Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
I'm done!!!
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I'm done!!!

I'm so sorry to my family and friends but I can't take this anymore I'm going to just end this because I can't keep going like this .with draw is to much and staying ****** up is not where I want to be and things are out of control..
63 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_m_tn
Take a deep breath and post more information about what you are experiencing.
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4341997_tn?1380655144
give us some more info on what you're taking and what's going on....i promise it gets better....just let us help you.  
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't know what to do I'm falling apart.. And the worst part I don't have anyone to talk to and I don't even know how to work this site... I'm sitting here with my shot gun and a picture of my son's and twice have almost done it but I don't want my wife to have to find me or this mess. I wish I was not so sick and was back to the way I use to be.
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917815_tn?1377501854
Hey, u can't give up now. That would be so selfish of you. Think of your wife and kid and family and friends...can you grab your wife and talk to her?

If not call this number - 1 (800) 273-8255. It's a place where they can help you right now.

I'm here if you need to talk - just put the gun away.
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52704_tn?1387024397
i hope you don't do that.  it really does get better on the other side of active addiction.  in fact, most people find in sustained recovery a life that is better that anything they had before . . . even better than anything they thought was possible.  

i know lots of people like that and i'm one of them.  every single one seriously considered (and came very close or attempted) suicide.  i know that for the longest time in my addiction, suicide seemed like the only way out . . . somehow it seemed like the only rational choice.  once i came as close as possible to letting four weapons-drawn members of the metro drug unit do it for me.

find some help.  there's more help out there than we realize when we're in active addiction. just google  for your area.  find an NA or AA meeting and go TODAY
http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/
http://www.aa.org/lang/en/subpage.cfm?page=28

whatever you do, don't give up on yourself just yet.  when we arrive at the point where you are now, we're finally ready to start getting better.

come get better with us.

CATUF
2797
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Avatar_f_tn
I agree with Catuf......it's your time and you're ready for help!  Keep talking and you'll be amazed at the help you can get here.  Don't give up on yourself and your family.  Tell us your story......

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Avatar_f_tn
Why????? Why??????? How did this happen???? Where did it all go wrong??????? I don't understand I'm such a good guy and had everything going for me but now it's all falling apart:-( if I stop now how long will I be sick??? And after I'm done being sick will I want more? I'm such a bad person for letting myself get here. And the worst part I have no one to talk to about this because everyone in my life is a good person and does not get fd up and does not understand where I am.
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917815_tn?1377501854
What you're feeling, I've felt and many others too. Where did info wrong? How did I let myself get here? Why did I allow this to happen? Etc etc etc

I've been there and I am now 111 days clean. I never thought I would make it but I'm making it. As catuf said, you can get help thorough NA and other support systems.

What are you taking? What drugs, how much and for how long? Let us know some more so we can help.
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Avatar_f_tn
Ok I'm 35... 10 years ago my l4 l5 & s1 got real bad and the doc started giving me pills and I took them like I should then not soon after I need to take me to deal with the pain and the more I took the better I felt not only with my pain but the high was great!!!! Then two years ago I had 5 back sugary's and with taking all the pain med's scor so long I tryed to stop and got very sick and could not sleep walk eat talk nothing I was or felt like I was dead or going going to. And I keep taking the pills and now it is soooooooo bad and I'm so done I really want to stop I'm ready I'm my mind heart sole and body. But I can't deal with the with draw its real bad because I take so much and I'm so sceared to go through that. And I have let everyone down in my life and I'm not sure if they can ever forgive me. And if I don't take pills I can't start my day or even take a shower it's real bad.. Lol but what is screwed up is I really want to stop I don't even like it anymore but I have to have them to just function... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ME:-(
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm taking perk 30's and 15.and to be straight with all of u I'm taking anywhere from 8-10 30's a day.
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4522800_tn?1405696702
PLEASE PLEASE Give it to a HIGHER POWER ANYTHING OTHER THEN YOURSELF. I agree with them above. I wish I would of a long long time ago. Trust me I am only 5 months into a long ride of addiction. I have found a NEW WORLD and a NEW WAY OF LIVING. You can find the4 help you need professionally or at the NA/AA meetings. You find people due care and that some our early in recovery and feel like you others have lots of years and have been there. Going threw the withdraws our shot compared to the long use. We all have different experiences but are the same in a lot aways. EVERYONE will tell you IT DOES GET BETTER just hang in. I can tell you many ways that helped me and I am very strong not to do this again. I do not have a choice at 56 Keep in touch with us here .
I will pray for you. You are a great person Its the drug mind talking . when you get clearheaded you will see. Watch some videos on the disease of addiction, Search and you will find out that the pleasure brain takes over and that is why we get Out of Control. HANG IN
vvicidaho
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917815_tn?1377501854
Your story sounds like many of our stories - we start taking them for legitimate reasons and then it spirals out of control.

