I'm 17 and addicted to hydrocodone.

I haven't been taking a lot in comparison to some people, but I just need help... Even if this is nothing compared to some things, I'm really at a loss. I've never felt anxiety so bad and there's nothing that can get rid of it. I'm so desperate for anything to work. I thought about taking temazepam for anxiety but I don't want to get tired.
I wish more than anything I could go into a hospital and do the detox thing but.. I'm 17, and I'm trying desperately to keep this to myself.
Someone please answer. I just need people to talk to.. Please. If anyone's available..

[ImDONENoMore]

It's okay - we all make mistakes (boy do I know about mistakes! lol).  But like I said, you're reaching out for help and that is a great start.

And I understand what you're saying about your Grandma being too busy at work.  Addiction (and anxiety) are very complex issues to deal with, so it's not her fault that she's at a loss about what to do.  But I have to say I'm really glad that you at least told her what's going on with you.

And I remember (well, sort of) what it was like at 17.  I don't think your friends mean anything bad about not being able to help.  It's tough growing up, especially in the world we live in today, so they are all probably just trying to figure out their own way in the world.

That being said, it's true - you haven't really abused too much for too long.  But it is a problem if you have to rely on any drug to get through.  You have your whole life ahead of you, so better to address this problem now, than to have it become a huge problem down the road.  Taking drugs is not the answer!

I think it would be a good idea for you to find a counselor to talk to - I'm not sure how it works at your school, or if you have that option under your parents health insurance, but I think it would be a great start.  You need to get to the real reason why you need drugs to cope.  There are many things you can do to cope with life's ups and downs and I think the right counselor could show you how.

Talking about your feelings is one of the BEST ways to cope.  Life can be so confusing sometimes and it helps if you get another point of view, or another perspective.  Are you being prescribed these drugs by a Dr. or getting them off the street?  I ask this because if they are prescribed, the Dr. would be the best place to begin a dialogue about your addiction and anxiety.  Please let us know.  We are here to help in any way that we can.  :)

[swflafun]

Hey- There's going to be plenty of people here to help, don't worry ur not alone. How much are you doing? Nobody here judges. Let us kno a little more ok? This is a great place for help it really is.

[ImDONENoMore]

Hi arsia,

Welcome and I'm so glad you made it here.  To be so young, and yet you are aware of this problem, says an awful lot about you.  You are obviously a very bright young girl.

Have you spoken to anyone about this yet?  I know you said you're trying to keep this to yourself, but it is so important to have support, especially when you're having such a tough time.  This place is great, but it doesn't replace actual people in your life.  Do you have a close relationship with your Mom or Dad, close relative or perhaps a counselor at school?  I think they would want to help you if you asked them.  Just something to think about.

Tell us more about what's happening - how much are you taking?  Is it every day?  And if you have stopped, how long has it been?  I think once we know more, we can help you.  Please keep posting - you'll find a lot of great advice here, and perhaps the confidence to confide in someone close to you.  Please keep posting and fill us in with more detail about what's happening with you. :)

[Arsia]

The most I've taken in a day was 8 of the 7.5 tabs, but I only did that like for five days. But I was mostly taking 3 a day for about a month. I know that isn't a lot but I'm really, really stressed out. I'm so glad you guys replied.
I am very bright, honestly, but I just made stupid mistakes.
My grandma knows, but she's busy at work and she can't really do anything about it.
I've tried talking to friends and they're all busy.
I mostly stopped two days ago.. but I found a bit more and took two today because my anxiety is so bad.
I'm trying so hard to stop because I know it won't get any better until I stop. I just wish there was anything in the world to make me calm down. It's so bad.

[Arsia]

Does anything help, like eating food or drinking water? If I think it might help I can force myself to do it, maybe.

[ImDONENoMore]

It's okay - we all make mistakes (boy do I know about mistakes! lol).  But like I said, you're reaching out for help and that is a great start.

And I understand what you're saying about your Grandma being too busy at work.  Addiction (and anxiety) are very complex issues to deal with, so it's not her fault that she's at a loss about what to do.  But I have to say I'm really glad that you at least told her what's going on with you.

And I remember (well, sort of) what it was like at 17.  I don't think your friends mean anything bad about not being able to help.  It's tough growing up, especially in the world we live in today, so they are all probably just trying to figure out their own way in the world.

That being said, it's true - you haven't really abused too much for too long.  But it is a problem if you have to rely on any drug to get through.  You have your whole life ahead of you, so better to address this problem now, than to have it become a huge problem down the road.  Taking drugs is not the answer!

I think it would be a good idea for you to find a counselor to talk to - I'm not sure how it works at your school, or if you have that option under your parents health insurance, but I think it would be a great start.  You need to get to the real reason why you need drugs to cope.  There are many things you can do to cope with life's ups and downs and I think the right counselor could show you how.

