Im back...and detoxing NOW! Help.

[StuckANDscared]

Some of you may remember me.  Long story short, I kept trying to taper and kept giving up, figuring life was better having energy and feeling good than not.

I'm out, I have (almost) no way of getting more.  My guy is out of town.  I'm 100% sure I CAN find em if I just made a few calls...but really don't want to.  And I already feel miserable, and haven't made any calls which is unlike me.

I have amino acids, xanax, clonidine (A GODsend...seriously..the most helpful thing I've ever used during WD's) also a few harbal/otc stuff to help.  I also have the BEST NEW ADDITION to my brand new house....drumroll please...A HOT TUB!  It's outside in the fresh air, enclosed in a gazebo.  I just soaked in it for a while cause the "uneasiness started kicking in"  almost instant release (when I'm in it)...can't stay in it the whole time - my husband will know wsomethings up.

Need words of encouragement, and strength from everyone.

I really need to do this this time...please god help me...I ALWAYS GIVE IN on the 2nd day at the most.

Please please please b there for me...you guys are the most wonderful people.  

*** I can't be on here all the time...I will be on moslty aftter 9-10pm when everyone is sleeping.  I'm basically detoxing from a 10 year hydro/oxy habit (prescribed and not) IN PLAIN VIEW of my husband and step son.  

I'm turning 28 in 4 days...and hope to be celebrating it sober...maybe I'll feel like ****...but that's my goal.  

[Hydrobgone]

Hi SaS and the rest,

I tried to post yesterday and my computer hung, so I'll post that and then an update.

Hi SaS,

I just took a nap for about three hours, and that helped some. Today is okay. I'm not sick sick, I just feel a bit uncomfortable. I'm pretty sweaty now, but it's Texas in August, so that could have nothing to do with withdrawal.

I am pretty scared about what's going to happen on Monday, when I'm down to one pill to split into two. I HATE spider legs, but unless I get them, I'm not going to pick up my refill. If I must, I'll back up to whatever the dose last I had that didn't give me spider legs, and then give the rest to my hippie neighbor to give me occasionally. She's got twin two-year-olds, and I'd rather die than contact her at an inappropriate time. Definitely can't keep them in the house--I know that.

It's interesting--I'm just like you. I just like them. I don't know anyone else on them. I've never been able to drink. It either makes me fall asleep or makes me puke, so I've never understood the concept of relaxing with a glass of wine until I had my hydros. It made life a lot easier and it cured my back pain. Then my marriage fell apart (unrelated to my pill use), and it helped a lot with the stress. But we've separated, and are working on it, and I've had shots in my back to help with the pain, so it's time to get these damn things off my back.

Today is 1.5 pills, have half a one (10/375) for tonight. I'm hanging in there.

~HbG

[ImDONENoMore]

Haha - that was good!!  Thanks jeannine

[jeannine1976]

Wait for it...

...

......

.........

"Where's my tractor?"



I told you it was bad.

[ImDONENoMore]

Welcome back stuck - I do remember you and I'm really glad you found your way back.

[jeannine1976]

Twilight. I cracked up when they gave that guy blood in a to-go mug.

OK.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

[kyle505]

Whatever inspires you, hang on to it. My daughters love the Twilight flicks. And I know that because we talk now, hang out, and enjoy each other's company. My inspiration.

[StuckANDscared]

Im married to a farm boy...would love to hear the tractor jome.  

I always watch movies during this time...even if i cant sit still n watch...its something to listen to.  Plus...(my hubby hates it) when i sleep w the tv on...the audio causes me to dream that im in the movie...pretty cool.  

Plan on hittin the hotub again soon.  Had to take 3it scalding epsom bathswhile hubby was gone helping a friend build something.  

He saw me detox once from a 30-50/day 10mg hydro habit...that was ugly.  He wasnt too supportive then...he giggled everytkme i staryed drawing a bath...i just want to do this to be over with this ****!!!

I want to "never have to be this again"... quote from twilight moviies...i know...u can laugh...they r very entertaining movies...lol...

[kyle505]

If you're even thinking about making a call, then your head is winning the battle. The calls you should be making are those informing the individuals that I listed above that you're an addict, etc. If you don't - if you keep your secret and don't cut your sources - then you will relapse. And the pattern will continue for years. Again, I failed for 15 years, but that doesn't mean that you have to. I tried to tell you about all that I missed and will never, ever get back. Why not learn from mistakes made?
When I was in the middle of detox hell, and believe me, mine was hell, I kept saying "minute by minute, hour by hour, what ever it takes to get me through". You posted this thread 7 hours ago! 7 hours! Why not hang in and keep us updated? I'm running around the house today (honey do list) but I promise I will keep checking back with you, as will others here.

[jeannine1976]

Don't you dare.

Can you hop back in the hot tub for a bit? Watch a movie? Something, anything to take your mind of the w/d's?

Keep posting if it helps. We'll entertain you. I have a really bad joke about a tractor...

