Aa
If it wasn't for suboxone I'd be right back where I was 611 days ago
Hi,
Yes, I do have a question. I cannot figure out how to update my tracker. I haven't been posting at all but want to update my tracker. Do I have to go through each day at a time? I can't seem to find any help with this problem. So any suggestions would be great.
As far as subs go, yes I am 611 days clean but on suboxone. I have a good dr. not a dr that is in it for the money but one who truely (wish I had spell ck also, sorry) cares about his patients. He is kind, compassionate , patient ,understanding and he follows the rules of the program, hot urine, your out. which i see as only be fair since my stinkin little town only has him left to prescribe sub's. The other two were here the dea took care of them. One lost his license, the other is only allowed now to refer out. I was blessed to find my dr at the right time in my life & the right time in his practice. By the program you must go to drug counseling. His counsler (SP) is an addict that has put himself through school to get a BA & also to be a addiction counsler. Being an exaddict,(if you ever are one) he knows exactly what is up. I didn't know where to post my problem, or my mood right now b/c it falls under so many things, depression, anxiety, grief, every and all emotions I have let build up inside me. My daughter ripped my grandson from my life, leaving me feel like he died. Then has another baby when she is addicated to herion. Put me through pure hell. I had to take her to court to see my grandson. The baby she turned over guardenship to her father. She has used, abused,cheated, lied and totally flipped on her own family in court. Thankfully the judge saw this. Saw right through her & her a**hole boyfriend and after 7 months I got to see my grandson. I was so afraid he didn't remember me. He turned 3 during the time she kept him from me. But I was wrong, he knew exactly who I was. When I think about those 7 months and how desperate I felt, I know for a fact that if I didn't have sub & Doc and my counsler I would be on the phone to my friend who has cancer to buy morphine, xanax anything. I wanted to die. I come from a long line of addiction history, mostly alcholic parents, dysfuntional childhood, the whole nine yards. I have been on anti depresants for a long time & was on xanax for 20 yrs.Right when it came out. Thankfully my sub Doc got me off of those by valium, 2 mg 3 times a day, and I hardly even take that much anymore. unlike xanax i can go on with out them. no withdrawl feelings. on xanax i counted each & every day before my next script. xanax was harder to kick then morphine. I have before sub tried to "do it on my own" stopped all my meds back in 1999/ & 2000. But I could not function. I still went to meetings, mostly AA b/c of the small town there is no more adult children of alohlics meetings or co deppent meeting when back in the 80's & 90's there was allot to choose from. The only NA meeting in town is a place for addicts to meet then trade buy and search out drugs. It was /is a joke. One of the 1st things both Doc & counsler said, stay away from the NA meeting . How right they were. I know now that I will always need an antidepressant to keep me a fuctional human being, to hold a job etc.. I take celexa, old time one but for me it has been the right one. I can come to terms that I can't do it alone. I also know right now subxone is the right choice for me. If I wanted to I could have tried to pull something over my doc's eyes, although I doubt I would have gotten away with it.I know where to go to get the drugs that numb me. But I was already numb from the grief of losing my grandson and even how mad I was at my daughter I was also grieving the loss of her in my life, especially since she is my only child, besides my wonderful step son, that I don't even like using the word step b/c he has been in my life since he was born. I didn't understand what I was feeling until I went to my appointments & in this case he wanted to see me once a week b/c he knew how fraigle I was. I really wanted to kill myself, thinking I could never go on like this. Now today I am full of hate at my husband for being a grouch and everything being my fault. b/c he never takes the blame for anything. I am angry at him for talking to me like I am 2 years old. I hate the fact that he can sleep 14 hours a day while I work.My choice, I know that. But tongiht something triggered in me. The stupid shower broke & my lazy husband wouldn't get up & fix it. until I said , you can fix it or you can be by yourself b/c I am minutes away from going to live with my mom. Sometimes I think that is the answer. and through all this mess and turmoil I had to put my beloved 12 yrs shepard down. I have done that before with my 1st dog but she had cancer.. I knew it was time & she knew I was there when the vet put the shot in her arm. She knew. My girl this time was having a seizure, the 15th in a just a couple of weeks and her fever was 108 when we got her to the vet. I stayed again with her when the vet put the shot in her arm but she didn't know I was there. She was so out of it, I grieved so much for her while my husband stuffed it like most guys do.