Talking about your feelings is one of the BEST ways to cope.  Life can be so confusing sometimes and it helps if you get another point of view, or another perspective.  Are you being prescribed these drugs by a Dr. or getting them off the street?  I ask this because if they are prescribed, the Dr. would be the best place to begin a dialogue about your addiction and anxiety.  Please let us know.  We are here to help in any way that we can.  :)

[swflafun]

You made a great choice coming here for help! Anxiety and some flu like sympton are going to be some of the unpleasant things you may have to get through to remove the pills from your life, unfortunately. Have you ever tried to stop before?
Gary

[Arsia]

I don't blame my friends, or lack of friends, but it's still kind of upsetting, especially when I'm so fragile right now. And I don't blame my grandma either. She would detox me herself if she could.
I'm going to therapy this Friday but I'm afraid to tell my therapist because I'm afraid she'll tell someone. And by then, I should be feeling better anyways. This is kind of my last resort (and other websites that I'm trying to find help, it isn't really working).
There have been several problems in my life, but I know why I feel like I need them now: I'm still depending on my ex, so I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in so long.. They're the only thing that makes me happy and I'm so tired of being so sad all of the time.
I didn't get them from a doctor, but I don't really want to say where I got them. Otherwise I'd go straight to my doctor.
I started taking them because I get severe headaches and have chronic body pains. It's the only thing that worked. But now I'm afraid I'll have to deal with it the rest of my life 'cause it seems like I just can't control myself.
I just don't know what to do..

[Arsia]

The flu like symptoms I can handle because I usually feel that way anyways, it's the anxiety that's killing me.
I tried quitting last month and the same thing happened (though less severe) and I gave up. It's just easier to not quit.
I take sleeping pills and I couldn't even get to sleep last night without taking one.
I'm so scared to try tonight.

[ImDONENoMore]

Okay honey you don't have to tell us where you get them.  Just wanted to know if they came from a Dr.

So, since you do have this appt on Friday, which I'm very glad to hear, I think you absolutely must them him/her what's happening.  They can not, as a Dr., therapist, or medical professional, tell others about what you discuss in your sessions.  They have to take an oath to keep those sessions private.  Unless you actually threatened to harm yourself or someone else, or committed a serious crime, they can not talk about anything you have told them.  But for your own peace of mind, ask them to confirm this for you before you begin talking.

Then it's time to take a deep breath and let them know what's going on with you.  I know it's going to be hard, having to admit the mistakes you've made, but that's what they are there for.  Believe me, therapists have heard it all so you won't shock them by anything you say.  And it's a place that you should feel safe to talk about your feelings and your reasons for using.  Without finding out why you're using drugs to cope, you'll never get to the real reason and then you might never be able to stop using.  Please listen to me on this - and open up about what's happening with your therapist.  

And once you've stopped taking drugs, we can give you all kinds of great advice about what kinds of vitamins/supplements you can take to help you through.  But please take advantage of this opportunity you have to talk about things with the therapist.  Many addicts think they can figure it out on their own and find a way to quit.  But sadly, that's usually not the case.  We ALL need help sometimes so there's no shame in that.  NOT reaching out for help is what creates shame.  :)

[Arsia]

Okay, I'll give that a try. I do want help but I'm just so scared of getting in trouble. It's the last thing I need right now.
I really appreciate all your help and I know I'm not saying much but please don't stop talking to me...

[swflafun]

Ok , so you do know the flu like symptons are from your body not receiving it?  Good for you! Anxiety is a major factor and can be worse than the physical withdrawals. Are you planning on quitting these for good? There are ways and more support and advice here than you can ever realize!   It will be ok.
Plesase don't thinks its easier to not quit. At 17 could you imagine forever, I mean forever feeling like you are now
Your going to get tons of support here. There are many great souls, just keep with us and post. Ok?

Hang in.
Gary

[ImDONENoMore]

We won't stop talking with you.  I will check in on you again in the morning.  Please hang in there, and please please please be VERY careful with those sleeping pills.  If at all possible, try not to take anything and see if you're able to fall asleep without them.  I would hate to see you develop another addiction to sleeping meds.

And no need to worry about not saying much - it takes time to get everything out.  I'll be here for you and I'll be looking for you tomorrow.  Goodnight honey, everything is going to be alright as long as you know you have to stop taking those drugs.  And I will support you along the way.  You CAN DO THIS!!!!  :)

[Arsia]

Yes, the last time I tried to come off of them I had the whole shibang - sneezing, diahrea (sp?), intensified pain. But that's something I'm used to. It's actually quite frequent for me even when I was off of them (which is why I started taking them, for the pain and headaches). But I do know that they make my headaches worse and my body pains worse, so that's another reason why I don't want to be on them. Temporary relief just isn't worth it, when this stuff happens.
If I ever take them again, they will be prescribed by a doctor and I will have my grandma control my dosages and no more than 1 a day.
And thank you. I'll keep posting.

