose to use during those particular hours.

My question to you is: "Can you just drop it [go off the drugs] for like a week or something with no withdrawl (withdrawal)?" If I could do that, I would probably still be using, but my last withdrawl (withdrawal) was so HORRIBLE, that I REALLY don't want to start back at it again, because they say every time you withdrawl (withdrawal), it gets even WORSE!

Believe it or not, I was an ULTRAM junkie... And I mean BIGTIME -- 30-50 pills per day for the last couple of months of my use. I finally felt "Normal" for the first time in my life! I had several Scripts, and bought it off the internet for REALLY cheap prices... But, I'm done with THAT **** now!

Feel free to write back!
Jess

[GOD]

Thanks for that info!
I'll run that by my Aunt and her Pain docs....

Hope we didn't scare Sissy away....



"Get back here!" ;-)

[GOD]

Hey, Thank you too, Mrmike!

It looks as if she DOES have some better options.....!

[cindi]

I have been an impaired nurse for 12 years  the last straw came in 95 when I was arrested on 12 felonies   to make a long story short I was a mess,,,never lost my license but gave up practicing in 95  Prison or my freedom   freedom won....  Hey they do have Nurse support groups and the board of nursing will work with you...I am so greatful to the Ohio board of nursing...

Hey Skipper   have you heard anything at all from JB  I haven't posted here for awhile but I tried to get ahold of him and I am prying to God he is ok  He was not well last time I spoke with him   has anyne here heard from JB?    thanks    cindi

[skipper]

i'm sorry you took my concerns and comments in a angry way. in the post in question, i sais i did not wish to judge you. all that hydro-c, the oxy, and whatever else recently was from a neuro-surgeon and pain doctor. in the last 2 years i've had 2 surgerys on my spine at the c4/c5- c5/c6 level.

now 25 years ago it was a different story...i supported an oil-
burning junk habit by doing B&E on drugstores and clinics. i stole a lot of drugs from drugstores and clicics! where and how do you "obtain" the drugs "you only do at work." see when i was doing B&E's on drugstores and clinics, i went long enough that i thought i would never get caught....i got caught. i paid my debt to society for it, did you?

you know the main concern i have you didn't even answer - what are you going to do if you ever really need an opiate pain killer? it's one of the things i wish i would have thought about myself...now i'm finding out the hard way. i hope you never have to answer that question.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[skipper]

sissy101:
welcome to the forum! there will always be room for just one more
junky here, so come on in. i find your story about only taking
drugs at work an intresting one. as i believe hippy pointed out
earlyer, everything in addiction is subject to change. i wonder
where your drug intake will be a year from now? how are you diverting the drugs you steal? what will you do if you ever actually need an opiate pain killer? what you are doing to your patients, doesn't that bother you? i do not wish to judge you, but a while back a good friend died of a terminal condition in a hospital. although it could never be proven, i think this friends morphine was being watered down by a nurse charged with his care. i wasn't the only person who suspected this nurse. as i said, i do not wish to judge you, but the fact that you only do drugs at work isn't even mildly intresting. what does concern me is someone who might actually need narcotic pain relief isn't getting it. our society treats some one who embezzles money from a bank differently than an armed robber, or night-time thief. to embezzle is some-how less of a crime. i can't speak for anyone else, but the white collar embezzler is just as much a thief as a person who sticks a gun in a bank teller's face. perhaps even
more of one, when you factor in the violation of the public's
trust.

a couple of years ago i attended an NA meeting. at this meeting
there was the usual group of people with cards to be signed. when
one of these people (with a card to be signed) was asked to share
her expierence she did. she was a RN fulfilling her obligation to
the state liscense review board and the court system. she told
her story with difficulty. i would have been sympathetic, except
her dificulty was the trouble she had telling the story and
laughing about it. i can't speak for anyone else, but her atti-
tude didn't do much for me the next time i was in a hospital.
this poor woman just couldn't (or wouldn't) grasp the fact that
the violation of trust was far more serious (at least to me) than
the diversion and theft of drugs. what even scared me more was
her statement that she only had "48 more meetings to go to before she was home free, whatever that ment... for what ever it is worth i will pray for her and you, as i don't know what else
to do for you....