This post is turning more into a rambling story of what could be anyones life .,, but for me had I not been on suboxone and the dr & counsler to help through it all, I would have never made it. I know that for a fact. It doesn't take much to hord allot of pills & some booze,(which I don't even drink) rent a hotel room for 3 days paid and say bye bye. So if I need subixone for the rest of my life, so be it. That isn't really my plan, or Doc's but since I have been an addict for over 20 yrs I can't fix that in a couple of weeks, months, I trust my doc to start to wean me off. Even the people with hot urines , he will try to wean those people off is they are complitant, which most aren't anyway.
I feel life for me shouldn't have been. Being born last of 4 with 8 years in between I surely wasn't planed.
Thanks for listening and for putting up with my misspelled words.
Also any help with a quick way to update tracker would be great. I haven't used any other drug since 6-26-08 , not a one! I never thought I'd b able to say that.
Sorry so long,
thank you again,
landbray
Yes, I do have a question. I cannot figure out how to update my tracker. I haven't been posting at all but want to update my tracker. Do I have to go through each day at a time? I can't seem to find any help with this problem. So any suggestions would be great.
As far as subs go, yes I am 611 days clean but on suboxone. I have a good dr. not a dr that is in it for the money but one who truely (wish I had spell ck also, sorry) cares about his patients. He is kind, compassionate , patient ,understanding and he follows the rules of the program, hot urine, your out. which i see as only be fair since my stinkin little town only has him left to prescribe sub's. The other two were here the dea took care of them. One lost his license, the other is only allowed now to refer out. I was blessed to find my dr at the right time in my life & the right time in his practice. By the program you must go to drug counseling. His counsler (SP) is an addict that has put himself through school to get a BA & also to be a addiction counsler. Being an exaddict,(if you ever are one) he knows exactly what is up. I didn't know where to post my problem, or my mood right now b/c it falls under so many things, depression, anxiety, grief, every and all emotions I have let build up inside me. My daughter ripped my grandson from my life, leaving me feel like he died. Then has another baby when she is addicated to herion. Put me through pure hell. I had to take her to court to see my grandson. The baby she turned over guardenship to her father. She has used, abused,cheated, lied and totally flipped on her own family in court. Thankfully the judge saw this. Saw right through her & her a**hole boyfriend and after 7 months I got to see my grandson. I was so afraid he didn't remember me. He turned 3 during the time she kept him from me. But I was wrong, he knew exactly who I was. When I think about those 7 months and how desperate I felt, I know for a fact that if I didn't have sub & Doc and my counsler I would be on the phone to my friend who has cancer to buy morphine, xanax anything. I wanted to die. I come from a long line of addiction history, mostly alcholic parents, dysfuntional childhood, the whole nine yards. I have been on anti depresants for a long time & was on xanax for 20 yrs.Right when it came out. Thankfully my sub Doc got me off of those by valium, 2 mg 3 times a day, and I hardly even take that much anymore. unlike xanax i can go on with out them. no withdrawl feelings. on xanax i counted each & every day before my next script. xanax was harder to kick then morphine. I have before sub tried to "do it on my own" stopped all my meds back in 1999/ & 2000. But I could not function. I still went to meetings, mostly AA b/c of the small town there is no more adult children of alohlics meetings or co deppent meeting when back in the 80's & 90's there was allot to choose from. The only NA meeting in town is a place for addicts to meet then trade buy and search out drugs. It was /is a joke. One of the 1st things both Doc & counsler said, stay away from the NA meeting . How right they were. I know now that I will always need an antidepressant to keep me a fuctional human being, to hold a job etc.. I take celexa, old time one but for me it has been the right one. I can come to terms that I can't do it alone. I also know right now subxone is the right choice for me. If I wanted to I could have tried to pull something over my doc's eyes, although I doubt I would have gotten away with it.I know where to go to get the drugs that numb me. But I was already numb from the grief of losing my grandson and even how mad I was at my daughter I was also grieving the loss of her in my life, especially since she is my only child, besides my wonderful step son, that I don't even like using the word step b/c he has been in my life since he was born. I didn't understand what I was feeling until I went to my appointments & in this case he wanted to see me once a week b/c he knew how fraigle I was. I really wanted to kill myself, thinking I could never go on like this. Now today I am full of hate at my husband for being a grouch and everything being my fault. b/c he never takes the blame for anything. I am angry at him for talking to me like I am 2 years old. I hate the fact that he can sleep 14 hours a day while I work.My choice, I know that. But tongiht something triggered in me. The stupid shower broke & my lazy husband wouldn't get up & fix it. until I said , you can fix it or you can be by yourself b/c I am minutes away from going to live with my mom. Sometimes I think that is the answer. and through all this mess and turmoil I had to put my beloved 12 yrs shepard down. I have done that before with my 1st dog but she had cancer.. I knew it was time & she knew I was there when the vet put the shot in her arm. She knew. My girl this time was having a seizure, the 15th in a just a couple of weeks and her fever was 108 when we got her to the vet. I stayed again with her when the vet put the shot in her arm but she didn't know I was there. She was so out of it, I grieved so much for her while my husband stuffed it like most guys do.