[Arsia]

Thank you very much.
And it's already too late for that. I've been taking them for over a year because before I used anything for sleep, I wouldn't sleep for days, sometimes weeks and it was pretty much killing me. I talked to my doctor about sleeping pills as a last resort.
I take Seroquel. The last time I was off it for 3 days, I lost my mind. If I ever think I can quit it, I'll need some serious tapering.
I'll check in the morning before school and try to during school, but if not, definitely after school.
Thanks so much for your help. I'm feeling quite a bit better.

[swflafun]

Well it sure sounds like your pretty sharp. A lot of people would of loved to know what you know at your age. If these are making you feel worse then you know they aren't helping, huh? Do you have some to make until Friday when you see your therapist? As hard it may seem, you really should try and see if you can have Dr.-Patient confidelential talk and explain what you are going through and get that advice. I know that probably sounds scary as hel#, but I would suggest it.
Post here for any questions, concerns, venting..whatever you need to do. There are ways to beat this forever, trust me, you just have to be ready, which it looks like you are quite wise to realize. :-)

[Arsia]

Oh, yes, so I've been told. I usually find things out that most adults don't figure out.
Yes, I've known for awhile that they don't do any good long term but taking them got rid of my headaches and made me feel happy - normal.
I have some temazepam and one hydrocodone. I'll maybe take the hydrocodone at some point so I'm not exactly quitting 'cold turkey', to help me taper a bit more, but I'll keep to the temazepam for the extreme anxiety (which usually happens around now, it's a bit more bearable during the day. Just gets progressively worse).
I plan on trying to talk to her.
I wish I had any more else to add.
Just, well, if I did start taking them later in life (prescribed and controlled, of course), do you think it would be this bad again? It'd only be one every once in awhile.

[swflafun]

Hey - with opiates its damn near impossible as "once in a while". Your body builds up a tolerance and you have to take more to get "there". If you have an RX chances are you will notice you are grabbing two. Then twice a week instead of once. Then everyday. You see where this is going I bet? Its a pretty sneaky, wicked drug and even those who take it as prescribed tend to end up with over medicating and devoloping a dependency. Yeah,the if gthe Dr tells you do it this can still happen. Please keep posting. If it has to wait until afte Dd school, that's fine. I'm sure your post will get a lot of attention and you'll be amazed at the great support that will be coming your way! One questio? Do you need to take any to get ready for school or is this usually an aafter school type of thing? Forgive my typing btw, phones are so tiny...;-)

[Arsia]

But if I did take them again, I'd have my grandma or something control how much I take. Only give them to me when they're prescribed. I won't ever let myself control it.
And yes, I noticed I'd have to take more to get there. Those days I would take more, I'd take one in the morning, three later and four after that. Or I'd take one, two and four.
Usually, I would take one getting ready for school, one during school, then one after school.
You're typing's fine. :P
I honestly hope this gets a lot of attention.
I need all the help I can get.

[swflafun]

Ok, seems like you got a pretty good grasp of what's happening, that's wonderful. So....3 a day, maybe up to 8 on a bad day? Sure you know what I'm going to say next, right? That 1 to go to school will be two....you can fill in the rest. What do you do if u get ur rx for 2 per day? See, this is how it gets tricky. You won't hqve enough and the ones you do have will not help you with your pain. Since you don't hqve an rx now, you have to buy them somewhere....just like most of us hqd to do at some point. Just giving some things to think abt, don't wqnt to scare u. Your very smart to wqnt to find answers now. They will all be coming to lend aedvice, I'm stilla \newbie" here, on day 12 of being clean. Try to be calm tonight and chexk in in the morning. There r lots of kind hearted souls here that kno exactly what you r going thru. Amazed me when I found this site, just like you, looking for some answwrs and help. I got more than I ever imagined possible and kicked my not so tiny problem. You can too. Keep strong and check in *** much as u can. Best of luck, I need to take my Bassett Hound for a w alk, so I want to see you bach here, ok?
Gary

[Arsia]

Okay. I'll be back tomorrow. Going to bed now.
And what I mean is one every few days, so I get relief sometimes, but not enough to get me addicted (hopefully). :P I'm just being realistic about all the pain I'm always in, that's all. Especially my headaches. They started before I even started taking them.
But like I said, I wouldn't be in control of my prescription, someone else would. So I'd tell them, one every few days (or more than a few days). So I couldn't control it.
But yeah, I'll try to stay calm and get through this. Easier said than done, but yes.

