Im back

Well im back. I went 6 days or so then caved and got another script. I can take everything except the restless legs. It makes me seriously putting a freakin gun to my head.These pills are the devil. So go ahead give it to me I deserve it. I dont think I could possibly feel any worse than the pill popping junky I am.

[bettermomma]

O stop it! There's no need to keep kicking yourself! We are all here for You! Pm me if you'd like to talk, about relapse, its been almost 15 days clean for me after getting clean 23 days and relapsing a month. It happens you just gotta push thru it and move on!
loving support!
Momm

[theaddict]

there are other ways to get through the RLS other than taking the pills. but you will eventually learn that. do what you got to do, i suppose. what all had you tried, and what do you think didn't work?

at least you are honest. something tells me that a lot of people lie to themselves as well as others [not saying anyone on the board, just in general] and in reality, are still using. best of luck to you. now let's try and get you back on track? no need to kick yourself in the stomach over this either. it happens to the best of us.

[wtf1213]

Thanks momm...you can read my story if you look up my posts. Am I able to pm from my phone?

[bettermomma]

Sorry, I don't mean to come off so rudely, but seriously, relapse happens to the best of us... I mean we r only human... the past is the past, we have made mistakes that we can't fix, but we can ultimately learn from them, and better ourselves from that experience. So be kind to yourself, take a multi vitamin, highlands restless legs works wonders for the rls, and forgive yourself, so that you can heal properly. Best wishes
momma

[wtf1213]

I have tried bananas,hylands,wrapping them up,everything.Serriously it drives me insane. I havent had any vicodin since yesterday so...let the fun begin!

[bettermomma]

You should b able to pm from your phone, that's what I'm using now... so let me try to pm u or vice versa.

[bettermomma]

Touch my screen name and go to send message.  I think...

[theaddict]

you're normal to relapse, keep your head up!!

[bettermomma]

The addict is right on that... it is normal, especially if you have no support, your addiction is a personal secret, if you haven't asked for help, aftercare is absent.... ect ... BUT life does go on! Life is beautiful again once you are clear minded and sober. All the wds are well worth the reward.

[wtf1213]

Your both right. I feel like im losing my mind.

[wtf1213]

I hope nobody felt like the posts you wrote thr first time didnt mean anything because they did. I reread them 100 times..and will continue to read them.

[theaddict]

no, we didn't think that at all. like we both said, it's completely normal to "fall off the bandwagon" so to say. some people do, and some people do not. not everyone is the same. kudos for you for at least being honest. like i said before - there are some that are being dishonest about it!

[wtf1213]

Thank you. I just wanted to feel normal again. But being on vicodin isnt normal. I feel as.though im brainwashed. I am a Mother! This needs to stop. I feel so powerless over this. I cant do this anymore.

[Bkitty]

Hi there,,,Ok so get in the right mind set,,you know what to expect as far as withdrawals go,,you know its gonna suck a$$ for a few days,,but you can do it,,you already have before. You need to have a plan in place to get thru all this. Is aftercare or NA an option? You also need to get rid of any scripts you still have. You gotta cut off your supply otherwise your just playing with fire. You can do this!! Keep us posted ~Bkitty

[kyle505]

I did what you just did for over ten years. Each time I detoxed I swore to God, even made a couple of deals with Him, but the pills always seemed to win. This last detox was something like I've never experience; I expect it was me paying a debt. Anyway, you will do it; and you'll be finished. All you'll have left is stories, a clear mind and great advice for the newbies.

[wtf1213]

Thank you everyone.. I know what to expect..im expecting my @ss to be up all night moving my legs like im river dancing and being alone with my thoughts..bad combo.I have always always bbeen hard on myself.This is unbelievable the guilt!

[kyle505]

I think us addicts (we addicts?) do guilt better than almost anyone. It is just another reason I'd medicate myself. But then, guess what - the guilt was back, with much bigger claws, in the mornings when I woke, and until I could take a pill again. Don't waste your time with guilt. Just a suggestion. Focus on getting healthy. The guilt will work itself out.

[wtf1213]

Thanks Kyle¡

[bettermomma]

Wtf, check ur inbox, I just sent you a message. I hope that it gives you some encouragement. ((((((HUGS)))))) and support!
Momma

[gnarly_1]

HI IF YOUR having trouble with the legs go to stronger stuff then highlands pick up a potassium and magnesium suplument and pop about 3 of each try that ifnot try it twice a day also soaking in Epsom salt helps but the leg thing is a vitamin dificacacy you cought your relapse early so you shouldent have withdrawals FLUSH the rest of the script or you will wind up eating it then your back to withdrawals again good luck and God bless.......Gnarly  

[dominosarah]

So what are you going to do differently this time?  Doing it your way isnt working is it?  Have you thought about recovery care?  This addiction doesnt stop once we put the pills down.  You dont have to live this insanity anymore.  Cut all ties with your supplier(s), get honest with yourself and try to stop beating yourself up.  Having that negative frame of mind gets us nowhere.  You dont have to be a prisoner to these pills anymore~~~~sara

[wtf1213]

My way definately isnt working,obviously. I need to find the courage to tell someone.

[all_alone1]

Hi wtf213.....sorry to hear you are having trouble with that awful restless legs....how are you feeling this morning?