Towards the end of my pain pill consumption, I was taking about 200Mg Percs per day. You are about 240-300. I've seen a lot of other folks with a lot more and they were able to quit. So, it's not going to be easy but YOU CAN get your life back. It IS possible - it seems like you are "sick and tired of being sick and tired" so decide a quit date and quit. Tell your docs, your family and go to NA. That's what I did and I'm 111 days clean today.

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1508698_tn?1360219310
Withdrawals are very hard but you should get to feeling better soon. If the withdrawals are too hard then go into a detox clinic. I went & it helped so much. You will get better.
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Avatar_f_tn
Can you call your doctor today and tell him everything you told us to get some help. You can take a drug that helps with the withdrawls and also helps to not take any other opiates. That would be a start to stopping the pills and then also see what he can do to help with your depressions and anxiety don't be ashamed to tell the doctor he will help and you sound like a great person that just needs a little support! Please please don't give up!
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4341997_tn?1380655144
we want to help you!  just please make that call to the help line....you will be surprised at how much help you can get out there.....you can also call the NA 800 number as well....if you want to talk to person versus here....just please please take that first step.....we have all done it and are here as proof.....it's hard, i know as know one knew of my addiction as well....and the WDs can be lessened with otc meds...we can help you with that as well....the hardest part is reaching out that first time.....you can do it....just remember, you are not alone, we have ALL been right where you are...the WDs will be over in a few days and you can concentrate on taking your life back....just get help! it can be done!  
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52704_tn?1387024397
when i was near the end i kept looking up to a cool neon coke clock that i had bought on e-bay in one of my many hydro-fueled late nights (back when the drugs still worked).  i'd look at that clock and say out loud "HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?????"

and i had no idea.  somehow i had gone from a respected professional, father of four, etc., to a hopeless drug addict.  everything was so out of control and there was just no way to fix it . . . or none that i could see.

keep talking here and find help where you are.  what's the closest city to you?

CATUF
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2065212_tn?1334588506
I haven't read all the comments, but....I just have to say.....

THIS IS ONLY THE SMALLEST BUMP IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!  A FEW days of feeling like crap and then it's all uphill!  Don't give up!!   I've been almost right where you are......then I remembered how much I"m loved and how much, more importantinly, I LOVE those around me.  I couldn't imagine not being around the ones that make my life so beautiful.  Look back at those kids that are going to grow up and need you more than you can ever know.  

The fact you came here....means there's hope.  Hold on to it...stay on this board as much as you can or want.  See a doctor or therapist (which is ALOT less money overall than ANY drug habit), and maybe rely on one or two close people in your life so you have physical suppot.

You are amazing and the world, your family, friends and everyone here, but mostly YOU...deserves the amazing person that you are!!!