[gnarly_1]

HI ....Welcome to the forum....it always great to see young people trying to get clean
we will do all we can to help you threw this.....I think you will find like many of our members your pain level will go down after you get the narcotics flushed out of your system theres usually around a 20 to 30 day deal called rebound pain....it happens wile your body is building up it natural supply of endorphins once this happens your pain clock sorta resets itself you should be on the shorter end of all this because of you age the younger you are the ez this is....to detox takes about 4 days of dlu like symptoms with some added anxiety
a good hot soak in the tub will releaf most of the symptoms go to walmart and pick up some imodum or there genirc is 1/2 the price also pick up some stuff call highlands restful legs you can find it in with the vitamins and suplaments if you dont have motrin or alive at the house pick up that to if you still got some money pick up some epsom salt for your baths it forces the magnesium into your system and will help with the restless leg thing the number 1 thing you can bring to the table is a positive attitude it will do more to help you then any one thing...and for the next few days get comfortable with the saying
'''you just got to be ok without being ok for a wile'' as for your anxiety they make some calming teas again at walmart in the vitamin section I dont recommend the use of pills for anxiety they will just cause you to get hooked on them they have there own vises
keep posting for support we alll wasnt to see you get better good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    

[bmdad]

Wanted to welcome you to the forum and commend you for seeking help. Like someone above already mentioned many of us would have loved to have realized what you already have at your age. You've gotten some great advice already. I just wanted to comment on where you said if you only took one every few days so you could get relief sometimes but not enough to where you would get addicted. Not sure if you have heard the saying, "once an addict always an addict". It mean exactly what it says. Once you've crossed that line into addiction there is no going back. You are not just addicted while you are currently taking more than you should. Once that line is crossed there is no going back. It will always be a part of you even if you haven't taken one even years down the road. All it takes is one to throw us right back into active abuse. Many of us have said, "I'll just take one". And before we knew it we were right back where we started.

Now there will be certain times in your life where you will probably need one for some type of pain relief. That's where your idea of having your grandma hold on to them is a great one. But more than likely it can't be for an indefinite period of time. I'm not sure what your medical reasons are for you thinking you need them every now and then but there are always other ways to control pain. Many of us here started off taking them due to an injury or for chronic pain but we managed to find other ways to control that pain. There is also a chronic pain forum here at medhelp that you should check out. Someone may be able to give you ideas of where to turn. Narcotic pain meds were never meant to be taken for long term pain. Our bodies build a tolerance too fast.

You really are doing a great thing here. The work doesn't stop once the withdrawals are over. In all honesty the withdrawals are easy part. Staying off of them long term is much more difficult. That's where the real work begins. Stick around the forum and you will learn ways to be successful at both the physical withdrawals and the mental portion that kicks in after that.

Hang in there. You don't have to go at this alone.

Best of luck to you.

Brian

[ImDONENoMore]

Hi there - I just wanted to see how you were doing tonight.  I've got a little bit of time right now and wanted to check in to see if you were okay.  Please if you're around let me know how it's going.  I'll be here for the next 30 minutes or so.  You've been on my mind today. :)

[Arsia]

I'm sorry that I just got on and probably missed you. I just haven't felt like DOING anything. I got home from school about 2 hours ago. It was really hard to deal with school and the freakish anxiety, but I pulled through today.
Someone offered me an oxy and I said no.

[Arsia]

I know the 'once an addict always an addict', so I know I can never be too careful.
Most teenagers make their life a hyperbole but I can honestly say that I don't. I've had varying problems since I was about 11 and I've seen several doctors for years. Understandably, since I'm young, they haven't given me anything for pain. But the thing that pisses me off is they always figure I'm a drug addict because I say I have pain. I've only been addicted for 3 months and I haven't given the doctors any indication of anything. I don't smoke pot, I don't do any drugs, I don't drink. I'm really a normal person, and will be again after this. But the main reason why local doctors treat me like a drug addict is because they knew my mom. She was a serious drug addict and alcoholic for as long as I could remember.
I was always so careful to not do anything, to be careful, but it didn't occur to me that this could happen.
Anyways, like I've said before: the flu like symptoms I can handle, easy. I always feel achy, I always have headaches, my stomach is usually all messed up. That isn't what's killing me. It's the freakish anxiety.
I'll admit I took my last pill today. They say that tapering helps, so that's what I've been doing. Now I'm done.
I'd really like people to keep talking to me the next few days, if possible. I need all the help I can get. All the distractions.
Sometimes I don't like being so intelligent. I know that sounds arrogant, but I'm making a point. If I could just keep fully focused on something, the anxiety wouldn't be near as bad. But there's always a part of me freaking out about it. And anything that might kinda distract me, I don't feel up to doing.
Any ideas?
ALSO, I live in a small town. No walmart. No money. So most things aren't an option.

[Arsia]

Just found out my internet might go out, for at least a week.
This.. is a really horrible development.
I have nothing else to distract me.
I'm trying not to freak out.
If it does, I'll try to sign on on my phone..
God I hope it doesn't... I'll be alone...