This post is turning more into a rambling story of what could be anyones life .,, but for me had I not been on suboxone and the dr & counsler to help through it all, I would have never made it. I know that for a fact. It doesn't take much to hord allot of pills & some booze,(which I don't even drink) rent a hotel room for 3 days paid and say bye bye. So if I need subixone for the rest of my life, so be it. That isn't really my plan, or Doc's but since I have been an addict for over 20 yrs I can't fix that in a couple of weeks, months, I trust my doc to start to wean me off. Even the people with hot urines , he will try to wean those people off is they are complitant, which most aren't anyway.
I feel life for me shouldn't have been. Being born last of 4 with 8 years in between I surely wasn't planed.
Thanks for listening and for putting up with my misspelled words.
Also any help with a quick way to update tracker would be great. I haven't used any other drug since 6-26-08 , not a one! I never thought I'd b able to say that.
Sorry so long,
thank you again,
landbray
Thanks so much about the traker info, so basically I don't need to do anthing when I keep getting e mails asking me to update my tracker. I only use it to count my days since I last used and that tracker does that automatically, right? Hope so!
Yes, I was very upset when I wrote this post, I did need someone to talk to but just writing it all down, made me feel better.
I truely (i don't spell that great), believe that suboxone has it's place in the medical world and the world of addicts. I know I couldn't have done this by myself. I also know that it isn't for everyone. Also there are way to many Dr's (quacks) out there signing up to offer the program to patients just to make money. Also sending you to a specific pharmacy b/c then both the dr & pharmacits are in it together to make money. These drs need to be kicked out of the program. and they can only be if people are willing to turn them in. The one dr in my small town got into trouble b/c he was taking money from medcaid patients and a dr can't not to that. The program is a federal program, so it is the same across the board. These drs are not in it to help you, they may seem like it but when it comes down to nit & gritty of it all, they want to make fast money. The program requires that you attend drug counseling. ANY drug counseling. Dr in my small town that took the medcaid pts money also made his patients see his "spiritial advisor" only. and if you did not do that, he would not refill your presp. He was pusing his religious beliefs on his patients, another no no. I think the 12 steps are great but they aren't for everyone. That is why you are required to go to ANY drug cousnler, not necessarly a 12 step group. I think it was almost 1 & 1/2 years to get this Dr kicked out of the program but he was. It even made the local newspaper.
I have a great sub dr and counsler, I am lucky.
Am I replacing one drug for another?? maybe, but I am not on the street or at my friends seeking drugs. I have lost my drug behavior that I carried on my back for 20 yrs. It was hard & felt very different. Lost some good friends, but were they really "good Friends" or just "good drug friends", I have met new friends. I don't lay around anymore. I started to excersise, walking, gardening. Things I would have never considerd in my old life.
Sub is a touchy subject but it comes down to, what is best for you. What works, what doesn't. Like I said, for me it was /is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Everthing about me is different. My hair looks healthier, my face is clear. I am not picking at my skin like I use to. I eat better. I know not everyone will feel the same but how could we? It isn't for everyone. and if it doesn't work for you then you have to find out what does.
Thanks for the help, encourgement from you guys that answered me.
best of luck to you
landbray
Yes, I was very upset when I wrote this post, I did need someone to talk to but just writing it all down, made me feel better.