everyone:
got in real late last night. the pharmacy that filled the Rx of
hydro-c (HyVee) was closed. i will try to talk to the pharmacist
today. i hope i can provide mrmichel and jessesarpy the name of
the manufacture of the preperation i recieved. i hope i was in-
deed corect, as ther is a huge need for a Rx prep. that is just
hydro-c and nothing else. all i really remember is that hydro-c
wasn't doing much for me at the time. at any rate i'm as curious
as the rest of you people, so i will look into it and get back to
you folks asap.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[alexandra_r]

Although I do agree with skipper that taking drugs from people who need it is really bad--I might have done this same thing about 2 weeks ago.  I posted a comment that I had gone to look at a house and looked in the medicine cabinet.  I took some of the person's xanax because I wanted to help my w/d from vicodins--I felt terrible about it and still do.  The point is--that as addicts, we don't have control over what we do.  That's what makes addiction so terrible.  When I was addicted to heroin 10+ years ago, I did things that I would _never_ do today.  I stole from people I loved, I lied to everyone, I conned people and I sold myself for money so I could get a fix.  While my addiction today (vicodins prescribed by 1 doc) has not taken me to the same kind of desperation that heroin did, I still have done things (like taking those xanax) that I would never do if I wasn't going through w/d.  

I remember when I was having a bout with crack--I knew a woman who was pregnant with twins and she was in LABOR and would not put down the crack pipe.  I couldn't believe it--but, that's what addiction does.   She ended up giving birth on the floor of a crack house and god only knows what happens to those poor twins.

I know that I (personally) must be tolerant of others because I have f***ed up so much in my own life.  I hope that Sissy finds the help she needs so that she won't hurt herself or others and I wish the same for every addict in the world (we all suffer and we all hurt ourselves and others).

Peace
Alexandra

[I'm Done]

I really appreciate the feeedback you guys have given to me so far. Yesterday I did 2 10/325's around noon (from wake up to noon was hell), 2 around 5pm and then, ahem, I "rewarded" myself last night w/ 7 (70mgs). I could feel NO effect of the 7 pills, so I basically wasted them. I was kicking myself for doing it but I am not giving up! I am only on like day 5 of this and it sure is an uphill battle! Today so far I took some in the morning (5 or 50mg's) and I just took 1 more at 3pm, tonight I will try to take only 2-3 pills before going to bed. Nighttime is terrible and I do not know if that little will hold me all night. I will probably put 2 pills at the bedside in case I wake up wiggling my brains out at 4am. I am a little pissed at myself for taking 8 last night, do you think I set myself back at all by doing that? My goal is to rush down to under 100mg of hydro. a day and suffer the consequences of the speedly taper, then to even it out, slow it down as suggested. I knew you all would tell me I was doing this too fast and you are so right. I think I am going to havea lapse of refills for a week or so because I took too many a few weeks ago. That is why I was trying to QUICKLY get down to a more manageable level. If I did not, then I would be going cold turkey in about 5 days. Since spreading these out, although painful, I have turned by bottle into a magical 10-15 days worth because I am taking so much less. That extra time will get me through to the next refill.  one of the mistakes I made when "new" to my addiction was gobbling down pills without counting and considering the math. So I would get down to the bottom and then realize I had 5 FULL DAYS WITH NO PILLS at this rate! And I would then feel so stupid (and out of control). That is what sent me over the edge and has MADE me want to quit. I am seeing how OUT OF CONTROL I am! I want to nip this now and not wait several years to do it. My only fear is that I will run dry of pills during my tapering, in that case I do not know what I'll do. I suppose I could call my local doctor and admit my problem and ask for his help. I have NO CLUE if he'd be willing to help or not. I REALLY appreciate the help so far, this message board is a Godsend to me. Thanks for the "recipe" and I will continue fighting. The advice from all of you has collectively helped a ton. Even Nod's most recent post was a big help this morning when I read it. It's nice to know I am not alone and get help from those who have made the same mistakes that I have (and learn from them).

