I'm back and I'm not happy about it

[Icntkickit]

I can not believe I am back! I'm almost out of pain pills and I know I'm going to go thru pure heck this time!!

I have never taken so many hydrocoden as I have this month. I have a messed up back which many people have these days and I'm prescribed 180 10's a month. I got my last Meds on the 13 of December and I'm almost OUT WTH?? I've started a new stressful job and was popping them like tic tac's to try and stay calm! Now I'm out and IN TROUBLE!!

I'm going to try and stay strong and get thru this! I know it's going to be hard. I work 5 days a week and have 3 children I must take care of everyday and work! So I ask that you all pray for me! Thank you for all your support!

[throwindatowl]

That scared feeling you get when you know your quiting and when your gonna run out is no good. Going to get all that sad stuff off your chest will help you alot. I need to do the same thing.Whats more scarry is the thought off still using in the future.  I hate relying on anything and to not have to have pills is very nice. Dont be to scared, Try and make what you have left last you. Youll do this. Try not to make a big deal out of it. You just wont be taking those pills anymore. NO biggie. In 2 or 3 days youll feel much better. keep posting. Im looking forward to your future posts. I feel good about it. You got this.

[ImDONENoMore]

Yeah, beating yourself up serves no purpose.  It's so self-defeating and can cause you to lose the confidence you need to get clean.

I think the therapist is going to be wonderful for you - just make sure it's a good fit and you think that he/she really understands what you're talking about and can offer helpful suggestions.  I've had a couple of very bad therapists over time and they can actually do more harm than good.  I remember one of my therapists who used to tell me her problems all the time.  So I'd walk out of there, still upset about my own situation, AND stressed over her problems!  It was crazy.  So find a good connection and that will be a great start.

We've all stumbled.  And it doesn't matter whether or not you fall, what does matter is picking yourself back up right?  Seems like we all think it's our successes that define us, but it's the obstacles and struggles that we're able to overcome that truly defines us.

I wish you much luck!  Just take it slow this time and keep your expectations (I mean the unreasonable ones that we all place on ourselves to do all the things that NO ONE is capable of doing all the time) and go easy on yourself.  You CAN DO THIS!

[Icntkickit]

Yeah it's the night I dread!! I will be all alone this weekend. sometimes I think that's good and sometime I don't! At least if I can't sleep I have the whole house to my self and don't have to worry about waking anyone up but then again I may want to just sit and chit chat! I will make it! I have to! Thanks for all the sipport

[IBKleen]

Glad to hear you are done. A lot of us here suffer with chronic pain issues and have found other ways to deal with it. That is really the easy part. The hard part is when you use drugs to numb yourself or to hide from feelings...stuff like that. We have all done it and without some form of counseling or support it is so hard to get on track. After the drugs we need to learn  coping skills all over again and learn to face situations head on. Counseling is great so I suggest that you get a referral from your doctor or maybe some one you know because it is very important to have a good therapist whom you feel comfortable with. I did therapy for 3 years and I had a woman who I just adored. She became an important part of my life and surely a huge part of my recovery.

While you are waiting to do that be sure to stay connected at least here. Some one is always around to support you or just listen. It is going to be quiet tonight so be patient.

Be good to yourself and stick around!!!

[Icntkickit]

IBK thanks for the fast response! I am NOT going back! I've cancelled my dr apt for the 13 and I'm done!! I'm just really scared right now!!

What will I do different? Good question bc I'm not sure ! I'm going to go to counseling bc I'm not happy in my marriage and I really think that triggered Alot of my use! I wanted to drowned my self in pills to get away from husband so hoping that by canceling dr apt and makig apt with a counselor will help and answer Alot of my questions

[IBKleen]

Welcome back. Are you just going to be out until you get your rx filled or do you think you can do without them this time? If so, what do you think you will do different to stay away from using?