[swflafun]

Hey Arsia - I was hoping to see you here! If you are out, you know what's coming. OK. You sound a lot like me, when I decide something, it's done before I open my mouth. Can be good, although this may hurt just a tad. You said that you were seeing your therapist Friday? You think you are up to talking to her about what is going on? I know it will be hard. I know.
Not trying to push, but when I went to school (many moons ago) they tried to put me through advanced classes and I would of graduated high school at 13...I have a twin brother and my folks wouldn't allow it. I know what you mean about being smart. It's a gift and a curse all rolled into one. It *****, huh? Ha-ha, don't I know that one! Anxiety was a big part of my life back then. Everything was in slow motion, nothing grabbed my attention. Sound familiar?

Keep talking. We are here to listen.

BTW I have my 'puter in front of me, no phone and horrible spelling! ;-)

Gary

[bmdad]

I don't have time to post much right now but will later. I wanted to let you know that medhelp does have a mobile site so you should be able to get on here with your phone if your internet does go out.

I'll post some ideas a little later on some things that may help with the anxiety and withdrawals.

Hang in there.

Brian

[Arsia]

It's okay. I understood what you meant. :] You forget, I converse with teenagers. I've seen infinitely worse spelling.
Yeah, life is good sometimes and I certainly know that life will be much better once this anxiety is out of my life. That's what's keeping going. This anxiety is worse than anything I've ever felt. I wrote a poem today and said, "Harder than losing my mom. Harder than broken hearts and dreams." And it is. It isn't NATURAL. It's just.. horrible.
My problem is that my body holds me back. I could be in advanced classes and be the top of everything. I know I have infinite potential but my health severely holds me back. I was doing great up to 8th grade, but then my health took a turn for the worse and now I'm pretty much at the bottom (but still getting my diploma!).

[Arsia]

Thanks. [:

[swflafun]

Wow. What a mind trip. Sounds like me in 8th grade, but I didn't have health issues, just too many brains and too much time.....

We can both agree you're smart, no doubt about that, since you know you have a problem with your addiction.

Have you decided if you are going to explain to your therapist what is happening? You are very good at deflecting, brings back memories, but let's try and concentrate on what YOU are here for, OK? I'm just as much to blame as you about that, sorry......:-)

What are you thinking of doing on Friday?
I

[swflafun]

I'm still at work, 10:15PM. Should of been out of here 6 hours ago. Be home soon and be on my phone so excuse my spelling in advance...fat fingers and all. ;-) Talk to you soon.

It hurt to read your poem line. It's VERY good, but still hurt. Let's try and make your life a little better, ok?

Be back soon.

Gary

[Arsia]

I'm sorry I kept changing the subject. I really didn't mean to. Yeah, I plan on trying to tell her, as long as she promises she won't tell anyone else.
I forgive your fat fingers. :P Don't even worry about it.
I am trying to make my life better, have been, but really, I'm one of those unlucky people that ridiculous crap happens to. :[

[swflafun]

Dang it. Typed out this reply w my fat fingers n *poof* gone..not logged in. Lol. You shouldn't have any prob talking to ur therapist. That's what she's there for. How u think ull be feeling come Friday? Probably not so hot. Any chance u could push 4 tomorrow? Kno its late 4 that but you may be a little more "under the weather" come Friday. This is a talk u need to have, sure u realize this. Just trying to figure out a way to do it when u will b at your best. Still all ears (eyes) in Fla for you. Just got home and sleep will be a long time coming..if ever. BTW, Cye. Keep talking,  ok?

[Arsia]

I'm gonna head to bed 'cause I have to get up at 5 tomorrow and I'm still feeling okay.
I know I'll feel pretty bad tomorrow, but unfortunately I can't reschedule my appointment. It'll be at 1 on Friday and that's as early as I'll get.
Maybe I'll feel better 'cause I'll have gone a full day without a pill but maybe not, 'cause I've heard it gets worse for awhile, then better (I've done a LOT of research about it - that's how I already knew about the flu thing).
Thanks for talking.
I'll probably be at a friend's tomorrow, but I'll try to get on on mobile.

[Arsia]

Just woke up. My internet's still not out, but I'm still going to a friend's house after school.
It'd still be great if I came home to some posts..
I'm alright right now. I hope the tapering is this drastically helpful for the anxiety but I'm not sure. That last pill I took has never lasted this long before, so it can't be that.
It'll probably get worse as the day progresses.
I'll let anyone who cares know.

[swflafun]

Hey - WE CARE! Your probably going to go downhill today, but hang in. Maybe get yourself a journal and write down what you want to say to your gal tomorrow? I bet you that you'll feel MUCH better after you have that talk at 1PM tomorrow. Stay strong and PLEASE come back.

Gary

[910addicted]

Good luck. I am trying to get help her too but noone has talked to me on my post. I am starting to get scared but I am trying not too. I also have kept this very secret. You can do it but if you start feeling bad I am here waiting for people to talk with to help me.

[bmdad]

Hey Arsia....How was your day today? Hope you are hanging in there.

