If ya'll are out there, please read.....

[catburgler]

Holy Smoke.  You guys have to help me.  I almost screwed up today and if my wife didn't have the meds I would have.  I have been going so good but today I got so depressed.  I began to think what the heck just give in and in another year ( "besides that will "only" be 5 years, a good round number to quit") I'll quit.  I REALLY NEED your prayers.  I can't slip now, I have come too far.  Most of the time I feel SO STRONG, but today I felt so down.  Just didn't want to deal with it.  A bout of all out depression set in.  I am still good on the taper, I didn't regress but I see that this is really going to be hard from here on.  Sometimes I wonder if at this point I would be better off just to flush the rest of the pills and go Cold Turkey.  I did go out today and buy the L-tyrosene (however it is spelt), and Milk thistle as I am really worrying about my liver.  I have no reason to think anything is wrong really, even though sometimes my mind makes me think I feel somthing where my liver is but I don't really think there is anything going on.  I will say that my anxiety (only at night) has not let up and it is driving me crazy as my heart is pounding and behind my sternum is twitching.  My heart don't race, it only pounds.  I know it is anxiety because I will try to listen for my heart and that is all it takes to set it off.  I have read that both of these signs point to anxiety and once you have an all out attack, that it can take weeks for you to settle back to normal.  The loss of sleep at this point is critical as my mental health is horrible after a night of struggling to sleep.  I have taken tylenol pm, sominex, and tonight for the first time i will try benadryl (not all at the same time, mind you).  I am praying so hard that God will see fit to allow me to beat this and live to be an old man and see my son grow up.  I can see that i am going to have to stay at the 30mg level for longer than I want to, but my goal WAS to be at 30mg by Christmas so, unless I screw up, I have made that.  I have been praying for everyone on here as you guys truly are friends of mine.  I can't see your face, and I don't know your voice but you are my friends.  Does anyone else ever think that maybe this has been put on you so that you can recognize a problem in someone else that can't beat it on thier own later on.  I hope that if I ever do see this in a friend or loved one of mine that I can recognize my old patterns and stop it before it starts.  Thanks guys so much and please say a little prayer for me tonight.
Chad

[TheBombMom]

So weird...I am new here...10 days clean for me!  The thing you said about lying on your stomach and rocking ur hips...OMG that is the only way I can sleep.  Just thought that was interesting.  KEEP FIGHTING or Rockin ur hips or whatever it takes!

[catburgler]

Thanks for the post Fladdict.  i'll look at that.

[catburgler]

I have a dog and it has began hiding under the bed because its back and head is raw!!!!!  LOL  Thanks carr

[FLaddict]

L-tyrosine does NOT help produce endorphins. Its helps dopamine and other neurotransmitters. The best things for endorphin producing are DLPA, Methionine, or Sam-e None of these should be taken with a prescription anti depressant.

Any amino or supplement info can be found in my profile its just a click away. I did research on this for a few weeks.

Chad, you are a good egg. Keep fighting the good fight. Posting is taking action. And action is what you need.

[catburgler]

Relax, that is the exact thought that kept me from slipping.  I must say however that I really have left myself noway to get the drugs.  My wife has them hid and I haven't even tried to find them ( i doubt that I could) because deep down I don't want to.  I think this was the best thing that I suggested, I also told her to keep up with the number left.  She has been great!!!!  Thanks for the reminder though.
Looking, what is clonidine??

[carr]

chad...one more thing....if u have a cat..pet its fur off its back...cats help to reduce stress...proven fact....i have several hairless kitties right now...lol

carrie

[lookingtofuture]

Just wanted to add that people suggested clonidine for anxiety/withdrawal. It is a script-and a godsend!! These other people here know more but that made my w/d so much easier!! Just thought I would send what helped me. Keep going. And listening to these people-they have so much to give!!

[RelaxTheMind]

We don't know each other and tonight has been my first time posting, but I want to say this....if you think you feel down while struggling with your thoughts and trying not to take more; just think how down you'll feel if you slip up. Don't waste the time and effort you already have put in to this.

Hoping you may have a restful night.....take care

[carr]

chad, a sense of humor is a good weapon in kicking drugs.....if we cant laugh at us we would just get pissed at those that do and dont have a reason too...glad ur doing better....dont ya just hate banana's? and their peelings...lol...i have 79 days clean today and i had the worst urge to go use and hide in the fog....its still there but not as strong...remember that these are feelings and the mind is a powerful tool that we as addicts will use in the most rotten ways sometimes....having said that...feelings are just that and they DO pass....hopefully on to a better one as time goes by and we maintain some control of our disease....u are not alone by no means and i am here for u chad...as for the earthquake....insurance might not be a bad idea...lol i used to lay on my bed on my stomach and rock my hips from side to side.....it was something to do i guess...anyways....stay strong chad...i luff ya....xxx

carrie

[catburgler]

Carrie, if my leg shakes anymore my wife is going to call and get earthquake insurance on the house and we live nowhere near a faultline.  LOL  I will try the breathing exercise, I find it so hard to get control of the anxiety.  Thanks for caring enough to write.
Chad

[catburgler]

Thanks alot Flatddict, I did not know that about the L-tyrosine.  I had read that it can help produce endorphins and since I have been so down today I thought it may help.  I will not take anymore and take your advice.  I am taking C.  
With all that was said above, I am still undetered but those thoughts were there and I am writing honest posts so that I see it written and understand that one false move and I could slip.  Thank you so much for the quick response and I am going to do this, today was just a banana peel and I was running to fast to see it.  Thank God I stumbled but didn't fall.
Chad

[carr]

chad, sweety, breathe....just breathe....maybe doing some breathing exercises will help with the anxiety...such as....breathe in for 10 seconds...hold it for 5 seconds and breathe out for 10 seconds...i know this will slow ur heartbeat....do the leg shake thing....twitch ur foot...let off the excess energy inside u.....and breathe....u will get thru this...i know u will....when you start to get anxious....just close ur eyes and breathe......hope that helps.....i use it..

take care and stay strong...remember to keep on keeping on...god be with u and all of us,

carrie

[FLaddict]

Chad.. hun.. you are all over the place. I got anxiety just reading that.  Take it easy. One thing at a time. Sounds to me to are doing the best you can and fighting hard.

However, I know a good bit about amino acids and L-tyrosine is not good to take if you are on the verge of anxiety. It can make one quite jittery. The best thing its for is lethargy.

Add  Alpha Lipoic Acid to the Milk Thistle, will help the detox process even more. Vitamin C in a buffered Esterfied form in larger doses not only helps detox but can help alot with drug cravings.

XOXO