I'll continue posting...

I'm Done

ps. If anyone thinks of anything else I should know, please post!

[sissy101]

Wow- my first emotion after reading your comments was anger.  First off, you made an awful lot of assumptions there- and that in itself is pretty surprising.  I have NEVER denied a patient pain medication.  My Mother died an agonizing death with bone cancer and I know the pain meds that she needed just to make it through the day- I would never do that to someone else's mother or father, etc. You obviously have issues with health care workers, and thats fine, as long as you realize that.  But I do have a question for you- exactly how did you get all those Vicoden?  Strictly legal?  Never lied?  I highly doubt it.  I am in a relationship with a recovering alcoholic so I have attended meetings with him and have come to realize that the greatest thing about those recovery meetings are how everyone is in the same boat.  Judgements are left at the door.  Shouldn't it be the same here?

[galawyer]

Just wanted to let you all know that I think everyone on this forum is brave and wonderful.  Keep up the good work

[skipper]

cindi:
hey there! you used to post here...wish you still did old friend.
i have not heard as much as a peep from JB. you know his wife,
Marty was quite ill also. if you have his e-mail address, you are
one up on me. like i said i'm really worried. it's not like JB
to just leave people hanging. hope to see you post more.
as always keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[skipper]

Jess:
another non tylenol, non asprin, non motrin form of hydro-c is
tussenex cough tablets/syrup. all it contains is a resin complex
of hydro-c that time releases over a 8-12 hour period and a anti-
histamine called chlorotrimeton (spelling). in the past i've had
doctors perscribe it for pain control. in my expierence this is
the most powerful form of hydro-c out there in drug-land!"

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[sissy101]

Thanks for your kind words.  And no, I'm not going anywhere.  Believe me, the **** I've been through has given me a thick, tough skin.  I guess he just took me by surprise cause all I've seen around here has been support.  Actually, my main objective in writing was not for "support" but for some insight.

As to your question re:  withdrawal, no, I do not go through withdrawal.  Maybe thats my problem.  I've been on 2-3 week vacations and have not had a single urge.  It really may be hard to believe but its the god-honest truth.  Its just when I'm there, when I see it, that the urge is soooooo strong.  Your right about the energy thing too- I do feel that.  It's so ironic!  Here is this medication that is considered "sedation" yet I feel like its an amphetamine!  

Little more of my history:  I have had surgeries in the past (oral, spinal, c-section) so of course I had pain pills- and although I really enjoy them, once the prescription is done, its over.  Please everyone, I know you may take what I've said as some kind of "oh Im not an addict like them" statement- but thats far from the truth.  It doesn't matter what "kind" of addict I am, just that I am one.

[GOD]

Thanks for writing back....

I don't know if you said before, but what is your drug of choice? I know you are like me and like the opiates, but what form in particular? I'm glad I never got my hands on a large supply of Oxy or Hydro! If I had, I don't think I could EVER remain sober. (like I said, I was an Ultram junkie...) Funny thing is, I have taken a couple of Vicodins or 40 Mgs Oxys while I was abusing Ultram, and the Vicodins and/or Oxys did NOTHING for me. I couldn't even feel an Effect. BUT, as I've said before, I was taking 30-50 Ultam per day, so I guess that REALLY upped my tolerance. You are REALLY Lucky to have ecaped the Physical and Mental withdrawl (withdrawal) symptoms that most of us have when coming down from Opiates.... Is that true for you no mattter HOW much you take? In other words, were you just poping a couple per day recreationally, or have you ever worked your way up to 100+ Mgs in a given day?

Well... I've got to get back to the "Grind"-- Have a great day, and BE CAREFUL!

Jess

[GOD]

Skipper,

THanks for the more detailed info... I printed out the pertainent info, and gave it to my aunt for reference to take to her next pain clinic appt. (I think she's going in on Wednesday)
I certainly hope that it will help her. Before, As I'd mentioned, I HAD ASSUMED that she was abusing her pain meds, but after spending a week over there with her, I realize that she REALLY does need medication at a high level to get rid of MOST of the pain. I think the fact that she's on Klonopin and Paxil is more damaging (in the sense that it makes her look WASTED!) to her than the Pain-releiving morphine. Anyway, progress is being made, nonetheless!