You did do somewhat of a taper which will benefit you. Normally the worst of the withdrawals last about 5 days or so. For me days 3 and 4 were the worst and when I woke up on day 5 I started feeling much better. I knew I was over the hump and on the downhill side of it. Normally the last symptoms to leave are the insomnia and the anxiety. But everyone is different. My anxiety was fine after about a week. The insomnia is what lasted the longest for me. After a couple of weeks I was sleeping a little better but it took me about a month to get back to great sleep. At the two week mark I was still probably getting 5 hours of sleep which is pretty good for me since I have always had some problems sleeping.

You don't have to take any of the vitamins or supplements to make it through this. You can get the same vitamins in the foods you eat. I'll see if I can compare the vitamins that are listed in the "amino acid protocol" with different types of foods and see what we can come up with.

What helped me the most during withdrawals was exercise. I would grab the mp3 player and go for a jog. I'm sure you've hear the term "runner's high". It's no myth. When exercising endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine are released and it gives us a feeling that is comparable to opiates. The good thing is it's all natural.

Also be sure to eat healthy and push the good fluids such as juice and water. The more you put into your system that faster it will recover.

Try and stay busy! Do your best to keep from laying around and waiting for the withdrawals to pass. You want to keep your mind occupied. The more you lay around the more time you have to think about the pills. When we lay around we tend to constantly look at the clock which makes time drag on. The more you can stick to your normal routine the better you will end up feeling. It can be difficult because all we want to do is lay down. Sticking to our normal routine will help with sleep too. The first time I went through withdrawals I couldn't work due to my back injury. I would lay around all day and take cat naps here and there. I could never fall asleep at night. Sure, some of this had to do with the withdrawals but most of it had to do with being lazy all day. Kinda like if you sleep in on a Saturday. Come Saturday night it's almost impossible to fall asleep at a decent time. I realize that you have school so you won't be able to lay around during the day but even after school try and stay up and stay busy.

You want to do all you can to keep your mind off of everything. Watch some funny movies, pick up a good book, do a jigsaw puzzle, just do anything that you enjoy to keep your mind from wandering.

You're doing a great thing here. You can be the one to make sure you never have to go through this again. You will learn so much from this forum. The advice comes from people that have been there and they know what they are talking about. We are like one big happy family here and none of us could do this alone. It's not over once the withdrawals are over. It's a lifelong battle. If we all work together we can make sure we stay in recovery.

Be sure to open up to your therapist. That's what they are there for. Don't be ashamed about talking to her about this. There are so many out there in the exact same situation so it won't be some big new surprise to the therapist. She will be able to give you ideas on how to deal with the anxiety. Just getting stuff off of our chests is sometimes all it takes to put a cease to the anxiety.

Just keep going strong and know that the feelings you are feeling will go away with time. It takes some hard work and motivation but all of this will be in the past before you know it.

Be proud of yourself for seeking help.

Best of luck to you!

Brian

[Arsia]

My day's been good so far. I'm feeling alright. The anxiety was pretty minimal this morning, and now it's pretty non-existent. But I'm pretty sure that it'll come back. My body just has to realize I'm not getting a pill in my system. I was pretty freaked out this morning because I was wondering, does real happiness ever compare with the warm euphoria I get from the pills? It scares me to think it won't, that I'll always want them.
I wasn't nearly as bad as other people, so I know my withdrawals won't really last, but it's going through the first few days that are the hardest. I'm so grateful for all the help. It's helped so much. A few days ago, you guys were saying that this site helped you, and now I see how. It keeps me calm, reading and replying to these (as calm as I get :P).
I've always had insomnia (well, since 11, when everything else started) so I have sleeping pills and that mostly helps. It didn't help on Tuesday 'cause I was freaking out, but I took a hydrocodone that night and I got to sleep. Last night I slept fine.
I have barely eaten at all. I've been trying really hard but it seems like everything is like cardboard. I want it, but when it's in my mouth it's so hard to get down. I'm really thirsty though, so I'm drinking a lot (in comparison to how much I usually do; bunch of orange juice and water). I just can't seem to get food down. Also, I can't seem to do pretty much anything. The anxiety just kicks my ***, haha.
I've been doing a lot of reading to help keep focused. That's one of the few things that I really get into (that and videogames, but my computer needs a new hard drive. D:) I've tried walking but my body's extremely weak because of things that has happened in the past. I'm not overweight or anything (actually told I'm the perfect weight, but being a teenage girl, I don't believe it) but it's just so hard for me to exercise. Especially when it's so cold outside (11 degrees right now). I definitely see what you mean about it's hard to do stuff.
I crave the hydrocodone, but I remember how horrible the anxiety felt, and I'd rather be my natural melancholy self than feel that again - not even for an hour of euphoria.
Wow, that's the most I've written so far.
Thanks for the help!

[bmdad]

Glad today wasn't all that bad. You're doing great!

