Im finaly quitting the hydro's

[addictedphotographer]

Im done today. I have been taking hydro's for about 6 years now. I am up to taking 12-15 7.5 a day. Before I came to college it was easy to stay on them cause my grandma and grandpa and mom were all on them and they would help me out when I ran out. But now that im an hour away from them and my grandma passed away I am having a hard time keeping enough around to support my addiction. I have a wonderful girl now and a baby on the way (March 31st) and I am tired of hunting 20 days or more out of the month for a ******* pill. Its just not worth it anymore. I have to start saving money for the baby. My g/f went to the store to get me the thomas recipe. Im starting it soon as she gets back. I have went through about 4 days of W/D at the most but never more then that so im pretty sure i'll be chatting away here in about 4 days. I hope yall can help. I havnt taking any hydros at all today. I'm just achy at the moment but I know its coming.

[addictedphotographer]

thanks im heading to class now but i will try that when i get back! thanks

[IBKleen]

Hi hun.  Go to the bottom of this page. Hit the back to the forum button. When you get there you will see a blue button on the top left that says "Post a Question". Hit that, follow the instructions and start talking.

Hope to see you out there.

[addictedphotographer]

i dont know how to do that i didnt even know how to use a forum until now and im still learning. Thanks for responding! Im just really numb for the most part and i really need support. I just am so afriad i will become depressed again and i dont want that especially for the baby! I just want to know someone is listening and there if i need them! Thanks

[FLaddict]

I am here sweetie... I know we havent talked before but I just read through the post and I am sure it was not that anyone was ignoring you... I think since this thread was started a week or so ago it may have just gotten overlooked with all the new posts since then..

How are you doing now??  I can understand how you are feeling.. Next time if you need to talk to someone and it doesn't look like anyone has responded on this post.. just start a new post so that it for sure gets seen by everyone..

XOXO

[addictedphotographer]

i thought yall checked this everyday. I havent hear anything for a while and i just need some support i am starting to get depressed and because of classes and work i haven't been able to go see a counseler here at the school. I just need to know that some is still here for me. addicted photographers fiance

[addictedphotographer]

He is a little discouraged because the guy that was in there for the same thing quit. Plus I wasn't allowed in the meeting thats only for when he becomes a permanent resident so he was depressed about that. He is going through emotions like crazy and without being able to talk to me much or even see me it makes it hard he sways. I may or may not get to see him tuesday for my appt since that day is the day he moves to the permanent facility. They said that at the end of the 28 days if his depression is not better then he will stay there for the 90 days which will be Dec 20. Im doing ok at the moment. I went maternity clothes shopping and church today. I still plan on going to talk to a counseler this week to see if that helps. Thanks again for all your help!

[addictedphotographer]

Things are going ok right now. The emotional rollorcoaster seems to have taken a break for a few hours at least. I just talked to him and he is doing well. He says its amazing how clouded his mind was. He says its weird to have emotions all of a sudden. My whole family knows where he is and they all think he has balls for doing what he is doing for the betterment of our family and they all want him to get better. My mom and dad are already calling him son and we are not even married yet. Im going to go shopping today and then he has and AA meeting and I found out that I can attend and its at 8:00 so you know that I will be there supporting him and helping him in any way possible. Thanks again everyone for all your kind owrds and I will continue to post. I know not everyday will be as good as the moment is right now and Im going to find out where the counseler is here at school and see if that helps; Thanks again!

[findhappiness]

Sweetie...I wish I could give you a hug right now.  IBKleen is right about everything.  You need to take a couple of deep breaths when you start to panic.  One of the things that has helped me recently is a simple breathing exercise.  Slowly take a deep breath in through your nose and fill up your lungs.  Then Slowly exhale and count "1".  Continue slowly breathing and counting after each breath (2,3,4,etc.) until you count to 10.  I often find that I lose count  before I get to 10.  You really do need to keep yourself calm, at least for the baby's sake.  