Enjoy this 85 degree day, Man... it is OVER 20 degrees cooler than yesterday!

Later-
Jess

[ultragirl]

I mentioned last week in the forum that I had picked July 25th as my last day of taking the non=addicting Ultram - the closer it gets, the apprehensive I become - in fact, I just took 4 Lortabs and they have not affected me in the least where as years ago, I would have been buzzing around full of pep, energy and witty sayings.  With that said, I would like to know how these internet sites overseas get to presibe Valium and Vicodin and now, after placing a order for Valium to get me through the "rough spots" I saw on their site Vicodin, placed an order, received a reply back that they were out but would send Oxyicontin instead at the same price.  Hell, no wonder I'm hooked - I can't blame the internet since I was the one in search of the drugs (never took Ultram until I found it on the website) but am wondering about how they get away with this!
I really am ready to get this illness cured and to start looking like myself again - everyone says I look tired all the time but I don't think so - I just feel good.  right.

[GOD]

Hey there....

I know what you're going through! Trust me.... ANyway, like I've said before, you may ust want to do the "Cold-Turkey" thing.... Prolonging your withdrawl (withdrawal) with Vicodin and Oxy will really **** you off if you're anything like me...... As you just said, you just toook 4 lortab, and didn't feel ANYTHING. I think Ultram will "Kill" any good feelings with opiates that you used to have. Oxycontin did NOTHING for me. NO BUZZ, NO good feeling.... All it did was to stop the pain of the early withdrawels, BUT you are just going to end up addicted to Oxy instead of Ultram, and the OXY is even MORE expensive.

I'm wishing you the BEST of luck in kicking this thing!
GOOD LUCK!
Jess

[GOD]

Oh... I forgot to mention this, but just for your Information:

You had mentioned that you ordered Vicodin from that overseas site, so they were going to send you Oxys for the same price. Well, that's fine, but, I hope you realize that you have a 90% probability that your order will be seized by US Customs! I talk from experience, in that my last internet order of Ultram, and Vicodins WERE seized, and I got a nasty letter from the DEA and Customs. I think it was that event that scared me into sobriety, and made me realize that I had a problem.

I don't want to scare you, but just wanted to shed light on the subject! Good luck to you!

Jess

[ultragirl]

Jessy-like it or not, you did just scare the #()% out of me about the seize of drugs, them coming to my house, arresting me, etc. etc.  I just wrote back and cancelled (I hope) the order, for the Oxy's - if they can't credit my account or send me a check for the order, then maybe, once and for all, I'll learn and end up paying out a couple hundred dollars for nothing!!

I'm back on for July 25th and still need to know about the ingredients for the GNC stuff to take and I assume that GNC is the place to get all those ingredients?  Should I just go in and hand them my list of stuff?  Will they know what it's for?  What is the 5htp stuff (sounds wicked).

Jessy-thanks for responding so quickly and to the point.  In a way, I'm looking forward to Thursday (the 25th) because I know/hope that this time next week, I'll be over the withdrawals and the start of a new me.  I've tinkered with narcotics my whole 40+ years but never to the extent I have since March of this year - yesterday, I ended up taking 30 Ultram and all I seem to do is just sweat - how much fun is that!!

Again, Jessy, thanks and if you were sitting here, I'd give you a big 'ol hug!

[Rx]

Hi everyone. Speaking of impaired health professionals... guess what I do? I'm a retail pharmacist. Statistics say that about 1 in 10 pharmacists are addicts. I have about 180 tablets of hydrocodone/apap 10/325 and a few percocets and adderall (adderrall) in my fridge. I am ashamed to say that I've stocked up b/c I'm quitting retail, so I won't have anymore access to drugs like I do.

