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Avatar universal

Im new to this, scared and alone, yet determined

Hello,
Im 23 years old and my DOC is percocet, vicodin and tussionex.  I never thought id see the day where I would be on a forum such as this for I always thought "im not that person who can become addicted." A couple of years ago, a dr kept prescribing me a cough syrub w hydrocodone and after taking it i felt INCREDIBLE and invincible but thats not where the addiction came into play. Although I would love the syrup, i could stay off of it for months and be fine. It all went down hill when I had dental work done for abt 6mo and with weekly appt's the dentist would continue to prescribe me percocets, vicodin at all diff strengths.  I loved the way it made me feel...I didnt have to deal w sadness, depression, and my divorce. I didnt think I had a problem bc shes a dr and she was prescribing them to me so it was perfectly fine and legal. It started getting serious when I would start lying to her to get more, and when the dental work was over, i would go to different hospitals and say my back hurt until they started questioning why I was going to so many different hospitals. So to escape that embarrasment I found a dr who just gave you whatever you wanted but although I found an easy escape, THIS WASNT MY LIFE. Ive tried to quit before but the pain of dealing w real emotions overwhelmed me to the point where I would relapse but this isn't me and I want my life back.  This is such a terrible struggle for me bc in "my family" to be addicted to drugs is not acceptable. Im so ashamed that I just feel like the black sheep, mind you, im the baby of 5.  Im at the point that I want to live my life. I was happy before the drugs, I know that it is the enemy trying to tell me I wont make it because I know I will. I have a little boy that needs his mother and Im ready to give it to him. If anyone can tell me how they did it CT and just offer words of wisdom and encouragement that would be really helpful. I just want my life back drug free!! thank you
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Avatar universal
hey , just want you to no , my husbaand introduced me to the doctor shopping , addictieve world of opiates...I feaked outthe first day , I could not function when I ran out of them, I didnt know what was happening to my body, why did my body need them to fuction prior before meeting my husband I was fine without them....sound familiar, well..last year i left the house and he was all high in percocet, vicodin , soma, (hed been doing it for along time to due to epilepsy) and I was mad at him cuz he relapsed and we were tryng to stay clean....I left and spent the night at a freiends and he said the most horrible drug induced words to me and I told him it doesnt matter justing you will be dead by morning anyway... Your screwed up and I want a divorce and hu on him... Next day went back and he was dead on the couch....29 years of age ..dead from this ****!!!!My story is not to scare you , its to tell you this is no joke..you need to get help NOW!  I went into rehab the next day, they detoxed me ...and did an outpatient detox with subutex ive never felt better , you dont feel like you want to use. It literally tricks your brain into thinking you took an opiate but u didnt...Im sure youve heard of it...You need to get into a hospital for opiate withdrawl and see a doctor who prescribes subutex, I believe my husband would be alive today if he did that instead of relapsing....another thing is when your body goes without the opiate for awhile then you start your addiction back up it can put a shock wave into your body and you can die from that alone. There was a story a heard threw pa.....this gal was 10 years sober off of percocet , mind you i msure she did every other opiate that would help make her function, but when you an addict you dont care so you'll take anything to stop withdrawl..anyway she was sober for 10 years and thought she would celebrate her 10 year clean time by popping a couple pills after a dentist appointment and they were offered to her...Her body went into shock and she died from just that one little amount that one last time because her body was so used to not having it in her system...she had a heart attck and died.... So make sure that you are ready to quit and give it you all...It sounds to me like you want so much to be clean....well I just gave you a way out now get off this sight and start calling local detox centers and get you butt in there...Please thiws is an epedemic so many people are dying from opiates (celebreties and all) please get u some help... WB if you want and tell me how its panning out for you
Helpful - 0
1541838 tn?1294327171
