I'm Back...

So, the last time I posted here I was planning to taper off of Suboxone.  I think it's definitely going much better than expected.  I had been on 2mgs every day, plus a little sliver at night before bed.  I dropped down to 1mg right away, because I read somewhere on here that there isn't much difference.  They were right.  No difference.  So I stayed on 1mg for a few months.  Then I dropped down to .5mgs, and there was still no difference.  I got really excited and thought that maybe the Suboxone had done what doctors say it does, and that over the last 2 years it was healing my brain.  I thought for sure that my body was telling me it was time to get off of this stuff, and I decided to listen.  So for the past few months, I have been taking literally a piece every day and a piece every night.  Once in a while, it wouldn't last and I would find myself wiggling and squirming watching TV with my girlfriend at night, counting down the minutes to that bedtime dose.  Yesterday I woke up rather late, at like 2pm, and I still felt great.  I decided to wait it out and not take my dose until I felt anxious.  I lasted until bedtime!  So I decided to push it further and go to sleep without it.  (I did take a tiny piece of Ativan, rationalizing that at least I would have the Sub out of my system.)  I woke up a few times crawling out of my skin, but managed to fall back asleep.  I woke up again at 11AM and just couldn't take it anymore.  I took a tiny piece of Sub, and I am going to once again wait until I absolutely need it to take another.  The good news is that I am on unemployment, and have plenty of time to get through this at home.  I am going to my doctor today to try to get some supplements, like Clonidine and an SSRI to get my brain to start producing it's own chemicals again.  I am just getting really sick and tired of people telling me that it's all in my head, and that Suboxone couldn't possibly be causing any physical withdrawal symptoms.  And I am discouraged that I have been on literally shavings for so long, and it's not as easy as the doctors think.  I know that if I just tough it out for a few days I might start to feel better.  But I am the type of person who needs instant gratification... I am an addict, after all.  I need to find the strengh to go through the withdrawal, because I know it will go away and I could come out of it feeling better than I ever have.  It's just that I can't take the anxiety.  Anxiety is what brought me to pills in the first place.  I never took them to get high, at first.  I took them because of horrible panic attacks that came on without warning, and one Vicodin for tooth pain made me feel normal for the first time in a year.  Now, I am not afraid of the cravings or of not being high, I am afraid of going back to those feelings that incapacitated me before.  I am hoping that the Suboxone HAS done what the doctors say it does, and that is to heal the brain to where it starts working on its own again.  But I am so skeptical.  I need hope, and I need strengh, to just take the plunge and get over it.  Thanks for listening!

[avisg]

What you are feeling IS NOT IN YOUR HEAD !!!!! You have done an excellent job tapering yourself down you will get there and off of the subs .I think seeing the doctor is a great idea hopefully he can help you finish up  all of the great work you have already done .I as well am skeptical as to weather it can heal your brain but it can be a tool  as you have found out you have to put the work into it to heal.Do you get recovery care ?

[Texanaddict]

Honey you can take this for what it's worth. I went on a sub plan and Doc says it's going to take a year. I was only on 15 hydro a day so after about 2 months and a 1,000 bucks I just weaned myself like down to 1 or 2 mg and stopped and went back on lortabs for about 3 weeks and then quitting the lortabs was so much easier and quicker. Sub wd's can go on for more than 2 weeks and I was good in 7 days from the lortab. Just my experience. Hope you find an answer that helps.  Tex  

[refusingbondage]

No its not in your head.  Without naming names a DOCTOR told me once that me complaining of suboxone w/drawal was the same as a person claiming to get high off Advil.  RRRR HOW FRUSTRATING!  I saw RED. I was so furious that a doctor would say that to me - Especially since I was 2 weeks into full blown torture suboxone w/drawal.  

I agree you have done an excellent EXCELLENT job on tapering and feeling it out on what is right for your body.  Taking just enough but not too much is key.

Brain healing?  Sorry.  No.  Suboxone is a strong opiate.  Your brain cannot heal from opiate addiction when your feeding it a constant stream of opiate.  However, you have gained control of your life with the help of suboxone.  

Like Avis says, NOW is the time to work on your recovery.  When you stop suboxone all together your are still an addict.  Your are not healed.  The only way to stay clean is through support and working a recovery program.  Ive learned this the hard way.

No drug in the world can heal us unfortunately (maybe one day... but wish in one hand..)I found shortly after I came off suboxone once the w/drawal eased up, that all those reasons I used in the first place were still right there waiitng.. Even though I felt none of it when I was ON suboxone.    This is why aftercare is SO important. Take the time now, while you are still feeling OK with the small amount of subs and figure out a plan.  

[avisg]

Refusing GREAT POST

[Lynn79]

Thanks guys!  I go to NA meetings and I see a therapist every week, so after care is good.  I actually just went to see my doctor, and I explained to her that I wanted to start some kind of receptor healing medication as I'm coming off Sub, and that I also heard Clonodine can help with withdrawals.  She said, "You don't need that stuff, you won't even feel any withdrawal with as low as you are."  Grr.  I told her that I ALREADY feel withdrawal, just when I don't take enough or this morning when I hadn't had any yesterday.  I asked her if she herself has ever been on Suboxone, and is that how she knows there is no withdrawal?  She said no.  I said, "Then what do you say to EVERYONE ELSE who have come off this drug, and say that the withdrawals are sometimes worse than the original drug?"  She told me to come in Monday for an appointment.  So whether she will help me is still up in the air, but I'll keep you guys posted!

[avisg]

I so hope she does. You have been doing it all the right things .Just keep expressing how you and many many others have felt coming off of it  .I have been clean from tramadol for 2 years now and it was the same thing .Many people have been told there WD are in there head because you cant get addicted to tram.Let us know what happens

[whitie]

she,(your doc) obviously has no clue as to how strong replacement opioids like sub are..... or how they work. the "to heal the brain".....comment is a beauty !!

like the gals said, keep up the good work and it sounds like ,once again, the patient will have to figure it out on their own,as to how to get off the stuff.......