Is everyone sleeping

[oxysbliss]

Im pissy....bitchy whatever you want to call it.....My mother called tonight...and the normal didnt want to talk to me...just the cousins.....and here I sit..just wanting my mom to find some acceptance......towards my way....

You know, I didnt hurt her or nothing....I mean in active addiction.......The walls between us have always been here..and never torn down....even after my going to recovery, everything was swept under a rug...to sit, collect dust, and grind at us both!! Its sad.....someone so smart...who sees this day to day, walks this life with my father...and yet.....Look whos down the road...NO ONE!!

Im not sugar coating it...nor am I blowing it out to something huge..its the way it is.....and you know what...No matter what the exucses...it hurts like ******* hell...and Im the one who sits with it....

[oxysbliss]

Ya ya, whine cry me a river cuz no one loves me....actually its whine, cry me a river because, the one person who I thought always would....doesnt.....

Please no one make excuses I dont want to hear them...Ive made up enough, I have heard enough...mostly made up enough of my own...to try to protect the one word that means the most to me....Mom.....I love her you know....shes my hero .......but she doesnt love me....weird eh?.....God Im ******......

[FLaddict]

i am here.. talk if you need to vent. i have a weird relationship with my mom as well. we are so close in age that we clash alot. so i can understand having walls and such..

[thelida]

I'm here too.  Believe me, I know how it is to want to feel love from a person you love so much, and for some F-ing reason they can't do it.
Fear I think is what it is.
Weakness.
I'm not saying your mom's a fearful weakling...
But I think the person I'm talking about is.

[vicaddict]

Me to g/f....you know I been pondering on some things....for a while now....and I am probably way off base but going to say it anyhow.

Have you ever thought that maybe your mother acts this way b/c of her own feelings of failure? And/or maybe is seeing you ARE helping yourself on YOUR own, and that she feels she has failed you in some way and does not want to face up to it. Ignoring what she could/should have helped you through?

Just some suggestions hun..I do not know the TOTAL background, but if I remember right...does she not use herself? Or was that somebody else. Either way even if she does not use...my suggestions of her "possible" feelings are the same.

Girl you have come so far, and I know it has to hurt more than ever that you feel so unacccepted....but you remember this:
YOU ARE WORTH EVERYTHING YOU ARE..and do not let anyone EVER let you feel differently!

Love ya g.f
Tracy

[ScottQuit021907]

The train whistle blows, and the wind. Sitting in the dark. Heart beating.
Night 4.

[beachtowel]

What does someone say to another human being in pain?
Your Mom is disapointed in your oxy, the hurt comes out in different ways, some Moms cry, some get mad and say things, some turn there back on their children and walk away.
I put my own Mom through so much HEll, it hurts me to even think about it. I love my Mom to death and I have tried so hard to be the son that makes her proud.
I hope one day you and your Mom can hug each other and share the relationship only a Mother and Daughter can have, that's what my wish for you is oxy, thats straight from the heart.......
Take your recovery serious and she will take you serious, get better......

[ScottQuit021907]

I haven't discussed my "little problem" with my mom, dad, wife, anyone. I have the "flu" and am suffering from "nicotine withdrawal".

Your mom should feel lucky that you aren't afraid to include her in your struggles.

[Marce4]

My mom has no clue what I am going through, I love her but don't feel I can confide in her. At least you're honest with her!I'm so sorry you are feeling so much pain!  I agree with what vicaddict said...I think your mom probably blames herself somewhat and none of us like to feel like we have failed...Not excusing her but maybe it is too painful for her to deal with....I guess time will tell.

[oxysbliss]

Morning, Hey guys..Im sorry I left this message and left...I was booted off the computer...and couldnt stay online......I digested this by myself last night..I wrote it ....sat with it for maybe a min...and then left.....went and watched a movie....

I had a really hard time sleeping last night, for I didnt sleep much...and woke early this morning....but I started my day....laying in bed...poundering over my feelings for my moms....

Tracy...Im not offended...Not at all....I think your comment was if not totally true, then perhaps part of it being true.....I dont have the relationship that other addicts have with their mom. I know mine is different....

Beach...Id propably hold true to that if I was in early recovery and I was still 15....But Im not...alot has happened since then...and as expressed before, I have had substanial clean time...even then...My mothere played no part of my life....Saw my children perhaps a twice a year....and worse when I was married...Didnt take part of my life..until my marriage was done...and my children were gone!! Never took part of my clean time.....Not even to say...Congradulations girl, Im proud of you!! So the hell I put her in as a teenager.....was a long time ago....as I approach my 30s.....the relationship is the same..if not worse....
Even in this time around using....she saw me drink, but I was always maintaining a very healthy lifestyle..its so hard to explain...

Thanks everyone....I needed to hear this....its been an ongoing issue for me!! and I need some closure.....or at least a time to heal...So Im sure you will read me often goign back to this topic.....It just sucks..because I can do my work, but if she isnt willing with me...it makes it still open....for there is no closure...thats hard for me to grasp.....