I so feel your pain, I'm going through the same thing you are.. I'm 31 and my addiction came from having a surgery. Then my ob dr kept giving me them. When he stopped giving them to me I did the hospital thing too. And got caught as well so they stopped. Then I found someone that sold them and I spent thousands of dollars buying them from her. Then we had a falling out so I found someone else. It was an older man and he didn't make me buy them but I had to visit him, take him places, and talk on the phone all the time. He began to like me mind you he was 35 years older then me. I never scooped low to sleep with him but I visited a lot to get pills. I finally stopped when I started buying them online. I been doing that for almost a year. I spend almost 200 a week. I steal from my boyfriend a lot to get the money and pawn stuff. I want help like you so bad. I want me back. I don't know what its like to feel anymore. I have withdrawed a few days before and its AWFUL! No one knows I'm an addict. This is an evil addiction and cold turkey is a hard thing to do.
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
Hi, how are you doing, determined ? :)
Helpful - 0
1525404 tn?1291914516
The biggest step in getting your life back is taking that first step and admitting you're an addict. The next is saying it out loud to your self and others. You've done that. And yes, telling everyone here on the forum counts. So, feel good in that you are now on your way to getting clean and getting back to being the mom you know you can be.
I too had a raging pain killer addiction (still do, just not active) and got mine in nefarious ways just like most do. I completely understand the black sheep analogy and the feeling that this has to be dealt with "in house". Right now I feel like I can't possibly stick my neck out and let it be known to the world that I've got this problem. Maybe one day I will.
For now I get so much support and inspiration just by being here. Reading others stories goes along way in making that feeling that you're not normal for having become addicted go away. You're perfectly normal. You'd be a freak if you COULD take massive quantities and not become addicted.
Follow the Thomas withdrawal protocol to help with the RLS and other afflictions that come with the first 3 to 7 days of CT. Tell those around you that you seem to have come down with a bad case of the flu because the symtoms are so similar.
Read as many stories here as you can (helps pass time) and also it helps to offer advice and support to others going through the same thing. We are all in the same boat as you. We found comfort, confidence and energy galore in those little pills only to realize after a few years that the good feeling went away a long time ago and we were stuck just trying to maintain.
You have to tell yourself everyday that you are better than this addiction and that for today I'm not gonna use. Trust me when I tell you, you can't get past this keeping it to yourself. You have to be able to talk about what you're feeling and what you're going through. You can do this. We all believe in you. And there are so many good and kind people here that will be pulling for you. And you are gonna get some great advice as the days go by to help you with this. You have to believe deep down inside that you really want to do this. Quitting is not a casual thing that you work on once in a while. It's daily but it does get easier. Eventually you will begin focusing on regular life again and those cravings will ease up. Have you quit yet? If not have you picked a quit date? No time like the present to get this over with and start living again.
You are so worth this. And you're a mom, so I know you've got strength to spare. Good luck and stay with us.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
just knowing that im nt alone and there are people who dont know me on a personal level, but will take the time to help me w this addiction is so very touching. i get so emotional, but thank you so much for taking the time to post and give me great advice. tomorrow will be day 1, so I will definitely update as progress comes along!!
Helpful - 0
617347 tn?1331293081
Hi, welcome here :)

you are very wise quitting now, i started the same way as you but it took me much more years wanting to quit so never give up fighting active addiction... getting clean is easy comparing to staying clean so please, work on your personal problems and addictive behaviour once you get clean.... therapy, counseling, na , whatever it may work for you..... it gets better with time so have patience and give yourself time, you will feel better with time, you will learn how to deal with life, depression, your emotions in a much healthier way.

there are some advices which can help you alleviate some 0of the wds.... read the thomas recipe and the amino acid protocol on the health pages ( right side of your screen)  and keep posting and keeping us informed how you are doing ok  ? :) ...take a lot of hot baths with epsom salts, magnesium+calcium, potasium supplements, multivitamins, immodium for diarrhea, advil, healthy eating ( some protein shakes, tomato soup, ) keep yourself hydrated ( this is very important ) gatorade, green tea, apple/orange juice or tonic water, Hylands restful legs for RLS, if you are not taking any med , maybe valerian root for anxiety and melatonin to help you with sleep....

Hey, and good luck  :)
Helpful - 0
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