Is intense fear a symptom of withdrawal?

[southernbelle]

I know it may sound silly, but I am in so much fear right now.  I'm so afraid of running out of my pills.  It hurts so bad to withdraw, and I just don't feel like I can function without them anymore.  Has anybody else ever had the intense fear and anxiety that I am having?  I'm so afraid of running out.  When I am without, my willpower is nothing.  I'm scared of it all....scared of this addiction, scared of running out, scared to leave my house each morning without any pills....anybody been there?  If so, what did you do?  I'm still hoping the psychiatrist will help...most of you know the stuff that's been going on for me lately.  I've never felt this bad before.  Maybe I should just go to a doc and "fess up."  Maybe then they can help me taper or something.  UGH!

[IBKleen]

Donio...You came in on a post that is 11 years old. The original posters are not active members right now. I am afraid that this post won't be seen and will go back to archives. Please go to the top of this page and hit the orange "Post A Question" button. Start your own thread from there. The members here very caring and supportive. They can also help with tips to get you through this. If you have questions please ask. Hope to see you out there.

[Donio]

This is my frat time on any site like this. I'm 8 days clean from Oxys and my anxiety and depression is controlling my life. I'm scared all the time and this drug problem has left me alone without anyone to help me. It's destroyed all of my relationships at this point. They think I've given up but I haven't. Kratom has helped immensely with the physical withdrawals but as far as getting through the mental part it isn't helping. I've hear a lot about 5 htp and might give it a try. I thought I would post this hear because you guys seem very understanding and helpful. I'm just scared and alone. My drug use before quitting was about 100 mg a day at least. Sorry if I'm all over the place I can't put any thoughts together right now. Just had to talk to someone. Hope all of you beat this thing and never give up no matter how dire it seems  

[pon]

Hi first, I will be away for a day or two, so I wanted to at least send you a post this morning and wish you well...I will be thinking of you and all the people here while I am away...please remember you are not alone in your struggle...we are all alike in our addiction no matter how different we are otherwise....people here can help.

prayers,

pon

[saveyourself]

First of all the fear of quitting the pills is one of the natural feeling we addicts share. Everyday the mental merry go round and I knew what would follow, kept me using 4 months longer tham I should have.  You are not being silly about that at all.

I don't need to add any suggestions, there are already plenty of good posts to you.  I got honest with my doctor, he didn;t send in the men in the white coats to take me away.  He immediately got on the phone with his newly hired addictionoligist.  I met with her with in a haf hour.  She was good, but wanted to put me on meth to taper down.  I told her no and got the scripts of the thomas recipe.  I am in day 24 and still have WD syptoms.
This WD was not as bad as I thought it would be. so as nike says,Just Do It.  I will be praying for you to find the stregnth and courage to take this first step.

Thank you for you prayers and posts to me, they really helped.
God Bless.Greg

[1st24]

Thank you Rex, I'll try after the holiday, maybe when I get down to SF.  That's where he is.  My life is so complicated, my doc's are 300 miles away from where I've moved.  I didn't want to change until my knee replacement was done, and I've been up here since July 2001.  Had my partial jknee replacement Sept 2001.  Now I need a total replacement, but can't do that until my husband's surgery has healed - about 2 months!  Then it's 8 months of rehab, and pain meds all over again.  That's another reason I have to taper down, so that after surgery my tolerance level will have come down.  That was the worst pain I'd ever experienced in my life, including childbirth.  But, sometimes I can't walk across the room without hopping on my left leg, it's as though I have a broken leg.  The bones feel like they don't line up.  If I take enough pain meds and valerian and wear a brace, it gets better, but as soon as I do normal activity, it happens again.

[teeitup]

try and take 1/2 at a time, it might not help all the physical pain but mentally maybe you can stretch out what you have left. good luck!

teeitup!

[Rex1]

Call your doc (speak with the doc, not a nurse or recptionist) and explain that the current dose is not working). He should be able to prescribe more, and remember the pharmacist does what the docs says they should do.

