In 4hours I'll have 19 days :)~

[Sweetness91]

Nineteen days...wow. Methadone free for nineteen days....I can't hardly believe it really. Seems like when I was on it, the thought of NOT being on it never even crossed my mind. It had become so routine and such a normal way of life that I never questioned it....just went with it. Going to the doctor 4 times a year and getting all I needed....unless I was having "procedures" done. That's just nuts...I look forward to getting a natural high by spending time with the children I gave birth to..playing football in the front yard...playing pool in the garage....laying next to my husband at night and waking up with him every morning...and those little moments that make me wish I could store them in a bottle....THAT will be my high. And I can't wait....... :)

[DEMONTHADONE]

Thank God I thought I was going looney tunes . I start to worry about the dumbest things that have nothing to do w/ my life!!! Lol ur doing awesome swtnss91. GOD bless ya!

[Sweetness91]

Ummm yeah...about that emotional roller coaster...I cried because my husband wouldn't take me to Walmart. Lmao! When I was going thru the 6 week weaning process I was an emotional train wreck. I cried over everything! I think I was more emotional during weaning than I was in the first 10 days of withdrawal...not sure why. Maybe because I knew what was in store for me. But if I can do it...anyone can. And I had to keep telling myself that ppl do this every day...so there's no reason I couldn't do it too. Good luck with your tapering and stay focused and strong willed...I have found that my mind likes to trick me into thinking I need something...but in my heart and soul...I know that I don't. So it keeps me going somehow. Those little things mean alot when you're going down a rough road! Good luck sweetie!

[SmilingBright]

Keep it up girl!!!!  So very proud of your 19 day clean.  I've been tapering for 19 days.  Talk about an emotiOnal Rollercoaster.    I guess my emotions are starting to come back.  

Thank God for that!!   Can't wait to be Free!!  Praying for ya!!

[Sweetness91]

Thanks Gnarly! I AM beating it aint I!! And you're absolutely right...one day at a time. Luckily the days are going a little faster now...at first they just seemed to draaaag! I'm looking forward to 30 days now. At first I just wanted to say I had a week...that turned into two and I'm almost at three weeks now. Unbelievable. But doing it without all you guys would be impossible. Thanks so much!!

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl your beating it one day at a time life will seam like a roller coaster for a wile you just got to stick with it and know it will get better keep posting for support.........Gnarly

[Sweetness91]

Well that's a huge relief! I'm not a patient person...the intake appt alone seemed like it was 6 hrs long...in reality it was 3 1/2 hrs...the whole time I was having horrible symptoms too, then they started talking about my mom and the things I went thru during childhood and early teen years...it tore me up to the point that I thought, " if this is what it's gonna be like, I'll definitely relapse!" Needless to say, I didn't go to my next appt. just couldn't face it I guess. I know there are probably some things that should be addressed, but I can only do one thing at a time w/o freaking out! Lol. And I think my sobriety is the most important thing right now...those other things can come later...when IV conquered the biggest beast of them all!

[Missshawn]

U go girl!

[DEMONTHADONE]

congrats on 19!!!! Also @ N/A Aa ur not obligated to speak u can just listen sometimes that helps just as much. I enjoyed going to them, this addiction is selfish n sitting there I realized that. U see alot of difffrent perspectives from this beast. Keep it up God bless!!

[BarbRTR]

I used to drag my ex hubby to AA meetings. I could attend open. I wasn't addicted to anything then.
But they were great! It felt to me to be surrounded by loving, caring, genuine, honest people.

And now, when my anxiety let's me leave the house, I'll go for ME!!!

Try it! :)

[Teresa1717]

No, the meetings are an hour long. The 3 hour meetings you went to are more than likely IOP (Intensive Outpatient) That is VERY different than NA/AA.

Just google them in your area and find a meeting that works best for your schedule!! Where I go, They have 5 meetings a day. The earliest is at 6:30 AM and the last one is at 9:30pm! So many different options!!