[StuckANDscared]

Thanks for the inspiration kyle.  Ive missed so much w fam too bc i CHOSE to go drive wherever to get some.  

Yes, im talking the clonidine as prescribed...not exceeding the daily max.  

Its getting real bad...cant sit still...im this close to making a call...im trying to b strong.....

[sandstone27]

You mentioned that every time you take the clonidine you can sleep for an hour or so.  How often are you taking it? I hope you're only taking it as prescribed - it can drop your blood pressure too low if you're taking more than advised by your doctor.  

Good luck with your detox, and make sure you're keeping the fluid intake up, esp. if you're spending alot of time in the hottub.  

[kyle505]

I'm EXACTLY like you. I have a great life; great wife, kids, house, job, friends. I can got anywhere in the world on vacation; have a car, motorcycle, lots of Apple products. And, like you, I love the feeling that pills give me. I too didn't take more if I was stressed, had a bad day, etc. I just took them.
Then one day I turned around (insert Days Of Our Lives music) and realized that my children were young adults - 23, 19, 17.  During the 15 years that I'd used I had missed most of their growing up. I'd missed school functions, birthday parties, hanging out, even a graduation - all because I was either getting pills or was withdrawing because I didn't have any or didn't want to do something because I liked to sit and feel the warm and fuzzes of that first rush. I realized that I had lied to almost everyone I knew; took pills from almost everyone I knew, even my mother as she was dying of cancer. I had a couple of operations that I DIDN'T need because I wanted the pills to keep flowing. That's the short version....I got to the point, after 15 long years, where I could not look at myself in the mirror. I stopped; I called my doc, dentist, pharmacy - told them that I am and addict and should be red flagged as such. I told my family, my friends, that I am an addict and would need their help in the future. I cut all sources, got out from behind my secret, and then found after care.
Detox can be hell, but it only lasts for a couple of days. Using is a living hell that, for some of us, can go on for years. To me, the choice is simple.

[StuckANDscared]

4.5 hours to go until Ive been off them ffor 24 hours.  Im still scared, weak, sneezing, but really think the clonidine is helping immensely.  2 hot tub soaks.  I feel ok...everytime i take 2the clonidine, i at least can sleep for an.hour or so...which is great.  Lets hope i am making a much bigger deal about this than it will really be.  MOM, please help me out here...I really want this...need some encouagement from my medhelp folks...hows everyone doin.  

Ps:Happy figured out how to do this on my phone...pretty easy!  And i can go on anytime...good news...

[StuckANDscared]

Thanks  so much guys.  Dominosarah - the thing that keeps driving me back is the feeling and the enrgy.  I have a great husband, we make great money, great house, great in laws, great family...the only things I've been dealing with for 2 years is the passing of my Mother...but as sad as it makes me, I've made my Peace.  She was very ill and suffered ALOT. I simply like the pills...I like the euphoria, I like the energy, I like how they kill my legitimate back pain...I just like them.  I'm not surrounded by people who do them, they're not pushed on me.  I just simple love them.  I don't take more in time of stress...they just make doing my day to day activities better...I feel  better...but I know that's all a muse

I don't even remember what I really felt like off them...that was almost 10 yearts ago...and I'm only 27.  

Hydrobgone - thanks for the support.  If you feel comfortable, I can send you my phone # in a personal message.  I really need someone (as I'm sure you may) to talk with back and forth occasioanlly.  

Congrats on your detox, I am very manic right now...I'm fine one moment, nervous and terrified the next.  I just keep telling myself, "by Tues/Wed" hopefully I'll be through the worst of it.  

We can do this.  

[Hydrobgone]

Hi there,

I haven't posted here before, but I saw your post and thought I'd respond. I'm detoxing from hydro at the moment. I somehow, stupidly, stupidly took too many of my pills and my prescription won't be ready until Monday or Tuesday. I have three 10/375s left.

I'd been meaning to taper off and quit anyway, and had tapered, and gone back up, and tapered, and gone back up, but since I screwed the management up so badly this time, it strikes me that this would be a pretty good time to do it, to quit completely, since obviously the tapering is not within my power. I work from home and can avoid work for the next three days. I've been ramping back more quickly than is completely easy, but I haven't yet hit the withdrawal symptom that I hate the most--restless legs. I call them spider legs. Can't tell yourself you're not an addict when your legs are moving all around painfully. Lord!

Anyway, I just got out of the tub, which reminds me of your hot tub.

I'm typically up late. We can chat if you like.

I've found that watching Nurse Jackie and House MD episodes helps a lot, especially the ones where he does crazy sh** to get drugs. Helps me see that I haven't crossed over any illegal lines yet (my script is for chronic back pain, although I shouldn't need as much now, because I had steroid shots in my back--I just like them, and they relieve my stress, which is not a good thing), and helps me see how incredibly easy that would be to do.

~Hydrobgone

[dominosarah]

What is really driving you back to the pills all the time?  You gotta change your playmates and playground here.