You are in my thoughts, heart, and prayers!
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3688816_tn?1358478897
Hi and welcome!!! I kno EXACTLY how u feel!!! I'm 27 wife and mother of two I started taking pills for legit reasons after 3 years on the pills a "friend" introduced me to heroin I tried it and couldn't get away from it. Everyone and I mean everyone of my family and break friends knew nothing abt this but then it started to show. My appearance changed so much I weighed 90 pounds and was spending 1000 dollars ever two weeks sometimes more on this. It got so bad I was stealing from my family to get high then after about 5 months on heroin it wasn't about the high anymore it was about not being sick! My husband is such a WONDERFUL man. I couldn't ever tell him what was going on even tho I wntd to quit more than anything I was scared to ask for help. One day he found out and I told him everything and let me tell u, tht was  SOO SOOOO freeing. Bc I was using sooo much I couldn't go ct it was just too hard so I chose suboxone and it saved my life. ( I'm not saying to go on suboxone) but there are options to help u with WD weather it b the Thomas recipe or suboxine or methadone U HAVE OPTIONS TO GET UR LIFE BACK!!!!!!  Please DONT GIVE UP!!!!!  We are all here for YOU!! I feel like everyone here is family thts how great everyone is. Please put the gun away and chose to change ur life. Start by saying to urself or out loud I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL GET MY LIFE BACK!!!!! I found if I'm positive it makes it sooo much better.. if u was u can message me and I will help u!!! We all will. Oh Btw I'm 180 days clean. I didn't think in a million years I'd b saying tht!!!! It is possible =]
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Avatar_m_tn
Hi and let me tell you everyday will get better Iam on day 7 and I fell better then ever. It's all due to this site everyone on here can and will help just keep posting letting everyone know how you are and put the gun away it will get better. You do have some one to talk to we are all listening we are here for you.
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4804873_tn?1360166137
Please hang in there! You are not alone-as you can see!!!! Keep coming here to read if you cannot post it helps ! Your wife and especially your children need you!  I know how you feel, But as everyone had said you can get through this! And when your ok back you will be so grateful you stuck around! Please keep posting and let everyone here help you!
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495284_tn?1333897642
Please come back and talk to us.  This is your safe place.  We know how you feel as we have been there.  Let us help you~
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Avatar_f_tn
Please let us know your ok
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2107676_tn?1388977459
Please talk to us and know this is not your fault.  These pills are HIGHLY addictive and many people from all walks of life have fallen into their trap.  Yes, they ruin our lives but we can climb back out of the deep dark hole they put us in.  They make us feel so depressed and like there is no hope but there is hope.  There is always hope.  Please, please talk to us and let us know what you are feeling.  We can help because we have been there too and we care very much about you.
Hugs
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Avatar_f_tn
I hope you are still reading these posts of support. I know the feeling well and it was always when I was in the depths of using, not my real self buried in there. Maybe we feel cruddy when we first stop, but it does lessen each day. I like the flu comparison. The thought of my kids and husband being without me was too much. And no matter how terrible things are or seem now, that means they can improve, even in small ways. Remember, you never have to decide anything NOW. You've reached out here for help, please take it. And reach out to whomever you can in your life or town. Please check in...
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470217_tn?1360568961
It seems like you are in a hole and can't get out, but it's an illusion. You think you are bad and you have let down the "good" people and that is also untrue-an illusion. You can't see it right now but if you get help and get through this, you will see and your life will be much different. You may even find there was a reason for this road you went down, and be grateful for it. But back to right now...

You say the worst part is that you have no one to talk to. You have the power to change that. You can come here where people understand, and you can go to anonymous meetings in your area (NA or an open minded AA group). You may feel so much better when you meet "good" people who went down the same road you have, and things won't seem so bleak.  

Another path to quick relief is seeing a doctor and telling them where you're at. They have to keep it confidential, and can help you come up with a plan to quit that is do-able. There are things that can help.

Whatever you do, don't give up! You are in crisis, but lots of good can come of being at this point...UNLESS you give up. Please don't do that. You ARE a good person, you are just addicted and need to get free. You will, but you need to take steps that are new.

Hang in there!!!

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2107676_tn?1388977459
Hey, we are all still thinking about you.  Please post and let us know how you are doing.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hey there - don't give up - I had a 40 pill a day habit and now have 2 months clean and feeling pretty good.  Noone around me knew and my life spiraled out of control.  There are SO many options out there to help both the body and mind get through this.  PLEASE let us know how you are doing; we are all praying for you.
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4597556_tn?1383308643
IVE BEEN EXACTLY WHERE YOUR AT ,IF I DIDNT HAVE MY NORCOS I COULDNT DO A DAM THING, I WAS DRIVEING AUTO PARTS TRUCK. IF I DIDNT HAVE MY PILLS, I WOULD FORGET WHERE THE HELL I WAS, IVE RUN TO HOSPITALS WHILE I WAS WORKING TO TRY TO SCORE SO I COULD WORK, I KNOW HOW BAD THE PILLS GET. THE SEARCHING FOR THEM WAS REAL WORK. AND ADDICTED SINCE 1998 BEACAUSE OF A SERGURY I NEVER GOT,AND I KNOW YOU DONT FEEL RIGHT WITHOUT THEM, YOU HAVE TO HAVE THEM TO FEEL NORMAL. ITS NOT A HIGH AT THAT POINT, EVERY ONE HAS THOUGHT OF THROWING THE TOWEL IN , BUT THATS SELFISH, PLUS I DONT KNOW IF YOUR CHRISTIAN BUT TAKEING YOUR LIFE YOU DONT GO TO HEAVEN, I DONT THINK YOU WANT THAT OR EITHER DOES YOUR FAMILY RIGHT. TAKE IT FROM A 60 YEAR OLD FOOL. GOD BE WITH YOU,AS HE IS. YOUR CRY FOR HELP HAS BEEN HEARD NOW GO DO SOMETHING GOOD WITH IT. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. PS IM WITHDRAWLING BAD MYSELF FROM METHADONE AND ITS GONNA BE A LONG ROCKY ROAD BUT IF I GO , IT NOT FROM ME DOING SO I WANT TO LIVE . GOD BE WITH YOU. JOHN
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Avatar_m_tn
It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life,,,,but I GOT THROUGH IT AND YOU CAN TOO. You have to understand that blaming yourself will not help you feel better. Everyone here has been in your position and we have all found that there is a light at the end of the tunnel I PROMISE!!!!
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480448_tn?1403547723
Please at least post and let us know you're okay.  There's nothing worse than reading a post like this, and not knowing what happened.  I sincerely hope you're getting help somewhere.  Suicide is never the answer.  PLEASE reach out for help.  You can and WILL get through this...so many other people have.