My first opioid experience was with vicoprofens 1.5 years ago when I had strep. I remember lying in my bed when the euphoria hit me... I felt so peaceful, and a smile spread on my face. Even though I loved it, for some reason I gave the rest to a friend. As the months went by, I would once in a while pop a generic vicodin at work. Then I started forging scripts. For the longest time, I would only take 5-7.5 mg hydrocodone about 3-4 times a month. This continued for about a year, but recently I've increased my usage to about 15 mg hydrocodone a day and at the same time noticed my tolerance going up. This may not sound like much, but it sure is a bad sign. And unfortunately I decided to experiment with adderall (adderrall) and was instantly hooked. I only have a couple of tablets of adderall (adderrall) and was going to get some more before I quit, but I know I'd really better not.

I also don't feel a need to use drugs outside of work... but at work, it's practically a necessity for me. Retail pharmacy is very stressful and hectic, especially when I'm filling 300-400 scripts a day, and getting abused by patients, I need the drugs to cope. People can yell at me about their copays and it doesn't phase me... people cussing me out b/c they have no refills doesn't bother me. But I know this can't continue. I'm hoping that when I find a less stressful line of work, I won't feel a need to use at all anymore. I don't know why I had the urge to stock up before I quit... maybe the thought of my supply being cut off suddenly is too much to bear.

[oh please already]

hey everyone!!!long time no chat??? where is anghts?????// i hope shes ok. i have to say i am a nurse and i did divert from work-mostly by over pulling meds and saving waste but like i leartn on this site- its our secrets that kill us and so yes, i was a **** ,i stole from patientsBut i can not change what i was,only improve who i am now.there is nothing i can do to justify what i did or allow forgiveness for it but i am sorry. to any nurse i found a great support sit- called nurses in recovery NIR.it offers support i only dreamed of. stay well and get well    laura

[sissy101]

Believe it or not, I never had an "oxy".  My DOC was any opiate IM/IV.

[cindi]

I tried to email him   his address is gone,,,:(  I am so upset by this   I promise i will try to post more here  I miss you   love cin

[skipper]

cindi:
it's so wierd...i feel as if JB has sort of slipped away on us...

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[mrmichael67]

I got an e-mail from him back when I said I was leaving here.  He asked me not to, but haven't heard a word since.

[IrishRose]

Well I guess all of us impaired health professionals are speaking up now! Many years ago I was a pharmacy tech. An addicts dream job if there ever was one. I had been clean at that time for about 3 years and thought I could handle working in the candy store! One of the pharmacists I worked with had his paws in the apothacary jar and one of the other techs did too. It was sort of an honor among theives thing for awhile but you know how those things go, they always end badly and this one did too. I am ashamed of my actions now.  Since I was notlifting meds from patient's med drawers, just ripping off the unit dose supply, I rationalized that I was hurting no one. Besides, the hosptial didn't pay me enough, made me work awful shifts, etc etc. I created my own little "benefits" package in the form of valium, codeine and whateve else looked remotely interesting. I had it all rationalized out and felt quite justified in doing what I did. Of course it all came to an end and I am lucky to be sitting here a free woman, writing this today. Despite all that, I remained a medicine cabinet voyeur for awhile too. When we were looking for a house, even though I had again been clean for awhile, I peeked in many medicine cabinets, never took anything just looked, amazed that someone would actually keep drugs in there. Mine were always stashed in weird places like my shoes, underwear drawer, etc. Even legit prescriptions like antibiotics I kept in strange places. Old habits die hard. Today I can forgive myself all that **** but it is good to know I was not and am not alone.

[sissy101]

Wow- I'm really glad you told your "story".  It seems we have a lot of similarities.

[cindi]

we are never alone  there are a ton of us running around out there  on several nights that i had to speak several years ago at a meeting I always had doc, nurses, alot of medical people coming up to me,,,i was stunned at first but then ralized there are alot of us..Michael,  JB and I had emailed alot for a long time but i can't
access his addy anymore  he is gone  this is really upsetting me,  I hoped someone here would have heard from him,,,I checked with Thomas  I have to check with Brighty...she use to post here when I first started coming here  now she lives by me   :)  great person
love, cin