As far as your classes go: you have baby brain!!!  Don't feel stupid.  Don't give up.  .  Your boyfriend is away right now.  You have time to get some help with your classes. I'm sure that someone who is doing well in your classes would be able to help tutor you.  I know you may not feel like facing anyone at school right now either, but you could just explain to them that you are pregnant,  one of your family members is very ill, and that you'd rather not discuss it right now.  That should explain your emotional state and no one would turn you down.  You might  discuss your situation with a counselor and they MAY be able to get you extra time on your tests or extend dates on some schoolwork.

I'm sorry you can't talk to your family.  I can't tell anyone either.  It is so hard having a newborn at home and not having the support of my family when I need it most.  This forum has been so helpful to both my husband and myself.  Keep posting here and you will get support.  You might also consider posting on the community forum.  I will look for you there,  too.

[IBKleen]

First of all: Take a deep breath! You are going a hundred miles a minute. You need to take care of YOU right now. You have a little life inside of you who is depending on you. You need to calm down.

Rahab is the best place for him right now. He will gain the tools he needs to find the source of the problem that fuels his addiction.They will set him up with an aftercare plan to help him stay clean. He cannot do that alone.

The best way you can help him is to help yourself. Find a support group as it was suggested. You are not alone. You have this forum and in the support group you will find people who are going thru the same thing you are.

Take care of yourself hun and keep posting.

Big hugs at ya............

[addictedphotographer]

thanks for your help first of all. I am having a particularly rough day right now. I am the only one not getting it in my classes. I feel like i have no idea what im doing. I jsut want ot quit and do something simple that I already know I can do. Im so frustrated because I have never not known what i was doing and i dont have a whole lot of people to talk to because everyone is so far away or they cant know all of this situation or whatever so they dont think Im realy going through muchy and they cant understand why things are so hard for me. I just recently went thorugh an divorce in addition to all of this and i feel like my emotions are on a rollar coaster and all i want to do is get off. i really need a hug right now but there isn't anyone who can give that to me. the tears jsut keep poring down my face and i cant stop them and i dont know if im overreacting because im pregnant or what. I  jsut want a hug and for someone to tell me everythings going to be ok and then they make it that way.  thanks again for your words of wisdom because this forum is the only thing keeping me from feeling truely alone right now. Thanks

[findhappiness]

I'm findhappiness' wife.  First of all- Happy Birthday!!!  I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.  My husband and I just had a baby boy; he is just over 18 weeks old.  My hubby just told me 3 weeks ago that he had been taking hydro and oxy for the past two years.  He has now been clean for 17 days, and he's feeling so much better (so am I).  One of the really hard things for me were all of the lies!!!  I did not know that he was taking them...I did know that was something wrong, he just didn't seem to be the same person I married.  I'm sure you understand what a toll this addiction can take on a person.  You have been going through this with your boyfriend, too.  I understand that you feel overwhelmed...that you need to be taking care of him on TOP of everything else you are going through.  Being pregnant is a very special time in your life and I know it is hard living without him right now.  This time will pass and he will be home before you know it...when you will REALLY need him.  The best thing you can do to help him is to take care of yourself and your baby.  Don't let fear and depression take hold of you...go speak to a school counselor if you need someone to talk to in person.  I will look for your posts on here.  What you and your boyfriend are going through is very tough stuff, but he is doing everything in his power to make things better for you and your precious little one.  Please take care of yourself...and don't worry about the house right now.  He can help you with that when he gets home.  He'll need something to keep busy with until the baby comes!!!

