Inpatient Therapy

[bettie1976]

I am going to find out if my insurance covers intensive inpatient therapy on Tuesday. A place where Id go for a month and get nothing but treatment. Tomorrow will be 60 days (yay) but there are still so many things I need to work on/out. I hope they take me. God I hope so. AA is wonderful for me but i need intensive therapy on top of that and right now Im only meeting one time a week with my counselor and thats only for an hour. The counselor at detox told me I was like a balloon ready to burst. I feel that way. I have so much I need to get out. I cant wait to get to step 4 (aa) to write all the bad stuff down and watch it burn. Only problem is is that I should be writing them down as they pop up in my head b/c when it comes time to do it, Im gonna be like "huh", WHAT was pissing me off that day? etc...Maybe Ill start making a list...when they come to me.
Anyways wanted to say hi to everyone and its good to be back.

Alley

[addictedme]

Usually when doing the 4th step you find out that your not as bad as you think,,its a good thing to do ( the steps) . Again,remember theres alot of good things about you

[bettie1976]

lol. after i wrote that, i just started writing things down for my 4th step, i got two pages filled.....and thats only the beginning...lolol

[No name22]

Hey chicka you're back YAY I missed you on here...I'm glad you're still clean thats great and i'm sorry to hear you're still having cravings, but I know you're a stronge person and wish you the best really I do you're wonderfull..

[beachtowel]

this one is where you look into the mirror and really take a good look at honesty......

by finishing steps 1-2-3 step four you should be ready to be honest......

I asked somebody here once what they say when they looked into the mirror...i was wrong to ask that question to someone who was not ready and who had not did steps 1-2-3...so they were not ready for that honesty yet......

I'm learning........

[bettie1976]

not really cravings, just the other night i was sooo pissed cuz i felt like someone was lying to me and I hate that $hit! just hate it! and after 24 hours of the silent treatment, finally worked it out. thank god cuz my anger got me cleaning the whole house! then i broke the door to my bf's laundry room while I was trying to SLAM it shut and said gleefully, "I broke your door". I was in a destructive mood. BIG TIME. The night before I was soo hurt/pissed and its funny cuz I did wanna get high but I went to a meeting and my ex bf dealer calls from a bar while im there. He was getting drunk and I was trying not to let the anger get to me and it seemed like that whole meeting was directed to me. Everything was about anger. And I didnt even speak. Wow. It was strange. Ive starting writing again and I want to figure out WHY when someone else hurts me or wrongs me (i.e. lies) why do I want to "show them" by getting f'd up? My bf and I were the ones having the silent day (if you couldnt tell by me breaking his door, fun stuff actually cuz what I really wanted to do was put my fist thru a wall) and we talked and I told him I wanted to go get F'd up cuz of his bs. He asked if I was. He knew what I had to do to get high, and I said "h e l l no. Im stronger than that and Im not gonna let youre bs F my progress up."

[No name22]

Wow I thought I was just reading about my week right there i've been  going through the same F-ing sh**...How stupid is it when we fight with our other half that we get all ***** and give then the silent treatment thinking it's really ****-ing them off, but also is tearing us up inside...

What is the 12 step program exactly?

[bettie1976]

The aa meetings will tell you all about it. I dont have them on my computer or Id post em for you but Im sure someone else does. I also bought (besides the AA and NA books) the twelve step book. I have yet to crack it but this week with my sponsor were doing step 2..

[lurker]

Good luck. I hope that you are able to get the therapy you need.  Sometimes inpatient is good - just keep doing what you feel is best for you.  you're in my thoughts.

[blueyz]

Check your email..

[bettie1976]

thanks guys!