Im sorry everyone, i try not to post often and burden everyone but i am having a really hard time right now and for the past few days. This whole coming off the vicodin and getting clean has really left me drained. I have no energy and i feel that i am truly clinically depressed for the first time in my life. I don't know how much more i can stand. I am functioning on the outside and keeping clean but inside it's pure tumoil. No one around me understands. I mean how would Paul feel if i asked him to give up Diet Coke for the rest of his life (his most favorite thing in the world) ??
I feel some days i just don't want to go on. I am seeing a drug abuse therapist regularly and she is great but outside of her there is no one to understand, except all of you here. I think i just needed to vent this. Thank you to all of you soooo much, i love you all and without you i never would have made it this far........
Oh, and thats the other thing, i always feel as if i am a burden to everyone. I feel guilty for having to drag my family and friends through this while i get better......... I am just not good enough and i dont know how to be..........
Wow I am in the same boat. I am just about to start a depression post. But we sound exactly alike. I have NEVER been depressed really. AlwaYs been a happy type energetic person. This is
god awfull. Last night I was googling easy painless ways to off myself. It's that
bad. But the last time and time before that is was the exact same way and it DOES go
away. It took
a good 2 weeks or so
for me. And I took 5-htp. So I am on day 3 and almost done
with this day but
it has been bad today. But energy and everythng will
come back. I have to believe that myself.
Thank you for your quick response to me. I sooooo understand, and its that bad for me too, sometimes i wish i would just die in my sleep......... i live on hope, hoping that we will make it through and that it does get better, we have each other, stay strong and i will try too. Luv, Jacky
What day are you on I am on day 3. The worse day in my experience. Because I am still in the throws of physical withdrawls. But then the depression still does
not go away for me and sometimes it gets worse for a while. But a few weeks and I
seem to really pull out of it. Beyond that i don't know. I never made it further than that :)
I'm 15 days clean from Vicodin. On day 4 or 5 of WDs I was walking the dog and remember my horrible depression over the simple fact that my daughter hadn't returned my phone call. I had worked it up into a major life and death situation. I was ready to disown her, leave my wife, home, dog and go live alone somewhere in complete isolation. I, too, was despondent and thinking of doing myself in.
The depression I had coming off of that stuff was something like I never felt before in my life. It's scary. Thank God it's pretty much gone now. I'm getting better, and feeling better. Thinking back on that will help me make the right decision the next time I think using is a good idea.
BTW: my daughter STILL doesn't return my phone calls right away, but what else is new!
I'm right there with ya'll---------I had all the depression you guys are going through----the only reason I didn't off myself was because I would have had to off my dog first-----I have never had the kind of depression I went through while wding off percs----I'm still dealing with it but it is getting better----My best to you and know with time it will get better----Jon
I am an opiate addict that will have 90 days clean tommorrow. Before I went and got help I guess I thought that me being clean would fix everything. I guess I thought that all my problems were b/c of me using.Well the fact of the matter is I had alot of problems that caused me to use. The more time that goes by the more I see how messed up I really am. I don't go to meetings like I should because that requires me enlisting one of my family members to babysit while I go. I don't get to take the time that my counselor said I needed everyday for alone time,prayer,meditation etc.Its not that I don't think my family would do anything I asked of them,it's just that I have taken so much from them already and put the threw sooo much.So I feel guilty when I have to ask. I take 5-htp for depression and tyrosine for the lack of energy and they have both worked wonders for me.Im still trying to work out my doses but I have no t is very odd to begin to feel again after we have numbed ourselves for so long.Just remember that you will get to feel lots and lots of good things.But you just have to get through the bad rite now to get to them. lots of love
I remember feeling that way. I would get into this mode of thinking that I was not going to feel better unless I was dead and that everyone around me would probably be happier if I wasnt around so they wouldnt have to deal with my addiction. That thought scared the hell out of me. I have never in my life been suicidal. Day 3 or 4 this always happened, and that is when I relapsed. I feared I was going to go crazy, since I was having these strange thoughts. I started thinking what if I just snap and totally lose it? Very irrational fears. After going through withdrawal countless times, I finally gave suboxone a try. Sometimes I feel like I took the easy way out, but I do have to say, its almost like an anti depressant. I actually smile a lot. I am on day 5-6 not sure how to count it exactly, but I have had none of those awful thoughts this time. Hang in there, and when you start to think like that, try thinking of all of the positive things that will come with sobriety. Make a list if you have to. I bet if you made a list of all the positive things that come with sobriety, compared to any positives you felt you had while taking the pills. The list of positive things that come with sobriety will be much longer :) Remember there is always someone here to talk to, when your down keep on posting, we can all do this TOGETHER we all need support.
Hey....I experienced awful depression when I first came off methadone actualy experienced it will tapering off of the last 6 weeks of my taper also...I never got
the woopee im clean 'pink cloud" effect at all then I almost wound up in a manic episode (im bypolar) so my phyc dr took me off all the antidepressants to stabilize me but only made the depression worst ...she waited over 90days for me to snap out of it but eventually put me back on the antidepressants there now working and im feeling more or less normal again...there is a certain amount of depression that is normal coming off narcotics but if it gets to be 90 days and you havent snaped out of it you may want to se a dr about getting on some antidepressents...I have heard good things about 5htp also and it is a natural amino acid you may want to give it a try now...good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
Thank you all so much for your comfort and wisdom, it means the world to me! I too will check that website as i need all the help i can get to stay clean. I dont want to lose any of my clean time so im open to anything at this point.
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