[addictedphotographer]

   Thanks for all of your advice. I looks like he will be able to drop out of school to go to rehab and be able to come back in the spring. AFter the first 30 days in rehab He will be allowed to come out on weekends and they said since I am pregnant he will be allowed to escort me to all of my appt so he wont be missing out  on things with the baby. He says he has not felt this good in over 7 years. Im still scared. I knmow no matter what he is going and I will do whatever it takes to make sure of it no matter how much I end up crying in the end. I wont pick him up from the facility to leave until they say so. I just still feel scared of being alone and because I have no choice but to continue working and going to school the chance of me attending any meetings or AA is slim to none. I will still see if I can find out when they are for the rare occasion in which Im of and have no homework nad cant visit him.  I still feel guilty i found out he burst into tears after I told him how i was feeling and he got off the phone with me so I really did make things worse for him and for that I am truely sorry. I dont want to make things harder on him because they're hard on me. I just miss him so much already, I dont know what to do with myself to occupy my time when im not working or in school. My room is a disaster zone and I have absloutely no motivation to do anything about anything. my birthday is tomorrow and i just wish more than anything i could see him but i know that wont happen. I wont get to even see him until next tuesday and thats just because i have an appt the next wont be until the next weekend for about an hour or so depending on how much time he has earned and if he is making progress otherwise i wont see him at all. If this is so right and so improtant to continue our lives for the better why do I feel so selfish and guilty and affraid it will all fall apart. I was married to someone else before who was into drugs and it tore us up in the end. I dodnt want to lose what I have with him and I dont want to do anything to mess it up. What can I do to help him other that to make sure he stays in rehab because that is set into stone no matter how much it hurts. I want to know what else I can do to support him to the fullest of my potential? Please help!

[addictedphotographer]

bump

[addictedphotographer]

Thanks for all of your advice. I looks like he will be able to drop out of school to go to rehab and be able to come back in the spring. AFter the first 30 days in rehab He will be allowed to come out on weekends and they said since I am pregnant he will be allowed to escort me to all of my appt so he wont be missing out  on things with the baby. He says he has not felt this good in over 7 years. Im still scared. I knmow no matter what he is going and I will do whatever it takes to make sure of it no matter how much I end up crying in the end. I wont pick him up from the facility to leave until they say so. I just still feel scared of being alone and because I have no choice but to continue working and going to school the chance of me attending any meetings or AA is slim to none. I will still see if I can find out when they are for the rare occasion in which Im of and have no homework nad cant visit him.  I still feel guilty i found out he burst into tears after I told him how i was feeling and he got off the phone with me so I really did make things worse for him and for that I am truely sorry. I dont want to make things harder on him because they're hard on me. I just miss him so much already, I dont know what to do with myself to occupy my time when im not working or in school. My room is a disaster zone and I have absloutely no motivation to do anything about anything. my birthday is tomorrow and i just wish more than anything i could see him but i know that wont happen. I wont get to even see him until next tuesday and thats just because i have an appt the next wont be until the next weekend for about an hour or so depending on how much time he has earned and if he is making progress otherwise i wont see him at all. If this is so right and so improtant to continue our lives for the better why do I feel so selfish and guilty and affraid it will all fall apart. I was married to someone else before who was into drugs and it tore us up in the end. I dodnt want to lose what I have with him and I dont want to do anything to mess it up. What can I do to help him other that to make sure he stays in rehab because that is set into stone no matter how much it hurts. I want to know what else I can do to support him to the fullest of my potential? Please help!

[findhappiness]

Hey! I am (was) an addicted photographer also. Like you I got up to 12 a day!!!!!!!!!!!!

[marcatj]

Don't feel guilty about your feelings... you are 100% entitled to them.

As for the hydro's, I would guess you can OD.  Which is moot, isn't it?  If he's getting clean?

You have new friends here, you are not alone.  I think the Al Anon meetings are a GREAT idea as you will be in a room too, full of people going through very similar stuff that you are.

If you want to think of it another way, think of it as being selfish for YOU.  So YOU can have a better life.  Not a better couple months, or probably only days actually 'cause he'll be back on the drugs.

And if you can't do it for that and every other reason he HAS to go, do it for your child.  Your child does not deserve to come into this world as a child of an addict, if you have a choice in the matter.  Do it for your kid, if nothing else....

[3 1/2 yrs sober]

I don't honestly know.  All I have is my own experience.  I started out on hydro and then I found oxy's, and the oxy's is what I odd on!  My fear for him is that he too might try oxy;'s and be in the same shape that I was in!