[wtf1213]

Like crap..terrible aching calfs..:( thx for asking tho :)

[all_alone1]

You're wecome and I am sorry you feel so bad...I wish I could reccomend something that would make you feel better that you haven't already tried.

[wtf1213]

I havd to force myself to get up and moving. I jave too many people who depend on me. I hate myself right now. Im sorry for being negative. Im just being honest.

[all_alone1]

Don't be sorry...I know how it is to have so many people depending on you....I have 6 kids to tend to.....but I am here for you if you need to vent all day....I carry my phone in my pocket cuz I can't sit at a computer all day lol.....the kids have control of that.....anyway it helps just to talk...so if you need to I am here

[wtf1213]

I have a question. Is it so bad that I dont want anyone to know? Is there anyway to get through this without going to NA? It my part of town its not anonymos. People go back and forth and tell everyone who they saw. My father was an addict and growing up nobody was allowed to sleep over etc. I dont want my kids going through that. Seeing a addiction therapist ..would that work? I really dont know so would appreciate the advice. Thank you

[all_alone1]

I know there are n/a mettings online......that is what I am going to do ...for one so no one will know and the second because of sooo many kids it is hard to get away....so online maybe an option for you.

[lulu747]

wtf...
Hey welcome back and I'm proud of you for being honest and asking for help.
Listen-there is no shame in this.  The guilt is powerful but you need to let it go and focus on one small step towards recovery at a time.  Beating yourself up is a waste of the precious energy that you need to get well.  I think an addictions specialist is a great idea.  You need to talk to someone openly and honestly about your addiction and start working towards recovery.  I see one.  NA/AA isn't for everyone....I just wanted to add that secrets keep us sick by creating a shame/guilt cycle that lead to using.  This is your life we're talking about and you deserve to be happy...You are worth it.  

Try getting some heating rub for your calves (I used tiger balm) and hot baths with epsom salts.  Be gentle with yourself and please keep posting....Big Hug....Lu

[wtf1213]

Thanks Angel and Lulu thanks for the warm welcome back I was afraid to come back.

[lulu747]

You were afraid but you did it anyway...This is a positive step...Keep taking them and before you know it you'll have some clean time under your belt and a fresh perspective....You put your recovery first and take care of yourself and the rest takes care of itself....Please keep posting...No judgment here, only support.....Lu

[all_alone1]

don't be afraid....there are always warm and welcoming people on here to listen and talk to....we are all understanding....as we can help eachother.

[vicki595]

As Gnarly said, get some magnesium and potassium and take it!  It works great for RLS because RLS IS a mineral difficiency!

Epsom salt baths, several times a day, works along with the minerals so get in that routine. It takes a little effort but you can help yourself...

Keep posting; you did the right thing by coming to the forum!

[dominosarah]

With not telling your secret you never have to be accountable for your behavior.  The doors are always left open.  An addiction counselor would be great.  Many people here go to them.  When you have truely had enough of this you will do whatever it takes to get and stay clean.  There wont be any excuses, you will just do it.  You have it in you so fight for you.  You are worth it.

[wtf1213]

You are right Sarah. Im too worried about what others will think of me. Has always been a problem a people pleaser to the max..never tells anyone no. this is brutal.

[dominosarah]

I know this is brutal but there is a way out.  What matters is you, not anyone else as we cant control what others think.  It's hard work trying to please so many people when you arent happy.  You have to find your own inner peace.  Look for a therapist and get this ball rolling.  I know you can do this.

[wtf1213]

Thank you Sarah. So much. Yoi dont know how these little messages mean to me. Honest to god.

[theaddict]

i went to NA meetings, but had the same issue as you did. i was always worried about what others would think of me. but then i had to think of it this way:  they're all there for the same reason that i am. i hope that makes sense.

unfortunately, i had a bad experience with different locations of NA meetings though. the person they allotted as my sponsor in the first location i went to, was still using. after the meetings, they would all stand outside and smoke cigarettes and i would see him go to his car with people and give out baggies and exchange money. when i finally got the courage to ask what was going on to another one of the people there [not the sponsor i had] she told me that he was a low life because he was selling percocets at the meetings.

i then tried another place down the road and the same thing happened there. i felt that i just couldn't be around that. and unfortunately, those were the only two locations for me, at the time, unless i wated to drive an hour to and two hours back. and at the time, i couldn't afford much gas.

[london_man]

Please don't give up - I know you can stop

6 days is still a good achievement - just start from day 1 again, like the others have said we are all human.

Don't feel guilty as we all know how hard it is to quit all DOC - you have a strong desire to quit and I know you can

[wtf1213]

Thank you! And thats crazy that someone was selling percs at an NA meeting..wtf!  So my daughter rolls out of school today wearing a DARE tshirt..nice..just what I needed today asvshe says mommy whatsvwrong you look pale. Ugh!

[gg636]

Hi wtf213

I just wanted to say you can do this.  I know it's hard - Just remember you are  in the right spot for support.  Keep close and rememer your not alone...

Keep your eye oon the prize LTD~ Living the Dream, Happy, Clean and Living!

[wtf1213]

Thanks Gg

[gg636]

Your Welcome~ Lets slay this Demon! wooo hooo

[wtf1213]

I got the supplements going to try them before bed. Thanks for everyones support today . I so appreciate it!