Good luck


Rex

[theGolden1]

For 1st24 .... What's your hurry? This is important enough to plan ahead for. Do not run out of medication. You know your own body and mind. Your husband needs you now, and you are capable of taking what is necessary to feel "normal" so you can function. When things are stable at home again .... then you can put the focus on getting off the meds. All those thoughts of what you "should" or "shouldn't" be doing, come from guilt. Why must we be ashamed of our pain? These thought patterns are counter productive. It dosen't matter to your dog if you are addicted or not. Right? It dosen't matter to God either. He knows what is in your heart ... take what need to feel good for now, and the show must go on. I hope you can stay in a comfortable hotel (for your back) it's worth the money ... and all will be well ....

Southernbelle .... These doctors make me wanna puke ... really. It's so scary because if we are honest, they cut us off at the knees. In their position, it could cost them their job! That's right.They were treating you .... you are addicted. Bye, bye license. Do not go that route. It's too demeaning. Do what Rex suggested and just go to a new specialist. It would be a bad experience to have one of your doctors treat you like that. I also can see all the panic and urgency you are experiencing.  It's coming from guilt. It's actually not a "right or wrong" issue. These things happen to people. People get addicted. You are not trapped. You will be able to be free of this. The question is "how" .... and it's up to you to chose a plan. I guess I like quoting people .... "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself" .... hang on girl, you have friends in high places .... Goldie

[1st24]

I think you are right, rex, this is probably a bad time for me to detox.  I'd be setting myself up for failure, and I definitely don't need that right now.  I feel bad enough about my self already!  The spreadsheet idea is a great one.  I can be very disciplined, so maybe that's worth a try.  Not taking that extra 1 when I really don't need it - that's the kind of self-appraisal I'll need to taper off.  Today my knee pain has been about a 7 on a 1-10 scale.  It feels as though I have a broken leg and the pain is horrific.  I took valerian, smoked a little weed, and put on a knee brace.  I feel a little better, but ended up taking 7 norco's today, when my goal was 4.  Well, hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day, pain-wise, and not once did I take a pill today to feel "higher".  So that's new.  I'm trying alternatives to just popping an opiate.  And none of the alternatives make me feel like I want them for anything but easing pain. I don't crave weed or Valerian or any of the other things I've found to cope with less norco.  Never did like smoking that much, just once in a while.  Besides, it gives me the munchies, and the last thing I need is to get more out of shape!!  Thanks, you guys.  I feel better after this day of sharing and getting good advice and good feelings.  Have a peaceful night.

[1st24]

I guess you're right, except that I can't get any more pills, and I'm going torun out when I'll need them the most.  I don't know what to do.  This is the most scared I've been in my life, I think.  I can get more on Jan 16, but don't have enough to last till then.  Unless I can taper to 2 a day, but it's not even 10 am & I've already taken 1 1/2.  Not a good sign.

[flashk]

I had the same anxiety and fear that you have. I am on day 17 of being totally clean from an oxy,hydro,morphine habit of 2 plus years. All I can say is that after about 4 days it gets better. When I started getting that horrible anxiety I took Kava Kava which really helped. I also go to AA meetings and pray which work for me.Reading other peoples stories in this forum helped me immensely All I am saying is I have been there and I know that helpless feeling in the pit of your stomach like you are falling...You can and will get through it.The worst thing for me was to take another pill..It just made me lose ground and go through more emotional pain..I wish you the best and a quicker recovery than you are anticipating
Flash

[eslad]

I cant believe it, 1st24 ~ I know exactly what you are describing.  How long till I'm really me?   Will I ever be "normal" again?   Getting along, dealing with life without the help of a drug?  It seems so impossible now.  