[addictedphotographer]

He said you cant over does on hydrocodones that its impossible is that not true?

[3 1/2 yrs sober]

YOu have to let him go!  You should try to find an Al-Anon meeting or another meeting for families of addicts or alcoholics!  It would benifit you so much.  Also stay on here and keep talking to people because everyone can help!  I would try to look at it like this, if you let him go right now for a short time, he will come back and be so much better for you and the baby.  If he doesn't go and starts using again, it could kill him and then you would be without him forever!  I don;t mean to scare you but addiction is a very real and scary thing, and it will/can kill you.  I know, I almost killed myself one night by accident!  

[addictedphotographer]

I told him some of what your comments were but he realized that i was leaving things out. I told him that i asked for some help for myself and he asked me to tell him what for because he thought there whs something wrong between us. I started crying and I read all of your comments to him since hes ben there. He told me hes doing this for me and the baby and as long as he can get out of school without it being too much of a problem then he needs to go to this program and I want him to. I also told him how scared I was and how i am afriad of going back to being depressed while hes away. I am still crying and now I feel really guilty because on top of everything else he is trying to do for me hes worrying about me on top of that and Im to blame. I feel guilty for adding to his pain and suffering because Im scared. I want to do whats right thats why i didn't want to tell him but now he knows and now its just going to make things worse for him and its all my fault because I cant handle being alone. Guilty

[3 1/2 yrs sober]

Please trust me on this one!  I know from 1st hand experience, LET HIM GO!  You will thank me someday for this advice if you follow it!

[Overit1076]

I know it must suck to go through this alone, But, think about it.  If he gets better now, you will have 100% of him focused on you.  Right now, he's mind is focused on the negative.  Let him get better, so he can be there for you fully.  YOu'll appreciate it and see a difference in the end.  

You don't want someone who's mind is clouded and who has poor judgement around you and your baby.  I know, cuz i use to be so much worse than I am now.  I know what's it's like to have your head in the clouds and not dealing with reality.  Relax, go to support groups for yourself while he's away.  It'll work out for the best, i promise you, you'll be alright.

[addictedphotographer]

Heres the thing we're both in college and I dont really know anyone here.MY family is over an hour away and there truck drivers so their very rarely home. His family is also an hour away. So I guess thats the reason I am so scared of him going is because I will truely be alone. I know its whats best for him and I can already tell from talking to him about the program in the first place that he wants to go. Im just scared because there is no one to take care of me and I suck at finances and taking care of myself because I haven't ever really done it. I had the military  or a guy or my family always do it. I dont really know how to take care of myself and now with this baby on the way it scares  me more. Plus I dont want him to miss out on things with the baby like its first kicks and what the sex actually is and all the things like that. He wasn't supposed to be able to have kids so this might be the only time he can ever feel the kicks and htings like that. There might not be another opportunity. Plus again Im just scared of being alone! What can I do to fix that. I tried making friends last night plus whenever hes in class and I just dont have very much luck and then everyone leaves during the weekends and goes home so I would be stuck here by meyself anyway. Im just really scared. I want him better and I want whats best for him but I amm SOOOOO AFRAID of being alone.

[marcatj]

hi.... i think if you can have patience, he should go.

ultimately, that IS what's best for you and your baby.  your baby's father having a better chance at staying drug free.  a short period of time - al biet hard - is worth a very long time of happiness.  of which your odds are greater the longer he spends on getting clean.

i think you know this answer though, already.

i would suggest leaning on others in your life for support now, and knowing that him going is the best shot for all 3 of you at long term happiness...  and before you know it, he'll be home.  3 months is a drop in the bucket and will be over quickly.

(btw - i'm afraid i will be logging off shortly because of my back, but i will be back on tomorrow...)

hold strong tho... in your heart of hearts, you KNOW this is, again, the best shot at long term happiness for all of you.  which is a heck of alot better than a coupla months... dontcha think?

you know what to do....

take good care,
mj