Im worried

As some of you know my son is a heroin addict and recently detox c/t at my home. He was on day 7 when he left here. He told me he had 2 syringes to give me when he got home but my husband took him home before I got home from work at my sons request. My husband asked if there was anything he wanted to give him and all he gave my husband was some t3. He went a picked up a check he had waiting for him and went to the city where his girlfriend lives and also the city where he gets his dope. Since, we have not heard much from him, he has been very secretive, he stopped posting but told me he still was, he never got to a meeting. Now, he is calling relatives for money. No one knows where his check went besides 25.00 he spent on lunch for his girlfriend. My father is givning him 100.00 for his birthday that was yesterday. I just don't know....well I do know I just want someone to tell me that the 8 days he was here wasn't a waste of time. I'm just so tired of all of this. My mother is getting ready to lose her mind ( he lives with her). She can't even get him to clean up after himself or mow the lawn, ( his rent payment). If he is using again, she will ask him to leave. I just don't know anymore.

[kim715]

I've been worried about him too.The last time I heard from him through a pm was on the second at about 11:30pm.I have sent him a pm since but got no response.I've been keeping him in my prayers and you too.....Peace...Kim

[ochooked]

We all need to pray for him and I do not want to upset you but you may want to consider some "tough love"  -   sounds like the family is enabling --- get to an Alanon meeting and find out all about enabling.  I know your heart aches for him but if you love him (as I know you do) then do not allow him to continue this lifestyle,  You could offer to help him check into a ************** facility, or help him research ways to stop --Suboxone, etc.   I wish you all the best.

[bluespence]

I am so sorry you are going thru this, but I know exactly how you feel. My sister is an alcoholic and she started drinking when she was 15. She is now almost 50. She actually had been sober for about 5-6 years and was doing well. But she just recently relapsed. I am 38, so there is a big age difference but my family has dealt with this for what seems like forever. Like the previous post, your family is enabling him. I know you all love him and you think you are helping when you take him in or drive him where he needs to, but the reality is, most addicts have to hit rock bottom (and everyone's bottom is different) before they will get clean. He will never get clean until he is ready and willing. No one can love himenough or do enough to get him to stop...he will only stop when he is ready. I know it is hard to see them struggle, and you don't want to see him living on the streets etc. But sometimes that is what it takes. My sister has lost everything many times and when I say everything I mean her house her job her car clothes her dignity, self-esteem etc. But you will drive yourself insane if you keep doing all this stuff for him, you will get bitter and angry because when he fails you will take it personally and it is not personal. He can't get clean for you or his gf or his dad or grandparents or anyone else, he can only get clean for himself. There is nothing you can do to rush him...I know it is hard and I know it seems like I am saying to turn your back on him...but if you continue to enable him you are actually helping him kill himself. I know that sounds backward, but if you start attending al-anon they will tell you the same thing. Tough love is very hard to do, but everytime you do things for him that he should be doing for himself, you are actually telling him (subconsciously) that he can't get clean on his own and that you don't believe in him. You have to know in your heart that you raised him the best you could, there is no one to blame...don't play the what if game because it is what it is and there is no turning back. I know you love your son very much, I can sense it in your posts and you have done all you can do...your son has to save himself that is the only way it will work. It might also be helpful if you watch the show called Intervention, if you have not heard of it, it is about people who are addicted to something and you see how their life is while addicted and you will see what the counselors tell the family's and it might be helpful if you don't know a lot about addiction. Please get help for yourself..I know you are tired, hurt, numb, angry and you need to take care of yourself. Please feel free to email me or whatever...keep us posted!

[sunshinedaydream3]

sounds like u got a struggle on ur hands, im new here, but just wanted to let you know i'll be praying for u and ur son...

props on being such a caring mother, for real, god knows i'd love to have a mother like u, just don't give up, keep pressing on even when it feels like u can't, we are here for u

[Ricksma]

Yes I agree on the enabling. I am not the one who is enabling him though. I kicked him out last year with not a dollar in his pocket and not even a car. My mother, bless her, took him in and she bought him "another" car (3rd one) and was leaving him money for gas everyday on top of not making him work fulltime. She believes just about everything he tells her and he uses it to his advantage. I took time off of work 2 weeks ago to let him detox here at my house. It was my last attempt to help him make it work. Although I did nurse his wounds and stay up with him at night, it was out of worry of siezures or something else. I want my mom to read your text, she was a co-dependant to my father and she is now to her current husband. She knows nothing else. I have asked her many times to  go to a meeting. I want to go as well. Thank you for your advice, to everyones advice. He called everyone in his family for money yesterday and I intercepted everyone before they gave it to him. He hates me for it. Last week I was the best thing that ever happened and today I ruined his life. It's just do damn hard.
Thank you again.

[gizzy32]

I'm sorry you have to see him go through this. i talked to him a couple times and he did sound excited to be clean and seemed like a nice kid. Unfortunately he has a deadly addiction and needs more help. It's very difficult and im sorry for you and him, it must be heartbreaking to see. i put my family through a lot and it's hard to believe we can do this things to them. i just wanna wish you both the best and i hope he gets back on here, i know he was learning how to stay clean and i would love to talk to him again.

[bluespence]

You are very welcome, please share my post with your mom and your whole family. Addiction *****, it tears families apart and it is so hard to stop. I am the "strong" one in my family, my mom calls me when she feels guilty or sad or mad (which is fine with me) but I think I have this tough love thing down pat...my sister is now getting a taste of her own medicine because her husband (who is also an alcoholic) relapsed after five years of being sober. She is so angry and hurt at him (although she began drinking during this situation with him) because she said she was sooo stressed out and just needed to relax...so even when they do get clean and have years of sobriety, there is always a chance they will turn to the DOC again. It is so hard and frustrating to watch, but please tell your family to take care of themselves and pray for your son and please feel free to write anytime even if you just need to vent or if you want more information. Take care..