1st24 ~ please, I'm begging you ~ dont do anything harmful to yourself.  I'm here for you to call if you need to, want to.  Just email me and I'll give you my number, ok?  PLEASE!  Dont do it!   So many here know what you are going thru and they say there is life beyond the bottles of pills.   I have to believe they are right and you do, too.   Hang on!
Lee Ann

[mrrstracy]

The only way of effectively ending an addictive behavior is to stop it. Anything less will just aggravate the situation. But of course I will neither be able to accept nor accomplish this simple reality. All the pieces of the circle of attachment have reinforced my addictive behavior, making me repeat it. And with each repitition, my learning has become more deeply ingrained. Even when I consciously try to stop using the drugs, my brain is consciously learning it better and seeking it more. My motivations are truly mixed, and I am fully at war with myself. My addiction has become like quicksand, the more I struggle, and try to use my willpower, the more stuck I become. All the mind tricks and self-deception now comes in to play. Rationalizing, denials, and the seductiveness of "I can handle just 1".
My self-esteem crumbles with each attempt to "QUIT" and I sense how truly out of control I am. I am in the clutches of the enemy, and the enemy is clearly myself. But after 20 years of opiates,herion,cocaine,alcohol. etc. There is deliverance, but it's not found in a bottle, or a doctor. It's found deep inside your soul and from the help that only comes from above!
All you need to do is ask.

Tracy

[Rex1]

Second what pon said. Hang in there, you know you are doing the right thing because it is getting harder.

From my experience though, you have to know when that window opens to go cold turkey. If you feel a little better for the most part of a day, try it, go for it.

Then at least you will still have some meds if it gets way to hard. I got myself to .5 tablets of Norco 3x daily for about a week, then cut the cord.

I am at day 35 now, back still hurts a little, but let me tell you and everyone else here - I am thinking of changing my post name to "Soaring". I mean, I have "me" back as do the others in my life.

What is sad is that I think I am finally getting the answer to this 3 year old question - "Do I have real legitmate pain" or "Is it the cravings for drugs that is causing pain?"

Take a guess. The latter - I am a drug addict...and I have been a wimp too, very unlike me. Well I feel like I have taken out a big, thick heavy club, and with strength that only comes from God and the good folks here, beat the living **** out out of thos Norcos and my habit.

So I am clean now, just for today....but a single pill could send me back, and I just aint goin this time!

God's Grace to you...let us know if we can help.

LIFE IS LIGHT YEARS BETTER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL FOLKS!!!!! You can do it with God's help, and this forum!

Jan 1st is two days away. Punch it!

Rex

[Rex1]

God truly can work miracles.

Rex

[1st24]

Thank you, Southernbelle and Pon.  I feel better knowing you can relate and maybe we can help each other.  I had a back injury years ago, and partial knee replacement over a year ago.  Well, my knee still hurts and my doctor now says I need a total knee replacement.  And my back, which was doing great for years has started hurting in the last 2 months, as bad or worse than my knee.  I have so many duties to fulfill every day, especially after my husband has foot surgery next Wednesday.  He'll be on crutches for 2 months, and I'll have to walk our dog 2 times a day, shop, clean etc., plus run our business, at least for the first couple of weeks, when he'll be out of town recovering.  If I were able to take the amount of pills I was taking, I could get through this.  You know how that is.  It is a mental addiction as well as helping my pain.  Until 3 days ago I was taking between 10 and 12 narcos a day.  That's between 100 and 120 mgs. Now I'm trying to taper to 2-3 a day, which is next to impossible for me to function.  I'm doing one thing I hardly ever do.  I'm smoking some weed.  Not real strong, just some good Mex.  It's helping the overall feeling.  I know I'd never get addicted to that.  I've been able to smoke all I want anytinme, and never do.  Just not my thing.  As a matter of fact, I've never had a problem with alcohol or any other drug as far as not being able to stop.  Even quit cigarettes very easily.  But this is way different.  I feel like "How did I ever do everything before and how does everyone else?"  It seems to give me the energy I need to get through my life, and that I can't without them.

[1st24]

I can't do this.  I can't taper.  I just keep taking them.  What am I going to do?  I do hurt, but I also want to stop the other pain of facing reality.  Too much reality.  I feel as though I must be having a nervous breakdown.  I'm caught in this trap and real life has to go on, especially now that my husband is having this surgery.  There's so much to prepare for, as it's out of town, a 5 hour drive.  Staying someplace very uncomfortable sleeping conditions, worrying about even more back pain.  And from Jan 8 on, it's me who has to do everything, and I'll be out of pills by the 10th, if I'm lucky they'll last that long.  Can't get more.  HELP!! I know I should just cold turkey from now till his surgery, but I don't think I can.  I'm too depressed already, that might send me over to suicidal thinking.  This is the only outlet I have.  Can't talk to anyone else.