[Sweetness91]

Thanks for the info...I have a packet of local AA/NA meeting places for my area so I'm gonna start looking into them. One more question...are those meetings also 3 hour sessions? That's a long time for me to sit anywhere honestly...and with the kids, it's hard to get away for hours at a time.

[clean_in_ks]

Repetition is good LOL

[YesLife4Me]

You are not required to attend a certain number of meetings sweetness.  They reccomend you go to 90 meetings in 90 days when you first get clean.   Not everyone can do that.  There are meetings in the morning, noon and night to fit different schedules.  And there are open groups, closed groups, mens and womens groups.   Sometimes you have to try different groups to find what works for YOU.   The people are very helpful, kind and compassionate, just like here.   Each meeting is different as to what they discuss, topics and such.   And each meeting is different in who is attending.   Sometimes the topic doesn't resignate with me, but knowing I am with a bunch of other people that are going through the same thing makes a huge difference in my day.   Even when I don't feel good, I always feel better after going.   And I most always don't say much, just listen and try to find something I can grab onto to help.  

[Sweetness91]

Wow! ALS is pretty uncommon where I live...it's strange to speak with someone who witnessed the same events! I guess my mom was lucky in that she stuck it out for 6 1/2 yrs with the illness, whereas I hear of some only making it a year or two. I must have alot of my mom in me if I have been strong enough to beat this demon for this long. Lol! This is my first, and definitely LAST, time detoxing. Do you know how the NA/AA meeting are procedural wise? Are you REQUIRED to attend every meeting? The recovery center I went to had a program that I had to have 90 pts to "graduate"...and it seems you don't earn points very easily, and pts are lost for different reasons...not participating etc. And when I'm over this hump, I plan to find a job...I don't think I could do 3hrs Mon-Wed every week for several months and still hold down a job? Blah. Why does aftercare have to be so difficult! Grrrr..lol

[clean_in_ks]

http://www.medhelp.org/health_pages/Addiction/12-Step-Meeting-Guide/show/547?cid=66

Hey girl, the above article is from our MH health pages.  Even tho it addresses AA vs. NA, the format info is much the same and can really answer a lot of your questions if you have never been to any type of 12 step mtg.  You can of course, go to AA or NA...many addicts do.
On the counselor topic, sounds like you went to an intensive outpatient set up last week. You can always seek out a one-on-one therapist that will meet with you weekly or however you want to set it up.  I can relate to the getting too deep too fast you mentioned above.  Each type and style of counseling varies SO much.  If the person asking you the questions digs in TOO deep, TOO fast when we are newly recovering and healing spiritually, mentally and physically it can definitely freak you out. We are like an onion and each layer must be allowed to come off "in its own time".  The counseling styles out there vary A LOT.  Some just think it's best to RIP it all off....I never have returned to those type of therapists.  It's kinda like shopping for a new pair of shoes....lol.....you'll find just the right fit and style!
  
Your questions about NA are good, but it's nothing like you are imagining.  Every single meeting will vary considerably because of...   the time of day, noon meetings can be quite diff from say 7 or 8 pm meetings, the topics will vary, the person volunteering to lead the meeting will vary, women's only meetings are different than mixed mtgs, the mix and age group can vary where one will feel more comfortable to you than another, closed mtgs vs. open just means at a closed mtg, only those having an addiction will be there.  At an open meeting, it pretty much means that "open" Hahaha!  A spouse of an addict could be there or a college student studying and learning about addiction....you get the pic I'm sure LOL
You don't have to say a word when you go.  I will say the ONE thing you will find that you DO have in common w/others is the struggling and learning to live a live drug free.  I try to look for what I "can" identify with,, rather than seeking and focusing on what I "cannot".  The newcomer is the MOST IMPORTANT person at ANY meeting and the love and support is unbelievable......It is so critical to make new friends and surround ourselves with others attempting to live the same new life we are.  Meetings cost us nothing but time, there are no requirements except a willingness to live a drug free life.