Lethargy is one of the main symptoms of withdrawal. It seemed to be the symptom that bothered me the most because I am normally a very active person. If you can exercise it will really help. I know it's very difficult to muster up the energy to do so but you have to try and force yourself. I quit last February and it's cold where I live also. That along with the chills associated with withdrawals makes it even more difficult to go out and exercise. I just bundled up like crazy. But I enjoy the cold so it didn't bother me all that much. Do you have access to a treadmill or exercise bike? Maybe a friend has one. If not you could walk stairs or do some jumping jacks. I know I seem to be over stressing it but it literally does make all the difference. At least in my opinion. There are many others on here that will agree.

Real happiness will comeback and you will appreciate it even more. It's not going to come back overnight but it will return. I'm happier now than I've been in a long time. I know it sounds cheesy but I have a new zest for life. I'm sure you will too. The pills make us not feel both physically and mentally. Sure, it can be great to mask the negative feelings in life but when mask those but the pills also mask the good feelings. The make us think we are feeling great but it's such a false sense of well being. Once you get through this you will realize how great it is to actually feel true feelings. I've learned to appreciate even bad feelings because at least I know I can feel.

Your life will be so much better once you get through this chapter of life. I promise!


Brian

[swflafun]

Hey Arsia - Glad you are having an OK day. This takes some time, you know? ;-) You are on the right path. Have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a really good day for you. You have made your decision. Stick with it. We are all here to help, you know that, so keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.

Wishing you a peaceful day and evening and a GREAT tomorrow.

Gary

[Arsia]

I know that exercise is good, I've heard that exercise makes you feel a lot better, but it's just so hard for me. Check out my exercise tracker thing on my profile and you'll see how I feel from just walking home from my bus stop. I'm just so horribly out of shape. I was planning on just bundling up one day and walking but then the anxiety started and it killed me.
I'll be with my friend today, but I'll try walking this weekend. No promises 'cause I always say, okay, I'll walk tomorrow. This summer. Next year when I move. I'm horrible haha.
We have a gym here but it's 40 bucks a month, and it's not worth it for just a treadmill. But I'll try to walk, I will. Maybe I can get my grandma to go out with me.
And it's really comforting to know that I'll be naturally feeling again some day. And yeah, the anxiety just isn't worth it. I'd rather be naturally sad than feel that.

[throwindatowl]

I feel so bad for the young people like you that have nobody to talk to. Your here posting and thats a huge step. Be glad you didnt just ride it out. Trust me, youll be looking 30 years old in the face faster than you think. Just never give up on yourself. Ever. We are  all here for you. Please try and find someone you can talk to about this. Your so not alone. You gotta kick this thing now. Your young and have your whole future ahead of ya. Ive wasted alot of my life chasing the pill high. Ill never get those days back. Keep posting but also find something else to do. Get your mind of drugs.

[Arsia]

I just know I have more potential than this. I'm stuck in a small town where I am pretty much alone, because of my own stupid decisions, mostly. I've been stabbed in the back and made a fool of in front of everyone but I know it's my own fault, my own fear, that I can't overcome this and open up again.
I have one person left and she's busy a lot, my best friend. And I'm thinking about telling her today. She's never ever judged me.
And I'll tell my therapist Friday.
But that's about it.
And everyone here.
But really, everyone here has been a HUGE HUGE HUGE help.
And I'll be moving to another state next year, starting over.
I can't wait. I hate this place.

[throwindatowl]

secrets will keep you sick. Set yourself free. You have nothing to loose and your life to gain. Youll be very suprised how much better youll feel letting it out in the open. People who may judge, dont think they dont have something they are hiding. Pride kept me using, when I let that go things got better for me.

[eyeofhorus2010]

As a parent it kills me to see someone so young suffer so much. Too often teenagers are dismissed as too young to have any real problems and adult always fall back on the worn out lines of " Problems, what do you know about problems. You don't have a job or a mortgage or bills to pay. Be thankful all you have to worry about is school".

I'm not sure I'd survive being a teenager in this day and age. The peer pressure, the constant demands for excellent grades and the thought that any misstep no matter how big or small could wind up on facebook or spread like wildfire via texting and email. No thanks!  Todays teens shoulder way too much...more than they should have to I think.
When my daughter was in high school we talked all the time. I think she shared with me (more than her mom) because I never made her feel like she or her problems or concerns were trivial. I always stayed calm even when hearing details that made me want to go beat the crap out of somebody. She didn't want me to jump in and get in the way. She just wanted someone to bounce ideas off of and maybe a little advice.  The problems in her world were just as big to her as the problems in my world were to me.

Arsia, you've suffered much in your short 17 years but rest assured life will not always be this way. You're remarkabley mature for your age and that makes it even harder to find people that you can relate to. I would think especially so in a small town. I bet you're an avid reader too. I love to read, it's takes me away from here like nothing else can.