Please update us...everyone here cares, and is worried.

Prayers for you!!!
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4341997_tn?1380655144
yes please post and let us hear from you!  we are all worried and want to help you!  
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4823849_tn?1373661429
I wish you'd respond 15mg... If you went back to using because it was too much, please don't be ashamed. All anyone cares about is that you are still here.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Man up bro. Ik what you going through, but your a man with a family. Killing yourself hurts a lot of people while your getting the easy way out. Life's hard. It is. But life beats death. You can do it. In your case dont stop, use untill you can go to rehab, where they can get you meds to help. Please respond. People do care.
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495284_tn?1333897642
Please let us know what is going on~
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3688816_tn?1358478897
Please PLEASE PLEASE JUST RESPOND AND LET US KNO UR OK!!!!!! WE ARE ALL HERE FOR U!
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4628837_tn?1364561515
Yes please let us know your ok, Ive been thru it twice! 260mgs the first time, 85 the second and now Im weaning from 45, down to 11mg's. First time weaing, the other two, coldturkey. It dont feel good, I felt all your emotions, it took me 3 weeks to stop withdrawals. But after that, I got better and better every day. If you have to work, take time off and go to a detox. Once it's over, it's done with, whether you do suicide or detox. BUT, when you do detox, your life is back!!!!!!! Just let us know your here, PLEASE!!!
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4610518_tn?1361079348
Praying your okay... Were all here to support you and listen. I suffer bad back pain and the pain that you endure wigh withdrawls ***** but it does pass. I actually feel really good now. Its so worth doing it!!! It hurts like hell but keep your wife, son and the life you had before in mind. That was my whole focus and it helped me push through. You can do this. I sure hope your okay!!! God bless
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Avatar_m_tn
I'm right there with you...I went from 10 a day, and now my friend has been "dosing" me...I was cut to 4 a day for 3 days...then 3 a day for a week....now I'm down to 2 a day!!! I'm not liking it..I have no energy, BUT I'm not suffering the excruciating withdrawl (withdrawal) monster that I endured when I have tried quitting cold turkey. It does hurt so bad..I went DAYS with flu symtoms (symptoms) and suisidal feelings, ect. THE SAD thing is here, is that If I woulda just held on a little longer I woulda been through the worst of it. but I'm gunna do it this time...YOU CAN TOO!!!!
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4626633_tn?1382600722
Yes, please post! There are so many people that care. I agree with the above poster, if you have gone back to using, don't be embarrassed, just talk with us!
For some, quitting at home just doesn't work. But you can go to rehab, where you are taken care of physically and then mentally. Rehab, not just detox.
Praying for you.
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Avatar_m_tn
dnt do it man god loves u and hes gna take u when its ur time not when u want u have a family be strong im on my second day of detox im hateing life i cant sleep my lrgs are real restless i was ready to go to the er to get more pills but my wife said i can do u dnt need the pills she told me im a way better perso when im not on pills so im gna try and stay strong and bye the WAY-ITS MY B-DAY TODAY DAMN THE BIG 41 GOD BLESS U 15MG IM PRAYING 4 U
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1801781_tn?1373244154
Hon this is the real deal.  There are 30 or more people waiting to help  and support you.  We are not just words on a screen..we are people who have walked the walk and will do whatever it takes to support.  Please come back so we can do just that.
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3955352_tn?1349100497
Yes please post ! I want to help also you are not alone...hang in there hun. This site saved me so give it a chance please
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4629338_tn?1357366785
Hey bud im praying for u. Put that gun away u c dan beat this n fix this u cant fix  dead!!! Holler back these ppl are great we'll b here to talk if u need
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1235186_tn?1339127464
THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE...... AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATH....
KEEP THE FAITH...........
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Avatar_f_tn
I am praying so hard for you right now. I know you don't know me. Im praying for God to hold you really tight. I know how you feel. I know the dark place you are in. Please let us know if you are OK. We are here for you. You can recover from this. I know you cant see that now. All you have to do is take a small step and post to let us know you are ok and we will carry you thru this. We will circle the wagons....we are waiting. (((((hugs)))))
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470217_tn?1360568961
I was so hoping to see an update. I keep thinking about you and hoping you're making a good choice. Like another said, whatever you had to do as far as quitting now or not, we just want to know you're alive.