P.S.  My Dad died in 1999 due to ALS....and ya know what?  he had 25 years of sobriety when he passed.....yeahhhh him :):)  

[Teresa1717]

NA and AA do not "require" anything except the desire to want to quit drugs and alcohol! You dont have to speak at the meetings if your not comfortable with it! In fact, many people will just listen! There was one guy at the last meeting I was at who has been going for 8 months, and that was the first time he spoke. As you attend more meetings, you will start to hear the similiarities in other peoples stories (like he did in this particular meeting) and you may feel comfortable then. But even if you dont want to, its a great place to connect with SOBER people and make sober friends! I definitely recomend you give it a try!

BTW, congrats on your clean time!! NA/AA will help you stay on the right path!

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 19 days!!!  Methadone is a beast so be proud of what you are accomplishing.  Many people do one on ones with a therapist or addiction counselor.  Check into it.

[Sweetness91]

And I am considering going to N/A...but I think I want to get thru the initial w/d phase first though? At the moment I can't sit still longer than 15 minutes...drives me crazy. Lol. I went to a local Recovery Center about a week ago, and so many things were brought up that I most certainly didn't want to talk about. I can't sit in a chair for three hours and talk about things that happened to me that no 8 yr old girl should ever have to deal with...or that I cared for my mother from the time I was 15-21 while she deteriorated right in front of my eyes and passes away at the young age of 41 with Lou Gherigs Disease. The place I went to wanted to bring all that up, and I cried for days and wanted nothing MORE than a pill by the time I left! Lol. I sure hope N/A isn't like that? Do they require your presence at every meeting and do you have to "earn points and lose points" This place wanted me to attend 3 days of 3 hour sessions, Monday, Tuesday, & Wednesday. I think that's just too much for me? I really want to see someone one on one but don't know if that's possible? Has anyone tried that?

[Sweetness91]

Thanks guys ! Support here is amazing...I seriously don't know what I would do if I couldn't check in with y'all a few times a day. And yes, my comment about "storing them in a bottle" is all the precious moments that you just hope you'll never forget. I do have to say I'm glad I don't have any "sources" because today has been especially trying...I'm glad my only source is a doc or pharmacy...and I refuse to go there. My routine is now vitamins in the morning instead of narcotics, and I'm actually getting used to it! When the leg pain is bad is when I get panicky....maybe because I haven't had to feel anything in years...ya think!!! Lol. It's good to be able to feel again...because every part of me had become dull and lifeless...and slowly but surely, I'm realizing there IS a life w/o pills and I WANT that life. And I'm not sure if it was the protein shake I had for breakfast this morning or not, but I actually felt more energy than I have in a long long time. And I get to drink another one here shortly...looking forward to that! You guys have helped me so much more than any pain mgmt doctor ever did....and for that, I am forever truly grateful!!!
##stillgoingstrong##

[clean_in_ks]

You are doing GREAT at 19 days!!  Reflecting on your life; thank you for sharing all those things and precious life events you are wanting to "store in a bottle"....Reminds me of a Jim Croche song.....wayyyy back there "Time in a Bottle".  Appreciation of the little things we were too numb to absorb is one of the greatest gifts of being clean.
Keep on keepin on~

[gnarly_1]

You go Girl.....every day is a victory....many have turned back because of the long withdrawal ...next start the mind games only an addict can know so well time to shore up your recovery with a god program.....I use N/a it works if you work it and it help bring solitude to the restless mind keep posting for support your winning this thing..........Gnarly  

[YesLife4Me]

Congrats on 19 days.   To an addict, that is a long time.  Keep on moving forward, it just keeps getting better!   Just want to make sure you can't get anymore due to your comment about them staying in the bottle.   Im sure that's not what you meant literally, but had to ask.