I truely (i don't spell that great), believe that suboxone has it's place in the medical world and the world of addicts. I know I couldn't have done this by myself. I also know that it isn't for everyone. Also there are way to many Dr's (quacks) out there signing up to offer the program to patients just to make money. Also sending you to a specific pharmacy b/c then both the dr & pharmacits are in it together to make money. These drs need to be kicked out of the program. and they can only be if people are willing to turn them in. The one dr in my small town got into trouble b/c he was taking money from medcaid patients and a dr can't not to that. The program is a federal program, so it is the same across the board. These drs are not in it to help you, they may seem like it but when it comes down to nit & gritty of it all, they want to make fast money. The program requires that you attend drug counseling. ANY drug counseling. Dr in my small town that took the medcaid pts money also made his patients see his "spiritial advisor" only. and if you did not do that, he would not refill your presp. He was pusing his religious beliefs on his patients, another no no. I think the 12 steps are great but they aren't for everyone. That is why you are required to go to ANY drug cousnler, not necessarly a 12 step group. I think it was almost 1 & 1/2 years to get this Dr kicked out of the program but he was. It even made the local newspaper.
I have a great sub dr and counsler, I am lucky.
Am I replacing one drug for another?? maybe, but I am not on the street or at my friends seeking drugs. I have lost my drug behavior that I carried on my back for 20 yrs. It was hard & felt very different. Lost some good friends, but were they really "good Friends" or just "good drug friends", I have met new friends. I don't lay around anymore. I started to excersise, walking, gardening. Things I would have never considerd in my old life.
Sub is a touchy subject but it comes down to, what is best for you. What works, what doesn't. Like I said, for me it was /is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Everthing about me is different. My hair looks healthier, my face is clear. I am not picking at my skin like I use to. I eat better. I know not everyone will feel the same but how could we? It isn't for everyone. and if it doesn't work for you then you have to find out what does.
Thanks for the help, encourgement from you guys that answered me.
best of luck to you
landbray
thank you so much for sharing your story and telling everyone how Suboxone worked for you in keeping you clean.
So many anti suboxone posts on here its good to hear one that is supportive of it.
I am an oxy addict and without Suboxone i never would have been able to withdraw on my own.
It has helped me get my life back in order and control,without it i dont know where I would be.
So many anti suboxone posts on here its good to hear one that is supportive of it.
I am an oxy addict and without Suboxone i never would have been able to withdraw on my own.
It has helped me get my life back in order and control,without it i dont know where I would be.
I'm sorry I don't know how to set your tracker on MH... I am the mom of an addict, not one that has used.... however I been thru this more times than I care to remember, so I can relate a bit.. Are you feeling bad about using Suboxone? Everyone has their own opinion.. "trading one drug for another" or "maintenance narcotics" whatever... if you have a responsible doctor and your life back, I prefer to trust the experts. and quite frankly I have not found one that is anti-sub for those with hard opiate addiction. From Texas to California I truly can't find one addiction specialist MD that does not support maintenance medication in addition to A LOT of on-going and after care for hard core oxy addiction, so I am not sure if you are feeling bad..... or want to just reset your tracker, or perhaps you just need someone to talk to?
I doubt anyone here will judge you, it is okay to talk and share freely........ I hope you come back and share your experience.. my best to you....
I doubt anyone here will judge you, it is okay to talk and share freely........ I hope you come back and share your experience.. my best to you....
I am not sure about the tracker problem..what do u mean by update? if u put in the day u quit it will keep count of the days for u..if it is not right or u need to change ur tracker..it may be asier to delete it and make a new tracker
sounds as if u have alot of things going on...not many seem to cause u pleasure... i am glad u have stayed of ur doc for 611 days...maintenence narcotics can serve a good purpose for those who need them//i do belive sub and methadone have thier place in recovery for people..without them they would never move forward
I hope u get ur tracker fixed...and keep posting
sounds as if u have alot of things going on...not many seem to cause u pleasure... i am glad u have stayed of ur doc for 611 days...maintenence narcotics can serve a good purpose for those who need them//i do belive sub and methadone have thier place in recovery for people..without them they would never move forward
I hope u get ur tracker fixed...and keep posting
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