Sorry, I tend to ramble sometimes. I would love to hear that you opened up with your therapist and shared your addiction story with her. You said your mother was an addict and alcholic, then you already know you're predisposed to have inherited that addictive gene. Your therapist will likely touch on that a lot. You can have such a wonderful and fulfilling life without these pills. As an addict you'll never be able to take them recreationaly even if you think you'll only take one or two every other day and have your grandmother dispense them for you, I mean what's the plan here? go through the rest of you life finding people to hold your pills for you and dole them out sparingly? Of course you can't and as an addict you can't do it yourself either. Addiction is progressive. I started out taking a couple here and there, then it was one or two a day and before I knew it I was taking 15 Vicodin every three hours. I started buying them in 1000 count bulk bottles. I was stunned when I realized that I had consumed two of those bottles in a 3 week period. That's right.. that works out to 100 a day. That was when I set my mind to quitting. I tapered down and walked away from them after that.

So there you go. Not much help but at least I've given you something boring to read to help with sleep.  Quit the pills Arsia, please! You've got too much going for you to go down this road any further. No human being was meant to see what's at the end of that road. I came close and it scared me straight. We all want to see you succeed in life and in sobriety. We'll help you all we can. Eye of Horus has your back.

[swflafun]

Hey Arsia -  The Eye is some kind of sharp, huh? I wish I could express myself so eloquently. He gives some darn good advice too. We are all here for you, don't ever forget that. I hope your evening is going well. Talk to you soon.

Gary

[eyeofhorus2010]

Thanks for that Gary. I tend to spend a lot of time composing my posts. Write, erase, write,erase on and on it goes until I've let 30 minutes to an hour elapse before hitting "post comment". Everything I say is from the heart. I'm truly warmed when someone else decides to quit. I feel genuine joy when someone declares thier 10 day, 30 day or 90 day clean time or whatever the length. Shoot, I'm thrilled when someone makes it through the first day.

[Arsia]

So far at LEAST 2 completely clean days and I'm not going back. I did talk to my therapist and I feel better. Like I told her, the hardest part is that it was a habit, and now it's like missing a habit. I'd have one in the morning, two at lunch, four after school. Now it's blank. But I'm coping.
My internet's out so I can't reply to the extent I want to, but I will Monday.
Eye is VERY insightful. I like reading your ramblings, and I read at least a book a day.
I'll post little updates til Monday.
Thank you all so much.

[bmdad]

Hey...hope you had a great day.

I noticed you put your # up for everyone to see. You really should take that down.  Anyone and everyone can see it whether they have an account with medhelp or not. I've personally came across some crazy ones that I had first known for a few months. After earning my trust we exchanged numbers and that's when I found out they were crazy!!..lol There have been others on here that had similar problems. You really don't wanna leave it up for complete strangers to see.

I'm glad you felt better after telling your therapist. You are doing all the right things.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

[Arsia]

I did.
I don't feel much better today. My anxiety's back and I feel so uncomfortable in my skin. Like I have to get out. My skin's crawling. Someone please tell me it's the withdrawals and I won't be like this forever.

[Princessey]

I have to take lortabs for chronic pain, I'm also afraid of becoming addicted.....and I will say, from firsthand experience, the more emphasis you put on thinking about the pain--or anxiety---the more you will have. The more you stress and obsess over the meds and what they are or are not doing for you, the worse your symptoms will be. Before I got injured and then sick I worked at a hospital, the doctors are there to help you. Don't be afraid of going to your doc, there are HIPPA laws preventing them from disclosing anything to anyone. You don't have to tell your doctor whom you got the pills from, so don't hesitate to talk about your problems w/ medical professionals.
I wish you luck.

[bmdad]

It is the withdrawals. I've never heard of anyone not experiencing anxiety after stopping the pills. But I can assure you that it will go away. Our body is traumatized while going through withdrawals and it lets us know it with all kinds of feelings we've never felt before. These horrible feelings will pass over time.

Hang in there. The first week is always the worst.

Did you have anxiety before you ever started taking them?

[Arsia]

I have chronic pain and headaches, which is why I started taking it in the first place (without my doctors knowing because they wouldn't help me at all with it). I've been to several doctors and they haven't been able to figure out anything that works. I was once prescribed hydrocodone by the dentist and it worked to help take away my pain, so I started getting it for myself. Now all my pain is back now that I'm off of it and I don't know how to deal with it. But it's certainly better than going through with withdrawals. I don't know how severe your pain is so I can't really suggest anything, but your pain is worse once you start depending on it.

[Arsia]

No, I've never had anxiety like this ever before. I have depression, but NOTHING like this anxiety. It just started once I was off hydrocodone. It was the same thing that happened last month. So despite what my grandma says, it isn't my head and it IS just the pills.
My anxiety's quite a bit better. Not gone yet, but better, bearable. It's hard to deal with my pain, both physically and emotionally, because I got used to masking it. So every time I feel the throb of my head, or muscles, or pain in my heart, I think to take one, then remember everything. I associate my withdrawals with the other stuff that I'm going through as well, so it just swamps me when I remember.
But it's getting better.