Hoping you'll check in soon,we care!  Zoey
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4628837_tn?1364561515
Im praying and hoping your in detox and not what you said you were going to do, GODSPEED xoxo
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Avatar_f_tn
Don't give up man! I promise you I'm feeling the same way man it ***** soooo bad I'm on day 5 and it's getting better trust me man go to your local doctor and be COMPLETLY honest about everything they will help you just let them!
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Avatar_f_tn
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  I also thought of that after a lifetime of substance abuse, chemotherapy, and divorce. Maybe the only reason that didnt was the effect that my son did have on me. Unrequited love. Couldnt do that to him! And of course the promise of a new day ahead that may have blue sky with sun and perfect temps. But there arent many things that are perfect. So here I sit in Indiana with the thermometer at 9 degress........go figure.. And life is good today. So much better than relying on pills. Life can also be good again for you...............best of luck. Drop me a line if you feel like it.
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4204073_tn?1361835076
We have all been where you are at right now.   Like someone once told me, checking out is the easy way out, but hardest on everyone else.   When I heard that I realized it was a pretty selfish act to inflict that kind of pain on those I loved the most.   And having suffered through others doing such a thing, I could imagine how that would hurt my family and friends too.  Even though it seems like they wouldn't miss you, they would be better off without you, etc...those are all lies your depressed brain is telling you!   Whatever you have going on, it is very disturbing to me that you made this post and then disappeared.   I am hoping you made the right choice.  
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3688816_tn?1358478897
I have been thinking about u since I read this post please cone back and say something PLEASE!!!!!
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4628837_tn?1364561515
Gosh , were are you???? Please be ok, please.
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4522800_tn?1405696702
Were are you? You got alot of new friend on this site. You have support here I will Pray for you too!
vvicidaho
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Avatar_m_tn
If you kill yourself you will never be able to experience the great feelings of life again. And for some people, myself included, those great feelings included (hell, who am I kidding, they consisted primarily of) getting high. As bad as it sounds, that was really the only reason I never tried to kill myself during my tenure with heroin. I dont know, you will do what you will do, just remember you cant uncommit suicide. The withdrawals will be over in a week or so. You can go thru hell for that long.
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4407520_tn?1363015465
has anyone heard from 15mg, i hate seeing what this stuff does to ppl, ending it will hurt your family and friends alot more than being honest and getting help, please think of your family, im sure theyd rather help you than live without you, everyone please pray for 15 to get through this, and is their anyway to check on him?
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4407520_tn?1363015465
so sorry read so many replies thought was a guy, sorry 15 i hope you r ok!!!
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4522800_tn?1405696702
GOD BLESS YOU  Were are you this is the third time I am searching for you WE ALL care.
vvicidaho
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4610518_tn?1361079348
This is a bit scary, I come on here everyday since this post was made to see if there has been a responce. I sure hope you didnt decide to take the alternative route. the pain is awful but its not as pain as the pain you may leave your family in. praying for you!
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495284_tn?1333897642
Hopefully he is okay~
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2107198_tn?1336139706
What a scary thread.  I hope you are ok 15, you can get to the other side of this brother.

Bryan
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4628837_tn?1364561515
Im pray you are in detox or just cant get on cause your miserable. We've all been thru this horrific pain, a few times even, this is new to you, as the first time for me I thought I was already in hell. Hopefully your still with us and once you can get back on here you will let us know. xoxo
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4628837_tn?1364561515
Hope your still with us. xoxo
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4610518_tn?1361079348
Been wondering how you are.... Hope your still around...
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