[suzieneedshelp]

Hey u!  Do you have a relative or a friend who could hold the drugs for u and dole them out so you wont take more?  I can't taper either.  Few of us addicts can. DO not be har d on yourself.  but.. if you have pain.. you need relief too!  So..do not punnish yourself and get the pain meds you need.  but try and get help to keep control of the amount u take until you get your surgery or some kinda relief from the pain.
Best Wishs Suzie.
Keep postin your honesty!

[hyjack]

I would suggest seeing an Addictionologist.  These specialist deal with addiction only.  My experience with pain management doctors was the oppostite. They prescribed more.  I needed less.

I sought an addictionologist with full intentions of detoxing impatient.  Instead, he put me on buprenorphine.  It's not readily available everywhere, but it's worth a few phone calls.  I am taking it for pain maintenance, but I know some docs use it for detox.  It works very well for me, with a combination of L-tyrosine and B vitamins.  

My life completely changed after I sought his opinion.  They know what addiction is, and you don't have to spill your guts to someone who knows nothing about addiction.

Good luck, and keep us informed.

[1st24]

Thank you for the words of encouragement.  The only person who could dole them out is my husband.  We've done it before.  He doesn't hide them good eough, and each time I've found them and snuck them.  Of course I'd tell him later, he'd only find out for himself.  And now he's having surgery, so I'm pretty much on my own.  I think that's the main reason my anxiety level is so ultra high right now.  The one person who can help me is going to need my strength and help for 2 months, and I'm so scared I can taste it.  I feel so completely selfish and all the other negative things one can put on oneself.  It's all heightened right now by these circumstances.

[eslad]

Please dont anyone feel bad about not being able to taper off.  There was no way I could.  If I had them, I took enough to keep myself high, period.   The only way I taped down the Ultram was to have my husband keep control of them.  

1st24 ~ I can see your problem with your DH have surgery.  It will be all up to you to do everything ~ not exactly a time to go cold turkey.   Is there any family/friends you trust enough to let them in on this?  Would/could they help?   I dont know ~ I feel so helpless for you :-(   And like I said before, I know and feel all your pain.  I feel very close to you, not even knowing your name or having having ever seen your face.   I'm here for you as much as I can be.  Write me anytime.
LA (otherwise known as Lee Ann ~ addict)

[teeitup]

Hang tough ladies, maybe you've read some of my post. I have a long term health problem that requires pain meds. and I love to get high, great combination huh!. I've found that if I bring 2 or 4 with me to work or where ever I'll take them so now I bring 1.

I cleaned out all my stash locations and just try and live by the motto "less today than yesterday" if I wimp out and take extra I just try and get back on track without beating myself up. There is no easy out, keep posting, stay busy and we'll all make it together. This is a lifetime battle, but we can make it.
Feel free to email me @ ***@****. If you have a Doc. you can trust tell them and anyone else you can trust, this is not something to be done alone!

teeitup!

[1st24]

I feel as though I'm in this surreal otherworld, and everything I have to do is like walking through molasses.  Even the smallest chore seems undoable, like running a marathon or something.  I try to do something to keep my mind off taking pills or thinking about that, but nothing is working.  I'm so stressed out by my whole predicament, I feel paralyzed.  The only thing keeping me from doing anything bad is posting my feelings here.  So please keep adding your inputs of experience and good faith, I read them all.  All of it helps me, and I'm sure the rest of you, to know we're not alone.  We all have our private hells to go through, and most of them are of our own making, one way or another, so they are ours to get through, and then? What? How long to feel human again? Not paranoid, small, ashamed, sad, alone, tired, guilty and all the rest.  I feel so far away from the person I really am.  So far away.  Maybe years away.  Maybe lost.

[Rex1]

One other idea - have you thought about devoting 5-8 days of time to just you if possible, and just quitting - biting the bullet.

I know the pain you have been in the last month. Would cold turkey be much worse? I mean, on a pain threshold chart scale of 1 to 100, is there really a big difference between 87 and 91 ?

God's Grace to you...

Rex